When I close my eyes... I see her face, it comforts me!

Whenever you dream about someone, and see them the next day, do they give you strange looks as if you've raped them in their sleep? Totally, right!? Is that because you're looking at them as if you've romanced each other a thousand years over? Or is that just me... because I've got this theory that whenever you dream about someone (that you know, or may just kinda know), that they're having the same dream as you simultaneously.  Surely I'm not insane by any means (I'm just romantic and a seriously weird dude), but I've yet to bring this topic up to that chick from Day of the Woman. Not to single her out or anything... 

I've gone up to girls and asked them if they had any bad dreams the night before... because mine were pretty good. I'm considerate that way. If they say no, then I guess they liked what I did.

I have bad dreams just about everyday... but even those dreams seem like the perfect fantasy once I awake.

I do believe that last look on her face is nothing more than "OK".

Time to fuck.

Will she suffer eternally... or internally?

I had three major crushes as a kid. Soleil Moon Frye, Anna Chlumsky, and of course, Anna Paquin. Oh, and Christina Ricci... and Tiffany Brisette as well too. Cuz I love me some Robot Bitch. It's hard to get crushes these days with the way things are going in mainstream horrorwood, and not to mention I'm old as all fuck now. 

Older as fuck radio DJ's all over the planet are linking pics to Selena Gomez's straight up the cameltoe bikini pics (is that old news, I don't get out much?) and I couldn't be more than a little disgusted and genuinely intrigued. Remember when these girls were girls you'd love to love, as opposed to how the media presents them now, as girls you've love to fuck and strangle to death at the same time?

It's a sick world we live in, but I can take comfort in the fact that these girls I loved as a kid, are now my age and get totally naked all the time. Well, not all of them. I'm pretty sure My Girl, Punky and TALK LIKE A ROBOT haven't gone nude, but I could be wrong. Christina Ricci chose the path of the boobs, and for that I thank her.

Fucking sexy Anna Paquin. 

You wouldn't believe how I thank her, and probably don't want to know details. Anna Paquin though, you dirty little little... constantly nakey and fucked by vampires. Sookie is such a slut! You gotta love that. Yeah. I think you gotta love that.

Danielle Panabaker smells a bit fishy in Piranha DD (2012)

Man, and she looked like such a clean chick too. It really is a shame that she doesn't.... wait a minute... what in the hell is... Well that's why! Look. There's a huge ugly dead stinking fish right there between her legs. Duh. And all this time I thought that her pu... well, you know what, nevermind that thought, because I just now figured out just this second that I'd like nothing more in life nothing more at all than to be that dead blood-squirting fish right there. Man, what a sight for sore flies on pink velvet. 

I wonder what fish smell. Nobody ever thinks about that shit do they? Hang on, did she kill that fish by spreading her le... you know, it's been a while since I've seen the movie, and even then I was pretty drunk when it all went down river. So spread those legs and show me your eggs... uh, caviar... umm, you like seafood? *opens mouth* I got nothin' but these lame ass jokes. Sorry.

So this relatively hot babe has a Freddy-esque sequence where instead of a knifed glove,

a super-huge face-eating fish jumps out and gets her nose.

So totally scary. That second fish must have been of the Lesbian variety because what I'm about to say just didn't make any sense at all so let's get back to the hot fish on fish action while I re-contemplate my decisions of life: 1) I watched this movie, which was a horrible decision. OK. 2) Danielle Pan-a-baker looked pretty cute during the whole thing and I bet she probably looks really hot with black eyeliner running down her face. 3) Apparently she does: Check out that last screenshot. And 4) I got so much tarter, I don't gotta dip my fish sticks in shit! [Gotta miss Mitch Hedberg.]

"Hey! I got sloppy seconds on that fish filet baby."

Never too late for more Pumpkin Beers!

Hello and welcome to Beer Porn #9 (aka #7 if you don't count empty bottles or merchandise!)... I was pretty psyched when I hit up the shop today. For some reason CBC's Heather Ale didn't show up in my part of da hood, even though I saw it two months ago just a half hour away, and every single other CBC brew has popped up on the shelf right upon release. So what's the deal with this one? I waited, figuring it would show up but I had given up hope this last week and decided to take a trip. This would be one of my 6 beers for the 15% off deal... until I almost forgot, that is.

CLICK THE PIC!

Pictured (from LtoR):

Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA [My 3rd Bottle] (I reviewed one and mixed the second with WWS)
Dogfish Head Olde School Barleywine [1st Bottle]
Wachusett Imperial Pumpkin [3rd Bottle] (Reviewed)
Southern Tier Imperial Pumking [5th Bottle?] (Reviewed and mixed the fourth with WWS)
Jolly Pumpkin La Parcela No. 1 Pumpkin Ale [1st Bottle]
Heavy Seas Greater Pumpkin [1st Bottle]
Cambridge Great Pumpkin Ale [2nd Bottle] (Reviewed)
Cambridge Heather Ale [1st Bottle]
Breckenridge Christmas Ale [1st Bottle]
Avery Old Jubilation Ale [1st Bottle]

Walking into the liquor store Craft Beer Shop, to me, is like a kid walking into fucking Toys-R-Us. What was the first thing to catch my eye? Hoppin' Frogs Barrel Aged Christmas and Pumpkin Ales! Did I want them? You bet your ass. It's all I can think about now as I sit here typing this. But the Christmas Ale was $20 and the Pumpkin was $15. I've already had both of the Regular Seasonal Versions (reviewed), but that is some steep cash dude. What in the fuck is up with those Hoppin' Frog prices!? Sure I had two orgasms while drinking the regular release version of their Frosted Frog Christmas Ale... but damn, $20 for 22 ounces?

There were also some great gift boxes to be held. Notable exception which I had never seen was a huge display for the Mad Elf Ale with a massive stand-up of the Elf himself (some 6 Feet tall). They had tons of Sixers, that Huge Ass Bottle of the stuff in a box, and even a Gift Set with one Bomber and a Glass (featuring the Elf and Logo on it). Even saw two bottles of Dogfish Head 75 Minute for $10 a piece. As I conspired a way to get locked inside the place overnight, I realized that I had obligations, and just ended up buying my six pack for $35. Will what I want be there the next time I go back? Could I have enough First World Problems? They're going to have to change the name of that term pretty damn soon, that's what I think (I mean, take a look around).

Robin McLeavy is Finger Lickin' Good in The Loved Ones (2009)

When I watched The Loved Ones a few months ago, I started feeling the weirdest sensations all throughout my body and inside my brain. This happened whenever Robin McLeavy's character of Lola Stone was being visually molested by mine eyes. There are a lot of voyeuristic lingering shots on this stunningly beautiful woman and it just drove me crazy with lustful desires.

I sat there with a stupid half-smile on my face when she was crowned, as it was not only absurd, but also a really touching moment. There's some weird ass all hell father/daughter dynamics going on here, which are sweet, but also a little sad. :(

One of my very favorite scenes from the film is when she's eating chicken. She's does it in such a gross and sloppy way, and I can't help but just love every second of it! Also, when she drinks her milk (who the hell drinks milk with fried chicken?) she lets it drip all down her face and clothes, which is just awesome. 

 She is indeed, finger lickin' good!

The Loved Ones is such a strange and fucked up movie, but LS has to be one of my favorite characters of all time. I just adore everything about her. She's a total psycho, childish, and extremely cute. Three things I always look for in a woman.

Plus, she's got beautiful eyes too.

Night Shift Viva Habanera

Night Shift Viva Habanera - Rye Ale brewed with Agave Nectar and Aged on Habanero Peppers (2012)

Core Lineup Brew (Special Edition, Version 4a: Brewed Once).

25.4 fl. oz. / $12.99 USD / 7.2% ABV

About: "Brewed with rye malts that bring their own natural spice, this invigorating cerveza gets its zesty kick and peppery flavor from habanero peppers that we add after fermentation. Agave nectar, produced in Mexico, helps to sweeten and lighten the body, while our Belgian house yeast strain tempers the beer’s fiery disposition.

Batch #4 - Kappy’s Barrel Series (Release No. 04) - Bottled on 10/18/12: Aged in a bourbon barrel for two months, this is one of our favorite brewery releases to date. Whiskey vanilla and hints of pepper spice in the nose. The flavor itself is ripe with bourbon, oak, rye and and a crisp, peppery burn. We pitched fresh peppers into the beer after  barrel-aging, so there’s no missing the heat."

Thoughts: Cage was tough as hell to unwind, yet the cork slid out easier than any cork I've ever pulled in my life. Poured a very hazy, dark blood red with a light tan head that faded out pretty quickly. This beer is cloudy as all fuck man.

It smells super fruity. Very unexpected. I'm getting pineapple, yeast, rye, a tiny bit of grapefruit, a little bit of funky bubblegum... it doesn't really smell too spicy or much like habanero though, not until it warms up a bit. Later on it's just pepper oil and assorted fruits. Weird, but interesting.

A sour puck on the first bite, and after the swallow a sting in the back of the mouth and throat. It's actually very mild. This is way different than what I was expecting it to be. There's a definite peppery vibe here, but it's sweet to boot. The heat starts to work its way in after a while, but it never gets really spicy or even close to overwhelming... but this is one flavorful beer. There's a burst of spice in every bite, the flavor of the peppers are just so deeply embedded in this beer that it's always there no matter what, giving that unique addition to the main ingredients. Malts are especially strong here and so is the yeast. Rye is the order of the day, and it's got a worthy little backup from those bourbon barrels to develop a nicely done taste. Since I haven't tried any other version of this (there are eight or nine batches so far, with #5 reportedly being the hottest), I can't say whether or not the barrel aging has mellowed the recipe. It says in the description that they added more peppers after the barrels, most likely to compensate for this, but I would still like to try the hottest batch just to see how this one compares.

Mouth has a strange level of foam with each gulp that takes the watery nature of the initial sip to an interesting medium, and then when the tingling from the peppers kick you swallow and it's all but gone. It's pretty clean and dry, but fortunately the small amount of heat and all those flavors stick around for a long time. Very nice.

Too bad this one couldn't be a little more extreme. I would have loved it to burn the shit out of me. For lovers of Rye bread and Juicy Pepper Oil, I'd say grab this if you see it. I'm always on the hunt for beers with heat and well, this one pretty much falls in place with all of the others I've tried so far. Still waiting for the one that kicks my ass. This one may not be it, but it sure is mighty tasty. Smooth too.