May 30, 2012

Berkshire Raspberry Barleywine Style Ale

Berkshire Brewing Raspberry Barleywine Style Ale (2012)
Seasonal Release (February)
22 fl. oz. / $5.99 USD / 9% ABV

About: "This special ale is inviting with its ruby hued appearance from the generous use of half a pound per gallon of fresh raspberries from a local farm only a few miles from the brewery.  Luscious malts and a balanced hop bitterness support the rich sweet/tart character of the fruit.  This brew is dangerously drinkable, challenging the notion of what a “fruit beer” is. Available each year in February, in time for Valentine’s Day." Awwww...

Thoughts: True to its name, this brew poured a raspberry red color straight out of the bottle. Got some pretty good head retention. This beer is has a slight cloudiness to it. 

This smells great. Very sweet, those raspberries come out on top and there's almost like a silky malt flow in the undercurrent. I myself am a bit perplexed as to why my brain went to silky as a way to describe a scent, but it just smells silky smooth. It smells sweet, but not overly sweet and there's a little bit of booze lurking in the shadows. Not getting any hops in the nose.

Taste starts off beautiful with a rich malty tenderness mixed with those sweet raspberries. Very light orange-zest citrus hops come out in the flavor around the middle, and in the end there's a tingling tartness that gently flows in then out. Savor, gulp and repeat. After a while the alcohol brings forth a fog in the mouth that lasts between each sip or chug. The booze seems well hidden, but it's a creeper, slowly wedging its way into the flavors. A gentle bitterness to this beer, I'm going to say, really helps it out from being one of those disgustingly sweet and vomitory semi-brews. This is true Ale, through and through, and it's pretty damn good too.

Mouth feel, and very important, this feels like Beer! It's a bit frothy, medium to heavy, good carbonation, and filling. It doesn't really coat the mouth much in terms of anything sticky, which one may consider with a fruit beer or barleywine/strong ale, but the taste stays long after it's been swallowed.

Alright, poured the rest of the bottle in and now it's a little bit grainy and hazy as all fuck. Berkshire of course produces unfiltered and unpasteurized brews that allow the yeast to remain in the bottle... so always expect a treat when that second glass is in front of you. This beer isn't really complex at all, but I have no problem with the way it presents itself. Especially for a fruit beer, since they're apparently so easy to fuck up.

At the end of the bottle now and it's a bit warm and still tastes good, but it's far better when it's cold. If you're one of those people who think all fruit beers are absolute shite, I'm going to tell you that this one has a 50/50 chance of you enjoying it, and those are the best possible odds in this imaginary scenario. If you give fruit beers a try from time to time and a lot of them suck, which they will, then this one will not. You can trust me. I'm a professional. Though Valentine's Day has far since passed, you can still buy your girl a bottle of this, smash it over her head and say "I love you... when you're unconscious."

Heavy Seas Plank 2

Heavy Seas Mutiny Fleet Plank II - Dopplebock Style Lager (2012)
Limited Release (Brewed Once)
22 fl. oz. / $7.95 USD / 8.5% ABV

About: "Heavy Seas Beer announces the release of Plank II – the second in a series of beers showcasing unique wood aging treatment to add flavor and nuance. Plank II features an 8.5% ABV Dopplebock style lager matured with specially treated Eucalyptus and Yellow Poplar wood planks. The Heavy Seas Plank Series boasts an innovative way of adding wood to the brewing process. The beer is allowed to mature on the wood during secondary fermentation. Created in a not-so-traditional way, Plank II will change the how you perceive wood-aged beers. A revolutionary thermal process releases the compounds in the wood through controlled heat in a way that “toasting” cannot do. In short, we put the wood in the beer – not the beer in the wood. Six-foot planks of Eucalyptus and Poplar were placed in the fermenter and allowed to age with the beer for six weeks. The Eucalyptus wood lends notes of chocolate, balanced with a hint of toffee and smoky dryness from the Yellow Poplar."

Thoughts: Plank 2 poured a darkish amber brown color that filled to a near dense black in the glass and a light tan colored head

Scent is very malty up front. It's woody and roasty, and there's a toasted quality about it. Eucalyptus wood planks is an odd choice for age a beer with, but it smells pretty good. I'm a little weirded out since the last time I smelled something like this it was a body cream. Still, I'm not really getting any sort of hop profile on this one. Just malt and more malt. It's all very mellow too. Nothing is jumping out at me.

Very bitter chocolate malt comes off first and then there's a slightly sweet and sour haze that could possibly be a citrus tone but it's difficult to tell. After swallowing and feeling around there's a light grassy flow throughout each breath. That's about it. Wood aged or not, this isn't exactly the most exciting beer I've ever had. It does have a nice tingling spicy quality about it when it's in the mouth, and that makes it a bit hard to find flavors right off, but perhaps that's a good thing. Only a third of the way through, I'm going to let it warm and see what happens...

Mouth feel is smooth and creamy. It's a little soft and foamy, like a cappuccino. Not light feeling at all.

...alright, it's a bit warmer now. A lot more of that wood flavor comes out and it's a welcome addition to this otherwise boring beer. Now, I'm not a bock fan at all, but I always like to test the dirty waters every few months, especially if it's from a brewery I like. But I'm just not interested in this one at all. The wood is the only part of this beer that I'm enjoying. I'll still try any other their other "Plank" beers, and I'm hoping that they choose a better style to do this with the next time. Knives for fingers crossed for Pumpkin!

May 29, 2012

Berkshire Sour Mash Whiskey Barrel Aged Saint of Circumstance

Berkshire Saint of Circumstance - Sour Mash Whiskey Barrel Aged IPA (2012)
Limited Release (Brewed Once)
22 fl. oz. / $9.49 USD / 5.7% ABV(?)

About: "Saint of Circumstance Sour Mash Whiskey Barrel Aged IPA married the grassy hop notes of this unique India Pale Ale with the richness of whiskey and oak, creating an enticing brew of exceptional character. The use of a mystery hop means this beer can never be duplicated. Aged 8 months in barrels from a well known Tennessee distillery, we at Berkshire Brewing Company offer up this special brew as a treat to you, our loyal customers. Ad Chris and Gary are fond of saying "Its all about the beer, but the beer is nothing without the people". We hope you enjoy it, and thank you for your support."

Thoughts: Poured a darker amber with a shade of red that settled into a orange hued, near golden haze. The eggshell white head was slow to form and lasted for a short while before frothing out into clusters.

The scent is blisteringly strong and agonizingly beautiful! Very strong splinters of wood from those sour mash whiskey barrels pierce my nose. I'm not really getting much of an IPA scent on this one at all, and I'm wondering if they even completely emptied the barrels before filling it with their beer. Either way, it smells delightful, but if you don't like the smell or taste of any sort of whiskey then you'll positively hate this!

E-Gah... whoo-boy! Straight up sour mash whiskey slap to the face. Any resemblance to an IPA seems to be completely lost in this one. I'm getting a lot of wood around the end and after the swallow once the air hits me again. Then I sucked the froth out of my mustache and cringed as the sour remnants struck their chord once more. Nicely done, Berkshire. They say they use a mystery hop in this so it'll never be duplicated, but I'll be damned if I can't really find much of it here. What I am getting is citrus and light grass, and it's very sour but not like lemons or limes or grapefruit at all, more like orange... but it's funky sour orange like I've never tasted before. Not only is this IPA domniated by the aging process here, but it's really seemingly malt heavy as well. I'm getting a lot of biscuit and a little bit of caramel. The hops, well, they start to come through the more you drink it. But it's an undertone to it all, and that's mainly how citrus and grass likes to hang around on the back of the tongue and taunt.

Mouth feel? Pucker up baby!

The only other beer that I've had that's remotely comparable to this is Innis and Gunn's Whiskey barrel , and even then, they're not even near similar.

This tart as all fuck brew doesn't exactly stand out as any sort of IPA, but as a whiskey aged brew it is decent enough, though totally sour! I can only imagine what it would have tasted like if it were a true IPA with a bit of these flavors. The sour overwhelms everything here. Meh, I finished it.

May 28, 2012

Anne Hathaway makes my Dark Knight Rise!

Comin'atcha with the puns. Though it looks more of a Red Bishop in a tug of war if you ask me. You know, in one of the new trailers for The Dark Knight Rises, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman's alter-ego speaks to Bruce Wayne about how he Lived Large for so long and let the rest of the little people go unrewarded in their perilous flights within the city of Gotham.

And this Bitch is one to talk about Livin' Large, home-slice, with the ruckus she caused in the little town of Bumfuck Egypt back in the day. It seems as if Anne is always getting herself caught between a rock and a hard cock place. July 20th it'll be between Batman and Bane, but just over five years ago it was with El Wray and Shaggy Wetpants in the movie Havoc.

El Wray you Son of a Bitch! Why does Freddy Rodriguez always get the sex scenes with the hot chicks!?

You see how he pulled that off? Literally speaking. So she goes from El Ray to El Caballero oscuro...

But I suppose for both of these characters we'll soon find out that Livin' Large ain't all that it's cracked up to be. There's always a price to be paid.

May 27, 2012

Dogfish Head Urkontinent

Dogfish Head Urkontinent - Ale brewed with wattle seeds, amaranth, rooibos, myrica, gale and honey (2012)
Occasional Rarity (Limited Release)
25.4 fl. oz. / $13.25 USD / 8% ABV

About: "Urkontinent is a Belgian-style dubbel that begins with Pilsner, Munich and Chocolate malts and Belgian Dark Candi syrup. Then we add unique ingredients from around the world: Wattleseed from Australia imparts chocolate, coffee and hazelnut notes to the beer. Toasted amaranth from South America gives it an earthy, grainy flavor and a little additional roast flavor. Green rooibos from Africa contributes a floral aroma and slight astringency. Myrica gale from Europe supplements the bitterness from minimal hopping. Hiveplex Honey from California adds a subtle sweetness while maintaining the dry finish."

Thoughts: This beer poured a dark, dark ruby red with brownish tones and a shadowy tan head. It would be a little transparent if it were light enough to see through, but it ain't.

Well, I'm not too familiar with most of the ingredients in this, so I can't exactly tell you if this beer reeks of funky rooibos, but I'll try. Smells kinda like a coffee flavored brandy. But not a cheap-ass nasty one. A semi-sweet and gentler kind of brandy. Real quality stuff. There's also some mellow herbal notes, and a roasted nutty undertone.

Taste is very malty at first with a moderate sting of booze. It's woodsy, chocolatey and sweet at the same time... kind of like those alcohol filled chocolate covered cherries. I get a hint of smoke after the swallow, which starts out as just a hint but grows after each gulp. It's a little sweet, but at the same time there's a low level tartness that's to be reckoned with. It's a bit too mild-chocolatey for my tastes though (I like my chocolate beer to be Choklat! - and don't really tend to like any other chocolate notes in beers). I really wish this were a lot sweeter, but as it stands, the taste is quite pleasant and it's easily drinkable.

Mouth is pretty fizzy and frothy. Finish is dry and wine like.

This is a good representation of a hybrid Dubbel / Belgian dark ale, but it's not overly exciting. Maybe it's a little too close to a porter for me. And a little overpriced too, but hey, it's DFH we're talking about. Get used to it, or just do what I do, buy one bottle and be done with it (unless it's just that good). The taste of this kind of makes me think of it as Monk's Blood Light. While the Blood is full, rich and flavorful, this is like a really toned down version of it - lacking the spice and sweetness, and subtituting in that mild bitter chocolate which brings about a "meh" feeling inside of me. No unpleasantries of any nature, yet not outstanding in any way.

Anne Hathaway gets Frisky in Havoc (2005)

Get it? Frisky! Like a cat.

Haha. In the 2005 coming of age film Havoc, Anne Hathaway plays a disenchanted yet well off white girl who desperately wants to be something that she's not, in any way for form, yet settles on acting overly hip-hop and thuggish with her crew of other young rich suburbanites. During the course of the film we are subjected to bouts of overeager acts of hardness and gratingly annoying slang, yet are able through the miracle of documentary revelation, to scratch beneath the surface of this sad girl's facade and catch a glimpse of her lost and lonely soul.

Really deep stuff. Fortunately though, one positive aspect to her fits of masked identity and loathsome existence is that she acts out in the form of a total SLUT! Awwww yeahz. Whenever Eric the documenting researcher of truth / weirdo kid with a camera asks her a question of semi-life importance that will no doubt surely expose the inner turmoil and tormented soul of this poor rich girl, she immediately turns the tables by talking about fucking and rubbing her nipples until they get hard. Hey, whatever works to get your mind off the isolation of a rich and over-privileged suburban life, that's what I always say.

 And writhe she does.

Needless to say, despite weighing the tables of this film's social commentary vs my personal ability to withstand the stupidity of the fakeness presented within the characters here, I have to say that this scene indeed does a splendid job of making it all worth it. End.

May 25, 2012

Kate Beckinsale = Clicks.

I was searching Kate Beckisale up on Yahoo! and it came up with this cool little section called "Blog Results" right under the Videos and there were three of my recent posts right there and I thought that was pretty cool so I just took a quick screenshot.

And it looks like after getting her ass handed to her in Contraband, she's ready to fight back!

Though, as it's with Colin Farrell, it may as well be a bitch-slap fight.

Nude > Naked. Apparently.

Some All Time search stats show what the people really care about: Garfield's Halloween Adventure... 

...and titties.

May 24, 2012

Kate Beckinsale is looking (UN)Dead Sexy in Underworld!

Quite a difference from her Alice in Wonderland look huh?
I like both. But then again, I'm a pervert.

Bird of Prey... bird of prey... flying high... flying high... I going to die?
That quote up there below both of those pictures was a double reference to both Jim Morrison/The Doors and the 2002 DC Comics television show Birds of Prey which featured Batman and Catwoman's daughter perched upon a high rise building gargoyle statue much like Selene here. And yeah, so clever that nobody would ever get it unless I just took the time to explain this shit. So anyways...


Fuck it. Nevermind. Nobody remembers that show anyways. Mia Sara was in it playing Harley Quinn! Yeah, I'm going to keep talking about it now... that's the hot ass bitch from Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Legend ...she was in it, and the show still didn't get picked up. Cancelled before the first season ended.That pisses me right off. Because I like hot chicks in tight black leather kicking ass. And Mia Sara always got the devildick hard!

Underworld is the film that made KB famous and it's easy to see why. She's GOTHED out, wears tight black leather, shoots guns at anything that fucking moves and has a Sexy Mouth. And boy, do I like me a sexy mouth. Not a perty mouf... I ain't like that... but a girl with a Sexy British mouth full of sharp and crooked teeth, well! Tie me down and bite it hard.

Here's a few close-ups of Kate in the first Underworld. This film has a shitty dark and blurry tone to it, so it's hard to capture the loveliness of Kate in the role that made her famous around the Vampire world.


While re-viewing this one I've noticed that they didn't have enough Kate in it. That's always been a big problem with these Underworld films... well, this one and the third anyways.

After this first film pretty much secured her as a total vampyric badass, Kate got more time to kick ass in the sequel and then get her own one hour 3D music video after the rights were secured for the franchise. Yay.

I think it's great that Kate got this opportunity to get a character and go off with it. Though, circumstances may have been weird from time to time...

Sometimes you just gotta cut that foreskin off and let the motherfucker go.

May 20, 2012

Go ask Alice... if she Spits or Swallows!?

I'm a sick motherfucker, you know that? And I ain't even too utterly buzzed yet. I was disputing that above title against "Kate Beckinsale in Pigtails"... but man, ya know, what can I say? I'm seriously disturbed in the brain. The ladies like it? New York Ripper style toejob to the vag, that's my subtlety. -_- Plus, I started off the last four posts with Kate's name so I thought I'd mix it up a bit.

Obligatory O-Face to start things off and let's get this party started:

Eat me! Drink me! Anyway you want me!
Alice encounters the Red Queen for the first time and you'll thank me now for not posting the view of her face... no offense to the older English talented old ladies out there, but it's not my thang. I like 'em young, dumb, blind and not so demanding if that's ok. Thaaaaaaanks.

Alice is of course thirsty as shit, seeing as there's no brewery about these parts... the Queen offers her a biscuit! How nice. Is it liquid? Nah. But it soon will be.

Put it in your mouth!

Oh no! That ain't good...
 But at least it wasn't all over my belly this time around!

She seems happy... but as expected, gets pouty rather quickly. Meh. Grrls. 

But you know how you are, right Girls? Mad one second, astonished the next. Poor pigtails is in Trouble!
But we can count on the pouty look to get her out of this situation. Works every time... right?

My words are my own and as of posted from their creation forward I hereby claim originality to them. Pictures may prove to be promotional items and are the sole possessions of their respectful owners and/or companies. I do not sell, nor do I buy. I only rent, so therefore, nothing I own is truly mine.