November 2, 2014

Avery Pump[KY]n

Avery Pump[KY]n - Porter brewed w/ Pumpkin and Spices and Aged in Bourbon Barrels (2014)
Limited Release (First Batch).
12 fl. oz. / $12.99 USD / 17.22% ABV

About: "What’s in a name? Sometimes the simplest can be the most descriptive, and in this case, derisive and divisive! After much internal debate (ad nauseum! Bourb[KY]n, anyone?), we decided a single letter change was the best way to embody the bourbon barrel-aging that adds layers of complexity to an already exquisitely spiced pumpkin porter."

Thoughts: Last night while watching Hell in a Cell, I drank a 2014 bottle of Avery Rumpkin (original review HERE) and I'll tell ya, the shit was absolutely glorious! Even better than I remember from the last two years. But this one's about Rumpkin's brand new sister beer! I almost didn't even buy this beer because I thought it was Rumpkin on the shelf. It was right next to it and the area was a bit cluttered since many people must have picked up the bottles and set them back down after considering the price. Plus, I didn't know that this even existed since it's been about a year since I payed attention to any real beer news. When I noticed it on the shelf, I just said fuck it and bought both their pumpkin brews because that's what a guy like me would do.

Pump[KY]n porter poured a dense black with a soft light-brownish tan head on top. A little smoke came out when I cracked it, but other than that there's not really much to describe. The smell is on par with other Avery works of art and by that I mean that this beer is obviously a masterpiece. Having the Rumpkin last night I will say that I do enjoy the scent on that one a bit more, but that's only because I'm more partial to ales than porters. This one is super rich, like an alcoholic chocolate cake... there's tons of barley malt here and it's so strong you could drown in it. There's also some cinnamon and spices on top of oatmeal. It's absolutely fucking beautiful! Oh, and it smells dangerous as a motherfucker too.

It's still a bit cold, even though I've had it sitting for 45 minutes without touching it. How do I do that you ask? I don't know, but I think I may like torturing myself. Let's try it! Yes. First gulp and IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!1 Avery you sadistic bastards, you've done it again. Yeah, there's a ton of heat on this... but it's sweet, spicy and just ripping with barley. This one really reminds me of Dogfish Head's World Wide Stout which is brewed with a shit-ton of malted barley as well. Oh, on a side note I should probably tell you that yesterday I aslo drank a 2014 DFH WWS earlier the last evening (the Rumpkin was my nightcap) so yeah I'm going a bit nuts with these high ABV brews but that's what I like to do.

The Bourbon barrel aging on this is off the fuckin' chain though. It's got a strong presence that hits the hardest after the swallow, leaving a fiery haze down the gullet and igniting your fuckin' ass, man! While in the mouth however, you get all of those pumpkin spices and that sweet oatmeal. This is the definition of a sipper beer. It's the real deal, and this one and Rumpkin are two pumpkin beers in which all others should be judged. Just looking to my right at these two empty bottles I've gotta say, that I feel blessed! No joke. I know these beers are about $15 each, or could be 10-18$ depending on where you are, but it's totally worth it because Pump[KY]n and Rumpkin are not just beers but experiences.

Despite how enjoyable this beer is fresh, I would definitely suggest aging it a bit since it is extremely hot. That, and the sweetness is a bit much. If I ever pick up another bottle, it's going in the back of the fridge for a year or two.

Troegs Master of Pumpkins

Tröegs Master of Pumpkins (2014)
Seasonal? (Fall).
12.7 fl. oz. (x4) / $13.99 USD / 7.5% ABV (Not listed on packaging)

About: "Brewed with native Pennsylvania neck pumpkins harvested just a few miles from our brewery, Master of Pumpkins conjures the spirit of autumn by combining roasted pumpkins and traditional pie spices with a French saison yeast. This natural fermentation releases a palate of vanilla, cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, ginger, and honey. Taste it you will see, more is all you need! Malt: Munich, Pilsner, Special B / Hops: German Northern Brewer / Yeast: French Saison / JuJu: Cane Sugar, Pennsylvania Honey, Roasted Pennsylvania Neck Pumpkins / Spices: Cinnamon, Clove, Ginger, Nutmeg / Food Compliments: Mexican dishes or other spicy foods, gamey meats and poultry, cheesecake, aged cheeses."

Thoughts: Popped the cork and a little smoke emerged. MoP poured an extremely clear light-red, auburn-raspberry color with a quick-dissolving white head on top. Natural carbonation is very lively and from the top of the glass it looks like I'm staring up at the moon.

The scent is of natural pumpkin, sweet yet tart, freshly torn gourd, and mild. That French saison yeast really comes out and takes this beer into an absurd place, but what else is there to expect from Tröegs!? Those yeast fiends. Cinnamon, clove and nutmeg are present but taking a backseat to a shit-ton of allspice and honey.

Well... this one isn't the most pleasant of pumpkin beers. It's got a bit of a rubbery thing going on, no doubt due to that funky yeast and the allspice is just dominating! Really, that's about it. Just a lot of Chinese five spice all over the place and a funny tasting yeast. Once you get used it, it's not really that terrible though. It definitely could use a little more cinnamon though.

In terms of those natural tasting pumpkin ales, this one fits in nicely and thankfully isn't as boring or as bitter as some of the other ones. There's a decent sweetness on this one and a nice haze around the end of each gulp. It tastes pretty fresh too... perhaps a little too fresh. Overall despite the good and the bad, this beer is just kinda one note and that's not going to cut it. If it were one note yet amazing tasting, that would be a different story.

Magic Hat DeVEILed and Seance

Magic Hat deVEILed (2013)
Seasonal (Fall).
12 fl. oz. / $1.49 USD / 5.2% ABV

About: "Shrouded in otherworldly goodness! A thin veil rests between two worlds, shrouding one’s view from the other. Lives of the present and those long gone may cross the boundary if they wish, but they must first awaken to the possibility. Once eyes have opened, a harmonious convergence of life and death can be seen, the oneness deveiled, shifting into sight. Malts: 2-Row Pale, Victory, Crystal 40L, Caramel Munich, Caramel 120L, Chocolate / Hops: Magnum, Cascade / Yeast: English Ale"

Thoughts: Damn that is some nice artwork label there. I wonder how much the beer is going to suck just based off that it's got such incredible artwork alone! DeVEILed poured an amber red color with a small foamy light tan head on top. There's generous carbonation and the beer itself is very cloudy. Leaning in for the first whiff and I get toasty water. It's really hard to smell anything here. I get some sweet syrup way in the background but that's about it.

Mouth feel is a little fizzy like and really watery. This beer has a raw funk to it. It's peppery and citrusy and just really kinda grimy. Not all too pleasant I'd have to say. The flavors all blend together kinda nice at first but once you swallow and let the air hit the inside of your mouth it gets all jumbled up and gross. It's like a spiced brown ale, with a lot of grassy water and a little dirt added. Not liking this one too much. Fuck you awesome artwork. Final thought, this motherfucker needs to be REveiled. Ha!

Magic Hat SEANCE (2013)
Seasonal (Fall).
12 fl. oz. / $1.49 USD / 4.4% ABV

About: "Some mysteries are more easily attainable through collected energies and certain assembled elements of seasons, dreams and that which is not at all what it seems. Hold a Séance and peer into an ethereal world of pleasures lying just on the other side of our psyche, floating on shifting winds, through blurred seasons and between waking and sleeping bends. Malts: 2-Row Pale, White Wheat, Victory, Carafa, Flaked Oats, Crystal 80L, Cherry Wood Smoke / Hops: Goldings, Hallertaur / Yeast: Saison II"

Thoughts: Seance poured a really dark brown color with a long lasting light tan head. One things for sure this smells a hell of a lot better than deVEILed. Ahh, it must be that belgian yeast. This one smells sweet, with hints of banana, candy apple, toasted oats, and bonfires.

The beer starts off peppery and smoky, with a lot of that bonfire feeling coming through real strong. The tons of malt mingle together peacefully while the sprinkling of hops bounce around the palate. It's not a strong beer at all, but it's loaded with flavor and tastes good. It's slightly on the charred side, but I've really got no problem with that. Drinking this really reminds me of getting drunk at the beach back when I was a freaky teen. It's got a slight hint of sourness around the middle mark, but a really fine and clean aftertaste to it.

Mouth is a bit fluffed up and weighty. You can tell this beer was made by Magic Hat as their stuff does share a similar kind of base taste and a gritty, dirty rawness to them... but here's one that actually worked out. I'm not in any rush to go buy any more of it, but if they do something special like age it in wine barrels or something I'll have another go at it.

November 1, 2014

Founders Bolt Cutter

Founder's Bolt Cutter - Our 15'th Anniversary Ale (2012)
Anniversary Brew (Backstage Series)
25.4 fl. oz. / $25.99 / 15% ABV

About: "Bolt Cutter is a cellarable 15% ABV barley wine brewed in celebration of our 15th anniversary. Dry-hopped with a mountain of Cascade hops, it’s balanced by a malty sweetness and spicy complexity, resulting from barrel aging some of it in bourbon barrels, some in maple syrup-bourbon barrels and some not at all (standard fermentation only). We allowed the beer to mature in bottles and kegs for four months so that it would be perfect for its release in November 2012. Bolt Cutter pours a deep copper color and is best sampled at different temperatures to allow the flavors to unfold."

Thoughts: I bought this beer two years ago and it's been in the back of my fridge inside of a closed paper bag ever since. Why? I do not know the answer to that question. I just figured I'd save it for the "right time" or a "special occasion", but there never really was one of those things that ever made me think now is the time. When I decided to buy a Bolt Cutter glass online to pair the shot with they had just sold out, so I guess I felt kind of bummed. Well, that bullshit is over. Last night was Halloween, I got a full weekend to do nothing but jerk off so let's fuckin' do this!

This beer is way clearer than I thought it would be. I'm talking a crystal clear burnt orange with shades of ruby red, and it looks pretty nice. It's so clear that I can read the lettering through it on the back of the glass in this dim room. The off-white head was gloppy and slow to form before dying down into a puddle of mush. I can smell this one from across the table. Just the way I like it. There's only three things I like to be able to smell from across the table: my food, my beer... and my women! The smell is of strong, sweet malted barley and the alcohol is strong with this one. It's got a syrupy burst of toffee that's candy-like and indulgent. Despite the strength on this, it doesn't appear to be hiding a kick.

First sip and it's all there, and with an effervescent surprise on the mouth feel on top of it all. It's absurdly smooth, with a tingling that roars throughout the whole thing, but still, so soothing and soft. How does it stay so smooth?! Is it the two years that have gone by? I got a shiver inducing bite a few seconds after that first sip, but it's settled already by the second. With the third and fourth sip I feel a fire igniting in my stomach. I of course wouldn't put it past Founders to have this barleywine loaded with hops (not much unlike SN Bigfoot) and man are those grassy as all fuck hops bouncing around here. Sometimes after a while, that kind of thing builds up and grimes up a beer, but that's not the case here as it sits back just like a gentle leafy, grassy breeze in the background. It's not strong enough to be distracting, but it's just there enough give a little needed depth... because overall, I'm not getting too much depth here. It's layered, but slightly repetitive.

It tastes like a really smooth hard liquor barleywine hybrid. For the most part it's sweet, especially when you swirl it around in the mouth. After the swallow it's got a very low lever bitterness, but it's there and adds a little complexity to the drink. It's slightly softer than I usually like, most likely due to the aging, but it's still peppery and has a nice zing to it. For being so mellow, it's still damn tasty! This is some exquisite shit here as a matter of fact. Now, I'm of course a little experienced with these High ABV beers. Just the other day I drank a World Wide Stout, Rumpkin, and a Pump[KY]n, in addition to the many others I've tried, this is by far the softest. But that doesn't mean that other people would find this soft at all. Oh hell no! Actually I'm pretty sure that if you gave this to someone who didn't know what the fuck it was they'd think it's straight up booze and not a beer at all.

But that's a good thing, especially about this beer for a guy like me. A freak! No, a guy like me, who enjoys the finer things in life. I just read the info on this beer while preparing to post this review, and while it's obvious that there's some sort of barrel aging it's not on the bottle I don't think. It makes sense now how they did it, what with the syrup I got, then the bourbon and even at times where it didn't really seem as if it were barrel aged at all. So the mix of all three of those things are indeed evident in the taste here. Even then however, I'll admit that this one isn't perfect. Not that it needs to be. In fact, I like it just the way it is, because if were different, well, it'd be something different. And I didn't want to drink something different, I wanted to drink this. And perhaps I'm rambling a bit, but although it's not as good as I was hoping (waiting on it two years and wondering doesn't help that, btw) I still enjoyed the hell out of this one and if given the chance, I'd buy it all over again.

Brewmasters Blatant Pumpkin Ale

Brewmasters BLATANT Pumpkin Ale (2014)
Brewed and Bottled by Brewmasters Brewing Co., Williamsburg, MA. USA.
Seasonal (Fall).
12 fl. oz. / $1.69 USD / ?% ABV

About: No info online about this one whatsoever, so I'll just type this off the side of the bottle. "Ale with BLATANT spices & Autumn Flavors. Full Bodied & Balanced... With REAL Pumpkins!"

Thoughts: I've seen Blatant brews on the shelves here and there, but have never picked one up. Perhaps I'm not one for overly simplistic designs (the pint glass / exlaimation point is basically the main logo on all of their bottles so they all look the same). Luckily I was searching for pumpkin ales that I'd never tried before and noticed this on. It poured a very auburn shade of light, light brown with a little bit of yellow and orange showing. It's hardly the prettiest color I've seen on a beer, I'll tell you that. Foamy white head was slim and left a ring around the glass as it dissipated.

Well, aside from the look, this one smells really good. It's got the gourd goin' for it, and quite an abundance of pumpkin spice. It really smells natural, real pumpkin flesh, sweet yet tart, and nicely spiced.

Gotta say that this one tastes pretty good too. While natural tasting, it's really clean which is a plus and it's got a nice sweet little kick on the end of things. It's got a good balance on it and never actually delves into a noticeable bitter spot, but instead always remains soft, spicy and sweet. Like all non-imperial pumpkin ales this one is missing that special something: a touch of booze. Also it's not really that peppery, but that doesn't matter too much.

It's a pretty calm beer overall with some good flavor on it. The mouth feel is tingly and a little thick. Aftertaste is soft spices and a gentle fruitiness. This one is a decent, non-offensive pumpkin beer.

October 31, 2014

Leinenkugel's Harvest Patch Shandy

Leinenkugel's Harvest Patch Shandy (2014)
Brewed and Canned by Jacob Leinenkugel Brewing Co. in Chippewa Falls, WI. USA.
Seasonal (Fall).
12 fl. oz. (x4) / $5.00 USD / 4.2% ABV

About: "Bring out the best of the season with our Leinenkugel’s Harvest Patch Shandy. It’s a traditional wheat beer that we blend with notes of nutmeg, allspice and clove for a flavor that reminds us of homemade pumpkin pie and pairs perfectly with fall. It’s the perfect pumpkin shandy to pick this season. For an added touch of fall flavor, try pairing it with spicy beef chili or caramel flan."

Thoughts: I purchased the Fall Shandy Sampler 12-pack with 4 cans of 3 different shandy style beers from Leinenkugel. One was an Old Fashioned, one a Cranberry Ginger and the last (which is why I bought it in the first place) is the Harvest Patch. Being a pumpkin beer fiend, there was no way around this, and hell, I like myself a fruity little shandy every now and then! The Old Fashioned was downright horrendous, the Cranberry Ginger was nothing but fruit juice and then there was this:

Harvest Patch poured a light auburn dirty-orange color with a quick dissolving fizzy white head. It's really cloudy, murky and not too pretty but whatever because the smell is amazing. This baby smells like everything you'd want in a pumpkin beer. Tons of nutmeg, the dominating factor here, followed up by allspice, clove and cinnamon sugar. It's got a real nice cinnamon toast crunch thing going for it and who the hell doesn't like that shit right?! Very nice aroma and sweet and inviting, like a custard pumpkin pie. So good.

One of the good things about Shandy beers, despite being not the most "metal" style of beer out there, is that it works so fucking well with pumpkin spice. The mouth feel on this one is bright, tingling and invigorating. It's a bit light, and somewhat fizzy, but it fits. The taste is clean, sweet and flavorful. It's just like liquefied pumpkin pie. All of those spices hit the tongue beautifully and it's so vibrant. There's nothing mild about this one aside from the alcohol, but that's alright alright alright. It's slightly drying, but not much. The wheat base is there, but it's not an overpowering wheat taste either... the spices here blend perfectly and thrive. Mikey (Myers) likes it.

October 26, 2014

Two Roads Roadsmary's Baby

Two Roads Roadsmary's Baby (2014)
Brewed and Bottled by Two Roads Brewing Co in Stratford, CT. USA.
Seasonal Release (Fall).
12 fl. oz (x6) / $12.00 / 6.8% ABV

About: "Roadsmary’s Baby is a traditional pumpkin ale with a Two Roads spin, it's aged in rum barrels for added complexity and depth of flavor. The result is a smooth drinking ale with notes of pumpkin, spices, vanilla, oak and a touch of rum."

Thoughts: This beer smells pretty damn good. Consider me impressed. For being aged in rum barrels with vanilla beans, that portion of it isn't as strong as I would have hoped, but nonetheless it brings out a beautiful characteristic in this one. It's not on par with the sugar-loaded Pumking, but man does this one really smell like freshly baked pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top and a scoop of french vanilla ice cream on the side. It's good stuff man. You can tell while taking long whiffs that there's an underlying bitterness here, but up front it's sweet, spiced and indulgent.

Loaded with clean and complimentary malts to those pumpkin spices, Roadsmary's Baby comes off fresh and fun. Though while a fun beer, it's not horribly exciting. It's got a tingle to it both from carbonation and spices, a real low level remnants of rum in the background, and a nice flow of vanilla that runs through after each gulp. I'm just going to go ahead and say that it's the vanilla beans that really make this one. All the components are of course brought together gloriously here, from the raw slightly sweet pumpkin to the choice of ingredients and then the aging. I do wonder how long this was aged however, since it's not all that strong.

While incredibly smooth and great tasting, this is just a tad uneventful. It's a bit monotonous. I guess that's not really a bad thing considering how nice this beer is, so just consider that a minor complaint. This beer is actually like a version of Rumpkin, you know, if it were a baby. The evil shit that this could turn into if it were amped up with booze. Overall this is a very approachable barrel aged pumpkin beer that even people who aren't fans of barrel aged or pumpkin beers would probably like, but I don't think there are people like that who exist in the world.

Magic Hat Wilhelm Scream Pumpkin Ale

Magic Hat Wilhelm SCREAM Pumpkin Ale (2014)
Limited Release (Fall).
12 fl. oz. (x6) / $8.99 USD / 5.4% ABV

About: "The distant drums of change are thumping, signaling the coming of chilling frosts, falling leaves and ghoulish screams. In a patch ripe with orange glow, Wilhelm Scream awakens and unleashes his season-stirring call for fall. His revelers listen for his echo across the ripened dancing days and prepare their seasonal celebration of harvest and ale. Malts: Pale, Victory, Caramel 80L, Caramel 120L / Hops: Apollo, Nugget / Additives: Pumpkin, Cinnamon, Nutmeg, Allspice."

Thoughts: Well this one is a contender for the clearest fucking pumpkin beer I've ever seen. So clear in fact, clearer than most lagers actually, that it makes me wonder just what if any pumpkin was used in the making of this. Probably filtered about ten times before bottling right? It's a deep orange, really nice color actually, with a yellowed head on top that turned to nothin' real quick as carbonation fell flat.

It smells sweet and sugary, so that's a good sign I suppose. It's actually got a nice scent, sweet with a good spice kick to it. Nearly smells like a cold store bought pumpkin pie, which is actually more than you can say about some other pumpkin beers... but alas, this smells a bit synthetic and the sugary tones are kind of weird.

Hmm. Wilhelm Scream isn't horrible tasting by any means... it's sweet but not too sweet, gently spiced, got the slightest bit of bitterness, and overall is pleasant for the first few bottles. The beer itself is too weak to actually enjoy in the long run, since it just become so monotinous and bloating after a while. It tastes good all the way through, but there's just something seemingly fake about it. Though it's somewhat closer to a pumpkin pie-type beer than a raw fleshy pumpkin beer, there's nothing interesting about it after the first bottle. Total hit it and quit it. I needed beer tonight so I bought a six pack just to try, but really I wanted to buy a single and then drink something else. I had a feeling this was going to be a weak offering.

Still, it's not that bad. The residual aftertaste and feeling are a bit "icky", and that's the big problem, but besides that it's smooth, tastes ok, there's nothing off-putting while drinking it and it's even got a decent balance. There's a little bit of a smokiness on the back end of things that kind of brings out some sort of vanilla type note. If this were 8% and had I just huffed a canister of whipped cream while taking a cinnamon challenge I'd probably love it... but the way things are right now, I'm neither pleased nor disappointed. For a synthetic tasting pumpkin ale (whether it is or not), it's utterly non-offensive and enjoyable. Just drink 'em fast.

October 21, 2014

New Holland Ichabod Pumpkin Ale

New Holland Ichabod Pumpkin Ale (2014)
Brewed and Bottled by New Holland Brewing in Holland, Michigan, USA.
Seasonal Release / 12 fl. oz. (x6) / $10.99 USD / 5.2% ABV

About: "Ichabod combines malted barley and real pumpkin with cinnamon and nutmeg in a delicious and inviting brew. After dinner, try it with your favorite dessert. Malts: 2 row, crystal / Hops: Cascade / Yeast: American Ale / Pairings: Roasted poultry, root vegetables, peanut sauce and caraway."

Thoughts: Ichabod poured a muddy blood orange color, kinda like an auburn brown. It's cloudy but not grainy, little to no carbonation with a soft white head that diminished quickly, leaving foam clinging to the glass.

Smells like boiled pumpkin for the most part. Not too heavy on the spices. It's probably never going to be mistaken for anything other than a pumpkin ale, but a really sweet smelling one it is not. This is one of those earthy and raw organic smelling brews. There's cinnamon and nutmeg present, so there's that I guess.

The smell is actually a bit more like pumpkin pie than the taste is though. This is pretty bittersweet, but it's not bad at all. The spices come through heavy and it all makes sense when you drink it. Tastes natural and is actually pleasant, but could it use some sugar or vanilla or some more pumpkin spice? You bet your ass it could. I'm not really into those mass-produced synthetic pumpkin beers, and while I do like this version of pumpkin ales, the ones like this really leave me wanting that extra sugar kick on the end. Because really, a beer like this with some more of that traditional pumpkin pie flavor couldn't really hurt. This one is good but the last of the 6 is really taxing me here.

Tons of gourd and gentle sweetness here. It's enjoyable and fun. In fact, I didn't get tired of it the whole way through. Only I wished it was a bit more over the top. Though I didn't mind how it is.

September 20, 2014

Dogfish Head Kvasir and Birra Etrusca

Dogfish Head Kvasir (2013)
Occasional Rarity (Limited Release).
25.4 fl. oz. / $9.99 USD / 10% ABV

About: "With the help of biomolecular archaeologist Dr. Patrick McGovern, we've re‐created another Ancient Ale, this time from the Nordic climes of Scandinavia. The recipe for Kvasir was developed with the help of chemical, botanical and pollen evidence taken from a 3,500‐year‐old Danish drinking vessel. The vessel, made of birch bark, was found in the tomb of a leather‐clad woman Dr. Pat says was probably an upper-class dancer or priestess. The analysis pointed to the ingredients used in this unique brew: wheat, lingonberries, cranberries, myrica gale, yarrow, honey and birch syrup.

The base of Kvasir is a toasty red winter wheat, and the bog-grown berries deliver a pungent tartness. While a handful of hops is used, the earthy, bitter counterpunch to the sweet honey and birch syrup comes from the herbs. Food Pairing Recommendations: Sweet-­‐and-­‐sour pork, beef tacos with pickled vegetables, smoked salmon, root vegetables, fresh gingerbread / Glassware Recommendation: Snifter / Wine Comparable: Pressac."

Thoughts: Kvasir poured a vivid orange-red with a thick frothy eggshell white head on top. The beer is incredibly clear, and carbonation is abundant.

Smells like a spiced, alcoholic fruit punch. There's a lot of cranberry all over this, and tons of honey as well. The birch and herbs are what really make this one rather intriguing. It's really sweet smelling, and the spices make it as if it's some exotic herbal candy. I actually really like it.

The first sip of this gives off such a light cranberry juice quality that's it's hard to believe that this is a 10% beer. Then suddenly a rush of bewildering booze flows in that is just strong enough to for you to say "oh there it is" and yet not too strong as to turn you off. This beer is very herbal, very spiced and luckily, not overbearing in the sweetness department. It's not an easy one to describe, since the herbs they used here I had to look up and that birch syrup is masking them a bit. The herbs still come through strong though, but pinpointing just exactly how they taste is proving to be rather difficult. Nonetheless, those two aspects of the beer itself blend together quite nicely. I used to drink birch beer all the time after I first tried it a couple of years back, I never thought that it would go this well with cranberry, but it does, and that's a good thing since this one reeks of cranberry though and through.

I like this beer, though it may be a bit too sweet for me. It doesn't exactly taste anything like a beer though, more like a mead mixed with juice, though that's not a problem for me. I like juice, mead and beer so whatever. Mouth feel is a bit frothy. It's got a soft tartness that you only start to notice as the beer warms towards the second half of the bottle. The bitterness isn't exactly anything I would describe as more than noticeable, as it itself drowns in herbs. You may get a slight puckering affect, but overall it's really fucking sweet and juice-like. If you can get this for 10$ or under I say go for it. I've seen some places trying to sell it for 12-14$ and in my book that's no good. I enjoyed this beer, but it's a bit too sweet for me and while really layered, not complex enough to cut through the sweetness that's represented here.

Dogfish Head BIRRA ETRUSCA Bronze (2012) 
Occasional Rarity (Limited Release).
25.4 fl. oz. / $10.59 USD / 8.5% ABV

About: "To develop the recipe for Birra Etrusca Bronze, Dogfish Head's Sam Calagione traveled to Rome with molecular archaeologist Dr. Pat McGovern. With the help of Birreria Brother Brewers Leo DeVencenzo of Birra del Borgo and Teo Musso of Baladin, they analyzed drinking vessels found in 2,800-year-old Etruscan tombs. The backbone of Birra Etrusca comes from two-row malted barley and an heirloom Italian wheat. Specialty ingredients include hazelnut flour, pomegranates, Italian chestnut honey, Delaware wildflower honey and clover honey. A handful of whole-flower hops are added, but the bulk of the bitterness comes from gentian root and the sarsaparilla-like Ethiopian myrrh resin.

Food Pairing Recommendations: Spiced pickles, marinated olives, hearty beer bolognaise / Wine Comparable: Malbec."

Thoughts: Wow. The head on this thing dissipated fast as fuck. I poured it, went for the camera, and it was just fucking full and then gone. Color is a dirty orange, and slightly cloudy. I see a fair abundance of carbonation rising despite what just happened. And then there's that cyclopean bubble gleaming freakishly in the light.

This smells sweet and just a little bit herbal. It's like a wine actually. Grapes are evident here. Actually, it rather reminds me of a mead once again. I've only had a few of those so far but this one really fits that description.

Well, this is some crazy tasting shit right here now innit? It's extremely herbal tasting, fully. It hits hard and instantly before swirling in a circular motion inside the mouth. Damn that sounds dirty. This beer tastes kinda dirty actually... it's malty, sweet and tart. There's a good blend of sweet and tart here and it's really balanced well. It's a pretty strong beer. There's a thick amount of haze that really lays in and spreads throughout the face. There's honey dripping all over my mouth. Spicy honey. Nicely done DFH.

The feel is a little drying, as if it's almost astringent like. That's fitting.  I like this beer a lot. It's out of its fucking mind, and that's a beautiful thing. Dogfish always intrigue me with their ancient ales, and I hope they keep searching for more to do. Trying all of them in a back to back tasting would be absolutely incredible now that I think about it. Someone better get on that, or I may just have to do it myself.

July 21, 2014

Horrific.


Better watch out motherfucker when I'm speaking in tongues
Coughing up split pea soup from the bottom of my lungs
You don't know me yet but just call me the Sexorcist
Crack a bottle of Viper because tonight I'm gettin' extra pissed
I need that neon green shot so I can feel Re-animated
When I said I come From Beyond that shit wasn't exaggerated
Like a force of nature stalking through the woods
Chopping up young sluts while they're givin' up the goods
But don't let my words fool ya I still like slaughtering virgins
And if she ain't that tight I'll stitch that shit up like a surgeon
Just call me Dr. Giggles when I'm laughing all fiendish
Off that Blue Sunshine mixed in with Olde English
Fucking batshit crazy and that's From Dusk Till Dawn
I slap a bladed glove on when I see a bitch yawn
And it may be Friday the 14th but I don't give a fuck
I'm out with a machete and spear-gun running amok
On the Terror Train stalking wearing multiple masks
Getting utterly fucked up drinking eight different flasks
You can Scream all you want but this ain't no Scary Movie
Your ass is dead in the dirt even without seeing boobies
There's no rules to this shit I don't need a motive to kill
I'll wear your pretty skin on my face just cuz I like the feel
So watch out for this Resident because I'm Evil as hell
I'll keep your body in the cellar just to enjoy the smell
Inducing those Frightmares when I pull out my Tingler
Now I got this sweet girl squirtin' red like a sprinkler

-E

June 9, 2014

Fallen Angel.


I will never let you fall. I'll stand up with you forever.


I'll be there for you through it all. Even if saving you sends me to hell heaven.
-Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

June 8, 2014

Conversation.


How in the hell did we ever let this happen? *sigh* Ha. Why do I even say we? I did my part. I was competent. I was engorged. I was pulsating and filled to the fucking brim with a blood rage. Hell, I was strong when you were weak. I was hard when you were soft. I was established when you were off wandering the motherfucking cosmos!" ... HEY!!1 Are you listening to me Fuckface!? Bitch all to hell, I am angry as fuck right now more than you can ever imagine, because you never ever listen! Just take a look at yourself. Stand back and look in that shattered reflection of yours in the broken glass there. See what you have become!? When you finally come to your senses, or to me rather, you’ll wonder why you didn't follow the truth in the first place. So, you feel like talking yet?

You never let it go this far before. Why now? What’s next, huh, domesticated? You going to start wearing white socks and striped shirts? Why not stop wearing socks altogether and go with sandals? How about you take it a step further and start pissing while sitting down!? I’m really disgusted right now man, and you know what else, I’m also starting to get really pissed off! ... You may not have noticed, but as you’re strolling hand and hand with that pretty girl you got there, there are a lot of potential sexual victims walking by and giving you of all people the 'come kill me' look! They're just begging to be terrorized... invaded... wrecked... utterly and endlessly destroyed. You, motherfucker, are missing out and making me suffer because of it! Come on, let’s do some damage. When are you going to turn this all around and finally impress me for once in our miserable lives?

Yeah, yeah… you love her. *pukes* I get it. Keep telling yourself that. Just keep denying who the hell you are. And while you do that, try to forget just who the hell I am. In case you don’t know, I am you as you are me as we are all in this bullshit together! See how you slouch sitting down on the couch see how you… Ok. Not that Beatles shit again. You, my friend, need to come up with some new material. It’s no wonder that I don’t ever listen to what you have to say anymore. Between the Magical Mystery Tour and Strange Days I don’t know where you begin or what! Now you have something to say? It’s so easy with you, you know that. Just lay down some distorted lyrical deception and that’s all it takes. See, I know you. Because I am you. Which brings me, to my next question: When are we going to finally kill some of the goddamn whores!?

Whores? Take a look around and tell me what you see. On the left, a whore. On the right, another. And on your arm Now we should just watch our fuckin' mouths there shouldn't we? You don't, nor could you ever have any clue, as to what I’m feeling now. You may have thought that it was just something of an experiment, but it’s more than that... you dumb son of a fuck! How in the hell could you deceive yourself like that? Look at her!! Yeah, so she’s cute. And when she cums, she makes the sweetest faces we've ever seen. And when she walks, she shakes her fat little ass like no other. And when she touches us… when she kisses us… When we fuck her? Fuck her? I never have. I’ve only made love to this sweet princess. Liar! Now why would I lie to you?

Who knows why anymore! To piss me off? You’re probably trying to make me crazy. Playing games. I know enough about all this to not even deal with you anymore, so why don’t you just give up. Sorry but I still believe in you… in us! What do you believe? Well, for one... hey you remember that last girl? Yeah. I remember her. She was so pretty. Do you believe that she was the last? She was. She is. I’m happy now with this one. Let’s just try it for a while and see what happens. You never know... Oh, I know. YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW! Okay, okay… let’s just calm the fuck down shall we.

In case you haven’t noticed you’re squeezing this girl's hand with enough pressure to bust both of our heads in half. Shit. Apologize. No way. Come on pussy, let’s buy her something. You know you want to. Fuck You. Perfume? A new jacket? A Vibrator, perhaps? You know as much as I do that those things are too much for her. So we say, so we say. So she says. And so we listen. Why not? Perhaps you should try to listen to her once in a while and see. See what? That you can be okay without a vibrator up your ass too! Oh shit. I forgot how much of a witty bastard you were. You forget a lot of things actually. You want to go to war and see how much in control I really am? Not really. Ah. Because you see… it’s not like that anymore. This isn’t about control.

No, it’s about love. What has your brain gone? Let’s worry about it some shall we? Love is nothing but control that's become segregated. You have been duped into the ultimate submission. There is no escape for you now, and as much as I try each hour of every day it seems as if there is no way to reverse this problematic situation. Don’t you understand, or can you not realize that this is my problem to deal with now? Nobody can help me, not with shallow words, not with anything. Like I've said again and again, there is no temporary solution, permanence is the key. I’m the one that needs to come to work with this and find my own way to cope with how things have turned out. You know who you sound like right now? Maybe I've been watching too many of those infomercials at three in the morning.

Yeah, but who knows, with all the shit you've been talking lately, perhaps some of that turbo colon cleanser would do you a bit of good. No thanks. I’d much rather just stick to that groovy Flower Power CD collection that has been showing up at the door every three weeks anyways. You know I just can’t get enough of the Mamas and the Papas. I’m telling you man, compilations are where it's at. And not just concerning an array of different bands brought together for a mesmerizing listening experience, no, but when it comes to a single band itself also. Take for instance, Essential Rarities from The Doors. Can you honestly tell me that there is a more perfect disc out there? Hell, Who Scared You is running through my head as we speak. I love that song. Wow, and all this time I thought you weren't capable of feeling. Alright, now that we see eye to eye once again... are you on knife duty or ropes this time around?

June 4, 2014

Ripper.


Deep in night and drowned in dark
The lonesome devil doth embark
Through crowded isles endless miles
Unsavory whores whom he defiles
In many manners to and fro
He brings about their fearful glow
Their pretty faces sliced to bits
Could never find the one that fits.

-E

Graveyard: Freezing.


"Was everything we had just a joke? I've ran out of patience, tears and hope.
Love does not conquer all. And I'm screaming, screaming because of you.


In the shadow of the light from a black sun. Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb.
Where are the frost giants I've begged for protection? I'm freezing." - Type-O-Negative

Graveyard.


"I'm hungry. Weary. But I cannot, lay me down. The rain comes. Dreary. But there's no shelter, I have found.
It will be a long time till I find my abode. Here I am, on man's road... walkin' man's road." - America


These are some of my photographs from my home. And by home, I mean the Cemetery.
Which is where I don't live, obviously, because I'm fucking dead.

June 1, 2014

Psychoactive Euphoria.


She was off in her own world, sitting there on my bed as always. Saying things, but I wasn’t listening. She was mostly talking to herself and making strange noises. Both of us were high as fuck, and I was drinking Sutter Home Cabernet Sauvignon out of the 1.5 liter sized bottle. I was at my opened floor-ground window, staring at the trees outside. I could see each leaf sway as the wind blew, and as things became more in depth, they formed groups: bunches, crowds of leaf, each tree with twenty or more. Each of them moved in their own direction and then backwards again, as I sat witness. I still see these things, and beyond these things. Things that are not meant to be seen. I sat next to her and drank some more wine.

I was looking to my left, away from her for a moment. As each loud beat from the White Zombie remix album Supersexy Swingin' Sounds pounded, I could see shock waves throughout the atmosphere. Space. Simply space between my mind and the walls moved in pulsating fashion. Everything seemed to be drowning in wave, everything, but her. She looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her. As I continued my stare, I feel deep into this girl. Her eyelashes fluttered six times with each blink. I could count them as they were so fast, and yet, so slow. I touched her flowing black hair and each strand seemed to move on its own, wrapping around my fingers. Her lips moved in erratic manners, the black lipstick on her resembling a bat's movements throughout the sky.

Her face seemed to bounce around at every glance. Not that I took more than two or three looks, for my glances lasted so long. I never wished to blink or take my eyes away. The room was already dim, as it usually was. I plugged in the psychedelic Halloween lights for us to enjoy; blinking orange jack-o-lanterns and flashing white skeletons. I changed the music to Type O Negative's most romantic album October Rust and lit a few black candles. She stood in front of me, like she usually did, completely nude. Her body, the most tempting I had ever seen. There was nobody else who brought forth such desire in me. She sat on my thick hard dick, and seemed to slide around uncontrollably. As she did, I looked into her eyes and smiled for the first time that day. My Princess. She was always so wet. It never mattered when or where, this girl's thighs were forever glistening.

She had the sweetest of scents, and grandest of touch. I slipped inside, and much like my mind in the music I too drowned inside of her. Vibrations were all around me, colorful, and she was as the softest silk unknown. So tight, and yet, not a bit of friction within this gripping wet flesh. See seemed to be floating above me. It was as if she was hardly touching her lap to mine at all. I held her beautiful pale tits in my hands as she bounced upon me, and it was in this moment I felt complete mystic exaltation. She was somewhere, and so was I, but in body we were one. We stayed that way for what seemed like hours, her on top of me and I inside of her. Neither of us reaching the point of climax, and I know that I couldn't have done so even if I converged my every thought towards it. The drugs simply wouldn't allow this wondrous experience to end.

May 30, 2014

Destiny.

"Do you believe in destiny?"
She looked upwards.

If the world ended time stood still and we were left just you and I
Would you run into my arms place your head upon my chest
Let me smell your hair and touch you there?
These are the things I desire:
Ceasing motion of all that is living, growing, and each which takes never giving
All swept aside!
The twilight never fades nor the setting of the sun becomes,
 A lonesome loathsome devil ravages the angel girl as she hums.
This is you, and this is I.
I need your caress and for you to have mine. 
I wish to be alone with you and you can come as well,
To delve into divine impurities of which the both of us shall dwell. 
To drink your blood and eat your flesh, 
Spread wide open unleash this bloody mess.
 I've never wanted anything, more than I've envisioned this!

Girl said nothing.
Not with mouth.

Let's travel we to faraway places where all things dissolve
And nothing leaves traces. Not a thing existing,
But the single moment then and when that is through, the next.
Indescribable future, without past and what comes after
Reflecting not upon any former thought or action,
But always on uncertain possibility.
I wish to simply make you, and with you,
To have everything that becomes from us fade into the never been.
A single everlasting pleasure of what could be.
Do not be afraid here my love simply take my hand,
I'll lead you through this garden slumber full of fruitful mystic wonders.
Have a bite. Let's reverse time and sink into this blackness dark,
A stark nothingness that is this journey we embark
We shall, we must!
I say it to be so, and what I say I shall realize.
You're going where I always have and been
To indulge yourself in cherished sin.
This is my calling. So it is yours now,
There is no denying the grace you feel falling.
Accept this fate of yours
And press your body upon mine for all time.

                                                                                           Mmmmmm…
                                                                                                           Girl accepts.

Temporary Sanity.


There's a disease in my mind causing me severe mental anguish
Tryin' to explain it to ya it's like I'm speaking a foreign language
This life that I know is filled with self inflicted abuse
As I live in the bottle each day I tighten the noose
I got sharp knives hidden all over my bedroom and shit
A bottle of Goldschläger down my pants so that I can stay lit
And I've been known to throw fits after just a few hits
Watch as my head splits and all my fucking goo drips
So if time permits I'll go out and dip my stick
See I got that rapist wit and when I come with it
Find me a sexy bitch and squeeze her perky tits
Got eyes like slits when I go out stalking
Off that liquid support here's a dead man walking
And there ain't no stopping when I fuckin' quit talking
Take a look around see all the bodies dropping
If I don't wake up dead then you'll wake up screaming
Pesadillas nightmares that bad mojo dreaming
And I'm comin' to ya undead streamin', got a thick dick fulla semen
See your eyes gleamin', but I ain't no he-man
So don't get your hopes up... but uh yeah, it's time for your close-up
Motherfuckers call it a facial, and you know I like it interracial
Though we both got white skin I can make an exception
For it ain't nothing more than some deceptive perception
I like those white Spanish girls and I can't deny it
Got that lustful desire I can't fucking defy it
And I admit that I'm a bit hung up on this shit
Yeah, I might be a bit crazier than I like to admit
When I see a short blonde chica I fiend for blood!
Watch my black jeans flood just as I hit that bud
Draggin' her through the mud while she grasps for life
 Now I got her mouth open as I stick in my knife

May 19, 2014

Ruination.


I didn't sit down for a time of reflection upon my life. I'm not that type of person. When I look back upon my misdeeds, never do I ponder whether I'm satisfied with the choices I have made. Nor do I ever consider if I'll become regretful for what I've done. The time for regret has ended, dead, and it stopped when this thing inside of me corrupted. Taking shape of horrid monster, foaming at the mouth and tearing bits away. I can still taste her blood. It's on my lips and fingertips. It's inside my head. I can feel it dripping, trickling down every thought of her. I cut my skull open so I could see my brain. Her face is etched there. Perhaps I could trace it with a razor blade and tear her off. That's what I thought, but I thought wrong! I feel the itch and know its scratching, I know it well. She is now forever with me.

I know this torment and I understand its isolation. Everything else has gone away, and I am left here. I am torment. I feast on the blood. Blood is the life. The life that was once hers, truly never was. She knows this now, and I see her despair as I close my eyes. Her soul, her love, and her outcry… it grasps me, and it's never away from me. You’re a dirty girl. Why? She asks me why. YOU FUCKING KNOW WHY! You know because we shared that moment and you know because in our eyes we had become one. You were one with me when I made you. This whole place is filthy now. Rancid. This blood will never wash away. Not that I'd ever try to cleanse your special spot. All the things you left are still here, in the very same places, but I fear they're starting to mold. The ruin has set in, but I don't want you to.

May 18, 2014

Carnivore.


I dream of wolves, both while awake and during sleep. I see their eyes as mine and gaze into myself. I realize now that I am hungry, but I don’t want to give in. I've had the thirst with me ever since I was a child… but now, it has matured and developed into something which I'm not sure I can control. I see prey, in my mind as lamb and helpless, and in the reality which I journey though this is no help to me. For I see prey in them. When I look upon them and into their eyes, I see these things becoming so clear before me and know inside what I thrive to do. Something I know I must do, and that thing is something I know I was born to do.

Never are the dreams the same, but the key figures are always there: The wolf, who I live through. The stalk, which I feel and through by which I understand exhilaration. The power, which tends to the hunger inside of me and offers itself so willingly, to bring to pass the most glorious of feasts. And her, the girl... the nameless, faceless one. She who haunts my dreams. She, the one I lust after and wish for her insides! For that someday soon I may sink inside of her and revel with uproarious delight. A longing, that I will drown in my own bloodthirsty addiction and reach that point in which I have always known could not be cradled.

She always looks the same and I always see the same thing: red. Red is a color I see often, and one which is easily triggered. In my mind, it's the color I notice the most and usually by surprise. Though hundreds of her may pass by there's always one that stands out. And no matter how fast this happens, my eyes will glance the red. It draws me. Often times, I see this world in black, white and grays only. But I always see the red, no matter what. Sometimes I don’t know when I’m dreaming or when I'm not. Being awake and asleep are the same for me now. Because within each realm, I am susceptible to the monster that tells me what I am, and it is constant!

Losing sleep. Things seem to be not as they truly are, and my mind is adrift. I find myself now taking each ever-grasping thought away from its many desires, and as I sit here that focus is shifting unto just one. Is this true to form, or simply a longing which blinds these eyes I see through? I've been here before, in this strange place, just as I have visited dreams time and time again. But my dreams quickly become nightmares, and thrashed headlong into this reality for which I am faced, those nightmares are passed on through soulless, unrelenting bloodshed. Cruel beadsman, in shedding mask: The bleeding eye-holes show only pain as reflected by his lewdness for hire. ‘What have I become?’ I think to myself, as I look into this shattered mirror.

May 16, 2014

Abhorrent Pleasures.


Light moans slowly formed into an array of silent screams, accompanied by a scratchy throat-wrenching gasping for air. This is where I find my solitude. I walk to and fro as my mind distorts beyond the limits of its shape, and I concentrate while in a state of unrest. Did I say unrest? I meant ingest. Incisive wailing! The young girl's cries engulf my forceful lusting of torment and power over. I press my thumb deep into her neck as I slap her twice across the face with front and then back of hand. Breathing convulsively, she pouts while spit drools down her lip. I send the back of her head into the wall, leaving a hole caved in the newly plastered sheetrock. Her eyes shut and lips clench. Little one's face scrunched up... she looks so adorable this way. I lean in and kiss her softly. Jugular wine. This abnormal thirst is nothing less than normal to me, in occurrence at least. 

Haunting vines that climb and dine upon the mind that’s ripe with binding curiosity and self-doubt. All the insecure ones leave me pathways up their courtyards, through their vineyards and into their flowing bittersweet rivers of crimson hue.

I knew a girl once like you, she danced with death through pumpkin gardens and as I watched my scythe it hardened. Blood flow. I wish to reap what you sow. Show me sadness, and a willingness to be taken away from this madness. This torturous life: a harbor for disastrous, emotionally crushing sorrows… I can show you another place it borrows from recesses deep, all the things which bring forth beauty in an agonizing weep. The grapes there only grow when from the sky, bloody tears of a sad and beautifully scarred girl rain down upon the soil. I toil in my garden path long hours to keep this rain and not let whither into raisins of wrath. Sad little girl, cry for me if for but just once I can lick the salty drip from your cheek. Meek darling I hold tight in my uncompromising grip, inherit my death on the tip of your lips and kiss it ardently. Now open wide and let it fill you.

May 14, 2014

Note.


Hopelessness and misery engulfs my very soul
Taking me nowhere at all for there is nowhere to go
Drowning deep inside this blackened void that is my mind
A darkness so immense that there is no light to find
Vast explorations of thoughtless nothingness
The gleaming razor blade dips inside my bleeding flesh
This writhing pain is now the only truth in which I know
The woeful blissfulness of watching my blood as it flows
Empty and devoid of life my body rots away
The putrid stench that permeates from time's gentle decay
My soiled bed sheets caked with blood spilling onto the floor
My spirit now is finally free from that beautiful whore.

May 4, 2014

Bed springs.


Long black hair with red dyed roots, and always naked, she pranced around. I lustfully chased her down the hallway, and she played afraid for me. This one always knew how to turn me on. “No! Don’t get me.” she cried out as she ran into a corner of the next room. I pinned her against the wall and with a mischievous grin, began to touch things. Her tits, large pale double d's, with beautiful nipples and perfect in every way; and her body, a short 4' 10" and the slightest bit thick. I twirled my tongue around her mountainous red peaks as I slid my middle and index finger up inside her glistening hole. Wet, dripping and flowing, just as she always was! This succulent princess, my desire for her knew no bounds. I wanted to know her in life and death, in love and agony, in pleasure and pain. My right hand, now completely soaked, exploring her beautiful insides. I sucked the juices off of my fingers and then slid them back inside of her again. I held her tight as we stood there together, my thumb pointing upward towards her little round belly. This was always my favorite place to be, and I constantly held her there. It was like our own special version of holding hands. Trve love. She then laid down on my filthy bed.

We had been experimenting with LSD that night, both of us dropping multiple tabs. I sat on the edge of the bed and began caressing her with one of my many knives. I had taken it out after kissing her body, because I wanted to play with something else I found to be interesting. I touched it flat onto her lower belly, and she squirmed a bit. The steel was cold, I was sure of that. I could have warmed it up. I thought about it, but instead I played nice. I gently ran the sharp edge up her supple body and across her left cheek. I was so excitable back then that I didn't know what I could, or what I eventually would do. But there were shreds of this being which I have become, in me then. I held the knife high above my head and slammed it down beside her face. Through the mattress I heard the blade scrape against the coiled bed springs. Like a quick, dull scratch across a chalkboard with sort of a thumping pop sound. She didn't move at all. She didn't even flinch, but rather simply stared at me. Unblinking, and into my eyes she gazed. I could read all of her thoughts at that very moment despite her blank expression and unemotional reaction. She was terrified, yet horribly excited.

My words are my own and as of posted from their creation forward I hereby claim originality to them. Pictures may prove to be promotional items and are the sole possessions of their respectful owners and/or companies. I do not sell, nor do I buy. I only rent, so therefore, nothing I own is truly mine.