August 24, 2013

Dark Horse Perkulator

Dark Horse Perkulator - Coffee Dopplebock (2013)
Brewed and Bottled by Dark Horse Brewing Co., in Marshall, MI. USA. 
Limited Rotating Release (Autumn Seasonal)
12 fl. oz. / $2.71 USD / 7.5% ABV

About: "This is a true dopplebock and Dark Horse Brewing’s only publicly distributed lager. It was so normal that we couldn't stand it so we made it into a coffee dopplebock. Ha, take that Germany, with your Reinheitsgebot purity law! Anyway, we use fare trade organic coffee from our friends at The Ugly Mug Cafe in Ypsilanti, MI. We did a label contest and opened it up to the public for this beer. We had so many awesome entries that we couldn't just pick one winner so we have 2 labels for this beer. We stagger the bottles in the six packs but with no order in mind."

Thoughts: As I look at this bottle I notice a thick layer of soil deposit on the bottom, and as I flip the bottle once and hold it up to the light I see some absolutely massive floaties in there. Am I afraid? Afraid to die? Don't be afraid... to try. Not only do those taunting flakes of hopefully non-poisonous artifacts inside give me worry, but the label of this beer has a double-headed Goat Devil with demon wings on the fuckin' front!

Guess I'll pour it out... into my stomach that is!! Perkulator poured a murky as shit, hazy vomit looking brown color with a spiraling head that looks like someone spit in my beer. There's a shit-ton of flaky debris suspended in animation and no, wait, the flakes are slowly descending. Probably back from whence they came. And now they're rising back up, what in the fuck... ok, they're just bouncing around. I look inside the bottle and notice a half ring layer of goop at the bottom, and it looks pretty gross. I wait a minute for it to warm, and then I pour it into the glass.

What the hell is wrong with me I think, but this is the stuff that nightmares are made if and I'm willing to crawl through fire and brimstone, or at least shit out my intestinal track tomorrow morning to review this beer, just for you! Whoever you are reading this.

I lean in and put my nose to the glass. It's just as I expected! This coffee dopplebock smells just like coffee. Those clever bastards. There's a rich malty undercurrent and a lot of crazy spice in the forefront.

I say a backwards prayer and then put the stuff inside of me. It tastes just like coffee. It's not intense at all, or rotten thankfully, but instead rather sweet, mild and tasty. A little raw, and not as spiced as the nose would let you believe, but raw sugar like sweet and in the end it's overly sweet. None too expected. It's actually really good, if a little burnt, and if you've every bought an iced coffee you'll probably like this. Also, as an added bonus this stuff will get you drunk.


Randroid said...

Haha... hilarious review. Well done! A bit different from mine:

DrunkethWizerd said...

Dude... I remember that. I think I was there.

My words are my own and as of posted from their creation forward I hereby claim originality to them. Pictures may prove to be promotional items and are the sole possessions of their respectful owners and/or companies. I do not sell, nor do I buy. I only rent, so therefore, nothing I own is truly mine.