Russian River Pliny The Elder

Russian River Pliny The Elder (2012)

Brewed and Bottled by Russian River Brewing Co., in Santa Rosa, CA. USA

Year Round Brew (Very Limited Availability).

16.9 fl. oz. / Gift (x7) / 8% ABV

About: "Pliny the Elder is brewed with Amarillo, Centennial, CTZ, and Simcoe hops. It is well-balanced with malt, hops, and alcohol, slightly bitter with a fresh hop aroma of floral, citrus, and pine. Best enjoyed FRESH! That is why we make it in such limited supply. Actual bottling date is printed on each bottle!

Where did we come up with this name? Back in the year 2000, our friend, Vic Kralj, who owns the Bistro in Hayward, California, decided to have his first ever Double IPA festival. Vic invited 10 breweries, 6 of whom (including us) had to brew something special for him since we had nothing that would fall under this style category. Vinnie had made a Double IPA at Blind Pig in 1994, but was not brewing one at Russian River Brewing at the time. He had an idea for the recipe, but not a name. After much research in beer books, brainstorming, and deliberation, we came up with "Pliny the Elder". Pliny, the man, lived in the first century- 23 to 79 A.D. According to our brewing references, he and his contemporaries either created the botanical name or at least wrote about Lupus Salictarius, or hops, currently known as Humulus Lupulus. That was a very early reference to an important part of any Double IPA! Pliny the beer has now become one of our flagship brews!"

Pre-Thoughts: When traveling back to Cali, I had merely a few things on my mind: Find some Pliny, drink some Pliny, swim in an ocean of Pliny, ect. Of course, I had all sorts of fun shit planned and did a lot, but I made it a priority while on the way anywhere I'd sniff out those dastardly liquor stores and find liquid treasure! I was met with the same answers from every single one of the seven shops in two different counties, including BevMo!, which was along the lines of: "We don't stock that any more because we had a fight with the distributor.." and one guy even added that it was "...over refrigerated trucks." What in the fuck! There was only one massive shop called Total Wine that claimed to get shipments in, and told me to come back Friday morning. Upon my return that fateful morning, as the employees were shelving tons of bombers from various boxes, I was told that no Pliny had come in.

Later that morning while driving to the river for a fun day of drinking beer while on a speedboat, my sister called up this restaurant in the city of Sac called The Shack (Reviews: 1, 2), claiming that they've got all sorts of strange rare beer there. "She says they've got Pliny the Elder, but not the Younger." I became horribly excited, before the ultimate realization came that I could have possibly tried bottles of Elder and Younger back to back sunk in. We got to The Shack around 8PM and requested multiple bottles of Pliny. "We're all sold out." the guy tells us, all hearts drop. "No, we just got some in this morning.", a girl says. Awwww Yeahz! Turns out the dude was just so used to saying that so much it just comes natural. The Pliny bottles we got were exactly one month old, which is strange since they had "just got them in". I pondered for a moment whether we should have DRAIN POURED THEM ALL!!1, but I was far too deep in once I caught a whiff.

Thoughts: Pliny poured a light yellowish-gold and had a fluffy-topped, rapidly growing and very bubbly slightly off-white head. There's a fair amount of graininess to it, causing a slight haze.

It smells pretty damn good! Spicy with a sweet candy quality to it, and a hint of zesty lemony bitterness. It reminds me a little bit of the ocean: cold and misty. There's a resiny pine, and that hint of grapefruit... and it's got a crackling presence to it, as if every time I smell it something bursts open.

That first gulp was madness... madness I say! But seriously, the taste is soothingly sweet at first with popping hops that hit from beginning to end. After the swallow there's a bittersweet, almost buttery sensation. It reminds me of natural honey, but with a strong edge to it. There's a sharp bitter finish and it's peppery on the throat which is attacking, and pretty fierce. But it's got a very nice balance to it and honestly, I was expecting it to be way more hop dominant than it is. While the hops give off the flavor and scent initially, the malts blend instantly upon the taste, and never does any one factor of the brew outshine the others.

Mouth is a medium. It's a bit frothy at first, but smooth and creamy, and goes down super fucking easy so it's really filling. If water tasted this good I'd probably be a waterholic, and not what I am today... I can see why so many people like this, as there really are no negative aspects about the beer. It tastes good, smells good and makes you feel good. There's no bad aftertaste to it and it finishes quite nicely. I had my first three Plinys with my dinner from The Shack, which was a massive Cajun Blue Cheese Burger, extra pickles and I skipped most of the fries on the principle of fuck fries. Needless to say, that meal was the bomb.

Post-Thoughts: Pliny the Elder is indeed an excellent DIPA, there's no doubt about it... but with Russian River's over the top advertising combined with their supremely anal distribution within the California state, (not to mention the fanboys that go out of their way to snag every bottle they can just because it's hip as fuck to do so) it's become quite a bit over-hyped, and not to mention, a real hassle to go through just to drink a fucking beer!

Whether or not this is the best beer in California, is up for debate, but the real fact about this beer is that it's ultimately a quality product. It's surprisingly balanced and tastes awesome right to the last drop. Is it the best IPA I've ever had? I don't think so. Is it in the top 5? Well, I haven't actually made a list and there's still a lot more out there for me to try. Ballast Point's Sculpin and Alchemist's Heady Topper for instance, which I can't seem to find anywhere. But when it comes to IPA's, there really hasn't been a middle ground for my personal tastes. Either I really fucking like it, or it's been a horrible letdown. When I think of quality American IPA's I think of Southern Tier's Gemini, or Wachusett's Larry, Sierra Nevada's Torpedo, Hoptimum and Celebration. Pliny the Elder fits right in with the rest of the best.

Six Rivers Chili Pepper Spicy Ale

Six Rivers Chili Pepper Spicy Ale - Wheat Ale with peppers added (2012)

Brewed and Bottled by Six Rivers Brewing Co., in McKinleyville, CA. USA.

Year Round Brew(?)

22 fl. oz. / $4.69 USD / 6% ABV

About: "HOT! Spicy ale made with assorted chiles blended with our wheat ale." Not too much info, but found more: "2004 Great American Beer Festival Silver Medal Winner! Our Weatherman Wheat (An American style wheat ale brewed with 50% wheat, Saaz and Hallertauer) infused with Carlos' special blend of fire roasted chiles."

Thoughts: Just look at that funny label and tell me you don't feel a state of exaltation. ;) It started out light in color but developed into a deep orange colored amber with a crackling and bubbly, one-finger head that quickly faded away. This beer is very murky and clouded. The only thing visible is a heavy amount of fast rising carbonation bubbles. 

Scent is light, and full of wheat, but some really great chili peppers are evident. The more I lean in the more I can get freshly chopped jalapenos. This is on of the very few instances where the more I smell the beer, the more I can actually smell it. Which is strange and unusual... though, I myself am... strange and unusual. Or something.

First gulp, and Hell yeah! This is spicy. This is love at first bite. The beer is peppery and has a heat up front that doesn't let up. Two more gulps in and my mouth is feeling the burn. This is great for heat fiends. It could be a lot hotter (mind you, I do extreme heat foods on a regular basis - it's all I cook pretty much), but I do feel the sweet tingling on my lips. I love the taste of jalapeno oil and spicy peppers... not to mention beer! So I don't think I have to tell you that this one is awesome. Not to throw down accolades on the overall taste or anything, but consider me stunned that I found a beer that actually fuckin' delivers.

Feel the burn? Do you like your lips tingling? I do.

It's great to finally try a chili beer that comes through. It's not terribly complex being a wheat based ale, and it's not the greatest thing I could have imagined, but this one is all about the heat factor. And that's something many other breweries are promising and not delivering on with their so-called "chili beers". When I want a chili beer, I want it hot! Not the bullshit that I've been constantly handed, with a subtle and gentle flavor enhancement. I can now only dream of the day in which I try Ghost Face Killah. It's top of the wishlist, baby.

What's in YOUR fridge?!

We interrupt California Beer Week to bring you this photo of the latest haul. While I do believe I'm only half way through the reviews from CA (and trust me the best is yet to come!), that hasn't stopped me from going around town and picking up a few more special bottles for some first time trying:

I've tried Hoppin Frog's Pumpkin and Christmas Ales, but none of their other stuff. I was hoping to find something rare, but these releases will do well enough. My ever growing lists for DFH and Sierra Nevada go up another notch, and perhaps even more for SN soon enough. I'm actually going to wait a short while longer before I bust open that BRUX through. And then there's the obvious centerpiece to this picture (which I drank immediately after taking it), a 2009 Avery Beast. I'm hoping to find some of their other beers, and even hopefully some different year releases of the same. Hmm... I still haven't touched that Firestone or the two World Wide Stouts either.

Uncommon Brewers Golden State Ale, Siamese Twin Ale and Baltic Porter

Uncommon Brewers Golden State Ale - Ale brewed with Poppy Seeds (2012)

Brewed and Canned by Uncommon Brewers in Santa Cruz, CA. USA.

Year Round Brew.

16 fl. oz. / $2.49 USD / 6.4% ABV

About: "Our beers are unfiltered, unpasteurized, and undoubtedly uncommon. The signatures of our Golden State are the mountain quail and the poppy flower. We can't make beer with quail - yet - and so we settled upon the poppy. How better to enhance the flavor of a traditional Golden Ale than to include the tanginess of toasted poppy seeds? Our Golden State Ale  blends the sweet bite of toasted poppy with the aromatics of an simple California yeast. It's crisp and light, but carries enough body for the self-respecting beer drinker to think, "This is an uncommon ale."

Thoughts: Caramel colored, rusty copper hue with a tiny crackling sliver of a head that dissipated just after I poured it (Here's the one lucky shot of the beer with a head on it). This beer is completely foggy, murky rather, and small clusters of bubbles are clinging all over the sides of the glass.

The scent begins with a Belgian yeast. It's sweet and toasty. There are light floral notes, and it's also got a light citrus tone about it... like a little lemon, or tangerine, or perhaps both mixed. The more I lean in the more citrus I get. While it's a low flow sensation, it still smells good before it fades out as I become accustomed to it.

This beer is very flavorful for such a light scent and taste. It's smooth and malty with a gentle tingling of peppery hops. There's a slight tangy bite to it, which isn't really sour at all. Am I chewing edible flowers or eating a bagel? It's all a little unique, but nothing here is over the top... far from it. I'd say that this beer is very enjoyable, and everything is in its right place. It's a bit of a strange one.

Mouth is light, crisp, not heavily carbonated and extremely easy to drink. Though, it does leave a thin layer of film on the teeth for some reason.

This is a crisp and refreshing Belgian Ale for the summer. There's no bad afterthoughts and it left a clean, if slightly sticky taste in my mouth. The ABV is high on this one for it to feel as light as it does, but it works out great.

Uncommon Brewers Siamese Twin Ale - Ale brewed with Kaffir Lime Leaves, Lemongrass and Coriander (2012)

Year Round Brew.

16 fl. oz. / $2.49 USD / 8.5% ABV

About: "There's a long tradition in Belgian brewing of using exotic spices to enhance a beer's flavor. Although many have been tried, coriander is undoubtedly the king. In tribute to this heritage we present to you our Siamese Twin Ale. It is a traditional Belgian-style Double seasoned with coriander and entirely uncommon Thai spices. At first surprising, the floral notes of lemongrass and sharper bite of kaffir lime blend with the deep malt of this double to produce a dangerously drinkable beer. Served alongside a fiery curry or enjoyed on its own, the Twin brings a taste of the tropics to every occasion. And who doesn't need a taste of the tropics every now and then?"

Thoughts: This beer looked just like Coca-Cola right out of the can, and the head, whatever there was of it in the first place, disappeared as I poured the thing. It's a dark brown with a touch of yellow around the outer edges. I think all the carbonation left when I cracked it open, and man that had to be the fastest fizzed-out head ever.

It even smells like a fizzy soda. Like Coke mixed with Sprite, only as a beer... and with herbs. It's got a natural type scent to it though, but it's weird and there's not much else to it.

I got hit with a heavy stinging alcohol out of nowhere. Strong herbs, light Belgian yeast, and a peppery bite are this beer's main attraction. It's unexpectedly good considering how it's so lacking in the look and scent. Those lime leaves and the lemongrass really come out through the sting and give the coriander and Belgian yeast / malt base a real interesting flow.

Mouth is like a flat soda. It's slightly coating and there's a mild burn once it warms up.

I started off with major doubts about this one, but as I got half way through and finished this I became a fan - of the taste at least! It's by no means a pretty beer, far from it, (that's probably partly due to the whole Organic thing, and of course the ingredients involved here) but in the end it's still pretty tasty.

Uncommon Brewers Baltic Porter - Ale brewed with Licorice and Star Anise (2012)
Year Round Brew.
16 fl. oz. / $2.49 USD / 7.8% ABV

About: "Late in the 18th century Britain's great brewing families were working hard to break into new markets. For the Baltic Sea ports they created an export version of the traditional British Porter. Styled like an IPA to preserve them for the voyage, those profound Baltic Porters served to ward off the chill winds of that northern sea. That said, we weren't satisfied with the Baltic Porter's traditionally subtle hint of black licorice. This ale features a blend of whole licorice root and star anise to create an uncommon addition to that traditional export Porter's hearty character."

Thoughts: This one poured into a pretty deep looking black with brown edges. Though the huge bubbly head on this one faded nearly instantly (much like the company's other beers), there is an absolute ton of carbonation bubbles clinging to the glass and rising all over the place.

Took a couple whiffs and it's pretty pleasing on the nose. There's a roasted, chocolate malt tone that's enhanced nicely by the anise. A bit light on the licorice, but every ale I've ever tried with this ingredient has been so in that department. Even so, the licorice and anise really smell good here and it's giving me high hopes for the taste. Will I be let down?

Taste is... nothing but straight up coffee on the first gulp, nearly pissing me right off! There was no heavy coffee in the scent what the fuck. Take it easy Drunketh. Let's calm down and try that again: OK, so the coffee blends in a little nicer on the remainder of the brew. Seems as if it were just that first gulp that packed a punch, thankfully. Well, this one isn't at all that interesting. There's too much of a toasty coffee flavor throughout for me, even if it does fall back after a while. And while the addition of that anise is very welcome, I can't get past the fact that there just isn't enough of that black licorice flavor here.

Brew is light, fluffy, little bubbly, clean and watery.

As it warms, a little bit of a grassy tone comes through around the end of each sip. Though I'm not really a Porter guy at all (it's one of my least favorite styles), for some reason I always seem to gravitate towards the Baltic variety if ever I get the chance. I've not been too impressed by any of them, and this one is really no different. While all three of the Uncommon brews I tried were OK tasting, none of them really felt like true beer.

Santa Cruz Ale Works IPA and Dark Night Oatmeal Stout

Santa Cruz Ale Works I.P.A. (2012)

 Brewed and Bottled by Santa Cruz Ale Works in Santa Cruz, CA. USA.

Year Round Brew.

22 fl. oz. / $4.99 USD / 6.5% ABV

About: "Another excellent example of how brewers out West can manipulate hops. Originally designed by the British, this style was made with more hops and alcohol in order to survive the long traveling ships from Great Britain to India, at the time a new English Colony. This lightly colored ale is very aggressively hopped from start to finish. From the first sip the hop bitterness and aroma are overwhelming then rounds off nicely with a citrus finish. Including dry-hopping we use over 30 lbs. per batch (2 lbs. per bbl)."

Hey, thanks for the descriptive description!

Thoughts: This beer's got a hazy, lemony yellow color and bursted with a quick building and long lasting fluffy white head.

The scent... is pretty dank. It's extremely floral, there's a slight citrus tone, and it's got a heavy, pungent odor.

First gulp, and I get bitter, crackling hops. It's zesty, lemony, and quite a bit funky. After a while a flowery and grassy mix of fuzz coasts the back of the tongue. It's got a hint of sweetness, but it's clouded by a bitter and earthy taste. Too strong of yeast perhaps? It's not the most pleasant tasting beer, but I can tolerate it.

Medium and feels like a solid brew. Not too thick and not really watery at all.

This beer is way too flowery and acrimonious (O_o) for me. It's not horrible or rancid or anything, a bit gamy rather, but I'm not digging it enough for a 22 oz. Though I'll finish the bomber, a 12 oz would have been enough for a one time try. I could see if this beer was incredible, that they may be a little secretive about how they brew it... but it wasn't really all that good, so what's with the lack of info? Does dry hopping = "manipulating" hops? Is that what they call it out west? Innovative stuff.

Santa Cruz Ale Works Dark Night Oatmeal Stout (2012)

Year Round Brew(?)

22 fl. oz. / $4.99 USD / 6% ABV

About: This beer isn't even listed on their website, and also, I don't have the bottle any longer so I cannot write what was on the label (and I don't recall there being much).

Thougths: Poured a pitch black hue with a light tan head that faded into a few strange looking puddles that resembled the shape of sea-horses.

It smells pretty good, like a standard stout actually. It's got a rich, hearty aura to it though I'm not really getting much oatmeal... only coffee.

The taste is bitter coffee and grass for the most part. Oatmeal is severely lagging behind, and there really isn't much else. And for some reason it seems really watered down or something. Huh, it's not that interesting at all, just kinda there. Meh!

Mouth feel is watery, thin, lacking... it leaves no trail. Well, aside from some grass on the back of the tongue.

This isn't rich or indulgent enough for me. It's actually pretty bland. Damn shame. This is a pretty weak beer on it's own, but when I think back to Wolaver's Oatmeal Stout this one becomes downright horrendous compared.

Mission Brewery Dark Seas and Shipwrecked

Mission Brewery Dark Seas - Russian Imperial Stout (2012)

Limited Release (Brewed Once?)

12 fl. oz. / $2.79 USD / 9.8% ABV (Websites state 10.5% and 11% for this but the bottle does not).

About: "The ancient legends that abound the Russian Imperial Stout of yore are filled with tempestuous romance, sinful thievery, and scurvy, too. So highly regarded was this historic recipe, the Russian Kings tried to keep it all to themselves. They failed. Today we bring you our own dastardly dark version, with a rich and roasty aroma, notes of plum and port and a velvety texture so luscious it just might make a grown man weep."

Thoughts: I don't think this one gets around much.

Dark Seas poured a pitch black with a brown-sugar colored head with tons of small bubbles rising up in straight lines around the edge of the glass.

The scent is pretty mild in its tone, which surprised me quite a bit after I got a look at this one. There's a sweetness to it, coffee and a little bit of dark malts flowing.

Starts off with bitter coffee, then and intense sweetness rushes in and takes over before slowly falling back and allowing some gentle grassy tones to come through. There's a slight haze of alcohol after each gulp that slowly intensifies once it's inside of you. After drinking about half the bottle, the bitter and the sweet have blended in together and it all tastes pretty decent. As it warms, a little bit of the hop presence shows itself more clearly... as well as the those boozy fumes.

Mouth is smooth and creamy. Doesn't really linger all too much and the finish is pretty clean.

This one is kind of simple, but it's still a good Russian Imperial Stout. It doesn't leave much of an aftertaste or fuzz on the back of the tongue. That's both good and bad for me. For one thing, I'd like a lingering aftertaste if it were awesome tasting, but grassy fuzz on the back of the tongue I could do without. This one has neither of those, it just kinda disappeared into the night. Tasted OK while it lasted though.

Mission Brewery Shipwrecked - Double IPA (2012)

Brewed and Bottled by Mission Brewery in San Diego, CA. USA.

Year Round Brew.

22 fl. oz. / $7.99 USD / 9.25% ABV

About: "San Diego Style Double India Pale Ale. A style of beer curiously born on the foggy shores of Father Junipero Serra’s first founding mission. Our own vigorous entry is one rebellious IPA, quick on the trigger, and brimming with a bounty of hop ingenuity. This is a big, bold, brazen beer, a restless vision of a new America. Hops: Cascade, Magnum, Centennial and CTZ."

Thoughts: Poured a golden, near-orange hue with a small cream colored bubbly head that got clumpy after a short while. There's moderate carbonation and it's only slightly hazy. 

Very fresh smelling and boisterous (second word to come to  my mind). Hops come bursthing through at first then slowly drift away as a low flow of sweet malt creeps in.

First impression is a very sweet and peppery flavor. Quite good. The beer is rich and spicy, and incredibly sweet. I'm hardly getting even more than a hint of bitterness or bite, even after the third gulp. Just sneezed. The hops start to blend in a little too well after a while and hide out. It's still got an overall hop feel in the taste, but the flavor weans in another direction. I don't want to say barleywine, I'd rather just say utterly sweet Double IPA.

Mouth is little frothy, quite oily and a little on the medium to thin side. It feels a bit thin while drinking it, while the aftermath is slick and sticks around iniside the mouth.

This one is very malty of a DIPA, especially when it warms, but when cold, more of the hop presence is there. Still, it's pretty well balanced and it is void of any unpleasantness. A splendid brew all in all, but not incredibly remarkable by any means. It starts and finishes in different places, so I guess it's at least interesting. Perhaps I expected more from a beer with a Pirate Flag on the label...

Left Coast Hop Juice and VooDoo

Left Coast Hop Juice - Double IPA (2012)

Brewed and Bottled by Left Coast Brewing Company in San Clemente, CA. USA.

Year Round Brew.

22 fl. oz. / $6.29 USD / 9.7% ABV

About: "At Left Coast Brewing Co. we pride ourselves on being one of the pioneers of Double IPA style craft beer. This hop monster uses Premium American 2-Row and a touch of light crystal malt to create a solid malt foundation. Five different Hop Varieties are used in the Hop Juice. It spends two weeks dry hopping in fermenter contributing to its great hop aroma. Starts out sweet and finishes with the crisp bitterness of a Double IPA. This drinkable blend will have you HOPPING till nights end.

Hop Variety: CTZ, Cascade, Summit, Centennial, Chinook, and Simcoe / Awards: Winner (Silver Medal) 2004 California State Fair, Winner (Bronze Medal) 2006 Great American Beer Festival."

Thoughts: Hop Juice is a very clear, clean, transparent gold with a slight yellowish tint. The (also slightly yellow) off-white head started off very bubbly and a little bit fizzy, then after a while turned into a foamy glop.

The scent is absolutely beautiful. Hops are bursting all over the place! It's very strong, yet sweet smelling... and there's a resiny attribute about it that gets suck in the nose.

Taste is of heavy handed hops blended nicely with sweet malts. There's a rush of alcohol initially, followed by a blasting bitterness. It gets a little grassy on the back of the tongue, and but at the same time a floral type thing begins to happen. After starting out sweet in both the scent and taste, the massive bitterness that hit and mixed in with it shortly afterwards was very welcome.

Mouth is medium and very coating, kinda like syrup.

While this is pretty intense and bitter, it's still well balanced by a simple yet sweet malt base, making it relatively drinkable. This beer is strong in all its areas, but neither of its three major features squash the others like a car squishing a frog crossing the road. It's pretty damn good and I'd say slightly above average. Not to mention it's got a really cool logo. Gotta love frogs.

Left Coast VooDoo - American Stout (2012)

Year Round Brew.

22 fl. oz. / $6.49 USD / 8.5% ABV

About: "VooDoo is a full bodied, dark brew that is rich and malty with plenty of roasted barley character. This hearty stout is layered with flavors of roasted barley, chocolate, and coffee coming from the highest quality imported malts. Its creamy long lasting head completes the brew, tempting your taste buds to be spellbound.

Hop Variety: Simcoe and Cascade / Awards: Winner (Bronze Medal) at the 2012 World Beer Cup, Winner (Silver Medal) at the 2012 LA County Fair International Beer Competition, Winner (Bronze Medal) at the 2011 San Diego International Beer Competition."

Thoughts: Poured a dark chocolatey brown out of the bottle that formed into a pitch black darkness. Several bubble clusters cling to the side of the glass, and a small slowly depleting multicolored tan head dissolved into puddles.

Smell is malty. More choclate than coffee, not overwhelmingly rich, nor is it underwhelming. It's a bit roasty and pleasant.

The taste is charred, but not burnt roastedness and is more coffee than chocolate... yet, it's still quite delightful. It's rich tasting, though mild. Very mild actually, but flavorful at the same time. It's never muted, bland or drops off. Not too sweet, not too bitter, tasty and just interesting enough that it's good, although not great. The hop presence seems pretty low.

Solid medium, slick and easy going. Easily sessionable. 

A good stout overall, but nothing remarkable. It's very easy drinking as there are no heavy grassy or funky notes. There's a slight haze on the back of the tongue it's not ill tasting at all. This could be a hell of a lot worse, and it could also be a lot better. But it's got a good enough ABV and some really cool artwork, so yeah...

Alucarda's Ultimate Corruption...

...and the Doctor who knew too little.

Mark of... the Devil!?

After Justine is brutally whipped and tortured to death by the priests and nuns sworn to "protect" her, Dr. Oszek enters the room and is horrified and disgusted by their barbaric, savage acts. "Release her damn you!" He finds Alucarda also strung up and clinging to life. "I'm taking this girl with me... before you kill her! As you killed Justine!" The nuns are ashamed of what has transpired, and cry in front of Justine's naked and bloodied body. The Doctor takes Alucarda back to his home, trusting that she is indeed not possessed as that would be rather unscientific, and lays her down in his daughter's bed.

Alucarda begins screaming in her sleep and is frightened when she awakes to find Oszek hovering over her. She of course freaks out when the doctor tries to touch her... but at that moment, his hot, young and not to mention blind daughter Daniela, walks in. "Don't be scared darling. She just had a nightmare." Alucarda is immediately intrigued by this strange girl. You can see that look of fiendish desire, that devious gleam in her eyes. "May I stay with her for a little hwhile father?" Daniela asks. The Doctor sees no problem with leaving his susceptible daughter in the grasp of this wrongfully persecuted and misunderstood young lady, no not at all.

Alucarda: "I'm afraid of dreams. The things I see are so real." Spoken just like her mother. She looks over the glossy eyed princess before asking her a question: "Have we ever met before?"

Daniela: "I don't think so. Because, I do remember people's voices." Daniela then caresses Alucarda's face before telling her how pretty she is.

Alucarda: "...and you are beautiful. Please don't go. Stay with me!" With that, another rainbow connection is formed.

Meanwhile, Dr. Oszek is, for some reason or another, doing a bit of reading up on SATAN.

He looks at the book, throws it down and yells "Rubbish. Pure Rubbish!"

Indeed it is.

Innocence.... From Hell!?

Was Alucarda born pure evil? 

Early in the film, while out and frolicking about, Alucarda and Justine stop as a group of robed men carry a coffin through the field. Alucarda knew the girl apparently, as she speaks her name and how she will soon be buried in unhallowed ground. Though very little to nothing is known about this girl Cynthia, who had recently "killed herself", and one may speculate that perhaps this girl had shared the room with Alucarda just before Justine's arrival. It is a strange coincidence.

Or it could be nothing. Right? Alucarda is after all, an observer of peoples. Though, on that same note, she doesn't seem to observe so much for too long without somehow becoming involved with matters eventually. That of course being due to her sexual intrusiveness and attempted subdued anger. 

Was Cynthia's body being carried away just something that Alucarda and Justine stumbled upon while giggling and roaming throughout the flowers? It's an interesting question. Alucarda brought Justine out there the first time after all, which led to a place where the strange Gypsy man and his goat faced wife taught them about forbidden interests. So then are we to assume that by chance, they had come across these burial rites?

It's as if Alucarda desired, nay, needed, to see this event. Even with the newly appointed Justine at her side. Death, and love, after all, is what interests Alucarda the most... and what better a way to bring up both of those subjects to a potential new lover? But if that is the case, is she acting strictly out of pure "EVIL" and lustful ambitions? Or is she simply mourning the loss of her previous girlfriend?

Perhaps both?

Sisters.... of Satan!?

After Alucarda looks on in bone chilling terror as Daniella loses her balance amongst the chaos and falls (for about five minutes in slow motion) down the stairs unto a skeleton, her life is like, sooo totally over. She's truly horrified at this moment. Even though she admittedly was beginning to go Bat-Shit crazy.

Was she planning on saving this girl from what she perceived to be the ultimate evil? She seems so intent on taking her with her, not out of lust mind you, but out of a caring nature. It's difficult to tell as she's painted in such a negative light. But negative light often brings forth the beauty and salvation in a gut wrenching soul aching to be free. Whatever the hell that means.

Was Alucarda not damaged once or twice by the time of Daniella's accident, but three times? What if Cynthia was Alucarda's first lesbian lover? Imagine in such a short time span, losing not only your first love, but the next two loves of your life. It's no wonder to me why Alucarda faded into dust.... Her anger had grown so strong from being deprived all this time of what she so desired the most. Love. Love with another young woman like herself, yes, but love nonetheless! So sad.

The Night I Came Home!

You probably haven't noticed my absence as of late, but I did something that was long overdue (say about eight to ten years) and something I've been dreaming about (literally) a lot in the past few months: I went home. 

Being back in Santa Cruz, California and seeing the streets that have been etched into my brain (after living there since birth to 22 years old), smelling the ocean throughout the entire town, feeling the winds and the water upon my face, and experiencing the sensation of simply being there, it's almost indescribable.

Despite my admiration for nomads (something I doubt I'll ever become), where I lay my head is not home! See, I've always missed my home... a place that I once thought I could do without. And though I didn't show it much, the smells from my home town beaches brought it all forcefully flowing back.

I grew up here in the water. I would ride my bike down a few blocks to the beach, nearly every single day for years, back when I was just a uncool pre-sparkling vampire. I was so quick and accustomed to the train bridge (the one featured in The Lost Boys and a few other films) that I could actually run across the thing every single time I crossed it. 

Maybe that doesn't sound too impressive, but there's nothing but air between those steps above that eighty foot riverbed. If I slipped up I'd snap my leg in half easily, and it never happened. Because I was born there and walked it, then ran it hundreds of times.

I didn't get a chance to do that again in my old age, but I got to enjoy the warm summer nights that I fondly remember. And while it was a pretty lackluster 4'th of July, due to new laws in place, a pretty good time was had by all the Mexicans their eyebrow-less girlfriends.

Some of the best games in the world:

(MIA were Altered Beasts, Bad Dudes, Killer Instinct and P.O.W.)

An old favorite (Black Lemonade!) along with a new one (TruBlood!): 

But seriously, these are some nasty ass drinks. Stay away.

Here's a shot of some of the beers I was unlucky enough to pick up for my trip back:

And finally, here's a shot of yours un-truly... livin' it up on the beach, bitches:

I was pretty blitzed, and as always, roped off from the general public.

If I die young: Bury me in liquor! Lay me down on a... bed of bottles.

 Sink me in the ABV, I'm gone. Chug me away with the laughs of a Drunkard...

uh oh...