I fucking hate cupcakes... but oh well...

Thanks to Professor Brian O'Blivion over at The Cathode Ray Mission for the mention on this, what appears to be some sort of Blog Award slash Shoutout slash  Get To Know Your Blogger slash Chain Letter. I apologize in advance for not continuing the chain, but I regretfully cannot name names by force of nature.  There are many cool as all hell bloggers out there that I like / love and have known for a while and perhaps in a future post I'll write about it (or even make my own award - no chains attached), so don't worry. After all my bad luck is bottom barrel, so if I miss this one, I'm out nothing. I will say however that Senior O'Blivion is one cool motherfucker and all shall bow down. Crimson Ghost, beyotch! Rep-re-sent.

10 Things that bring me Joy.

Opening Something New. You know that feeling after you've had something for a while? Sure, you played with it at first, and everything was great. That  certain something was all you could talk about for a week, or even all you could think of. And then it happens: Maybe you put it aside, perhaps you've been  neglecting it, or hell, maybe you've just gotten plain sick of it. You know that feeling? Yeah, that's not the feeling I'm talking about. What I'm talking  about is the day that special day when you crack her open... err, I mean, well, you know what I mean. The wait definitely does make it more exciting. Say for  instance you've been waiting on some rare Japanese Devilman figures to come in the mail. You get home after a rough day of scoping out that cute girl at the  Dairy Queen in the mall. She's dishing out those swirly ice cream cones by the minute and all you want to see is her just take one slow lick as she locks  eyes with you. Only problem is how's she gonna see your eyes through those spy binoculars, or let alone notice you hiding behind that frilly plant in the  corner. So you go home, yet again and sans one sweet Oreo Blizzard that you brought a coupon for yet didn't have the guts to disobey the restraining order to  get. But alas, what's this!? A box with my name on it? Kanji in the return address? It was either open up a case of harakiri, or this, and baby it looks like  there's still some sweet time to be had opening up new things. Not that it has to be that difficult, don't get me wrong.

Cold Water. I could have even gone as far as to say simply, The Cold... or as an extension of the thought, Snow. But Cold Water is specifically something  that I need to feel and brings me immense joy. I'm not really talking about drinking cold water, I'll get to drinking later. What I speak of here now is  about the feel of cold on the skin. When that isn't easy to come by for whatever reason, cold water is the most easily accessable. Cold water is soothing,  calming and it helps me relax. To say that warm water on the skin disgusts me would be an understatement. Can't stand the stuff. Give me a cold shower and  lay me naked in a room full of air conditioners. I'll even cover my up junk with the wet towel just in case someone's peeking through the blinds. A fond  memory of cold water is one of my growing up on the California beaches. After spending all day there, depending on which beach you're at, there are these  outdoor public shower stations for rinsing off. You hit the button and get sprayed full blast for thirty seconds with the ice cold goodness as the sun goes  down. Every time I take a cold shower after a hard day's work I just close my eyes and imagine I'm there.

Lounging. I love to lounge... to relax. Suffice to say, I hate doing shit. When everything is all done and I've got nothing on the agenda, that is truly the  best moment. That moment however is not very often, so what do I do in the meantime? Ignore! That's what. When I awake at four in the morning and I'm laying  there completely feeling like total Boo Berry with a blanket half-draped over a leg and the AC blasting in my face, I think to myself "this is the best I'm  going to feel all day. It's all downhell from here..." and that is true until the next morning when I get to feel it again. Unless I'm dead, that is probably  the best I'm ever going to feel these days. Meditation. Sensory Deprivation. Relaxation. Some people call it laziness. Those people are usually girlfriends.

Drinking. It makes me feel good. And wise man say, "If it makes ya' feel good do it!" Heh. Don't drink, kids! But seriously, is there nothing better than  taking a stroll down to the local dive after a shitty day of work and being greeted by a beautiful woman with two large jugs... of beer waiting for you? I'm  talking an ice cold sixteen ounce in a frosty glass, service with a smile that makes you smile back. And you can't beat good company, especially when they're  buying you drinks left and right. Then aside from teh local pub, there's so much to enjoy in the privacy of your own home. Take a stroll through the big  daddy liquor store if you've got one nearby and pick up a case of Guinness, a case of Sapporo, some Cherry Flavroed Brandy, an 18 pack of Bud Ice, thirteen  Capitan Morgan 100 proof nips and you're set for the whole weekend. On the way home say fuck it and make it a party by picking up a High Society mag, a Cheri  for backup, and a pack of Djarums for afterward. I'm also fond of chugging non-alcoholic drinks such as Tropicana Grovestand orange juice, spicy V8, Fresh  Lemonade, ice cold Sprite, Soy Sauce, Pickle Juice, you name it.

Beautiful Women. Let's face it, beautiful women are everywhere. You ever see one? How'd she look? Fuckin' beautiful right? Of course she did... Beautiful  women are great. While a beautiful woman in real life may be a double edged sword in terms of how great, or devastatingly awful she makes you feel, it cannot  be denied that a sexy woman on screen is a most joyous thing. Hot chicks make everything better. Check this out, you're at the beach and it's a totally sweet  day. The wind is lightly blowing, it's cooled down, your toes are in the damp sand and you're feeling nice as shit with a cold brew in your hand. What could  possibly make this moment any better you ask? How about all the HOT CHICKS in bikinis everywhere?! Or take this one as an example: It's movie night (what  night isn't?) and you're getting ready to watch a video. I wonder what it could be...? Oh shit, you've just rented The Unborn! This night is most surely  guaranteed to suck balls now, but wait, what's this? Odette Yustman constantly parading around in her underwear? Problem Solved. I'm telling you, she saved  that movie for the most part, I feel like it fell off during the "exciting climax". When I think about how to describe 'beautiful women' as something that  brings me joy, I envision the film Malèna starring Monica Bellucci, for I find that relateable. Or on a lesser note, how Deuce Bigalow asks that hot girl in  the pet store to get the fish at the bottom of the tank so her t-shirt gets all wet and nipply. Mmmmm... highlight of the day.

Going to the Cinema. It's not easy for me to feel inner peace. I've got a lot of shit going on up there and it's not all happy, but I'm not going to bore you  with the dreaded details. We've all got problems. But you may be noticing a theme here in the things that bring me joy. There is a lot of Escapism in what  I'm writing about. When I'm not all here is when I'm happy, that's pretty much what I make of it. I feel so incredibly at peace when I'm sitting there in the  cinema and the previews are about to start. Why? Because I've got nothing to bother me at that moment, aside from the thought of bloodthirsty Demons going on  a rampage. Everything from the previews through the credits, buying the tickets to pondering what I have just seen, it's all an exciting and relaxed time to  be had. Plus, I've gone to quite a few midnight showings and special event playings where the people are either on drugs, or on drugs. And it's a damn cool  time when you get to hear those reaction roars... one reason why more movies should have audience tracks (ala Freddy Got Fingered and Sin City). There was  one year when I saw a film at the theatre every weekend. I learned a little bit more about quality over quantity regarding setting film goals, but it was  worth it I think.

1980's Cartoons. Have you seen what kids these days are offered as 'entertainment'? I am not only flabbergasted, but thoroughly shocked and appaled at the  state of children's programming these days. Are they intentionally trying to make the future stupider? Hey, that sounds like a good name for a new cartoon on  Nicktoons: Future Stupider. But seriously, are they doing this intentionally? And who are "they"? Obviously someone who wants the future population more  controllable. They've been perfecting this for years, ever since the early 30's, continuously altering the recipe as times change. Have you heard of this  thing called facebook twitter? Youngsters lining up like cattle at a battle to let everyone know where they at, what they doin' and when they doin' it. No  thanks Gattica. What's next you're going to rid the world of brown eyes through DNA stealing? Sounds like a good idea until they get hungry for murder  burgers when something goes wrong. Would you like to fit our new ideal of perfection, well then, why don't you step into this chamber for one moment and  experience complete and utter bliss. What's with the big skull and bones on the utter bliss chamber door? Oh, don't worry about that because there's a TV on  in there playing Fanboy and Chum Chum. Oh goody, I can't wait to AAHHHHHH!!!! My skin is melting! And so on. So forth. So my point is this: Watch  ThunderCats. And Transformers. And even, yes, GIJoe... you know, just for the cool Cobra shit that goes on.

Ramen Noodles. Ramen is my favorite food. It is perfection in a bowl. Even at its most simple form of block noodles and broth, the power this dish holds is  mesmerizing. Add to that the variations, alterations, additions, and recipes you can serve and you've got a versitile noodle dish. I like things simple, but  have yet to delve into the most extravagant of ramen dishes. For instance I keep reading articles and seeing shows about Ramen Bars and it's driving me nuts.  I've got to have it! I'm dying to go to some gourmet ramen shop and taste heaven, but for now, it's the home cooked goods. I like a very spicy broth, noodles  perfectly cooked to slurping delightality, and yes, dried veggie packets are more than welcome. I've become quite obsessed with ramen actually, in the manner  that I collect and shelve the stuff like GhoulBasement Jayson hoards VHS tapes at the local swap meet. Since I've tried nearly everything here I can find,  I've been searching online ramen shops to get my fix of what's out there and how it'll bring me joy. Yes, there are specialty ramen shops online, and when I  get a whole pocket full of dimes it's ordering time baby.

Chili Cheese Fries. Are you f'n kidding me? No Wienerschnitzel way. I like Poutine too. It's rad.

Horror. It's a way of life. Normals sometimes say, "Hey, let's watch a scary movie today. It'll be fun." That's how you know. A Horror kid, when presented  with a film option that isn't horror says, "What the fuck? That's not horror." When you were younger and stepped into the video store, did you run to the  horror section and stare with wonderment at the Grim Reaper big box release? Did you rent Frankenstein '80 and Faces of Death IV back to back? I sure as fuck  did. I grew up renting VHS horror films at two different mom and pop shops as well as the big chains. Horror kids born in the early 80's, like me, they miss  those shops. Holy hell do I miss those video stores. I could spend an hour in there before renting only two videos and the next week do the same thing, and I  did on multiple occasions. I must have read each tape box about twenty times, and looked it over hundreds. I remember renting Troll 2, Bad Taste, Gothic,  Panic (think big soft clamshell box with gross guy in the sewer), Monster Shark, Warlock, all that shit... things didn't get too much worse in terms of  owning horror films however. As time went on my DVD collection climed to more than 10x the amount of VHS I had. But keep in mind that I wasn't just  collecting VHS horror from the shop down the street, but rather I was indeed ordering dupes from catalogs. My early teen years of watching horror films  taught me that I'm not really much into homegrown stuff, but prefer the italian flavor instead. Dario Argento, Lucio FUlci, Mario and Lamberto Bava, and  Michele Soavi for the most part really geared my shit in a certain direction. My cousin Shane once told me as we sparked up a doobie back in 1999, that he  watched American Beauty and Fight Club recently and those films "changed his life." I as a devote horror fan (strictly, I mean, I've since come to accept  other genre offerings and these two films are favorites of mine) I cold-shouldered his words, stating that I had seen Tenebrae and Cemetery Man and those  changed my life. Perhaps I was being a dick, but he bought me Taco Bell after we blazed so I gave his movies a chance and found that they were pretty damn  good. Not to say that I was close minded but I did have a touch of teh elite-ism-ness that some horror kids may develop. I quickly put that to rest though.  Now, I find that I can enjoy all versions of horror. Be it a sparkling vampire with a strong gaze but no touchy rule, to a guy lubing up and fucking a dead  corpse while he video tapes his insatiable act. I'm open to new horror, and I'm cool with that. Nightmare on Elm Street will always be in my top 5 films, as  will Alucarda, Demons and Tenebrae. The fact is that horror kids got that different state of mind. Though many of us now consider the state of horror to be  slipping downhill drastically, remember that many of the horror films that we had to seek out and research years ago are readily avaliable at these kid's  disposal. The remakes will not all be new classics to everyone, because horror fans are smart and they want more. The smartest of the bunch will search for  something they've heard about, something that's fucked up... something like Burial Ground for instance. Zombie kid bites off his mom's nipple, and what's  worse, zombie kid isn't a kid, but a weird looking old dude who looks like a kid! Tell that shit to me when I'm fourteen and I'm fuckin' sold. I don't know  if it's a mission or what, but to un-corrupt the new flock, should be a joy, in itself.