Fright Rags KILL Destroyers T-Shirt!

I wonder what came in the mail today? Awwwwwww yeahz. Take a look at that. Would you just look at it?! It's been a while since I pre-ordered anything, let alone a T-Shirt, but I just had to have this colorful piece of yarn on a drunken whim. I'm not much of a KISS fan, but I do dig their cover art and this was just a really funny idea for a shirt. And just check out how fabulously gay Mr. Voorhees looks there! Gotta luv it. And don't get me started on the placement of Chuck's blade. Hehehe...

Also included were these freebies: A totally killer American Werewolf sticker(!), a Large Marge "Fright Film Facts" card and of course like always, a WarHead. I love the bonuses that Fright Rags give out, especially when it's a sticker. Stickers rule. Thanks dudes! 

As always: Click on both images to see the large (marge) versions.

Stone, Aleman and Two Brothers DAYMAN Coffee IPA

Stone, Aleman and Two Brothers DAYMAN Coffee IPA (2013)

Collaboration Brew (Limited Release) - Bottled on 3-1-13 (25 days ago as of this review).

22 fl. oz. / $7.19 USD / 8.7% ABV

About: "Jim Moorehouse, Nate Albrecht and Brad Zeller, three pals planning to open a Chicago brewpub under the moniker of Aleman, won first place at last year's Iron Brew homebrewing competition in the Windy City. Their style-bending IPA artfully married the assertive tropical bite of Citra hops with amazing coffee flavor and aromatics to create something truly unique and exceptional. Serendipitously, Two Brothers recently kicked off a new adventure roasting their own coffee beans, and provided just-in-time freshly roasted java for the brew. The result is an innovative IPA that's well balanced and intensely flavored thanks to the felicitous blend of hops and fresh roasted coffee."

Thoughts: Had to pour this one straight down into the glass to get that half finger sliver of a head there, which was slightly off white and bubbled away quickly. DAYMAN poured out a light but vivid orange color, with perhaps a slight shade of auburn in there too. Lot of carbonation bubbles rising despite the short head which is strange.

Smells a lot better than I had thought it would. I didn't know what the fuck to expect when I read "Coffee IPA" on the bottle, but scent-wise the blend is pretty remarkable. You get those hops for a split second before this ridiculously sweet smelling coffee rushes in and then just swirls around. After that it's like a really neat blend of an ice coffee with tons of sugar and cream... and weed.

The taste: Out-fuckin'-standing. Wow. What a beer. For a coffee beer I mean, don't get me wrong. I hardly ever drink coffee, but I used to years and years ago. I got these amazing tasting iced coffees all the time from this local shop back in the day, I think the name was Starfucks or something, I can't remember, and the flavors in here taste just like it. Especially considering at the time I was reeking of that dank bud, this one just really takes me back to the good old daze. If I hadn't ashed my stash this would be the perfect opportunity to get back to the review, so... this beer has a crazy mix of gentle bitter and sweetness that compliment each other well. There's this lingering bitterness that lasts the whole way through, but man it's not really bitter at all. It's got this indulgent sweetness that pulls it back the whole way, but at the same time it's not sweet at all. The mingling of flavors here is just so strange that it has to be experienced by anyone who's into IPAs or coffee just to see how in the hell this sort of thing could happen. This is a weird one!

Decided to look this one up and I guess some people are saying that this is better "on tap". I want to know who the fuck bought a bottle of this AND had it on tap in the same week it came out. They say that "the hops really pop instead of being overflowed by coffee"... but uh, well, I guess you've got to be in the right place at all times. I couldn't possibly know how the tap "with heavier hops" compares to this, but after warming a bit the coffee does tend to take over. When I first opened this hops were crazy nuts, and then everything mixed brilliantly... now that I'm later in the day and am drinking the last half of the bottle after hitting up some other brews, this one really has a strong coffee kick to it. So maybe it's just the warming effect.

I enjoyed this. It was one of those surprising bottle openings that I didn't expect to please me, but it just happened to be so weird that it was a nice change from the same ol' shit.

Scored 46 Playboy Magazines from the Early 90's!

So I'm down at the pub a while back when in walks fellow wizard Randalf the Mouth, aptly named due to his unrelenting one way conversational skills and large, pointy gray grey hat. As we both enjoy the early morning's liquid refreshments, he tells me of the previous workweek's vast account of incredulous and personal events. During the first ten minutes of his story about moving to a new apartment right down the street, my mind wanders and he notices that I have become entranced once again by the eye-catching, shiny, glitter covered, bouncy titties behind the bar. "Speaking of titties," he says "you outta see this huge box of old Playboys I had to lug up the stairs."

Tires screech, my eyes bulge... he continues talking, I interrupt him. "Wait a minute! Huge box of old Playboys?" He then tells me he's got all these old magazines that he doesn't really have a use for anymore, whatever that means. I ask him what decade. Early 90's he tells me. A flood of images rush through my brain, and I think about my old lost copy of Jenny McCarthy's 30 minute Playmate VHS. What bountiful treasures are buried within that box I imagine. "You can have them if you want." o_o! Holy shit. Yes, that would be fantastic, absolutely fantastic. I of course ask the obligatory question any rational perv would ask: "Are the pages all stuck together?" Of course not, he assures me.

These are 24 of the more interesting (and classic) covers... the last two are pretty WTF!? Also, I decided to go with my better judgement and not include the ones with Donald Trump or that chick from Murphy Brown.  

Nothin' sticky, they just all smell like cigarettes. Thanks Randalf, and Cheers to you!

8 Cwazy Quotes from Demons (1985)

This final duet is an old personal favorite:

END.

Goose Island Bourbon County Brand Stout

Goose Island Bourbon County Brand Stout - Stout Aged in Bourbon Barrels (2012)

Limited Winter Release (Bottled on 11/17/12)

12 fl. oz. / $5.99 USD / 15% ABV

About: "I really wanted to do something special for our 1000th batch at the original brewpub. Goose Island could have thrown a party. But we did something better. We brewed a beer. A really big batch of stout so big the malt was coming out of the top of the mash tun. After fermentation we brought in some bourbon barrels to age the stout. One hundred and fifty days later, Bourbon County Stout was born. A liquid as dark and dense as a black hole with a thick foam the color of bourbon barrels. The nose is a mix of charred oak, vanilla, caramel and smoke. One sip has more flavor than your average case of beer. It overpowers anything in the room. People have even said that it’s a great cigar beer, but I haven’t yet tried a cigar that would stand up to it. - Brewmaster Greg Hall. Hops: Willamette / Malt: 2-Row, Munich, Chocolate, Caramel, Roast Barley, Debittered Black / Preferred Glass: Snifter / Food Pairings: Flourless Chocolate Cake / Cheese Pairings: Capriole Bourbon Chocolate Torte / Cellaring Notes: Develops in the bottle for up to 5 years."

Thoughts: Found the last one of these hidden in the back of a singles fridge, surrounded by Miller Lite and Mike's Light Lemonade. Who would have thought. Cap was hard as fuck to peel off. BCBS poured a super dark opaque black with a little dark brown head.

This is some really strong smelling stuff. That bourbon really shines through here. Nice. The beer smells sweet and mild, there's loads of dark chocolate, underlying notes of raisin and plum, and some sugary marshmallow. All of it drenched in Whisky. Can't wait to indulge.

Awesome! This beer just rolls around in the mouth. I got a smooth chocolate malty sweetness right up front before that whisky blazed its way in and after the swallow a little blast of coffee exploded. I was wondering if any coffee was going to show up here, as I didn't get any in the scent at all. Second gulp got a little bit of that alcohol sting, a bit of a haze, and the black cherry / raisin / prune really came in with a sting. This beer is pretty amazing tasting. I don't usually drink whiskey, although I did go through a phase years ago, and this really brings it all back. It's just enough too. The whiskey doesn't overpower, but instead lends a beautiful uniqueness that comes on in a wave. It's really sweet, hot, woodsy, leaves a gentle fire in the belly, a smokey haze in the mouth and a nice feeling upon the brain.

Mouth feel is a soft medium, but it really spreads itself out in when you hold it in. It doesn't get fluffy or foamy at all, just kind of expands and stings. I like this one. I like beers that have a strong presence to them, and I really like 15-18% beers... this one though, seems like it's missing something. It's got a mild kick, it's tasty and smooth, but it's not really velvety smooth. Just a texture thing however... I'd really rather have had two of these instead of just a single, to explore it further. There's always next time I suppose.

Founders KBS

Founders KBS - Ale brewed with Chocolate and Coffee Aged in Oak Bourbon Barrels (2013)

Extremely Limited Release (April 1st).

12 fl. oz. (x4) / $20.59 USD / 11.2% ABV

About: "What we've got here is an imperial stout brewed with a massive amount of coffee and chocolates, then cave-aged in oak bourbon barrels for an entire year to make sure wonderful bourbon undertones come through in the finish. Makes your taste buds squeal with delight. Note, this is NOT simply barrel-aged Breakfast Stout. It is an entirely different beer."

Thoughts: KBS pours black like tar with a really dark chocolate milk colored head full of all different sized bubbles. This stuff looks pretty thick.

Getting a huge aroma of chocolaty coffee. The coffee is slightly taken aback next to the huge amount of cocoa there. It smells really sweet. The dry roasted notes are coming through and it's nicely done, but the chocolate is where it's at man. I never drank coffee without chocolate back in the day. When it got cold, or when I ordered it iced, it smelt like this. There's something else lingering around in there too... some kind of leafy, dark fruits.

Flavor is coffee on the first gulp, followed by a huge amount of overwhelming chocolate and a very nice ride out on the end. The bourbon really comes through the more you hold it in your mouth. The longer you hold it, the more intense it becomes and the more intense it becomes the more awesome it is overall. There's a gentle burn to the beer, and the thing about it is that it hits as just the precise moment where it floods in and is about to overtake and then slowly falls back allowing you to enjoy the real essence of the flavors here. Once you're past that all the flavors blend together so get ready to experience greatness. I feel a bit of dat grass on the very back of the tongue as I start in on the second half of the bottle. Overall it's very sweet. Tons of wood. The barrel aging flavors really kick in after the palate adapts to initial shock of intense liquefied pleasure. After transcending to another plane of existence, it starts to taste like the beach: Firewood, alcohol, roasting smores, maiden water all over your fingers (Hello ladies!), stale cigarettes you shouldn't be smoking, wet clothes, insanely high event stories told by a homeless drifter, sand in your crack, and hopefully getting home safe to wake up and thrash another day. Dark fruits and citrus try as they may and try as they might to come out, but unless you've got the patience all you're getting is swamp grass and booze as an afterthought. In essence: Chocolate, coffee, booze, dark fruits, hazy spice from that oak, and minor hints of black licorice after sipping for long periods.

KBS tingles on the tongue from the moment it hits till it's swallowed. Mouth feel is pretty syrupy, but it leaves relatively clean. All of the taste remains afterwards, but the initial coating of the mouth slowly fades out and end just a little bit dry (most certainly from the oak). It's pretty cool.

This is a pretty awesome beer, but I don't know if it's just rare for the sake of being rare. I remember seeing their also-much-sought-after Breakfast Stout sell out immediately and people were going absolutely nuts, clamoring for it. I was used to seeing one or two 4-Packs one day and they were gone the next - leaving the shelf empty for two weeks or more. Now I'm seeing TONS of the stuff sitting there, and people are going bat shit crazy over this release. Is it all part of the ruse? KBS got shipped (apparently according to "the net" and one cool as shit motherfucker at the liquor store) only one case per store in most parts. The dude bought  himself a 4 pack, saved a 4 pack for a friend, saved another 4 pack for a customer call in, and when he left his shift that fateful day, there was only one 4 pack left in the fridge. I was the man who showed up just after that. Yeah, I got the last one. Happier than a pig in shit? You fuckin' bet. Totally stunned by the beer? Well... It's worth the five bucks a bottle. Though the "rarity" factor really kicks in on something like this, truth be told as always, after I drank my last bottle of KBS I popped open a 2012 Sierra Nevada Bigfoot and it downright blew KBS away by miles! That's my story and I'm licking through it.

Sierra Nevada Barrel-Aged BIGFOOT

Sierra Nevada Barrel-Aged BIGFOOT - Barleywine Style Ale Aged in Whiskey Barrels (2013)

Limited Release (Good luck finding this shit!).

25.4 fl. oz. / $16.04 USD / 12.2% ABV

About: "Our Bigfoot Barleywine is a craft beer legend. Each winter, this beast of a beer appears and wreaks havoc on unsuspecting palates with its intense bittersweet flavors. This year - in honor of the 30th Anniversary of this style-bending brew - we're releasing a very special version of this cult classic: Aged in oak whiskey casks for nearly two years, this barrel-aged Bigfoot is incredibly complex. The assault of resinous hops has mellowed, and the influence of the wood has shifted focus toward the malt - with rich burnt-sugar flavors and notes of vanilla, toasted coconut, and raisins. Grab this elusive beast while you can, because it won't be around for long."

Thoughts: Cork was a rough one. The cap on the cage has some really cool artwork of two mingling hops. Light pop off the cork after all that work. Poured a grainy dark ruby / burgundy color with a small frothy head that left a thin layer atop the brew and some thick puddles that lasted forever. 

This beer smells outstanding. Holy shit it has a strong scent to it. It's total candy. Incredibly sweet smelling. I'm getting rich hot chocolate, candy bars, 3 Musketeers melted down over smokey wood and mixed with whiskey for a bad boy milkshake. With a beer like this you've gotta let it warm a little bit to really get just how deep that whiskey is. I love how it just intertwines with this already incredible tasting beer, the essence of it just pulsating throughout the 

Wow that is fucking spicy. Holy shit. I got a little bit of spice in the scent but that just came out blistering! And hot damn does this whiskey barrel aging just simply Dominate the brew. Two gulps and I'm feeling the heat in my lower chest. The whiskey notes really start to come on full and throughout in the scent, but when you get this in your mouth it just cracks the bottle over your head with it. Talk about intense. A deep haze of smokiness follows the swallow and the hops which are usually off the charts in this barleywine are very laid back, though still quite noticeable. It adds up to a nice unique flavor in the aftertaste, and what a splendid aftertaste is it. Talk about mellow, yet effective. This beer has a sting to it alright, and it doesn't die down with each and every small gulp either. It seems as if it is intensifying, or at least holding its original strength which is very rare. Very peppery, absolutely love the burn from the booze, smokey and sweet, it has a very gentle bitterness and it's in your face with all the flavors. Top notch stuff.

For the mouthfeel I've gotta stay that this beer is pretty damn thick. Something to be reckoned with. It's not sludgy, and it's definitely not thin. This stuff coats like oil and leaves a resinous raw hop flavor on the back of the tongue which is offset by the all around sweetness and excellent whiskey flavor.

I remember drinking Bigfoot so many years ago. I used to buy a six pack of Celebration every year, and on the second year of doing that I remember I picked up a six of Bigfoot. This is back when I didn't even know what craft beer was. I grew up in California, and Sierra Nevada had a great distribution to all supermarkets. I remember drinking Bigfoot in 2001, 2003 and 2004. Celebration and Bigfoot have always been special brews to me. When I finally found this one and only bottle on the shelf after driving all around the state, I couldn't not grab it and take it home.

Olivia Munn wonders why she's in Magic Mike (2012)

I know why Channing Tatum is starring in it, because Steven Soderbergh has got his dick on hard for the guy naturally, that's why. But Olivia Munn, why are you in this relatively small, thankless and underutilized role? I guess SS has a thing for girls like you (Andie MacDowell, Sasha Grey, Gina Carano) and who can blame him really? Certainly I can't. All four of you are total babes. Well... I suppose it's not your fault that the script for this movie sucked ass or that everyone only got one take to do their lines. At least you're on the radar right? Even that blink-or-you'll-miss it role in Iron Man 2 garnered your name all sorts of attention in the news (mostly on the internet). Anyways, I was driving to work one morning and heard on the radio that you had "one of the top 10 nude scenes of 2012 in Magic Mike". Honestly, I can't even recall the other 9 lady's names. All I heard was "Olivia Munn" and "topless". And now, here I am, typing these words as if I'm speaking directly to you and you're out there reading them (I hope you are, by the way). ;)

I most likely was never ever going to watch the movie Magic Mike. I saw the trailers, I heard the buzz (actually from a forty-something year old woman and her friends in the cinema during previews one day talking about drooling all over Tatum's sweet little asscheeks - what a splendid conversation to be within hearing range of let me tell you - but hell, at least they're not talking about molesting Taylor Lautner anymore) and seeing as this is a movie about male strippers, it didn't really appeal to me all that much. For the next few weeks, I passed over this one at least a dozen times at the Redbox, each time stopping for a single moment and imagining Olivia Munn's supple boobs. Yet I still had no intention of even renting it. Then there came the day where I was bored as shit (I had already seen everything else) and decided, ah what the hell, maybe it'll be funny at least. It kind of looks like a funny movie.

But it wasn't funny! It was a really depressing movie with some really awkward performances and ended up being a total snooze fest. And on top of that, I think Olivia may have given Channing crabs. Magic Mike is totally not what you'll expect it to be if you know nothing about it and are going into it for the first time. Hell, they should have named the movie "Magic Mike's Life Totally Sucks Balls." If you consider having threesomes with Olivia Munn and some blonde who's name you've forgotten to totally suck balls that is. But aside from getting laid casually and driving a nice SUV, Mike's life isn't so much magic... but more like empty promises and unfulfilled dreams. Just like all the other pathetic characters in this movie, everything is one sad day after another and life is fucking shit! Shit I say. I guess the lesson is that nothing is really ever going to go your way unless you learn to cope and don't let the facade of a "glamorous" life fool you into unknowingly dying inside. Or something. 

I don't know. The movie didn't really have a direction to it, which I guess makes a lot of fucking sense since the characters have no direction in their lives whatsoever. Sure, Mike tried to get his dream of becoming a hip cutting edge furniture designer off the ground, but life had its way with him and cock slapped him down once again, shattering his dreams. Magic Mike is essentially a movie about drifting through life and doing what most everyone else on this earth will do, and that's becoming nothing, amounting to nothing, and (if you're self-reflective enough) realizing that existence is utterly and hopelessly worthless. So you better make the best of it while you can by having a lot of sex with random strangers, preferably two at a time. Because other than that (and even that doesn't amount to all that much as far as I'm concerned), you're Nuthin'!!

Olivia Munn's "so-called" #1 Best Topless Scene of 2012 wasn't all that great either. The lighting was extremely poor, the focus was hazy, the shots were pretty bad, it was too realistic and it happened far too quickly. Maybe I'm just a jaded guy. But you know, if she showed up dressed as Princess Leia or Chun-Li with those titties out it would have been the greatest thing evur. Expectations... meet Reality. I guess it's a case of art imitating life or life imitating art, but just like Magic Mike, I'm going to have to take what I can get and accept it. Who am I after all to complain about a beautiful woman like Olivia showing off her sweet teets. Time for drinks boyzzzz.