December 31, 2010

Lemora: Screenshots

As promised here are a few screenshots from the film Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural. Sweet.

This is Lila Lee. She is beautiful!
Admire her. Lust for her. Be jealous of her.
You shall do these things!
The movie may be titled "Lemora", but this is Lila's show.
"Daddy... daddy wasn't there..."
Just take a look at those pig-tails!
Feel neglected? Well, doesn't that Bite!?
She's so vain. Soon her veins will be so drained. Muaha...
Oh Yeah!!!1 *Bursts*
You're so tense, my pretty...
Here, crawl into this tiny bathing station...
Yeah, that's gonna have to come off too.
No sign of the morning coming
You've been left all alone... a Rainbeaux in the dark.
An intimate moment between new friends. 
She's not that innocent!
I just knew all along that she would succumb to the powers of darkness. Right after she drank that cool-aid and started frolicking with the wicked witch there, I said to myself, "Yeah, she's not leavin'.

December 29, 2010

Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural (1973)

Lila Lee, a virginal doe-eyed princess who's innocent heavenly heart is only rivaled by her soft inviting beauty, is the daughter of a notorious gangster that has just murdered his wife (and her lover). She sings in the church, her immaculate voice gracefully subduing the demonic sin within the townsfolk. Yet still, old klips speak ill of this gorgeous young lass in due to her family ties, and out of obvious jealousy. Reverend Letmegetsome speaks strong and harsh upon this, stating that this girl is softer than silk the most pure of all young ladies to grace the earth's soil. And he should know, he took her in after her father disappeared. While Lila's father is on the run, he is blocked in the street by a strange black-cloak wearing woman, and her goons find under his fedora a ripped out newspaper article: "Singin' Angel Daughter of Real Life Devil." The strange woman grins at the sight of this blonde treasure, and decides to write a letter "at her father's deathbed request" to get her to come and play.

Upon reading the letter, Lila packs her bag (which isn't big enough after her clothing to hold her doll - signifying her journey into young womanhood) and leaves her faithful admirer a letter that's she's gone. Upon her way to the bus station (and even inside the bus station) Lila encounters all sorts of fuckin' perverts from every inch of the perv spectrum, just fiending for a taste of her thirteen year old booty. I know that bus stations are usually the identification to the "bad part of town" but this is ridiculous. She seems somewhat worried, but I can tell that she's used to this sort of thing. After all, there's a religious pervert father figure waiting at home now and missing the hell out his little darling, and where she's going she's bound to end up in the arms of another lustful fiend (though, this time in the form of a predatory lesbian vampire). The guy at the ticket booth offers her a chocolate from a box (and man, is this guy good), which she reluctantly takes.

Upon entering the "one time a night" bus that goes to this strange town and isn't actually one of the station's buses, Lila says to the strange man that she hasn't any money. The gross looking dude looks at her with a smirk and says that he'll take "anything she can give" him. So she hands him a piece of chocolate and he says that's good enough. Weird. I guess it's no matter however as he starts driving her towards her final destination and along the way begins his story of severe creepiness! And trust me when I say this: There's nothing more sexy than a hot seventeen year old blond chick pretending to be a thirteen year old virgin and creeped the fuck out on a bus in the middle of night while traveling to a vampire's cavern and being pursued by perverts and forest monsters alike. Naturally she escapes harm (?) and is eventually (after being locked in a room for twenty-four hours) invited into Lemora's home for kidnapped run-away children.

Lemora is obviously rather fond of this girl, and shows her affection by offering her a chalice full of blood that makes her dizzy. Being rather concerned, Lemora forces Lila to dance with her before taking her to the private quarters where she proceeds to bathe and tickle her! You can probably guess where all of this is headed. If not, I'm including a little pic on the right hand side which will tell ya. ---> I had never seen this film, nor had I really ever heard of it back while I was growing young. Back when, London After Midnight was the ultimate lost vampire film, but during my aging youth I have found out (thanks to Don May at Synapse Films) that this movie was also a lost treasure. And I'm not one to disobey the words of Synapse, so I awaited eagerly and in 2004, I finally got to see the film that was considered a "lost classic!"

Without getting too graphic, let's just say that I gave this film my full appreciation that fateful day. When the credits hit I could do no more than award the fated 10/10 award score. I've seen Lemora: Lady Dracula four times since then and it just bewilders, overcomes, and basically takes me hostage every single time with the sheer perfection of its execution. The fact that this was Richard Blackburn's only film not only astonishes me, but at the same time makes me wonder; If I had made a film of this greatness my first time around would I continue? Dario Argento did, and all people do now-a-daze is talk shit about the most awesome director in the world. That's almost beyond the point and I don't want to start to ramble like a madman about how it makes me sick so I'll continue into the safe zone.

Synapse somehow came across this 30 year old lost film print and these reels must have been stored in some caring arms because it looks fucking beautiful! Colors bursting all over the place Suspiria-style, little to no scratches or blemishes (very little lines), and damn fine clarity. The print is so clear that all of the audio dub mishaps are presented right before you, but that's ok. It's rather charming. Add a scream here, or a few words here... I kind of like it after all, and commend the sound technician. My trained eye catches it, but most will not, which makes it fun for me. Wes Benscoter did the masterful artwork for the new release DVD cover, and it rocks. The tri-fold-out booklet with liner notes from Richard Harland Smith and Chris Poggiali is not only innovative but informative.

I fucking LOVE this movie. It's beautiful. I don't just go around giving perfect scores to films. Trust me, it's a rare occurrence... but I will not fail in telling anyone out there that they need to see this, and embrace it. There will be screenshots and other posts to come regarding Lemora. I'm not done, and I don't think I ever will be.

December 25, 2010

Treevenge (2008)

Treevenge (Short) (2008)

When I first saw the trailer for Treevenge last December, I damn near shit my pants when [BLACKENED SPOILER] the tree grabbed that little girl. [/SPOILER] It was loud as hell, very unexpected and after the initial shock, totally sweet! I must have laughed for five minutes. By this time, you've most likely seen the short film either online of if you were lucky and adventurous, during a festival run or a one day showing at some burnout driven theater. I've decided to pay my respect to the misunderstood and relentlessly violent forest creatures in this very post.

The beautiful main theme from Cannibal Holocaust plays as the crane shot glides over a landscape of snow covered trees. Seemingly out of nowhere, burly men arrive carrying axes, chainsaws and weedwhackers. As they scream with excitement before the maniacal devastation, a small baby tree shudders in fear. After many of the trees are hacked down, one of the men stomps the little tree to death. As the rest of the trees are gathered up to be sold, they (the trees) witness the horrors of man as many of them are unnecessarily harmful and mean spirited towards pine. The tree abuse doesn't end there as then they are needlessly screwed into christmas stands and then humiliated with decorations. While there are those who simply abhor trees, even the ones who claim to love them may not be safe. As we soon come to find out, there's only so much these trees are willing to take before they lay the saps down.

This sixteen-minute dark comedy from the director of the yet to be released film "Hobo With A Shotgun" is a more than welcome addition to the holiday horror-fare, and will go well along side other low budget Gore-Fests such as Le Bagman, and even longer films like Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone and Darkness: The Vampire Version. Obvious tributes to the style of past horror masters are prevalent, but a definite sick sense of humor looms over the proceedings. Here be more [LOW LIGHT SPOILERS] Did you think that baby tree getting stomped for no reason would go unpunished? Hell the fuck no. During the tree's rampage of vengeance, a mother is grabbed by branches and her baby goes flying to the cement. As she screams in horror "My baby! My Baby!" Another of the trees hops four feet into the air and with its severed stem, lands a crushing blow, splattering the baby's head into strawberry puree.

One tree's branches go in a woman's mouth and come out of her eyeballs, then they go through her frustrated lover's eyeballs and out of his mouth, and then the pull their two faces together. It's like some sick ass Fulci's Lady and the Tramp version of the spaghetti scene or something.  Some dude (who's obviously got some serious emotional problems) drills a hole into one of the trees stems, slathers it with petroleum jelly and well... you'll get the idea at least when he slides his fingers inside. Oh, and does the tree fuckin' rape the guy afterwards during the chaos? You bet your prickly pine needle it does! [/SPOILERS] I dig Treevenge. I'm a sucker for short films with deep rooted gore influences and insane happenings. When films don't make any sense at all, are absurd and just fucked up for no reason, I tend to find more enjoyment in them. There are times when this is not true (H2) but I'll not discuss that for even the thought of headache inducing beats and flashing lights may lay me out. Things here got pretty corny, but it probably helps that the main man in this is the splitting image of Joel McHale. So that all works out. Also, there's this really hot blond Twihard in another family with a decapitated cat and a broken tele who I'd like to just take under my branch. If she were a tree I'd cut her down and then climb her, if you know what I'm saying. What in the fuck!?

While not the greatest thing I've ever seen, Treevenge sure did quench my appetite for the quote-unquote holiday season. Which really, I had none to begin with. It's definitely got its moments and it's fun as hell, so there's no faulting the thing despite the supposed lacking spots (some of the dialogue, if at all). Though those moments did add to the surreal feel of the whole thing, so you can't really blame em. I did like that "I should have stayed in school!" line that came right out of nowhere. These guys sure as shit hate trees, but why? From working with them, or the smell of them, or the sight of them? I guess they just f'n hate nature.

Watch in on TWITCH or on teh YouTube.

December 24, 2010


Skeleton with the Middle Finger (1995). Pencil and Red Watercolor-Pencil scrapings on Paper. I did this when I was fifteen years old. Wonder what I could have been thinking around that strange time. I used to always draw while laying down, and as I got up to get some grape juice my now long-gone evil motherfucker of a cat went abruptly insane at the sight of this guy and started ripping the paper up. He made enough hissing and wailing noises that I caught him in time, though, much to my horror and dismay.

Some times I wonder what he saw that made him freak out. Maybe there's something there that we can't see.

December 20, 2010

Requiem pour un Vampire Screenshots Part 4

Here are a few extra screenshots which aren't really screenshots since they're stills that were put onto the DVD slideshow. You know, since you all care so much. Don't forget that if you click on this post as a link, that I've got four more on this film right under it... so uh, click the top border to see it all, baby!

I just want to know... did they do that down below?
You've never really bonded with a friend, until you've done this.

Looks like I've got no choice but to cast Adrian Brody for the remake...!

Yellow Jacket...
Fulla honey...
My flower, explodes!
Hope that shit was worth it you little bitches!
Alternate Clothed Scene.
Alternate title ad.


...and the Master at work! Look at him. Glorious!
All shall bow down. 

December 19, 2010

Requiem pour un Vampire Screenshots Part 3

Furry blanket or not, those stone pillows are a bitch in the morning.
I actually get this look a lot at chicks from the pub. Strange.

The past is gone, it went by like dusk to dawn.

Now enjoy your day at the beach!

Talk about an attention whore huh? Right after this she took her shirt off.

You are the first will be my last...

Looks like she finally found that ketchup.

This really should have been a slow motion scene to some hip, trendy music.

Buffy gets slutty.

I used to ask my ex-girlfriend that all the time.

Yeah right, like if you could do it over again it wouldn't be the same result!

Empty and Alone the only thing that's real!

Well, hope you dig screenshots. I may do another post on this DVD release. Or there will be more to come regarding the Encore editions of Jean Rollin's fine and wonderful films. Thanks for viewing, and/or commenting ya bunch of weirdos. 

Requiem pour un Vampire Screenshots Part 2

My dream home.
That skull really gets around.
Soft and sensual. Their on the set nicknames.
The whispering wind just picked up.
Unholy Fucking Shit!!1 Kill it!
And if you go, chasing rabbits...
Spiders! Spiders Everywhere!
Nobody expects the French Inquisition!
If she plays the wrong chord they'll all be flat.
Tom Cruise as Lestat? The evidence is inconclusive.
Ooooooh, it makes me wonder...
Count BoogedyBoo finally watches The Human Centipede.
My words are my own and as of posted from their creation forward I hereby claim originality to them. Pictures may prove to be promotional items and are the sole possessions of their respectful owners and/or companies. I do not sell, nor do I buy. I only rent, so therefore, nothing I own is truly mine.