Demons (1985) and Demons 2 (1986)

Lamberto Bava's DEMONS (1985)

Immediately from the subway intro you're immersed into a strange world of Freaks. That one crazy ass chick with the checkered fades and all the other pervs riding this thing seem to really creep this little beauty out. Look at her sitting there, all innocent and frightened, and feel the need to corrupt and filthify rise. The man in the iron mask Leonardo Decapitator comes out stalking like a mofo and it's on... to the cinema that is. Sun setting and ominously placed is this theater. Surreal are the insides of this haunted gateway to hellish desires as the patrons enter and converse with one another. We are slowly introduced to them all, our drug filled minds left with enough mystery about each of them to configure within ourselves who they are, and more importantly, how they behave behind closed doors. Their perversions, mostly hinted, their audacity, seemingly writhing under the skin. The pimp and his two ladies of the alleyway spark up a bit of the gnarly ganja bud and we're off. We've got a blind dude that can feel evil but can't sense his daughter/wife/niece/??? making out with some creepy balding gentleman. An old grump and his dumpy wife quarrel like some old married couple, and you can clearly see he wants to strangle all those horny teenagers there to death. Perhaps he misses those younger days of getting laid by an exciting new girl, instead of having to bed his constantly nagging wife.

That's funny, the bleeding won't stop and our hero emerges in the form of a demonic hooker who spreads the disease through her fingernails. She never should have put that strange silver mask on her face. Everything is taken to the next level when a knife comes ripping through a tent in the movie within a movie. Fiore Argento turns her head from the screen, for she is scared. This is the point of no return. It's in your system now. You sweat heavily as you remove the seemingly tightening sweater around your shoulders. The blue tint seeps in and there's nothing you can do about it. White Wedding hits the system and you're gathering some spilled coke off a young punker's breast with a razor blade. You know you want to cut her just a little bit... and you know if you do you'll be rewarded later on since she likes it that way. Then before you can even say "we've gotta stop the movie" a young lady gives birth out of her f'n back! (Sadly her child was crushed to death when a helicopter fell on it. A tragedy if I ever saw one.) How can these monstrous green-drool-spewing cum-dumpsters be stopped?! Hop on your motorbike motherfucker and grab that Saumuri sword son because you're now fully immersed in the Lamberto Bava's mind rottingly addictive DEMONS!

It's nothing, it's just a scratch! Don't be so sure of that. That is the advice I would give to any unsuspecting viewer of this classic lesson in unpredictable, sudden and most gruesomely gruesome terror. Demons isn't just a film that you watch and say "oh hey, that was cool", oh no... Demons is a film that you watch, and it fucking gets inside of you man. That scratch it left there on your brain? It's gonna infect, it's gonna rot, it's gonna thrive, and it will ultimately instruct. Just like the bloodthirsty demons in this movie, you too will be left drooling green shit out of the side of your mouth when you're done watching this. Make no mistake, there's nothing physically wrong with you at this point. That's just what happens to people after they watch the most awesome movie ever made in the existence of life death! Your eyes go blank, your mind goes numb, your teeth get popped out by newer, sharper and deadlier teeth. Crooked fangs capable of ripping large chunks of human flesh out of the thigh of any soon to be limping pimp without a cane. And since I just brought it up, if you're going to be a pimp I say fucking act like it dude. That limp is Tony the Pimp's lesson in this film. You can't be treating your hoes all nice, takin' em out to movies n' shit, then helping out your fellow man.

You was caught slippin' Tony! And now look at you... King of the Demons. Huh. I suppose things really worked out for the guy in the end. Well then, I guess it's true what they say: If you can't beat 'em, Eat 'em! Haha... get it? Beat 'em!? Like he totally didn't do to his ladies since he's a pimp with a heart of gold. Awwwww. And now he's Eatin' up motherfuckers like something a pimp would normally eat back in his designated hood. Something from a hamburger stand I would presume? Chili cheese fries from Wienerschnitzel most likely. That's right, I'm throwing down all the lame jokes and racist puns today. But enough joking around. Demons is an absolute onslaught of gore drenched madness that cannot be underestimated and will not be unappreciated. It's a straight up party film, totally IN YOUR FACE, and hell... every party I've ever been to has been a horror party: Soul-Meatball Pizza, Old Crow, a shitload of that California Chronic and some Dario Argento on Lamberto Bava thespian action. If that doesn't get you hot then you're not old skool like me. And if you can't spell skool right, then you probably spent your youth masturbating to Demons upstairs in your attic bedroom instead of going to class, just like I did.

Lamberto Bava's DEMONS 2 (1986)

From that magnificent mind fuck of a bloody cake introduction, to a frumpy girl's frumpy ass dress lookin' frumpy on her birthday, to a little kid answering the phone and saying "No, Daddy's not home.. neither's Mommy. I'm alone!", to Sally's messy menstrual cycle dripping through the floors of the apartment building and infecting everyone there, to "Bottles! Fill em with gasoline to make bombs!", to the pointless shmucktoberfest scenes, to climbing an elevator shaft and then later down a building in the most badass of fashion, there's no denying that Demons 2 is one wacky experience. "What did Jacob do to Sally?" you ask. Wha..? What the hell do you think he did to her!? I mean take a look at the guy, if he's not a date-rapist then I'm not also not a date-rapist. Am I right? Also, I mean, wait, scratch that last part... scratch it just like a psycho demon bitch grabbing a former coke addict punk turned security officer by the face and ripping the flesh fresh from his skull. Oh, and don't think that little dude who answered the phone is going to be safe just because he's a kid either. Not a fuckin' chance, because if Demons 2 has a general theme it's that everyone in this movie is fucked! That little bastard ends up hiding in a crawlspace behind a wall while being chased down by some ugly as all shit transgendered(?) demon.

It's a really tense scene, and just when you think he's eluded certain doom, Sally's blood drips through the ceiling panels and lands right on his fucking face! Demonic transformation is now imminent. That poor son of a bitch. All he ever wanted was a friend, but his lousy ass parents just left him alone all the time with his toys and a television as supervision. Not a problem now however as the pregnant lady next door has a brand new friend for him, ready and waiting to be freshly ripped from her womb that is! Sally's blood floods the building's power generator, every door locks down, the power shuts off and we got a frickin' demon dog on the loose in here. Just when things get good we're treated to some more footage of Jacob driving around the city, listening to some music which I can only describe as some "hardcore thug shit". Why are these pivotal scenes of Jacob driving his goons around so important to the storyline you ask? That's a very good question. All hell breaks loose in this futuristic-like building and George must navigate shafts, sluts and demonic sluts drooling over his shaft to make his way back to his apartment in order to rescue Hannah, his preggers and totally hot wife. Will he make it in time before a squealing butt-monkey of a puppet demon nibbles her to death? Make a wish and try to blow out that last candle girlie, because in Demons 2 it's happy deathday to you!

When looking at Demons and Demons 2 back to back it's hard not to recognize the similarities the two films have with each other and the strange connection they share with The Evil Dead (1981) and Evil Dead 2 (1987). Demons 2 and Evil Dead 2 are both a remake and sequel at the same time. They share pretty much the exact same stories as the originals, only they've been tweaked, expanded upon (or lessened) and in the case of Evil Dead 2 some say greatly improved upon. Unlike how many people find Evil Dead 2 to be a superior film to its predecessor, this is not the case when it comes to Demons and its second installment. Demons 2 is for some reason looked down upon when compared to the first film. The glaringly obvious reason to see is that the original Demons is a pure masterpiece of untouchable mind altering madness. When you first see Demons, believe me when I tell you that you've never seen the shit go down like just did. The adrenaline rush that it gives off with the brilliant and seamlessly combined visuals, gore effects and hard rock soundtrack just cannot ever be matched. Does that mean that Demons 2 by default just automatically sucks balls? Hell no. If you go in expecting the exact same thing then you may as well just re-watch Demons. And I don't know about you, but I'm in the mood to see a fussy Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni act like a spoiled brat and get her just desserts when she horrifically transforms into a slimy demon.

Demons 2, while similar, is an entirely different entity than the first movie. It may not be the aggressive colorful monster that Demons is, but it's got its own twisted, alternate reality-like aura to it. Some people may be turned off by the rehashing of the movie within a movie (now a television program inside a movie) which seemed a lot better the first time around, as the cinema setting adds a spectacle aspect to it all. The sequel's version is a lot less ominous, and the characters are a lot stupider, but that makes for most of the fun. With Demons, chaos is a large order of the day, whereas in Demons 2 it's all a bit more methodical seeming. While Demons 2 builds to a boil, the original film hits you in random spurts and violent outbursts before delving into full blown insanity. Both films have their own unique charm (Is that the right word? Charm?), but believe me when I say that Demons 2 should not be overlooked. If you're one of those people out there who has dismissed this more than worthy sequel as garbage then I implore you to revisit the movie with an opened mind, and possibly some intoxicating chemicals in your system to take the edge off. Demons is a movie that always stays awesome no matter what and never lets the viewer down, and Demons 2 is a movie that gets better every single time you watch it. That's actually one of the secrets to Demons 2 that not many people know since they most likely don't give it a second viewing. So go on and throw that Demons 2 disc into your DVD player and experience a movie that you once thought sucked kick your brain's fuckin' ass!