Real Steel (2011)

Hey, I just payed to watch Real $teel (2011)

Rated: PG-13 (for Violence, Intense Robot Fighting Action, and Swear Words). 

Hugh Jackman plays Charlie Kenton, a down and out former professional boxer and now desperate, independent robot-boxing promoter who owes nearly everyone he knows tons of money. All this guy cares about is making whatever cash he can get as soon as possible, by booking his robot in all-or-nothing fights. Of course, ever since Robot Boxing took the world over and forced him out of the ring, his life has been a downward spiral of bad luck and reckless decisions which repeatedly cost him the very expensive bots he comes to own. Never one to learn a lesson, he'll work up a scheme or two here and there to procure a new bot once his old one gets thrashed. It's all he cares about, he's become a shell of his former self, and it's all very sad to watch. Of course, the character of Charlie Kenton is a complete fucking asshole and a dick to everyone around him so you as the viewer couldn't give a shit. That is of course, until his ex-girlfriend dies and he's reunited(?) with his son, Max (Dakota Goyo), whom he abandoned after birth. His ex's sister wants custody of course, and Charlie goes about conning the lady's husband out of $100,000 cash money to sign him over to her. Only to make things look good for both of them, he'll take the kid in for a few weeks and she never has to know about the deal.

So, can you see where this is going? I could. It's glaringly obvious. Real Steel ain't about the Robots. In fact, out of the few messages the movie is trying to convey at whichever time, it's hinted majorly that Charlie himself is the robot that his son comes to resurrect. He's an emotionless, reclusive, and downright mean (non-psychically abusive) son of a bitch who's completely caught up in the dream that he never dreamed. He's become a lost soul, who's in such a rush all the time to make money that he doesn't stop for a moment to see that he's destroying all of his relationships. As Charlie and Max go on their robot fight road-trips, a series of consequential events occur which bring the two closer(?) and as you would expect, Charlie shows signs of giving a fuck. Who would have thought. But giving a fuck ain't easy when you're so ripped. All I could think about while seeing this emotionally awakening and tragically beautiful father and son bonding movie was "Fuck these motherfuckers for trying to make me feel shit! I don't want to feel. I want to not feel!" Unless I'm feeling something in my pants when I see that super hot ring-girl in the wierd blue Tron getup during the final match. There should have been more scenes with her and less scenes with talking about feelings.

Are you watching Transformers: Prime?!

If you're not watching the new CG Animated series Transformers: Prime, then I've got a few words that may catch you by surprise:

Zombies. Do I have your attention? Robot Zombies! Muahahhahahaa! Yessss...

I was skeptical at first upon seeing the sleek yet very strange character designs. It's movie-verse meets the last cartoon series TF: Animated. The result? I'm really, really liking it. And I don't know why for sure. The movies sure as hell piss me off with characters that look indistinguishable junk piles and the Animated cartoon was a bit too kiddie for me. But it seems as if the very best aspects from both programs, as well as past history, have been fused together to form something special this time. (Welker and Cullen are back together once again performing their original voice roles for Megatron and Optimus Prime. Nutbust?)

The third episode aired today, and will air once more tomorrow at 6pm ET followed by episode 4. Then again the next day with 4 and then the last part of the mini-series. *UPDATE* All five episodes have been uploaded on the Hub website! Check it out.

Transformers: Prime - Darkness Rising Part 1
Transformers: Prime - Darkness Rising Part 2
Transformers: Prime - Darkness Rising Part 3
Transformers: Prime - Darkness Rising Part 4
Transformers: Prime - Darkness Rising Part 5

I suggest that you check it out. I haven't at all been interested in a Transformers cartoon since Beast Wars ended. Even when that show began, I was anti their new direction. Animals?! That's bullshit I said to myself. It wasn't until I blazed one boring afternoon and caught the Season 2 episode Bad Spark which introduced the Psychotic monster of a bot Protoform X, also known as Rampage! Soon I caught all episodes and the whole series, and it became my very favorite aside from the original film. Since then, the new TF cartoons (and not to mention the films) have ranged from "I want to kill the guy who did this!" to "Watching this makes me want to kill myself!" The only in between being "Meh!" and "I guess I'll watch this whenever it comes on..."

So far what I had considered to be potential flaws have not been that bad. One which worried me were the fact that there are "drones" in this. There's nothing worse than nameless faceless bots in a Transformers series. [Rant] Bob Skir tried to bring that shit in when he did Beast Machines, and don't get me started on that big fucking pile of crap. It's bad enough that he brought plant life and hippies to a Metal world (do induce vomiting), but he damn near tied score with that horrid crime by making the first season of that forsaken show boring as all fuck with nothing but non-transforming bastard versions of beloved characters chasing or being chased by identical drones! It's no wonder nerds all over the country were breaking out their homemade sniper rifles and sent multiple death threats to the guy, causing him to cancel his appearance at Botcon that year. It would have been his disappearance, had he shown... from what I was told. [/Rant] The drones aren't horrible this time around. They look cool and they're strong and they speak... and for now they're not overused. Let's hope things stay that way. Or they develop some personality. I'm hoping some of the Robot Zombies develop personality and [Bay]Shit Gets Real![/Bay]

The introduction of Darkness Rising Part 2 between Megatron and Starscream really caught my interest and I can tell from part 3 today, that I will be enjoying this series. There's so much potential. Let us pray to the dark lord that they don't muck it up.

Did I mention that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson voices CliffJumper?

If nothing I said here affects you, there's no denying that The Rock is totally badass. You candy asses!

Soon: Drunken Robot Sex, Massive Toads Redux

Taking a quick look at what Sundance 2010 has to offer, which is not always an easy thing to do based on how they've got their website set up, I came across two new films that definitely got my brains tingling. Now, when you're a horror fiend like I, you over time sometimes get introduced and subsequently interested in other kinds of films... mysterious, and strange films. There's something beautiful about "horror" in the way it transcends labeling or genre. Say for instance, Experimental stop-motion animation films from around the world... while not all necessarily "horror", they can be downright frightening, exhilarating and quite simply, gross. Or as another example of horror: clowns.

A clown sat next to me on the bus about fourteen years ago. I don't know why. He got on the bus, and in my mind I'm thinking "Shit! This muthafucka's gonna come sit right next to me." Maybe because I'm casual gothic or something, but he walked on then looked down each isle, and when he spotted me he got that look on his face. You know, the kind where they're like "Oh hey, I should go start up a chat with this fellow." Pretty much making me now the second weirdest dude on this bus, he strolls on over and sits down. I've got my eyes straight forward, practicing avoidance, unblinking, watching the last bit of hope that this dude won't bother me wave goodbye as the bus closes its doors. Out of the corner of my eye, he turns to me and begins to open his mouth. Before he could even utter a single sound, I looked his way and delivered a T-1000esqe "Don't!" He turned back, and the next stop, I quickly exited. Now, I know that isn't exactly a horror story, but when I look back on it, it's more depressing than anything. Because this poor bastard not only had to work as a clown (at least I hope he didn't choose the profession - shudder at the thought!), but he also had to take the bus to and from his gigs. Oh well, he probably lost his license drinking and driving...

Which brings me to: ABSOLUT Vodka and Spike Jonze (Where The Wild Things Are, Various Music Videos) have teamed up (they've given him major artistic freedom and money, and probably Vodka) to make a short film that he wanted to... and the result is I'M HERE (Official Site). A love story about two Robots, who not only get f'n Thrashed mann... but also, have steamy lovemaking (tab A, slot B). Watch the trailer for this on the official website, and make sure you click Fullscreen. It's looks pretty damn cool, and I'm really looking forward to seeing this since I really 1) Love Vodka. 2) Think Robots kick major ass, and 3) Am a sucker for luv stories... and besides, what's scarier than a love story huh? Plus I mean, the guy does good work. Here's the Sundance Page with Showtimes.

Looking up info on this film, something else caught me completely by surprise. Mark Lewis, creator of the sweet-ass 1988 documentary film Cane Toads: An Unnatural History, has made a F'n Sequel! I know... even I was dumbfounded and shocked! Not to mention, horny as a... and this new film, Cane Toads: The Conquest, is apparently going to be in glorious 3-D!!1 After the first film, where these toads would eat living mice, get their toady necrophilia on and were giving people the slimy LSD-effect trips of their lives, I can't wait to see what'll be "jumping out" at me this time around. This film is apparently "the first Australian digital 3D feature film" that'll let us get up close with these f'n gnarly monsters, from wherever in the world we are. Badass.