Dark Horse 4 Elf

Dark Horse 4 elf - Winter Warmer Ale (2013)

Winter Seasonal.

12 fl. oz. / $3.19 USD / 8.75% ABV

About: "A spiced Winter Warmer brewed with nutmeg, clove, allspice and other holiday flavors." Gee fuckin' whiz, thanks for the info there!

Thoughts: 4 elf poured a super dark near-black shade of brown with hardly any light coming though, and only around the top. The dark tan head is filled with various sized bubbles and gloppy in certain areas, so it looked a bit disgusting after I took that photo.

This beer smells great. Before you even get to the heavy malts or hops it's a sensation of chestnuts roasting, sweet cinnamon and sugar spices, loads of nutmeg, some ginger, and the rapid ejaculate from a rather mischievous elf. Smells kinda like a cake or cinnamon roll, but not like a cinnamon roll like the far superior Hoppin' Frog's Frosted Frog. This one smells more like an elvish cupcake. Or a sweet sugar cookie left out for Santa. A dirty cookie no doubt!

Taste is a bit of a strange one. It starts off very malty, lightly spiced, both of those things fight it out. It all falls back to a wonderful aftertaste. There's no hint of booze anywhere. It's got a really dense raisin-bread type vibe to it with a lot of spice that not only shows itself during the drinking, but builds itself up after each gulp. It's like the spice is starting to gang up on the tongue after a while too. This one is pleasant. It could be better when it comes to the malt and bitter department, but for what it is, when the spice hits for that strong moment it's really good. Also it's got no ill tasting aftertaste and is a little bit fun. This is one of those stronger beers where you can really taste the water and base ingredients, and it's all a bit earthy.

Tis simply a winter warmer after all, but a damn fine one compared to some of the others I've had, and mind you I haven't had many. But this one does taste more like a "Christmas ale" more than a "winter warmer" so it's got some points going towards it. Also, that Elf has got a mighty fine curled goatee.

Dark Horse Perkulator

Dark Horse Perkulator - Coffee Dopplebock (2013)

Brewed and Bottled by Dark Horse Brewing Co., in Marshall, MI. USA. 

Limited Rotating Release (Autumn Seasonal)

12 fl. oz. / $2.71 USD / 7.5% ABV

About: "This is a true dopplebock and Dark Horse Brewing’s only publicly distributed lager. It was so normal that we couldn't stand it so we made it into a coffee dopplebock. Ha, take that Germany, with your Reinheitsgebot purity law! Anyway, we use fare trade organic coffee from our friends at The Ugly Mug Cafe in Ypsilanti, MI. We did a label contest and opened it up to the public for this beer. We had so many awesome entries that we couldn't just pick one winner so we have 2 labels for this beer. We stagger the bottles in the six packs but with no order in mind."

Thoughts: As I look at this bottle I notice a thick layer of soil deposit on the bottom, and as I flip the bottle once and hold it up to the light I see some absolutely massive floaties in there. Am I afraid? Afraid to die? Don't be afraid... to try. Not only do those taunting flakes of hopefully non-poisonous artifacts inside give me worry, but the label of this beer has a double-headed Goat Devil with demon wings on the fuckin' front!

Guess I'll pour it out... into my stomach that is!! Perkulator poured a murky as shit, hazy vomit looking brown color with a spiraling head that looks like someone spit in my beer. There's a shit-ton of flaky debris suspended in animation and no, wait, the flakes are slowly descending. Probably back from whence they came. And now they're rising back up, what in the fuck... ok, they're just bouncing around. I look inside the bottle and notice a half ring layer of goop at the bottom, and it looks pretty gross. I wait a minute for it to warm, and then I pour it into the glass.

What the hell is wrong with me I think, but this is the stuff that nightmares are made if and I'm willing to crawl through fire and brimstone, or at least shit out my intestinal track tomorrow morning to review this beer, just for you! Whoever you are reading this.

I lean in and put my nose to the glass. It's just as I expected! This coffee dopplebock smells just like coffee. Those clever bastards. There's a rich malty undercurrent and a lot of crazy spice in the forefront.

I say a backwards prayer and then put the stuff inside of me. It tastes just like coffee. It's not intense at all, or rotten thankfully, but instead rather sweet, mild and tasty. A little raw, and not as spiced as the nose would let you believe, but raw sugar like sweet and in the end it's overly sweet. None too expected. It's actually really good, if a little burnt, and if you've every bought an iced coffee you'll probably like this. Also, as an added bonus this stuff will get you drunk.