Destiny.

"Do you believe in destiny?"
She looked upwards.

If the world ended time stood still and we were left just you and I

Would you run into my arms place your head upon my chest

Let me smell your hair and touch you there?

These are the things I desire:

Ceasing motion of all that is living, growing, and each which takes never giving

All swept aside!

The twilight never fades nor the setting of the sun becomes,

 A lonesome loathsome devil ravages the angel girl as she hums.

This is you, and this is I.

I need your caress and for you to have mine. 

I wish to be alone with you and you can come as well,

To delve into divine impurities of which the both of us shall dwell. 

To drink your blood and eat your flesh, 

Spread wide open unleash this bloody mess.

 I've never wanted anything, more than I've envisioned this!

Girl said nothing.

Not with mouth.

Let's travel we to faraway places where all things dissolve
And nothing leaves traces. Not a thing existing,

But the single moment then and when that is through, the next.

Indescribable future, without past and what comes after

Reflecting not upon any former thought or action,

But always on uncertain possibility.

I wish to simply make you, and with you,

To have everything that becomes from us fade into the never been.

A single everlasting pleasure of what could be.

Do not be afraid here my love simply take my hand,

I'll lead you through this garden slumber full of fruitful mystic wonders.

Have a bite. Let's reverse time and sink into this blackness dark,

A stark nothingness that is this journey we embark

We shall, we must!

I say it to be so, and what I say I shall realize.

You're going where I always have and been

To indulge yourself in cherished sin.

This is my calling. So it is yours now,

There is no denying the grace you feel falling.

Accept this fate of yours

And press your body upon mine for all time.

                                                                                           Mmmmmm…

                                                                                                           Girl accepts.

Temporary Sanity.

There's a disease in my mind causing me severe mental anguish

Tryin' to explain it to ya it's like I'm speaking a foreign language

This life that I know is filled with self inflicted abuse

As I live in the bottle each day I tighten the noose

I got sharp knives hidden all over my bedroom and shit

A bottle of Goldschläger down my pants so that I can stay lit

And I've been known to throw fits after just a few hits

Watch as my head splits and all my fucking goo drips

So if time permits I'll go out and dip my stick

See I got that rapist wit and when I come with it

Find me a sexy bitch and squeeze her perky tits

Got eyes like slits when I go out stalking

Off that liquid support here's a dead man walking
And there ain't no stopping when I fuckin' quit talking

Take a look around see all the bodies dropping

If I don't wake up dead then you'll wake up screaming
Pesadillas nightmares that bad mojo dreaming
And I'm comin' to ya undead streamin', got a thick dick fulla semen
See your eyes gleamin', but I ain't no he-man
So don't get your hopes up... but uh yeah, it's time for your close-up
Motherfuckers call it a facial, and you know I like it interracial
Though we both got white skin I can make an exception
For it ain't nothing more than some deceptive perception
I like those white Spanish girls and I can't deny it
Got that lustful desire I can't fucking defy it
And I admit that I'm a bit hung up on this shit
Yeah, I might be a bit crazier than I like to admit
When I see a short blonde chica I fiend for blood!
Watch my black jeans flood just as I hit that bud
Draggin' her through the mud while she grasps for life
 Now I got her mouth open as I stick in my knife

Ruination.

I didn't sit down for a time of reflection upon my life. I'm not that type of person. When I look back upon my misdeeds, never do I ponder whether I'm satisfied with the choices I have made. Nor do I ever consider if I'll become regretful for what I've done. The time for regret has ended, dead, and it stopped when this thing inside of me corrupted. Taking shape of horrid monster, foaming at the mouth and tearing bits away. I can still taste her blood. It's on my lips and fingertips. It's inside my head. I can feel it dripping, trickling down every thought of her. I cut my skull open so I could see my brain. Her face is etched there. Perhaps I could trace it with a razor blade and tear her off. That's what I thought, but I thought wrong! I feel the itch and know its scratching, I know it well. She is now forever with me.

I know this torment and I understand its isolation. Everything else has gone away, and I am left here. I am torment. I feast on the blood. Blood is the life. The life that was once hers, truly never was. She knows this now, and I see her despair as I close my eyes. Her soul, her love, and her outcry… it grasps me, and it's never away from me. You’re a dirty girl. Why? She asks me why. YOU FUCKING KNOW WHY! You know because we shared that moment and you know because in our eyes we had become one. You were one with me when I made you. This whole place is filthy now. Rancid. This blood will never wash away. Not that I'd ever try to cleanse your special spot. All the things you left are still here, in the very same places, but I fear they're starting to mold. The ruin has set in, but I don't want you to.

Carnivore.

I dream of wolves, both while awake and during sleep. I see their eyes as mine and gaze into myself. I realize now that I am hungry, but I don’t want to give in. I've had the thirst with me ever since I was a child… but now, it has matured and developed into something which I'm not sure I can control. I see prey, in my mind as lamb and helpless, and in the reality which I journey though this is no help to me. For I see prey in them. When I look upon them and into their eyes, I see these things becoming so clear before me and know inside what I thrive to do. Something I know I must do, and that thing is something I know I was born to do.

Never are the dreams the same, but the key figures are always there: The wolf, who I live through. The stalk, which I feel and through by which I understand exhilaration. The power, which tends to the hunger inside of me and offers itself so willingly, to bring to pass the most glorious of feasts. And her, the girl... the nameless, faceless one. She who haunts my dreams. She, the one I lust after and wish for her insides! For that someday soon I may sink inside of her and revel with uproarious delight. A longing, that I will drown in my own bloodthirsty addiction and reach that point in which I have always known could not be cradled.

She always looks the same and I always see the same thing: red. Red is a color I see often, and one which is easily triggered. In my mind, it's the color I notice the most and usually by surprise. Though hundreds of her may pass by there's always one that stands out. And no matter how fast this happens, my eyes will glance the red. It draws me. Often times, I see this world in black, white and grays only. But I always see the red, no matter what. Sometimes I don’t know when I’m dreaming or when I'm not. Being awake and asleep are the same for me now. Because within each realm, I am susceptible to the monster that tells me what I am, and it is constant!

Losing sleep. Things seem to be not as they truly are, and my mind is adrift. I find myself now taking each ever-grasping thought away from its many desires, and as I sit here that focus is shifting unto just one. Is this true to form, or simply a longing which blinds these eyes I see through? I've been here before, in this strange place, just as I have visited dreams time and time again. But my dreams quickly become nightmares, and thrashed headlong into this reality for which I am faced, those nightmares are passed on through soulless, unrelenting bloodshed. Cruel beadsman, in shedding mask: The bleeding eye-holes show only pain as reflected by his lewdness for hire. ‘What have I become?’ I think to myself, as I look into this shattered mirror.

Abhorrent Pleasures.

Light moans slowly formed into an array of silent screams, accompanied by a scratchy throat-wrenching gasping for air. This is where I find my solitude. I walk to and fro as my mind distorts beyond the limits of its shape, and I concentrate while in a state of unrest. Did I say unrest? I meant ingest. Incisive wailing! The young girl's cries engulf my forceful lusting of torment and power over. I press my thumb deep into her neck as I slap her twice across the face with front and then back of hand. Breathing convulsively, she pouts while spit drools down her lip. I send the back of her head into the wall, leaving a hole caved in the newly plastered sheetrock. Her eyes shut and lips clench. Little one's face scrunched up... she looks so adorable this way. I lean in and kiss her softly. Jugular wine. This abnormal thirst is nothing less than normal to me, in occurrence at least. 

Haunting vines that climb and dine upon the mind that’s ripe with binding curiosity and self-doubt. All the insecure ones leave me pathways up their courtyards, through their vineyards and into their flowing bittersweet rivers of crimson hue.

I knew a girl once like you, she danced with death through pumpkin gardens and as I watched my scythe it hardened. Blood flow. I wish to reap what you sow. Show me sadness, and a willingness to be taken away from this madness. This torturous life: a harbor for disastrous, emotionally crushing sorrows… I can show you another place it borrows from recesses deep, all the things which bring forth beauty in an agonizing weep. The grapes there only grow when from the sky, bloody tears of a sad and beautifully scarred girl rain down upon the soil. I toil in my garden path long hours to keep this rain and not let whither into raisins of wrath. Sad little girl, cry for me if for but just once I can lick the salty drip from your cheek. Meek darling I hold tight in my uncompromising grip, inherit my death on the tip of your lips and kiss it ardently. Now open wide and let it fill you.

Note.

Hopelessness and misery engulfs my very soul

Taking me nowhere at all for there is nowhere to go

Drowning deep inside this blackened void that is my mind

A darkness so immense that there is no light to find

Vast explorations of thoughtless nothingness

The gleaming razor blade dips inside my bleeding flesh

This writhing pain is now the only truth in which I know

The woeful blissfulness of watching my blood as it flows

Empty and devoid of life my body rots away

The putrid stench that permeates from time's gentle decay

My soiled bed sheets caked with blood spilling onto the floor

My spirit now is finally free from that beautiful whore.

Bed springs.

Long black hair with red dyed roots, and always naked, she pranced around. I lustfully chased her down the hallway, and she played afraid for me. This one always knew how to turn me on. “No! Don’t get me.” she cried out as she ran into a corner of the next room. I pinned her against the wall and with a mischievous grin, began to touch things. Her tits, large pale double d's, with beautiful nipples and perfect in every way; and her body, a short 4' 10" and the slightest bit thick. I twirled my tongue around her mountainous red peaks as I slid my middle and index finger up inside her glistening hole. Wet, dripping and flowing, just as she always was! This succulent princess, my desire for her knew no bounds. I wanted to know her in life and death, in love and agony, in pleasure and pain. My right hand, now completely soaked, exploring her beautiful insides. I sucked the juices off of my fingers and then slid them back inside of her again. I held her tight as we stood there together, my thumb pointing upward towards her little round belly. This was always my favorite place to be, and I constantly held her there. It was like our own special version of holding hands. Trve love. She then laid down on my filthy bed.

We had been experimenting with LSD that night, both of us dropping multiple tabs. I sat on the edge of the bed and began caressing her with one of my many knives. I had taken it out after kissing her body, because I wanted to play with something else I found to be interesting. I touched it flat onto her lower belly, and she squirmed a bit. The steel was cold, I was sure of that. I could have warmed it up. I thought about it, but instead I played nice. I gently ran the sharp edge up her supple body and across her left cheek. I was so excitable back then that I didn't know what I could, or what I eventually would do. But there were shreds of this being which I have become, in me then. I held the knife high above my head and slammed it down beside her face. Through the mattress I heard the blade scrape against the coiled bed springs. Like a quick, dull scratch across a chalkboard with sort of a thumping pop sound. She didn't move at all. She didn't even flinch, but rather simply stared at me. Unblinking, and into my eyes she gazed. I could read all of her thoughts at that very moment despite her blank expression and unemotional reaction. She was terrified, yet horribly excited.