Saoirse Ronan sucks a Lollipop in Violet and Daisy (2011)

There were a lot of things I liked about the film Violet & Daisy. And one thing I loved about it.

I decided this one would do as a moving gif, so I lined up the screenshots and here it is. Enjoy.

Lucy Lawless goes Braless in Spartacus: Blood and Sand (2010)

I just couldn't resist that title. ;) So today is Lucy's 46'th birthday, and buy gawd, 46 has never looked so incredibly fucking hot may I just politely say! Though I never really watched much Xena, at least never a full episode of the show, I had always been aware of Lucy Lawless and the sexual attraction I felt for her during my later teenage years. The Xena character never really "did it for me", but the actress herself had gained much attention for the role and seeing her in interviews and in the media I found her to be incredibly edibly... uhh, edible. She's definitely gotten hotter with age. Though she most surely bathes in milk baths, I'm certain that the blood of several virgins have somehow been integrated in there as well in order to keep her youthful appearance. And I'm not talkin' bout the blood of those X-Files watching Nerdgins (virgin nerds) who've offered themselves as sacrifice either.

In the "Spartacus" television series from Starz, Lucy plays a malicious, sadistic and totally cock hungry bitch named Lucretia who tortures every man and woman around her whom she deems lower than she. They are her toys, her slaves and more importantly, her sexual servants! Hot damn I'm getting wet just thinking about it. Here she speaks to her chocolate skinned clit-rubber (that's the job description I'm pretty sure) about the cock of Crixus, one she's been constantly ravishing for some time. Though her servant Naevia and Crixus are secretly in love, she must hold her tongue and listen. Well, until her tongue is required and demanded to come into play that is.

What fate does the sweet vag of Mira (Katrina Law) bestow upon one lucky enough to... hey wait a minute. This chick's last name is Law?! That's some freakish...ly hot stuff right there. The Lawless, ordering the Law what to do. I like that. And in this case, ordering her to go Fuck! And she better fuck good, oh yes, because if she doesn't there will be a hellfire burning redder than the wig on her Reina's head! Shit, I'm surprised that her eyes aren't glowing red in that below screenshot there. She's most surely got something sinister tucked up her sleeve. And since she's completely nude I think you know what I mean when I say "sleeve".

 Whatever Lucretia's plotting, by the look on her face, it must be deliciously Evil! 

Happy birthday Lucy. And happy birthday to those big sexy nipples of yours.

Saoirse Ronan and Alexis Bledel nun it up in Violet and Daisy (2011)

The "2011" film Violet and Daisy starts off like any other wet dream I normally have: Saoirse Ronan and Alexis Bledel are dressed as nuns (of course) looking gloriously fuckable, and delivering me pizzas. I answer the door baked out of my mind. I'm in my boxers, a holy shirt, one black sock and my dick's on hard. I look at them, then break the forth wall, winking at who is most surely the Dark Lord. Then they shoot me in the face simultaneously with about thirty-four bullets, since naturally they're assassins, and I don't wake up ever again.

No shit though something like that, but not really like that, actually happened to me back in the day. There was a knock at the door around noon. I was blitz'd out of my skull, high as fuck and thinking about ketchup chips. I walked to the door wearing sagging torn black shorts over my black boxers, one black sock and a black Danzig shirt. See a theme yet? I open the door and see the most hottestest looking 16 year old blonde chick that I've ever laid eyes on in my life. Not only is this girl immaculately beautiful, but she's also dressed like a total slut!

I see her and shoot a fat f'n load in my trousers before playing it off like I'm all good. She sees me, her eyes widen, and her vaginal crease moistens before clenching up. There was seriously like six stages of emotion in her face within that first couple of seconds ranging from initial shock, to humor, to excitement, to forbidden lust, to saddened restraint and then self composure. Then she began to speak to me about god. Yes, damp readers... as it turns out, this girl who looked like a way hotter version of Alicia Silverstone in her prime and on her sluttiest of days, was in fact a "Jehovah's Witness".

I was sickened and appalled, the repugnance in my throbbing balls, pulsating with disgust. While I would like to tell you that I invited her and she sucked my cock like I was the second coming that day, that alas, did not happen. I was actually so incredibly turned off by her overly-practiced recital that I simply told her that I was not interested and slammed the door in her face. Her gorgeous, glitter covered, pouty-lipped, wide-eyed, not-so-seemingly-innocent looking face. I hated myself for doing so, but I was so offended by the words that came out of her mouth.

I probably should have dragged her inside and delivered some payback. She most likely would have been offended by what went in to her mouth. But then again, probably not. I made a foolish mistake by letting her escape that day. Oh hey! Were you aware that I've got a "thing" for Saoirse Ronan? I mean, come on, "The Lovely Bones" anyone? This is the part where I say that it'd be lovely to bone her with my thing, or something like that, but what kind of childish perverted guy do you think I am huh!?

Selena Gomez gets Corrupted in Spring Breakers (2012)

...and if by "Corrupted" I mean she drinks a half pint of ginger flavored brandy, sings a little Britney Spears, smokes a whole cigarette by herself and then cries like a little bitch when things get hard then yes... like, totally corrupted!

Gorgeous Gomez here plays the "church grrl" stock character who of course becomes the first to break down and abandon the pussy pact. She's pretty quiet for the most part, aside from the moments she's sobbing and whining about going home. And she isn't nearly quite as annoying as Vanessa Hudgens's character who kept making this retarded finger gun silent *pow* gesture throughout the whole damn movie. Lame!

She gets her drink on...

...does a little time (presumably for being a mega hot chick?)...

...then James Franco sends her on her lonesome little way.

 And she's gone, just as quick as she showed up, you never see her again for the rest of the movie. Maybe she wasn't blonde enough. It could have been worse I guess. She could have gotten shot or even fucked Franco's character Alien. Oh wait, that would have been awesome.

Olivia Munn cockteases in The Babymakers (2012)

If you're thinking about renting The Babymakers starring Olivia Munn and Some Dude, directed by some guy who's movies I've never cared to watch more than five minutes of, then let me save you the trouble: It's not funny, and most of it sucks. Your time is better spent watching Russian dash-cam crash footage on youtube, or masturbating to coryscrappycinema's tumblr page. Both of which I am doing this very second while I attempt to fill this bullshit screenshot post with words for whatever forsaken reason I feel the need to do so. I let out a sigh, and continue typing.

I, like most of you sex-obsessed nerdlings, cannot get enough of Olivia Munn. Her "act" has grabbed me, gotten me stronghold and held me unlike, say, a Miss Hannah Minx for instance, who I'd most surely strangle to immediate death while fucking and not resuscitate for my own pleasure midway just to do it again. No, no... I'd make sweet sweet annoying ass love to Olivia. And by ass love I don't mean

In this movie Olivia wants a baby with some guy who looks like David Shwimmer and acts like a poor man's Seth Rogen. If the opening act is any indication of what's to come, then ejecting the disc and snapping it in half just to save the fellow Redboxer's is a noble deed in itself. Not only does this guy fantasize about his own wife while jerking off (seriously, who the fuck does that?) but he puts suntan lotion on her back during the nighttime hours! Sure, it's a dream and weird stuff happens. But in my dreams I see boobs, and lots of 'em! Sometimes even two at a time!!

Olivia Munn does not show her boobs here. She merely shows portions of them. Lovely, delectable portions of side boob! *droooool* And some Coppertone booty to uhh, boot, or something. What hurts the most is that she went topless in Magic Mike and looked like total shit, whereas in this movie she looks stunningly beautiful in all of her scenes and it would have been a lot more appreciative if she just took of them clothes here instead. But noooooooo...

They gotta go all Kate Beckinsale in Underworld 2 on us with their fancy guarded shots and shirts taped to nipples scenes. You know what? Fuck Beerfest, and oh yeah, Super Troopers can suck my dick! I'll never watch either of those shit bombs in their entirety after seeing a whole film from the guy who did those. And Olivia Munn is starting to piss me off as well. Do Cosplay porn or GTFO. Werd to your moms I gots hairy palms.

Emilia Clarke gets Manhandled in Game of Thrones (2011)

When Daenerys Targaryen got basically bent over and sold to Khal Drogo by her totally gay brother Viserys, she was petrified at the thought of this monstrous looking fucker completely ravaging her with his dominating rage-filled lust and muscular physique. ;) After all, this scary looking bastard is a brute savage and could easily just rip her beautiful head off during violent sex. One can only hope to see such things, right?

Vaginal Viserys walks his sexy sister out to The Great One and parades her soft supple titty-nipples up as an offering of "good faith" to ensure a deal that he will hopefully soon become a King among peasants, with Drogo's powerful reinforcements of course. "You get to rape my sister daily and forever, as long as you help me conquer the land" is pretty much what the fuck this frilly fool's plan is. Khal Drogo knows what's up, of course, but this man is not one to pass up the most easily breakable deal of a lifetime... especially when it's all in his favor. 

Don't look so shocked honey-pie! 

I wear make-up too.

Blondie's brother however, would have never expected the golden shower crown of cum he'd receive at the end of it all. But man was I glad to see that prissy little shit get halo'd. Dude really pissed me off hardcore. If that was my sister I never would have done what he did! Fuck, I would have kept her all to myself to molest. But whatever, I relate more with Khal anyways. At least when it comes to being a scary ass motherfucker who doesn't talk and likes to be scary and not talk with horrified hotties standing around being horrified and hot that is.

So then we come to the good part. The sun is setting on their wedding night, and man is it one f'n romantic scene. They're standing at the ocean, the two of them alone, and things start getting hot n' heavy. The little blonde girl is crying, just the way I like it, and the animalistic predator is circling her like prey to be feasted upon! Now... If you feel an intense and crushing sexual wetness down below, just take a second to realize that this only means that you are a sane human being.

Though the scene cuts short unfortunately at around the moment Beast restrains the Beauty's arms and holds her tightly by the neck, it was still rather gratifying in mine eyes as I felt these moments more than worthy to post upon my humble blog. This kind of stuff is what I'm all about. I'll leave you now with a final image of what I consider to be the sexiest out of the whole post. Check that out! If that doesn't tickle your junk then you're not in the same realm mentally as your old pal Drunketh.