June 26, 2012

Get out of my dreams... get into my coffin!

Welcome to Part 1 of what is to become a series of screenshots from the sexiest show on paid television: True Blood! I'm not going to get into details here, just display the events as they have occurred, and if I post a scene "here or there", know that I most surely was hard and wet when it all played out. Still with me? Splendid. So let us begin.

Season 4, Episode 4: Eric suddenly shows up floating in front of Sookie's "window".

After they speak for a brief moment, she invites him in.

He smells her. She smells him... more of him than he expected actually.

Things get hot and heavy real quick with the violent kissing...

When suddenly, Sookie pulls open her robe and takes control.
She begins straddling the loathsome lonesome fellow.

 She teases and seemingly mocks Eric...

 ...aaaannnnndddd, I think we've all been there!

It feels good. Oh, and it also feels good to know that I'm not the only one jerking off to Anna Paquin here.
Apparently it's so common (yes Vampires too masturbate) that it happens in the show itself!
That really takes a load off. *shifty eyes*

June 23, 2012

Faces in the Crowd (2011) / Texas Killing Fields (2011)

Faces in the Crowd (2011)
Starring: Milla Jovovich and Julian McMahon.

In the 2011 film Faces in the Crowd, Milla Jovovich plays a really hot elementary school teacher by the name of Anna, who becomes the newest obsession of a crazed maniac after she accidentally stumbles upon him raping a dead woman in a back alleyway during a two-in-the-morning venture home from a girl's night out where her two seemingly stupider friends were smart enough to catch a Taxi or a ride to the Crab Shack.

Her friends may be dumb as all hell, and not to mention craving-that-cock slutty too, but at least they have enough sense not to walk home through dangerous streets (and yet, not sober enough to persuade their good friend not to do so) with no lights, in the middle of the night, and with a necro-rapist on the loose. But of course the hottest chick out of the crowd decides to go for a stroll and just happens to come across our mysterious killer, fucking the freshly slashed corpse of a cute young lady while he cries like a little bitch!

If that last statement starts to chill you after a couple of moment's consideration, don't be alarmed. The feeling of intense and crushing sexual terror at the concept indicates only that you are still insane.

Then her cellphone goes off! Dur. The chase gives way, he slices her up a bit and she stumbles backwards over the peer, smashing the back of her head on some sort of plank before going blank in the water and awakening in the hospital. After she awakens she can't recognize anyone's face... but it's not just that, the faces of everyone she knows change every time she looks away from them. So naturally she freaks out on everyone who's ever loved her and fucks the first guy who's face doesn't change every time she sees him. Or does it?! 

Things I liked: First off, Milla Jovovich. She's the only reason this movie is even worth watching. I liked the concept of the film, how they used different actors for the husband each time she woke up (weird shit like that I always get a kick out of), and the tone of the film was pretty good.

Things I didn't: This movie is basically a TV Crime drama show extended cut that gets slower as it goes along, and in the end the killer reveal is pretty weak. This isn't anything special aside from some of the cool moments and interesting thoughts behind them. It doesn't even seem that the producers of this film cared too much about anything judging by the two different posters for the film (one of them has a photo of Milla from Resident Evil superimposed over a broken mirror). There also seemed to be quite a few instances of shoddy CGI scattered about.

Texas Killing Fields (2011)
Starring: Sam Worthington, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Chloë Grace Moretz and Corie Berkemeyer.

Two homicide detectives and a NYC cop in a not so lovely triangle are teamed up to find out just who has been murdering all the cute young ladies in some rundown shithole of a town. Following their instincts and clues, they're led all over the damn place and do a pretty damn good job of getting nowhere fast while more and more dead girl bodies keep piling up in the swamp.

Is there a serial killer on the loose? Or does this all have to do with a small town prostitution ring run by a family of black folk who are led (by choice?) by a heavily tattooed, swastika-on-the-neck sporting white guy who's gangster as fuck? Perhaps a more important question, you'll ask yourself while watching this movie, is 'why should I even care?' Is it because a young girl with frizzy hair and an addiction to milk of magnesia (she even drinks it out of brown paper bags like it's Tenafly Viper or some shit) somehow gets caught in the crossfire of these violent, sexually addicted fiends!? Well, I guess that's a good enough reason if any.

Things I liked: I rented this because basically I've liked everything Jeffrey Dean Morgan has done, I mean, the dude is just awesomeness personified. As an added bonus, Moretz plays the frazzled haired girl who for whatever reason (maybe she's the last cherry in the backwoods - but I doubt it by the looks of things, and the way she maintains distance from certain men in the film while delivering freakishly awkward stares) becomes the object of play here.

Jason Clarke (who also played the private investigator in Trust_) is in this as the über-tattooed thug and child abductor named Rule. His character in this movie is perhaps the most entertaining aspect out of everything presented here, not that there's all that much to compete with. But anytime this guy is onscreen the movie felt entertaining, and he shows up so periodically that every time I felt like taking the disc out of the player I ended up not doing so.

The Meh! Factor: This is a pretty forgettable crime drama that plays out (much like the film above) like a TV cop show, only there's not a drop of humor, deadpan or otherwise to be had here. It's also very disjointed! This shit is all over the place, and a lot of the time it bounces from scene to scene and location to location without a clarification of what's going on or what the motivation is. The script isn't all too great and most of the acting is stilted and unnatural. Aside from Jason Clarke, and somewhat from Dean Morgan (even though he hams it up pretty good here) and Berkemeyer, it really seems as if nobody was trying all too hard to keep this movie from just feeling dull and lifeless. It's a pretty mundane affair, and the color scheme to the whole film doesn't help any either. At least the girl in this first screenshot gives it her all with a stunningly accurate Sam Worthington impression:

June 20, 2012

Sierra Nevada HoptimuM

Sierra Nevada HoptimuM - Whole-Cone Imperial IPA (2012)
Limited Selections.
12 fl. oz. (x4) / $10.56 USD / 10.4% ABV

About: "A group of hop-heads and publicans challenged our Beer Camp brewers to push the extremes of whole-cone hop brewing. The result is this: a 100 IBU, whole-cone hurricane of flavor. Simply put - HoptimuM: the biggest whole-cone IPA we have ever produced. Aggressively hopped, dry-hopped, AND torpedoed with our exclusive new hop varieties for ultra-intense flavors and aromas.

Bittering Hops: German Magnum / Aroma Hops: Simcoe and New Proprietary Variety / Dry Hops: Simcoe and New Proprietary Variety / Torpedo Hops: Citra and Chinook / Yeast: Ale / Malts: Two-row Pale, Golden Promise, Munich and Wheat."

Thoughts: HoptimuM poured out a vibrant pumpkin shade of orange with an incredibly white bubbly head that puffed up topped it off beautifully. The beer is nearly transparent, but an abundant amount of hop flakes are drifting through space here. It's really cool looking.

The scent, as always when it comes to Sierra Nevada, is their trademark classic quality craft-work. This one smells very similar to their Torpedo actually, only a slight bit amplified. It's incredibly fresh and rich. It doesn't climb up the nostrils furiously like Southern Tier's Gemini (gotta love it), but rather slowly fills the senses like being locked in a plate glass room filling with a sweet poisonous gas.

This brew has an incredible peppery hop spice to it. It starts out really sweet and maintains that malty sweetness throughout, and though it's got an immense bitterness that gradually intensifies after each swallow, both of these aspects contribute to what just may be the most superior beer ever created. Why debate it? After warming for a short bit, the blending of all components on display here are presented flawlessly. It's caramel candied hops with a smokey citrus finish. This may not be the absolutely best Imperial IPA I've ever had, but this is a top 10 beer material and there's no fucking doubt about it.

The mouth isn't all too heavy, but it's just a little sticky and that flavor coats well.

This beer is incredibly easy to drink. You can tell that there's a strength to it, but it's not outright an exclusively hop driven experience. The balance that it has achieved is actually quite remarkable, and the booze is well hidden. Don't worry, you can still taste and feel the booze, and it makes for a more exciting aspect to the brew overall, but it is a lurker. After buying a four pack and a three pack I went out and found another three pack and snatched it up with a few more bottles of Bigfoot. I'm sure in the next few days another four pack will be my possession. I am, addicted to this shit.

June 19, 2012

In Lust We Trust_...

Here's a few not really leftover shots from Trust_ (2010) that tell a bit more of the horrendous acts of sexual deviancy that led to the further self-loathing of a naïve young grrl. A sad state of affairs, the affects of Troo Wub on a young future porn actresses heart. Too harsh?

Lost... in a dream,
Nothing's what it seems.
Searching my head...
 For the words that you said.
Tears filled my eyes...
As we said our last goodbyes :(!
This sad scene replays,
Of you walking away.......
My body aches from mistakes!
Betrayed by lust!!
We lied to each other so much...
That in NOTHING we Trust_!!1
This by-the-book Lifetime Channel PSA was so devoid of depth that viewing these screenshots alone will give you a greater range of emotion than watching the actual film. 

What gets me is that she holds so strongly to her convictions through everything (and The Rock means... EVERY-THING!), that is, until she finds out that "he's done this sort of thing before"... therefore rending her, as an individual of this planet: UNspecial. *Roll Eyes* So what made her really hate herself in the first place? Are we just born with it these days? Perhaps... it's an interesting theory. Something is wrong with this picture.

June 18, 2012

Dogfish Head, Stone and Victory Saison du Buff

Dogfish Head, Stone and Victory Saison du Buff - Ale brewed with parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme (2012)
Brewed and Bottled by Dogfish Head Craft Brewery in Milton, Delaware. 
12 fl. oz. / $3.49 USD / 6.8% ABV

About: "The idea for this beer germinated way back in 2003 when the three guys (Sam from Dogfish, Greg from Stone and Bill from Victory) formed the BUFF alliance (Brewers United for Freedom of Flavor) - a noble endeavor with the goal to highlight the passion and camaraderie of the American craft brew movement. Saison du BUFF was first brewed at Stone and then replicated at each of the other two breweries - same recipe, same ingredients, three different breweries throughout 2010 - and then again in 2012."

Thoughts: Poured a seriously hazy muted yellow with a slight amber shade and a one finger frothy whiter than white head. Carbonation bubbles are plentyful.

The scent is very zesty at first, like a mix of orange and lemon peel. The yeast in this one presents itself strongly. The herbs all blend very well into the mix here and aren't stand alone or overpowering to one another.

The taste on this one is very fresh and crisp. It's semi-sweet when it first hits the mouth, but a soft coating tingling of tang erupts after the swallow and it later followed by an unoffensive bitterness. There's an earthy wheat flavor to it that's doused with a moderate amount of Belgian tasting yeast. Everything here blends perfectly and comes off as a really enjoyable drinking experience. The last of the bottle gives way to a pleasant aftertaste with a hint of pine and a coating of spice inside the mouth.

Mouthfeel is sudsy. Little bit heavy. Slightly grainy and just a little bit sticky.

I've been recently drinking quite a few Farmhouse Ales and I've gotta say that I'm really digging this style of beer. This one tasted great from the first gulp to the last sip. I will be seeking out more of this style, and perhaps may pick up the Stone version of this that's been collecting a bit of dust at the store.

June 17, 2012

Dogfish Head Raison D'Extra

Dogfish Head Raison D'Extra - Ale brewed with raisins (2007)
Limited Release (On Hiatus Brew)
12 fl. oz. / $8.69 USD / 18.5% ABV

About: "A bigger, bolder version of our Raison D'Etre. This is a bulbous, brown ale brewed with a bunch of malt, brown sugar and raisins."

Thoughts: D'Extra poured out an seriously thick and cloudy purple-ish brown color that left my glass in a muddy water type state. The surprisingly light head came to a sliver upon the early pour and then faded just as fast as I could snap a few shots.

First hit on the nose and unholy shit is this stuff strong! Raisins, molasses, brown sugar, caramel, and of course... the BOOZE! I think I caught a buzz of that first whiff. Almost like a cinnamon way in the background but not really... maybe cloves.

Very fucking bready with a fierce hitting mild brown sugary spice. Booze warms immediately, and puts a total haze into the throat. It's overly sweet and incredibly indulgent, yet that brown sugar slowly grips it and pulls it back into a gentler softness that rides out smoothly. In-credible.

This beer is pretty thick feeling and very syrupy. You gotta swallow this beer twice just to get it all down.

It's a good thing these are only sold in one packs, though at the same time, that's also quite irritating. Give it a big bottle for that price at least. It left me craving more. I wonder when DFH is going to brew more of this one. I'm unsure if this 2007 bottle is from the last batch they brewed, but it could quite possibly be as people all over the net have been drinking these lately and the trail ends there.

June 15, 2012

Trust_ (2010)

Trust_ (2010) Starring: Liana Liberato, Clive Owen and Catherine Keener. Directed by: David Schwimmer.

Trust is a film about a fifteen year old girl who has been chatting online with a young man who shares a lot of similar interests, only to later find out that this "young man" is in fact a thirty-something year old dude who speaks in an soft toned baby-talk fashion, but is still pretty OK looking and a little bit charming (some call it manipulative), so she lets lets him stick it inside of her. Oh, and then her dad slowly starts to lose his goddamn mind.

Despite her own unease when he shows up and appears even older than he confessed ("I'm really kinda like twenty... wiat, okay, DFO but I'm really like twenty-five instead."), she goes along with him and eventually falls for his "boy like charm". He talks really soft and annoying, pulling out all the stops to make her feel like the center of the universe... that is, until he gets his way with her and suddenly splits. The Scene of course it pretty squirm inducing, but it's handled pretty well. The revelation of the secret video camera underneath the television stand is a particularly disgusting addition to an already uncomfortable scene that will have most viewers hoping there's nobody around watching this with them, let alone, feel themselves watching this.

She may seem smart enough, but girls like her do dumb shit all the time. There's a lot of psycho babble between the girl and her appointed shrink that is glaringly obvious to anyone who's read about cases like these before or have seen a program on them; Including after school specials, which this film seems to be a bigger production value version of. I could easily see this playing on the Lifetime Network at one in the afternoon. This girl goes on and on about how people don't understand her lover, how he's so nice in every way and how he finds her so beautiful (apparently attention is something she greatly desires). I liked the whole Text Speak appearing on the screen idea as it looked really good and flowed nicely, though all the actual wording is incredibly annoying since I H8 that sort of shit (they did it for parent education apparently, which is even worse?). 

One problem is that the film doesn't really figure out is why this girl has such low self esteem. Sure, there's the pressure of fitting in withe the "cool kids" and all this business about shirtless hot tween advertisements, but her family life seems pretty grounded and not to mention very happy. It appears that her parents give her just enough space at her age, but also are always there with advice and structure. They never abuse her or tell her she's ugly, in fact, at no point do they do anything other than show her that she's a beloved daughter. She seems like a smart enough girl too, so how could she go as far as to have such a horrible body image? Because of a few magazines, tv shows and popular girls at school (who in this film by the way, are far from beautiful)? Perhaps they shouldn't have cast such a gorgeous young lady in this if they wanted to pull this off. Or at least one that didn't look like a future Sasha Grey.

Every one of the characters here seems awfully emotionally detached as well. Now, I don't know if this was done purposely (I really fucking doubt it) or if it's just another of the film's many weaknesses. Even after the event, there aren't a lot of emotions being shed. It takes the father a while even to go nuts, and even then this guy is one very self-restrained dude. Everyone is acting weird after this all happens and I suppose that's natural, but it's all handled in a strange and rather unnatural way. While this film is actually decently made and acted, it's still pretty damn generic. Like I said earlier, the most obvious scenes take place and the script seems something like that of a cliff notes version of these sort of cases. The film never delves too deep into this particular girl's emotional situation at all. It's almost as if every character in this film is faceless in a way. Not due to the acting mind you, everyone is trying real hard here (and I found all of the performances actually really good)... but the lines are so stock and the events really are "by the book".

I'm not really too sure of the message that David Shwimimer was trying to get across here. Aside from seeing the dynamics of a father/daughter relationship going through a severe turmoil, what is the purpose of this film? Is it meant to be a PSA? A zeigiests for discussion between parents and children about the dangers of texting and chatting online? This isn't really a "movie" in the true sense, but rather a piece of awareness trickery. It's plain enough that nearly everyone can hopefully not relate to it, but at the same time, lacking in depth and a rather dull experience. It's a good thing that the actors here are all at the top of their game because if not this film would be absolute shit. But I'd say that it slightly ranks above a really awesome badly made PSA and just above a made for TV program. Liana Liberato is amazing! This was a great breakout role for her. There's not much going on aside from the father/daughter stuff though, and with that said, Clive Owen really carries the other half of this film. The rest of it is just pretty meh!

My words are my own and as of posted from their creation forward I hereby claim originality to them. Pictures may prove to be promotional items and are the sole possessions of their respectful owners and/or companies. I do not sell, nor do I buy. I only rent, so therefore, nothing I own is truly mine.