Predators (2010)

Once again, Topher Grace saves the fuckin' day! Spider-Man 3, while pretty in some places (I'm looking your way Bryce Dallas you should always stay bleach blond Howard as Gwen Stacy g-r-owl!) had about as much as it takes as this new film Predators. Well, without the camp to back it up that is. Though his inclusion as Venom in that film suffered greatly from poor planning on part of the creators, Topher was there in full form and totally badass to fuck shit up and make it all worth it. Drop that sumbitch from a parachute once more and let him go to town this time around in a film that stars... wait for it, and hold your breath underwater splice-style ...Adrien Brody. I don't hate the guy, really, and I don't mind the guy. It's good that he's at present time blowing up. I guess? At least he tried in this one with the whole deep voice, unemotional act. And it looks as if he's been hitting the gym, but that could have been for the remake of The eXperiment. But let's face the fuckin' facts, Adrien Brody cannot play anything other than Adrien Brody. Sure, he's probably got a weird fanbase. I never looked it up, but Tori Amos has been doing the same old shit for thirty-five years and insane people still dig her for some reason. I'd like to see those two uh... strangle each other with piano strings in a pit full of Nazi rapists. Too soon?

So without spoiling anything I can safely say that I am disappointed that Brody's character lived. Despite the lackluster events proceeding this point in the film, things were definitely looking up. Everyone finally got what was coming to them and some serious shit went down. All which allowed our hero, The Doctor, to finally reveal himself for what he really is and get down... to... business... Dawwww yeah! Things were finally getting good right? That asshole without a heart of gold hit his blast off and got blasted off and it was about time things were down to the wire. I didn't have high hopes for this movie, but when this point came I had the wonderment of a seriously disturbed child at Christmas time. "Yeah!" I thought. "This is going to be sweet!" Except for one minor detail: Brody's character wasn't on the fuckin' ship as it took off and exploded. I can only imagine that when he got on to that alien ship the music of James Blunt was playing and he rushed back to his new girlfriend with a tear in eye. Or maybe Forest Whitaker was in there butt naked, nothin' but a Predator mask, and ready to urinate all over Brody's skull and spinal cord! How would he know it was him if he had the mask on you ask? Jason's got a lazy eye and you don't see other people asking questions. Besides, you ever been pissed on? I mean involuntarily. It ain't right.

Predators did at least have a few moments that made me smile. The Samurai battle for instance. There's no denying that this scene was the best in whole trash bag. The sound technicians really got this one down and set the movie's only subtle scene with the perfect accompaniment of wind blowing against grass and sword. Much appreciated! And it even ended well. High point. The make-up for the Predators was, when they needed it, pretty damn good. No complaints there. The rest of the cast didn't seem that bad overall, despite being generic (or acting to a generic script!). Occasionally there were a few moments of fun to be had, and I'd say it's a worthwhile viewing (you have to now, since it's a franchise), but did it do anything new? Is it greatness? If you're a fan of decapitations and Topher Grace, then you're probably jacking off over this film as I write this. Which reminds me... it's time to buy a new keyboard and/or remote control.

There were some cool traps and the Preds looked awesome. The dogs were horrid and that shit lasted way too long. In fact, the whole dogs angle should have been left out of the movie since it sucked balls and the dogs looked like complete shite. I know Zombie Dogs are old school, but this is not an upgrade and a thousand spikes coming from their necks look f'n stupid. The other alien species weren't really touched upon, but they were addressed and it was decent. More could have been done but in the case of this movie, they did the right thing and ignored it for... uh, you know... plot. Nobody got naked, but a guy did almost check out a chick's ass and a guy with two voices in his head did almost mind rape that guy for being hard up. If only that final sex scene would have happened and everyone got mutilated, this film would have gone from 4/10 to 8/10. But alas... I'm writing this junk to make up for it all. *sigh* This movie could have had the greatest downbeat ending and it seriously would have rocked, but nooooo...

Topher Grace isn't really a doctor, but a Serial Killer collected along with the other troops and boy, he plays it out like a fucking master!

RIP Ingrid Pitt.

BBC News has reported that Ingrid Pitt has died today. :( Though she didn't play many vampire roles onscreen, she will forever be remembered for it, through not only the films themselves, but the many photographs that have been printed of her in horror magazines over the years. Photographs which have become very popular amongst young impressionable males. Absolutely gorgeous and flauntingly busty to add, it's no wonder that images of her are so delightfully coveted.

Thank you so much for The Vampire Lovers and Countess Dracula. RIP.

Macabre Dreams 8

Flightless Bird. (1998) Pencil on Paper. Now that's more like it. Think I'll end the run right about here. This was a riff I did on that old Italian long sheet poster for Bird With The Crystal Plumage. It was a fun little project and I had fun working on it, only I was left concerned over the amount of open space. That is a pretty sweet looking blade though.

Well, I hope you don't like any of these. I was just a kid when I drew em and I swear I've learned my lesson.

Macabre Dreams 7

Get Over Here! (1999) Pencil and Blood on Paper. Check it out, a horizontal. Sweet. And she's blonde too. Even got a chance to give one of these ladies an ear. About this time I was going through my Phenomena stage where I pretty much watched the film once or twice a week... so you can see how the chains came into play. What is it with this guy and crosses?

I gave this one a lot of small details, but wish I could have improved upon it quite a few places when I look back. I don't mind a chick with character but this lady's got the biggest neck and hands that I've ever seen. I wonder...

...but if I hadn't liked the work I did on her hair and the whole concept of what's going on in the picture I probably would have tossed it out.

Macabre Dreams 6

She Axed For It! (1997) Pencil and Blood on Paper. This one was actually I believe, the second picture of this nature that I did, back when I was seventeen. Seems as if I had been influenced by Friday The 13th and at the time was watching a lot of Eurotrash like Kiss Me Monster. I really like how the blood details worked out on this one. It's pretty grim.

chopchop...

Macabre Dreams 5

Gutted! (1998) Pencil and Blood on Paper. Just how I felt afterwards. A lot of little personal change ups this time around that some skeleton hand wearing bloggers around the net may appreciate. Yes, I gotta pair of em too Death Rattle. As a matter of fact, Skeleton print long sleeves and outfits are by far my favorite type of clothing. You see that Canadian dude that actually tattooed the shit all over himself? Badass!

Astro-Creepy.

Macabre Dreams 4

Don't Scream! 1998. Pencil and Blood on Paper. Any horror fan worth his or her weight in rum should most surely recognize the eyes on this girl. I was very pleased with the results on this one as I recall.

It just works, and the more I stare at it the more I seem to like it. The invisible black leather gloved killer really came out nicely. I even used my own hands as the reference. 

Macabre Dreams 3

Soul Searching. (1998) Pencil and Blood on Paper. Looking at old poster art for Fulci's The Beyond when I did this one. It's pretty obvious actually. Threw in a few personal touches (such as the pajama shirt) and changes for fun. Aaaaannndd, nipples. Yeah, I kinda had this thing about drawing hard nipples for a while. What can I say...

69th Post! Whooo!

Macabre Dreams 2

Spider and the Fly. (1998) Pencil and Blood on Paper. Come over here and let me tell you something, nothing ever comes of nothing, we pay a price for all our choices made. Come along now and take my hand, I'll lead you to a promised land. The morning after it may never come again, never be the same... Got a frew strange looks after this one. I think I had just seen Kiss The Girls the day before, or Argento's Opera.

Either way... I still see so many flaws in my older work. But I'm not really one to go back and improve upon it. Maybe redo it someday, who knows. More to come later...

Macabre Dreams 1

Sliced. (1998) Pencil and Blood on Paper. Back in '96 and onward I got caught up in this serious Argento, Fulci and Italian Giallo addiction. Watching films like Blood and Black Lace, Tenebrae, The New York Ripper and Photos of Gioia really warped my shit up. I was just a stoned youngster with a lot of time on my hands and decided what the hell to just draw a series of gialli inspired works. Never really got around to showing too many people... on the account that they would probably think of me a psychotic lunatic or something to that nature. Which I'm not...

More to come soon.

Sad Crying of a Bitch Skull...

A little bit of throw-away art. Like much of what I do, I had no idea what I was doing in the first place... I just started and that's how I finished it. First time in my life that I did one thing however, and that was place the thick border line around the art itself. I don't know why I did it, but if I hadn't, I probably would have tossed it off right there. Guess I liked the outline look, so I kept it. Let's call it Pagliacci (2010).

I think this guy would make a pretty cool looking candle.

Come on and kiss the skull...

Meh. It's been a pretty slow day. Bout to crack open a cold one and let it all rot to hell, not that it isn't already there. Guess I'll call this one Valentina. Done in '08, the usual pencil on fine quality leaderhead paper. Giving my single art pieces names has been somewhat interesting these past few posts, as I have never really done it before. What do you call this one? Uhhh, drawing of skull with long hair and rose in mouth.

Unheavenly Creatures: 5 Things I love about Alucarda (1978)

Mysterious Entrances.

No slow motion or thumping beats necessary.

What better a way to introduce a dark vampyric heroine than to have her slowly emerge out of shadows and startle the cute new girl? Justine sits seemingly alone in her new convent room, looking down at a locket with pictures of her deceased parents inside. She is vulnerable and crying. Aluclarda slowly and silently approaches her from out of nowhere and though this is rather unnerving for Justine, she is quickly calmed by Alucarda's dark psychic powers emotional openness.

Alucarda: "What's that?"

Justine: "My mother and my father. Momma just died."

Alucarda: "I never met my mother or my father."

Justine: "Oh, I'm sorry."

Alucarda: "I have something to show you too."

Do you see how well she does it? Justine, after the death of her mother, arrives at an unfamiliar and rather run down looking convent where she is all too alone. After being taken up to her noticeably empty room and left there, Alucarda appears and offers her something desperately needed in a kindred soul mate. Even though Justine was never told of Alucarda and the room was empty when she entered it, her sudden startling presence was made serene by  a gentle "hello" and sharing of a common bond. Whether or not Alucarda is genuinely EVIL is up for debate, but it may not help matters that two other rather particular lost souls in this film are presented as materializing from absolutely nothing as well: The strange gypsy, who commences their Satanic lesbian blood pact(!), and Goat Head Satan himself whom brings them into the midst of a drug fueled hippie orgy(!). Though all three instances lead to the ultimate corruption of pure and fair Justine, I'll still maintain my speculation that Alucarda is not simply out for blood.

Alucarda's Secrets.

"I've been watching you while you sleep for months."

"These are things I never show anyone. These are secrets! Everyday I find a new secret." Just after Alucarda mysteriously appears from the corner of the room and introduces herself to Justine, there she begins to unveil her strange world of secrets. First, she hands Justine a charm and tells her it means that she likes her. Afterwards, Alucarda holds small insects in her hand and the two observe them. "Do you know how small creatures love each other? One is identical to the other, just like an image in a mirror. Like you and me." All this can understandably be considered confusing at first, since how exactly are a rock and some cute little bugs "secrets"? Ah, but that's precisely it, what is truly being presented here aren't the items themselves but rather Alucarda's feelings. Those are the true secrets she is speaking of. When Alucarda encourages Justine that they go look for some more secrets, the two merely giggle and frolic about the mountainside and then lay together for a short moment in the grass. Just as the light shines through the clouds, exposing her diamond-like skin, the not so subtle secret is quite apparent: Alucarda loves Justine. It isn't much later that Justine becomes aware of this, mostly in part due to Alucarda's extremely forward and brazen announcements of the fact. "Darling, darling Justine. I live in you. Would you die for me? I love you so. I have never been in love with anyone, and never shall, unless it's with you! The time is very near when you will love me as much as I love you. You may think me cruel and selfish, but love is always selfish. You don't know how jealous I am. You must love me to Death!" How sweet. After this moment, Alucarda doesn't speak much of secrets since her love no longer is one. Yet, I do belive that she may have many more secrets within her, some she may not even know herself.

Beauty In Death.


"They are burying Cynthia. She killed herself!
They will bury her in unhallowed ground."

"One can live eternally instead of turning into a little pile of dust." So says the Gothic beauty with the long, dark hair and pale white face. Upon seeing Cynthia's coffin being carried away, the two share a heartfelt moment.

Justine: "Funerals frighten me!"

Alucarda: "You have to die. Everybody has to die. But there can be happiness beyond death!"

Alucarda's tone put some importance on the fact that Cynthia, whom we know practically nothing about, will be buried in unhallowed ground. I wonder if she will find happiness beyond death. Surely, if she killed herself she found happiness in death, but beyond? I suppose the whole unhallowed ground factor could give her a chance for some form of unearthly Resurrection that leads her beyond death, but would being "alive" again really bring her happiness? A coffin full of blood would be hard as hell to carry as well, so I guess we can all assume that she was bloodless upon her death. Interesting.

Alucarda: "Are you afraid of dying?"

Justine: "Yes. Everyone is."

Alucarda: "I mean dying loving each other! Dying together so we can live as one forever, with the same blood running through our veins!" 

Justine is terrified by the thought of death, and Alucarda's morbid words really tend to freak her out tremendously. And yet, perhaps due to Alucarda's bewitching entrancement, she never strays away and at times even plays a rather submissive roll in their newly formed relationship.

Alucarda: "Let's make a pact. If we ever depart, from this life, we will do it... together!"

Justine: "Alright, if it makes you happy."

Even more strange is that we are led to believe that this is the first day they met. It could be the second, but these things are a bit unclear. Alucarda seems to know a lot of the ideals concerning romantic vampire lore, especially for a fifteen year old goth born and raised in a nunnery. When Justine is hesitant to cut herself open with Alucarda for their true love pact, Alucarda instead chooses to swear their pact by opening a tomb. Unbeknownst to her, it is the tomb of her dead mother and Dracula's mistress Lucy, and thus let the demonic possession commence.

The Satan Chant!


DarkThrone or else it's not trvu!

This film really took the whole love for Satan angle and pushed it to the fucking limit! On one hand you've got this beautiful love story about two young girls who are full of fantasy and wonder. Then you've got the otherworldly realms of vampires, demons, fortune and destiny thrown in. On top of that it's set in a convent where these two girls who's true love is not to be accepted, and they rebel in the name of the Dark Lord. She is of her father the dragon, and the lusts of her father she will do!

Alucarda: "And this is what the Devil does. He grants us virtues to expand His kingdom, the only valid one."

Justine: "God, with his lack of knowledge, does not understand this truth. And opposes them with false thoughts and prayer!"

Both: "Satan! Satan! Satan! Our lord and master, I acknowledge thee and my god and prince. I promise to serve and obey thee and long as I shall live. I renounce the other god and all the saints.

Who's feeling horny?

Satan! Satan! Satan! Our lord and master, I acknowledge thee and my god and prince. I promise you that I will do as much evil as I can. I will draw everyone else to evil. I won't fail to serve and adore thee. I give to you my life and my soul."

The women in this convent are horrified by the thoughts of their bodies suffering "everlasting torture". The priests are madmen without reason, caring, science, or hair. When this scene hit the screen I was eating it up like Satan at a flesh picnic with two new Mexican fifteen year old chicklets as the main course. Sure, praising the devil got a bit played out as time went by and technology started winning the war of the brainwashed, but it was fun while it lasted eh Beezle?

Alucarda Goes Batshit Crazy.

Immortal Forever... despite non-Satanic lyrics!

Throughout the film Alucarda shows signs of increasingly and seriously disturbed behavior. She's at first somewhat stalkish and mildly menacing, especially when she becomes passionate or ponders losing that which she loves the most. Though even then, she is extremely loving and warm.

Soon enough she's losing her goddamned mind! Writhing. Crying. Laughing. Twirling about. Ripping her hair out. Screaming out the various names of Satan! Suddenly she rips the crucifix from around Justine's neck and stares at it with an anger unlike any other. "God can't help me!" she screams, and her descent into madness continues. Justine is in a panic now and tries to calm her new girlfriend. Then when you just think she's snapped out of it, she backhands Justine with a bitch like fury and finally shows her controlling side.

Alucarda: "We shall make a pact and seal it with our blood!!!"

Justine: "..."

Of course, things didn't turn out the way Alucarda had planned, and loss followed her. With this loss, the rage inside of her grew and nuns started to spontaneously combust upon her malicious stare. I guess you could say that anger "smoldered within her like an unwholesome fire" and that fire had to be let loose. Love does crazy things to people. How did she get the power to make them all Burst Into Flames!? Perhaps she got high with a little help from her fiends. No matter the case, she went all out Carrie on their asses and got her short lived revenge for their bothersome meddling. And those are five things I love about this masterpiece of love horror.

Psyched about Sucker Punch (2011)!

That's correct. I am once again, psyched about an upcoming film. That film? SuckerPunch! Why am I fiending to see this one? Hmm... Does the name Emily Browning (The Uninvited)  in a sexy schoolgirl uniform wielding a samurai sword say anything to you!? Well, I'll let it be known once again at this time that I do in fact desire Emily Browning in more ways than one. She is so goddess. I could drown in those eyes and that face.

"A young girl is institutionalized by her wicked stepfather. Retreating to an alternative reality as a coping strategy, she envisions a plan which will help her escape from the facility." Mental institutions. Young hot chicks. Escapism. Japanese gatling-gun wielding demons. Dragons. Robots. Young hot chicks. Fuck it, I'm in! Zack Snyder directs, and while some seem to find annoyances with his directorial style, I must disagree with them and state that the guy is indeed on top of his shit when it comes to this kind of film. The Watchmen proves it. That movie is fucking glorious!

Throw in Carla Gugino, Jena Malone and Vanessa Hudgens along with Abbie Cornish and Jamie Chung (all of them in sexy and crazy outfits) and you've got what the Expendables should have looked like! Not dudes. Carla and Jena are definitely cool with me. I don't know Abbie or Jamie, and Hudgens, well, I guess Zack likes taking them from cradle to the brothel. I just wish Sofia Vergara could have been somehow involved with the project... but then again, I think that about everything lately. I make up for it by incorporating pictures of her into my own personal "projects" so I guess it's all A-OK! If you know what I mean. Damn, that Sofia is funny as hell, gorgeous and downright molestable.

But yeah, 2.35:1, IMAX, Slow-mo Snyder, and grrl pwwr? What's not to lust? Watch the Trailers! 1 and 2. Baby Doll is obviously crazy. Insane out of her damn mind and just too damn sexy to boot! Just the way I like em! And trust me when I say that I know when a movie is going to kick ass. If you haven't embraced the attraction of this type of theater experience then I say this should be the time to do so. You may hate 3-D, IMAX, Zack Snyder, and hot chicks kicking ass... but to all that I say this: buy your tickets in advance, and right before you get there smoke a bowl and down a few shots of rum. That's sure to calm your superstitions, and if anything, it'll make the movie a shitload of a whole lot better. Not that it'll need it.