March 28, 2010

The Slice Girls CD...

Many of us have undeservingly had to endure the wrath, somehow or someway, of John A. Russo’s re-cut and re-edit of Night of the Living Dead. Dubbed the 30th Anniversary Version, many people, horror fans especially, proclaim it the “holocaust of horror tampering.” Russo did something unspeakable, and though the original is still in tact and readily available (unlike what some other filmmakers are doing these days), I sometimes wonder…

…what power did this “Scott Vladimir Licina” have over the man? Was it love, lust, or even perhaps both? Russo may have always had this vision, but never really went about it, you know? It’s as if it were something you would speak of to… a lover, asking an annoyingly ass question. “My regrets? Oh, I’ve always wished we got those extra fifteen minutes of Night. I’ve got the budget now, but if only I had a totally serious about being a dark soul vampire being who plays synth and doesn’t mind portraying a priest for the role.”

I don’t know. Maybe it was all business. Who cares really? At the time, I had been a devout follower of Scream Queens Illustrated, Draculina, and such magazines… and there were a lot of independent film mags that popped up in the comic shops around those times that are now defunct. Just like this guy’s career apparently. I still have Issue 8 of SCI from 1995, with Debbie Rochon on the cover. I got a couple other mags with Debbie on the cover too actually, so I guess you could say that even at that grand young age of 15 I was an uber-fan.

So when I was notified that she had done a CD with some other Scream Queens (one which is a parody of the Spice Girls) and it’s signed by all four girls, I said what the hell. Somehow, and I don’t know if she wanted to, he got Steffanie Pitt (daughter of Ingrid) to do lead vocals on the parody CD, with Christine Cavalier, Tammy Parks and Debbie Rochon on background vocals. It’s definitely an interesting and probably now rare piece of independent cinema offspring bullshit work, and according to the girls (as far as I know) it was all done for fun. I can only hope that all parties involved feel the same way.

The first two parody songs are cute and well done, probably since they stick so close to the source material. Which in itself is pretty horrible anyways… but you know what, I don’t mind all that crap. I can dig a few shitty pop songs on the radio sometimes. I know if you hear them enough, you’re susceptible to brainwashing, but realistically, The Spice Girls never did shit for me. For this guy “Vlad” to even study enough of their tunes to copy two and a half tracks, plus do his own horrible Techno remixes to a few, I don’t know. I’d bet he’s a real fan of the original group, but then again, this release is so half-assed.

Perhaps this was an extra in the budget they used for the RotLD re-do. All I know is this, I like the characters they came up with: Debbie as the mummy girl Isis (I’ve got pics but I’ll have to dig them out), Steffanie as the blood sucker Vampee, Tammy as the witch Kraftee and Christine as the Bride-ish Franken. Nothing was really over-explored, especially the “music”, which I bet the real group would have considered suing over, up until they heard “Vlad’s” “creative” remix tendency to shift sound (on crack) from left to right speaker as if that’s “creepy” somehow.

Dude, it totally sucks balls. The remixes are absolute shit, and the whole thing is pretty much as f’n ghey as you can get. But the first two tracks are funny on their own… and hey, I guess it supported four very cool ladies. If you can find it on the cheap I say buy it and check it out for yourself. It’s just a damn shame that this CD is basically a Single with extra tracks. Total weak effort and the dude on Synth just isn’t talented at all. I don’t know what Ingrid Pitt’s daughter has done since then music wise, since she’s basically the main attraction here, but I hope it has nothing to do anywhere near this fucking ass-clown. Good luck girls. Stay out of Hot Topic, you never know what kind of douchebags you’ll meet there.

March 22, 2010

The Japanese Demons Box Set...

I started blogging because of this dude: Jayson and there is no cooler motherfucker online than the guy. I don’t know if he’s trying to bait me here, what with his words on my total ownage of the Japanese Demoni 1 and 2 Boxset… but I’ll bite, because well, it ain’t nothin’ much but a chicken wing lunch. Moo Shoo Kung Fu, let me introduce you:

Yeah, thanks to Jay there I downright broke it out and carpeted the thing for pictures sake. First up an angle shot, then the stuff it comes with front and back… then as an added bonus, I took pictures of all the pages from the reproduction cinema pamphlet (which is the real treasure of the whole release).

We got the Japanese Program reproduction, Double Sided Mousepad, 2 (only 2?!) big ass Lobby Cards, a Metropol ticket (which is a nice touch) that features the # of your version, DVD’s, outer slipcard ad, and of course, the Mask (which is so delicate that I’m afraid to even try it on more than twice).

The weight of the box is decent, but it all could have been better… at least for the price (the original price, that is). I’m afraid to even hold this set most of the time. It’s like when someone hands you a newborn baby. Personally, anything with babies involved messes my shit up: Unless it’s me having a baby with Lindsay Lohan. That’d be sweeeeeeeet. Nothing like ruining a life of a newborn, am I right people?

March 21, 2010

Film!: Dracula 2000

Well it took me ten years but I finally got around to seeing it: Dracula 2000. Go ahead, say that title out loud without either laughing or groaning while holding your head in shame. If there’s any particular reason I can think of as to why I never picked up the DVD case to so much as even look at the back cover, it’d have to be that. Or perhaps it was those three sweet words above the title “Wes Craven Presents” that screamed out (no pun) to me “I gotta fuckin’ watch this movie!” It’s actually quite difficult to think of a movie with 2000 in the title that doesn’t completely suck. Some of them are so bad that they put the year in the title just to warn us, an awfully nice gesture if you ask me. But what did I think of Dracula 2000 you ask? Well it’s definitely not that bad. Don’t get me wrong, I use bad in a relative term… the movie of course sucks (no pun), but totally makes up for that in how badly good it actually is.

A quick pre-Queen of the Damned vampire appreciation of Heavy Metal is always smirk inducing. How about a modern day Mary and Lucy working at… Virgin Records? Or how’s this grab ya: Jeri Ryan, Jennifer Esposito and f’n Vitamin C as the Three Brides of Dracula? You can’t tell me that big D isn’t on top of his shit, even in his old age. Personally, if it were up to me though, I’d kick Mincy out of the group and bring in Monica Bellucci. That’s just a matter of taste though, really. Danny Masterson (all hail) plays the thug with the love for the camera mug Nightshade (which is probably the third or fourth gayest pimp name I’ve ever heard – Snowball and his hoes The Snowflakes from Lamberto Bava’s Demoni, topping the list) and he’s just delightfully fun to watch. Omar Epps gets a surprisingly awesome looking fang transformation that shocked me, as it looked that damn good, putting to shame many others I have seen (True Blood for example). And Jonny Lee Miller, does this guy ever not kick ass? Maybe I’ve seen Hackers a few too many times, but this guy can make even the corniest films seem badass simply by his mere presence.

But what’s this… what in the hell?! Gerard Butler as Dracula? What a strange notion. Next thing you know he’ll be playing The Phantom of the Opera, or The Wolfman… or hell, even Attila The Hun or Judas Iscariot. You know what, I wish that he had done the new version of The Wolfman. Fuck it, you know, I guess he can play the Wolfman in the Monster Squad remake coming up. Anne Rice was pretty pissed off when she heard that Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt would be portraying her beloved vamps in the Interview film, but I mean, look what happened there. They both aced that shit like no other pretty boys could have done. Gerard Butler though, I’m not sure just what to make of his performance. It wasn’t horrible that it took me out of the film or anything like that, oh no, it’s really just a bit bewildering. I’m so used to seeing the guy ham it up, and he was playing all dark and weird eyed here. Christopher Plummer (whose long career has seen him in other Jesus and Dracula pictures) plays Van Helsing’s “descendent” and gets to provide the story with some interesting developments, thanks to the weird ass script. Justine Waddell did a fine job as Mary, though sadly, I’m not as in lust with her as Dracula. Something between her and my brain didn’t click, but I’ll try not to dwell on it.

Despite being a new and hip take on the Dracula mythos, I think the story was pretty well done. Nothing was over explained, the mix of clouded lore and contemporary life was balanced, the twists as well as the tributes were welcome and not too half-baked, and there was some funky dialogue to keep those eyes rolling. The grossness and gore shots were great additions which the film really needed. The leech jumping off of Drac’s corpse onto Shade’s eyelid was creepy and hilarious at the same time, so cheers on that one. The editing was a bit insane in places, but I guess if Patrick Lussier is going to go all out and potentially harm a film that way, it might as well be his own. If you recognize that name but don’t know why exactly, don’t worry… any horror fan has seen it plenty of times without probably even noticing. And while Patrick’s directorial resume isn’t all that with a bag of crisps just yet, who really knows what the 3-D future holds. Especially if he keeps casting the hottest chicas imaginable, as he did here, I know I’ll be watching.

So yeah, I guess you can color me blush red, surprised. Whoever happens to read this however, probably is not surprised in the least that I enjoyed another shitty movie. I don’t want to say that I’ve eased up over the last ten years, but if I had seen this when it first came out I probably would have crucified it (no pun). With all of the pop-culture-ish actors in the film (did I mention Nathan Fillion as an honest priest?) it’s actually probably better that I waited this long to see it. And perhaps it’s about time you yourself revisit it, maybe you’ll think again about what you thought before. It might just suck ass a little less this time around.

March 20, 2010

Some pics of my book collection...

While I take my usual long ass time working on new posts, I figured I’d take a few pictures of my book collection. Just dusted and cleaned up a bit, so here are the two top shelves and the covers to three selects.

As you can tell I’m really into FABPress books. Limited and Numbered Edition version of Blood And Dishonour, the Satanic Sluts pictorial w/ DVD. Limited and Numbered Edition of AntiCristo, a definitive book on Nasty Nun films (personal favorites of mine). LE Fulci and Argento books, all Hardbacks, which I treasure. The crown jewel of the collection, Tim Lucas’s Bava book was a preorder with the bookmark. It took a long while before it arrived, near almost two years I believe… I actually didn’t know what the hell was in that heavy arse box when it showed up. Rounding out are a few other FabPress books I picked up locally… I’m still missing quite a few of their releases.

On the top shelf are two Verotik artbooks, one for Simon Biz and one for Frank Frazetta. Also, I’ve got the Blackest Heart Media comics w/ Soundtracks for Zombie and The Beyond. Bottom shelf I’ve got a few Devilman action figure guides and Screaming Mad George’s digital photography manipulation LadyDevilman hardback (that one took me a while to find). Mezzo Forte and Kite anime book. Japanese Mark Ryden artprint book (I also own the soundtrack to his gallery).

The Nightmare Never Ends, an absolutely beautiful NoES 1-6 documentary which I found in a Cali shop. Its cover is a bit shredded so I got it on the cheap. Spaghetti Nightmares is one of the (if not thee) very first books on Italian Horror that I ever bought. See No Evil is a book on video controversy in the UK. Sex Murder Art is a book on Jörg Buttgereit’s illustrious career. If you've got a request to see any inner pages of a particular book let me know and I'll take some snapshots.

March 15, 2010

TF's: 3/15/10

What is there to be said about The Fallen? Ignoring any storyline from The War Within and past characterization, and also that Michael Bay claims that the character in his film is the same… I can pretty much say that The Fallen sucks balls. The fact that Megatron refers to this guy as “My Lord” in the second film pisses me off to no end. And that is even considering that Megs is most surely only using him for the time being and will eventually disown him. Still, it bugs me. And speaking of bugs, the f’n guy looks like one big mosquito or some shit. I know all of the Film designs have been jumbled, and Megatron himself looks like a bag of glued together rocks… but bringing a Bionicle into the mix? That’s not to say that he doesn’t look like an evil bastard, but I’d like to see them all get a bit less alieny in design, and to get blockier. So how about The Fallen’s good traits? I don’t know, he was voiced by Tony Todd. Does that help? Perhaps I’m just bitter that these two movies could have been far superior to the gonzo bullshit that they actually are.

The Fallen Burning Version is a Target Exclusive in the US and retailed for 22$. Of course, there’s no way in hell I would have paid that for this Voyager sized figure… but after a while of sitting on the shelves, the price was reduced thrice and I finally picked it up today for 5$. Mine didn’t come with any instructions, which is not good at all since this toy is extremely difficult to comprehend (everything about it is weird, the joints, the design, ect) and I have no clue as to what in the hell his alt mode is supposed to be. Some sort of Cybertronian Jet, I guess. Apart from my dislikes, the toy is actually pretty damn sweet. It’s fun to handle and mess around with, and it does look a lot prettier out of the package when you can pose it dramatically. It’s got closed spring loaded feet which they’ve been doing on a few figures lately. This feature is sure to bug the crap out of some people, but it is a little bit neat how when you set his down-pointed toes to the table and his feet just open up.

It’s a sturdy toy and while all of the new toys could use some extra paint apps for details, this Repaint (different color plastic actually) Exclusive is a rather cool representation of ol’ Fally since if he is who he really is, he should be constantly on fire! So the great pumpkin orange is a nice touch. I wouldn’t advise paying more than 10$ for any Fallen figure, but after checking this guy out for a while, I’m glad I picked it up.

Skystalker is a non-movie Scout Class figure from the RoTF line. First of all, this guy is completely badass in both Stealth Jet mode and Robot form. Colors: Black, Grey… tiny shades of purple. He’s got one eye since he’s ‘supposedly’ a drone (and a sneaky near-cowardly one at that), landing gear (they didn’t have to, they just did and it’s great), some kickass hook swords (which hide into his wings), those pesky spring loaded toes, and he can ride humpback on the supremely awesome looking big brother Voyager Class Mindwipe! Check it out.

From the first second I saw a picture of Mindwipe I was all over it. This guy and his little drone both are the most killer looking new figures to come out in the last few years… and come on, they’re both Black Decepticon Stealth Fighter Jets! The only problem is I can’t seem to find the hypnotizing bot anywhere, and there haven’t been too many sightings online either. All in due time I guess. Takara and Hasbro have put out a few damn ugly as all shit toys as of late, but when they come up with dudes like these, it’s all forgiven. Hopefully they’ll quit with the non-transforming crap, the Tonka Toy TF’s that have been littering up the shelves, and those damn Matchbox cars. What the hell Hasbro? Focus! Bring it back old school and deliver some sweet products.

March 14, 2010

Ramen: Nong Shim #1

NONG SHIM Kimchi Ramyun

This is the US made version of Nong Shim’s Kimchi noodles, and like their other flavors comes in a larger form than that of their more famous competitors. The standard size of ramen known here is 3oz, and I usually devour two at once. Nong Shim however puts out 4.2oz packs as standard, and I suspect that if I tried to down two of these at once I’d go cardiac meltdown. It’s rather fulfilling, and goes well with about twelve ounces of Wild Cherry Pepsi for breakfast.

Kimchi Ramyun comes with a round mound of dry noodles, dried vegetable packet and a packet of soup base. The soup base is a beef stock, with various spices, soy sauce powder, salts and sugar. Dehydrated mushroom, green onion, carrot and kimchi accompany it for that special flavor and texture. The finished soup comes out in a deep vibrant orange, almost sea of blood-ish color, and the noodles have a slightly slippery but more than acceptable texture.

This ramen is of course, ‘gourmet spicy’ and that’s just how I like mine (note: the package I bought doesn’t clarify anywhere that it’s spicy for some reason, but I’ve had it before so I knew). It’s definitely not the spiciest I’ve tasted, but as a stand alone package without any modifications, I’d say that it’s got a definite 7/10 rating. The final bits of noodles, veggies and broth were especially delectable and left a gentle tingling on my lips and in my stomach. I can only imagine if I had followed the ‘serving suggestion’ and placed actual kimchi on top of the finished dish. That would have been sweet…hmm, maybe next time, this dish would totally benefit from it.

Founded in 1965, the ‘Best Taste Award Winning’ Korean company known now as Nong Shim, slowly branched out over decades with its products and international factory locations. Prices for each package range from 75 cents upward, which for ramen may seem like much… however, this company seemingly takes great pride in what they do if that’s any consolation. In any case, it’s worth it to try different brands, especially if you’re prone to eating the same thing time and time again.

NONG SHIM Shin Ramyun

Though I haven’t tried all of their product, this is the first of theirs I had and to this day is my very favorite of their brand. I had taken to eating a mix of Maruchan Picante Chicken and Chili flavors, which is quite flavorful and spicy… and definitely satisfying! Though, none of that had prepared me for the onslaught of nose-runniness that would occur when I downed this delightfully amped up treat. In my ‘most humble opinion’, all Ramen should be spicy. ALL of it! There’s no fun to be had in a bland dish (every try eating mild jambalaya). Anyone sensitive to spicy food will immediately withdraw from eating this after the first slurp.

NONG SHIM's noodles are a bit thicker than others, not by much, but still cook nicely. They may seem slightly firm but actually have a slight chewiness to them which is excellent. On a noodle grade, I’d say that this is one of the tops out there. Cup noodles, these are not. This is the real deal no bullshit meal. The broth is dark and brooding, and when you look into it you the mysteries of the world seemingly present themselves to you.

I’d like to see NS put out some more flavor options, that’s my one complaint. Just straight up instant noodle flavors, nothing fancy. It’s become a bit easier for the Ramen connoisseur to get some variety, but you’ve got to store-hop if you really want to find something. There aren’t any ramen bars around here, but every location has different stuff and there’s a few Asian shops scattered about. I’ll not settle for plain ol’ beef or chicken. That’s for the newbies, kid stuff, ya know. I still appreciate it though, and thank mum for making me my first bowl when I was six. Shin Ramyun gets a solid 9.5/10. Its Spicy Beef flavor left tiny beads of sweat forming over my brow… so make sure you stuff a wet facecloth in the freezer while you cook this.

March 13, 2010

Film!: Bitch Slap / Bruce Campbell

Bitch Slap (2009)

So yeah, saw Bitch Slap. Fuckin’ loved it… for the most part, at least.

While some effects were noticeably bad, such as the green-screen beach (and the green screen train station, and the green screen green screen), they were more than tolerable and actually added to the unique Spirit-style look of the film. Everything looked pretty much fake, so be it, and there’s not anything wrong with that a film that isn’t set out to be anything other than radically visually entertaining. However, when things got out of hand it did tend to look like complete shit. That crazy ass shootout in front of the Piggly Wiggly was far too jumbled and trashy. I don’t know if that’s what they were going for, but I hope not. It was mildly funny, but it got messy real quick… especially compared to how the rest of the film was either: classic Grindhouse, Glossy New-School B-Film, and Fake-As-All-Shit James Bond throwback.

The props all looked pretty sweet, aside from that big ass plasma cannon that was more plastic than some of the acting. I caught all the tributes and got what they were going for, but what really made the film was the “artistic” way in which it was shot. Bitch Slap is pretty much nothing more than a thirty minute film, padded out (no pun) with another fifty minutes of sweet sweet booty and titty shots. If Grindhouse was Back-To-Back, then this shit is Front-To-Front, and I appreciate it too. Not a film without its flaws (one being that supposedly 3/4th of the chicks featured “aren’t as hot as they’d like you to believe” – though, they’re still mad hot made up), it definitely makes up for it in gratuitous stuff. I’m not bothered that half the girls in the film aren’t my type (too tall, too thin, too mouthy, too violent, not blonde enough, not black enough, they speak English, have hidden agendas, are drama queens, are switch-hitters, wear tin-foil hats while they eat breakfast, collect PEZ dispensers, adore QT, think they’re “all that”, spout catchphrases, ect)…

…because the film was actually fun! Despite how much of it may have started to suck here and there, nothing can take away the fact that the movie completed its mission to keep my eyes on the screen and my hand on my controller. This movie is beyond absurd; sometimes even with the wacky sound effects to boot, and never takes itself too seriously. With Camero’s mugging, Trixie’s pouting and Hel’s Clint Eastwooding mixed in with some over the top and ridiculous dialogue, you’ll know right away what you’re in for. And it does all get stranger as it goes along, with mysterious surprises and eye opening flashbacks tossed in for good measure.

There’s a little Nunsploitation tribute scene that makes the film collection worthy even if the rest of it might not appeal to you in a major way. But I don’t see why it wouldn’t anyhow, as there’s a little something for everyone… with maybe the exception of straight females, but their ‘demographic’ isn’t really suited for these things am I right? And perhaps people with good taste too, but everyone did a bang up job in their roles. Aside from the three main girls, the characters of Gage and Hot Wire were especially badass. As for Kinki, I can see what they were going for obvious tribute-wise, but her high pitched cackling annoyed me to no end (much like Baby in Robert Zombie’s films). You can tell that everyone was really having fun with this project, and that’s what the viewer should do too.

Would you like to see Lucy Lawless as Mother Superior, and Kevin Sorbo hamming it up to the eleventh degree? How about seeing America Olivo rip off her traditional black and white habit down to kinky leather lingerie? Or maybe to see the three ladies take a quick break from digging for treasure to have a soaking wet water fight? If you’re into cheesy ass films and can endure horrible CGI, but enjoy a glossy look and some ADHD editing mixed with some slo-mo, then Bitch Slap is for you!

I can understand how this movie is getting some low ratings and pretty much trashed wherever you look. But for every bad review there seems to be someone else claiming to love it. I’m not generally too hard on these kinds of movies because I go in with absolutely no expectations to begin with most of the time. Bitch Slap is to Grindhouse, as Austin Powers is to Bond Films… so what do you expect? Entertainment for one, and Bitch Slap does not fail in that department. Also, as an added bonus, it doesn’t utterly reek of pretentiousness. You might catch a whiff when Trixie goes on about that Samurai sword, but that’s it. Watch the TRAILER, or just see the film and prepare for major grinnage.

My Name Is Bruce (2007)

So what is a “bad” movie? Another low budget film from recent years that you can find getting utterly beat down in online reviews is Bruce Campbell’s film “My Name Is…” I read somewhere “Without Bruce in the film, this would be complete shit” or something to that affect, which is kind of paradoxical thinking anyways, since there is no “this film” without Bruce. All the jokes are of the inside nature, and the film is basically a showcase for Bruce’s many theatrical talents. The plot is as simple as it can get, but that’s no problem at all.

Here Bruce is doing a self-parody, with a special emphasis on his ‘loserness’ and ‘dick-headedness’. Acting like a complete prick one minute to scrounging leftover hooch pints for any last drops the next. Not that desperate alcoholism is anything to laugh about, but he did that shit so well that I couldn’t help it. When the incredibly violent god of bean curd (and war?), Guan-di is unleashed, Bruce is called upon by uber-fan goth boy Jeff to save the day. Of course, upon first encounter with the glowing eyed demon, Bruce proceeds to immediately shit his drawers and run off screaming while blindly squeezing triggers.

After all the hype and welcoming of the kidnapped Bruce to the small town of Goldfuck, his true colors are shown as a coward and selfish bastard. But will love and a surprising rising sense of morals help Bruce to realize what he’s meant to do? Things might just get a little sappy. With some bad jokes flying around and a lot of wackiness occurring, you can expect a little bit of the tofu con queso.

I dig Bruce Campbell. The dude is brilliant, and his sometimes (often-times?) over-dramatic acting is the stuff of legend. This film is a great showcasing of his abilities and is thoroughly enjoyable. It’s not really scary at all, and the musical interludes are a bit distracting and kind of suck… but everything else is all gravy. Especially in the case of Bruce’s love interest in the flick, Grace Thorsen, as the incredibly busty and always jiggling Kelly. I wouldn’t mind seeing more of her.

Some say that “If you’re not a fan of Bruce Campbell, then you won’t like this movie.” To which I say, “Dude, everybody is a fan of Bruce Campbell.” So quit hatin’ and start masturbatin’…

March 4, 2010

The Tudors: Season 2

During Season 1 of The Tudors, I wasn’t quite sure what to do in terms of finishing the rest of the series. I’m not really a quitter, yet I was unsure if it was going to get better. Not to say that the first season was bad, not at all… it was quite devilishly sexy, but also heavily political early on. Thus is the nature of the story and this program so I can’t really speak against it for that, but I wanted to get to the juicy bits. Naturally one cannot skip the first season and go straight for the second and undoubtedly best, since the first establishes characters and builds that overpowering lust our Lord has for Anne Boleyn. But once all the Wolsey drama is out of the way, it’s time for King Henry VIII to get Medieval on Anne’s sweet ass!

Thriving for complete and total domination on every level, Henry demands no less that everything he so desires… even if it means throwing a small tantrum every now and then. Such as the finale of Season 1 when he’s forced to pull out by His Lady, a moment where she knows that she’s most surely got him in her grasp. Using Henry’s desire not only for a gorgeous woman, but also his incessant yearning to have a son, this naturally makes him frantic and even with opposition at all angles, he will now stop at nothing. By any means necessary, even if he must appoint himself Head of the Church of England, banish his Queen from court, and piss off a Lot of people by pronouncing His law, the law.

Anne of course, gives birth to a daughter (she immediately apologizes, and he most immediately goes out for some late night arse-snacking) and over the short course of time, she goes reasonably insane. Increasingly paranoid, stressed out to an unhealthy point of two miscarriages, and of course, bewitching as a uh, witch… the King has fought so diligently to ‘legitimize’ his new marriage, their daughter and his right to free love, and For What!? Of course, we all know where this is… beheaded. Muahahaha!… sorry, couldn’t resist. What starts off as a slow simmering flame erupts in a smoldering blaze of passion, regrets and carnal violence!

My eyes were glued to the screen, and my hand, well, it was glued to something else. In the 2008 film, The Other Boleyn Girl, Anne was played by none other than Natalie Portman, and her sister Mary, by Scarlett Johansson. How anyone, King or otherwise, could drop Scarlett for Natalie is simply beyond me, and made the film a bit unrealistic. Natalie Dormer on the other hand, exemplifies the term enchanting beauty. Her face, her eyes and her neck (see picture above) are all sublime objects of lust and left me enthralled. I doubt any other portrayal of Anne Boleyn could be surpassed by her performance in this television series. On that same note, Eric Bana is no Jonathan Rhys Meyers. The awesomeness he has shown here, along with the supreme badassness he displayed in Match Point, has won me over.

My words are my own and as of posted from their creation forward I hereby claim originality to them. Pictures may prove to be promotional items and are the sole possessions of their respectful owners and/or companies. I do not sell, nor do I buy. I only rent, so therefore, nothing I own is truly mine.