I Dream of Cote.

Last night I had my very first dream about Cote de Pablo, and boy oh boy was it a vivid one. Far too brief for my liking however, she was only in the very last part before I awoke. Damn waking up, it always pisses me off. A lot of people assume that if you dream about someone, it's most surely of a sexual nature. That's just how our brains work. Man or woman, it doesn't matter, if you tell someone you dreamt about them the night before, the horrified look (and / or restraining orders) you're bound to receive will be immense. Quite frankly, I find it a bit disturbing that the notion of being sexualized in someone's dream without permission is the first things our feeble minds go to.

I'd like to assure you right here and now however, that my dream last night was that of the sexual classification. Nothing frantic, crude or horrifying... if you'd like to know, we were masturbating in front of each other (eerily passionate and enticing would about describe the situation) and then started doing it for one another. As she finally grasped my cock and I slid my fingers inside of her, I swear to you on my love for Lamberto Bava's Demons, that I could feel her wetness. I of course awoke at this precise moment to a state of simultaneous exaltation and disappointment, both hard and wet as well. All I could do was wake up, sigh, get out of bed, and search for pictures of her beautiful face online.

I hope to see her again tonight... in my dreams.

When I close my eyes... I see her face, it comforts me!

Whenever you dream about someone, and see them the next day, do they give you strange looks as if you've raped them in their sleep? Totally, right!? Is that because you're looking at them as if you've romanced each other a thousand years over? Or is that just me... because I've got this theory that whenever you dream about someone (that you know, or may just kinda know), that they're having the same dream as you simultaneously.  Surely I'm not insane by any means (I'm just romantic and a seriously weird dude), but I've yet to bring this topic up to that chick from Day of the Woman. Not to single her out or anything... 

I've gone up to girls and asked them if they had any bad dreams the night before... because mine were pretty good. I'm considerate that way. If they say no, then I guess they liked what I did.

I have bad dreams just about everyday... but even those dreams seem like the perfect fantasy once I awake.

I do believe that last look on her face is nothing more than "OK".

Time to fuck.

Danielle Panabaker smells a bit fishy in Piranha DD (2012)

Man, and she looked like such a clean chick too. It really is a shame that she doesn't.... wait a minute... what in the hell is... Well that's why! Look. There's a huge ugly dead stinking fish right there between her legs. Duh. And all this time I thought that her pu... well, you know what, nevermind that thought, because I just now figured out just this second that I'd like nothing more in life nothing more at all than to be that dead blood-squirting fish right there. Man, what a sight for sore flies on pink velvet. 

I wonder what fish smell. Nobody ever thinks about that shit do they? Hang on, did she kill that fish by spreading her le... you know, it's been a while since I've seen the movie, and even then I was pretty drunk when it all went down river. So spread those legs and show me your eggs... uh, caviar... umm, you like seafood? *opens mouth* I got nothin' but these lame ass jokes. Sorry.

So this relatively hot babe has a Freddy-esque sequence where instead of a knifed glove,

a super-huge face-eating fish jumps out and gets her nose.

So totally scary. That second fish must have been of the Lesbian variety because what I'm about to say just didn't make any sense at all so let's get back to the hot fish on fish action while I re-contemplate my decisions of life: 1) I watched this movie, which was a horrible decision. OK. 2) Danielle Pan-a-baker looked pretty cute during the whole thing and I bet she probably looks really hot with black eyeliner running down her face. 3) Apparently she does: Check out that last screenshot. And 4) I got so much tarter, I don't gotta dip my fish sticks in shit! [Gotta miss Mitch Hedberg.]

"Hey! I got sloppy seconds on that fish filet baby."

Get out of my dreams... get into my coffin!

Welcome to Part 1 of what is to become a series of screenshots from the sexiest show on paid television: True Blood! I'm not going to get into details here, just display the events as they have occurred, and if I post a scene "here or there", know that I most surely was hard and wet when it all played out. Still with me? Splendid. So let us begin.

Season 4, Episode 4: Eric suddenly shows up floating in front of Sookie's "window".

After they speak for a brief moment, she invites him in.

He smells her. She smells him... more of him than he expected actually.

Things get hot and heavy real quick with the violent kissing...

When suddenly, Sookie pulls open her robe and takes control.

She begins straddling the loathsome lonesome fellow.

 She teases and seemingly mocks Eric...

 ...aaaannnnndddd, I think we've all been there!

It feels good. Oh, and it also feels good to know that I'm not the only one jerking off to Anna Paquin here.

Apparently it's so common (yes Vampires too masturbate) that it happens in the show itself!

That really takes a load off. *shifty eyes*

Milla Jovovich is having some trouble sleeping...

 

"I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams."

Drowning. A common occurrence in the world of nightmares.

However...

Getting your throat slashed by a straight razor wielding faceless maniac in black leather gloves?

Not so much.