Monster Cereal Mayhem!

It's true, Strange Kids Club and Eat the deaD just did it, and hell, there's even a whole blog itself dedicated to the stuff called simply MonsterCereal (update your site mofo!), but I just couldn't help myself. I had to get in the action. Where I grew up, finding a box of Count Chocula or Boo Berry was a very rare occurrence. On top of that, I never even seen a box of Frankenberry up close until about six years ago for the first time. I remember some thirteen years ago driving an hour to see a beautiful, gothy young lady. We had such splendid times, and in her town there was a supermarket that I had never heard of before. We must have been stoned (when were we not?) when the subject came up, but she told me that fateful day: There are monster cereals inside.

To the Boomobile! I bought three boxes of Chocula that day in my glazed, red eye state of glee. I visited her regularly over the next two years and wouldn't you know, I'd end up bringing back a box of Boo just about every weekend. Those were good times man. I was much, much more of a cereal eater back then than I am now. I never really got "the munchies", but when it came to cereal nothing smaller than a salad bowl and a third gallon of milk would do for the festivities. Went through a whole box of Rice Krispies Treats cereal in a day. I was fuckin' addicted to that stuff. But no matter how much I loved that, or Oh's, or Kix, nothing really compares to the feeling one gets when it's sugary Monsters.

I gotta say, I thought the artwork from last year was horrible. Man do I miss the classic designs featuring the full characters. It wasn't even too long ago that they changed it all up, and while I don't mind portraits, these just aren't cuttin' it. The previous designs were shoddy and looked like they were drawn by an eleven year old girl - no offense to the little twihards. This brand spankin' new box art isn't anything special either. It's at least somewhat stylish, a different and weirdly distorted take on the characters. I'm just not fond of the style, that's all. FrankenBerry doesn't look all too bad, but Chocula got robbed and poor Boo there quite simply got fuckin' massacred. He doesn't even look like himself, let alone a caricature. For shame!

The three major monster cereals are pretty constant now all year around these parts (and it's been a couple years since I checked but so was Quisp!), so I don't really blow a fat milky load whenever I see em in the stores. But I do get excited whenever there's new artwork done or a promotion. I was aghast when I saw what they did to my favorite character Boo Berry. Would it kill ya General Mills to give the guy a yellow hat and not seriously deform the shit out of his beautiful stoned face? Oh, and some mail in figures or decoder rings or other merchandise would be a nice little treat also. Maybe some new commercials or a cartoon series on the Hub? All we get this time around is the same comic on the back of each box and a whole grain guarantee. Lame.

I don't mean to sound like an ungrateful bastard but perhaps I am. I don't want some weak comic or some online code where you redeem some useless computer bits. I want an in box prize aside from the tasty cereal. Fuck, even a trading card would suffice. Just throw something cool at the customer GM. It doesn't have to be something huge like a return of Fruit Brute or Yummy Mummy *hint nudge*, but it's f'n Halloween time man! Take advantage of this, and have some fun for Boo's sake. It's time for the monster cereal characters to rise up and get the recognition they deserve. Who's against me?

Ramen: Nong Shim #1

NONG SHIM Kimchi Ramyun

This is the US made version of Nong Shim’s Kimchi noodles, and like their other flavors comes in a larger form than that of their more famous competitors. The standard size of ramen known here is 3oz, and I usually devour two at once. Nong Shim however puts out 4.2oz packs as standard, and I suspect that if I tried to down two of these at once I’d go cardiac meltdown. It’s rather fulfilling, and goes well with about twelve ounces of Wild Cherry Pepsi for breakfast.

Kimchi Ramyun comes with a round mound of dry noodles, dried vegetable packet and a packet of soup base. The soup base is a beef stock, with various spices, soy sauce powder, salts and sugar. Dehydrated mushroom, green onion, carrot and kimchi accompany it for that special flavor and texture. The finished soup comes out in a deep vibrant orange, almost sea of blood-ish color, and the noodles have a slightly slippery but more than acceptable texture.

This ramen is of course, ‘gourmet spicy’ and that’s just how I like mine (note: the package I bought doesn’t clarify anywhere that it’s spicy for some reason, but I’ve had it before so I knew). It’s definitely not the spiciest I’ve tasted, but as a stand alone package without any modifications, I’d say that it’s got a definite 7/10 rating. The final bits of noodles, veggies and broth were especially delectable and left a gentle tingling on my lips and in my stomach. I can only imagine if I had followed the ‘serving suggestion’ and placed actual kimchi on top of the finished dish. That would have been sweet…hmm, maybe next time, this dish would totally benefit from it.

Founded in 1965, the ‘Best Taste Award Winning’ Korean company known now as Nong Shim, slowly branched out over decades with its products and international factory locations. Prices for each package range from 75 cents upward, which for ramen may seem like much… however, this company seemingly takes great pride in what they do if that’s any consolation. In any case, it’s worth it to try different brands, especially if you’re prone to eating the same thing time and time again.

NONG SHIM Shin Ramyun

Though I haven’t tried all of their product, this is the first of theirs I had and to this day is my very favorite of their brand. I had taken to eating a mix of Maruchan Picante Chicken and Chili flavors, which is quite flavorful and spicy… and definitely satisfying! Though, none of that had prepared me for the onslaught of nose-runniness that would occur when I downed this delightfully amped up treat. In my ‘most humble opinion’, all Ramen should be spicy. ALL of it! There’s no fun to be had in a bland dish (every try eating mild jambalaya). Anyone sensitive to spicy food will immediately withdraw from eating this after the first slurp.

NONG SHIM's noodles are a bit thicker than others, not by much, but still cook nicely. They may seem slightly firm but actually have a slight chewiness to them which is excellent. On a noodle grade, I’d say that this is one of the tops out there. Cup noodles, these are not. This is the real deal no bullshit meal. The broth is dark and brooding, and when you look into it you the mysteries of the world seemingly present themselves to you.

I’d like to see NS put out some more flavor options, that’s my one complaint. Just straight up instant noodle flavors, nothing fancy. It’s become a bit easier for the Ramen connoisseur to get some variety, but you’ve got to store-hop if you really want to find something. There aren’t any ramen bars around here, but every location has different stuff and there’s a few Asian shops scattered about. I’ll not settle for plain ol’ beef or chicken. That’s for the newbies, kid stuff, ya know. I still appreciate it though, and thank mum for making me my first bowl when I was six. Shin Ramyun gets a solid 9.5/10. Its Spicy Beef flavor left tiny beads of sweat forming over my brow… so make sure you stuff a wet facecloth in the freezer while you cook this.