Michaela Drotárová makes a Startling Discovery in Bathory (2008)

In the 2008 Czech film Bathory (just now released 2012 as Bathory: Countess of Blood) totally hot babe Michaela Drotárová plays Erika, a maid to Anna Friel's also pretty damn hot Erzsébet Báthory. While this particular maid being so incredibly smoking hot may not bother the Countess all too much, her being raped out of drunken lust by the King's brother (or was that the King himself?) and subsequent peeping in on her post-mortum activities causes a bother.

Of course it doesn't help that this bitch is tossing herself at Bathory's object of desire, her gift the painter. Not only is she constanty rubbing her titties all over the guy, but she steals the ring that the Countess gave him and mistakenly flaunts it in front of her.

Then she goes meddling in places where she shouldn't be. Looking upon things she shouldn't see.

Oh shit!

I'm sure everything will end well though and they'll both have a nice cup of...

...oh!

Nevermind.

Dogfish Head Positive Contact

Dogfish Head Positive Contact - Ale brewed with apple cider and spices (2012)

Occasional Rarity

25.4 fl. oz. / $11.59 USD / 9% ABV

About: "Positive Contact is the second batch of the Imperial Belgian-Style Wheat beer that Sam and Ben brewed a couple months back. For this batch, we stepped up the spice and cider additions. Instead of 200 lbs of apples, Ben pressed 300 lbs of organic Fuji apples for a total addition of 25 gallons of fresh pressed cider, which was added to the whirlpool in order to really bring out the cider character. The amount of cilantro was nearly quadrupled with 4 lbs total, which was pureed with a portion of the cider and then added after the boil was done. The cayenne was doubled, but added directly before the beer was transferred from the kettle to the fermenter in an effort to minimize the burn while increasing the flavor and aroma contributed. A different type of wit yeast was used and then fermented slightly cooler to keep the yeast character minimal and act as a supporting role to the main players the cider and spices. Lastly, this batch was boiled for less time than the original batch, leaving the beer with a lighter straw color than the amberish hue of batch #1.

This beer part of our Music Series of beers... this one is an amalgamation of hip-hop, beer, cider and a DIY culinary experience! Sam and Dan the Automator of Deltron 3030 teamed up to create Positive Contact, based on Dan's favorite ingredients and Dogfish Head's innovative brewing practices."

Thoughts: This beer is a light yellowish amber with a fluffy-topped white head full of incredibly small bubbles that lingers for about forever. It's just slightly hazy and there are a fuckload of carbonation bubbles rising up, going absolutely nuts. Also, there seems to be a huge amount of little flakes just floating around inside the brew, drifting... just like Megatron towards Unicron.

Smell is of Belgian yeast, wheat and unsweetened apple cider. It's got a really herbal type vibe to it, the cilantro is pretty heavy here, and it's fluctuating between sweet and sour - bending more towards sour that's for sure. Cayenne pepper is almost unnoticable. If it weren't listed on the bottle I would not have noticed.

I don't know if I'm becoming more accustomed to DFH limited release brews and their ingredients to the point where I can tell by the taste that this is in fact Dogfish Head, or if this beer is just incredibly similar to one of their other bottles I've tried. Perhaps a little bit of both? So yeah, anyways, everything here in the ingredients mingle together quite well. While the cayenne pepper is pretty subtle, one belch will bring the heat. So it is there, yet subdued. You can taste the flavor of cayenne way in the distance but there's no real initial heat in the drinking. It's got a gentle spice factor, very mild and it feels more like a cracked black pepper. As it warms up it gets a little sweeter and more of those spices come out. In fact, the beer tastes a lot better once it gets warmer as everything is more pronounced. It still tastes the same, it's just stronger. Alcohol is well hidden no matter what. The taste is basically just a mix of a Belgian wit with Apple cider, and I'd say that it's actually pretty harmonious here. I'd normally be worried that the cider would taint things a bit but it doesn't at all. It still feels and tastes like an actual brew, but with cider involved. If you're used to Belgian type tastes then this sort of thing will be nothing for you to handle. Plus as an addition, there are no real ill-tastes to it, even for a sour.

Dries the throat rather instantly and leaves a tickle.

Well, I've tried it and that'll be it for this one. It was an experience that brought back a few things, memories and thoughts from some of the first Belgian ales I had tried. This beer was also released in a box set which I didn't care to buy, not that I ever found one: "The beer was packaged in a dynamic box set of six 750-ml champagne bottles, with a 10-inch vinyl EP of four new Deltron 3030 remixes created exclusively for this project, and a list of Deltron 3030-inspired recipes from a small group of renowned chefs. Invite some friends over, rock the album, drink the beer and whip up a multi-course meal. It's a house party in a box." It's a cool idea I guess. I doubt I'd ever use this beer to make a dinner while listening to that vinyl though, but that's just me.

Don't Pretend You Care About Me.

Anytime Sookie and Eric are on screen together I become instantly glued to my seat. Hey I got news for ya', that ain't glue! The fuck?! The time it has taken to get to their no doubt guaranteed hot and messy fuckfest has been building the slow burning agony inside of me. Much to the point where when this reletively tame scene came to fruition, I was giddy like a schoolchild finding daddy's 1970's playboy collection.

I haven't been this excited about a kiss since I was five years old... and started to kiss the girls!

Kate Upton's "Nunkini" Scene from The Three Stooges (2012)

SPOILER: Watch the Trailer. Don't rent the movie. They cut the scene out! Imagine that shit? Yeah, I was shocked and appalled as fucking well. Oh, but don't worry, if you'd like to see Larry David in a habit (drag) talking like he's just smoked five hundred cigarettes for about twenty-five minutes then go right ahead and pick this one up. Or if you're into the uh... Jersey Shore, then pick this one up. There's only one and a half hot chicks on the Jersey Shore anyways. And they both ain't hot enough for me to have watched a single episode. Anyways...

This in an actual screenshot from the film.

Here's another one, with Katie's head shifted slightly...

...and here she is from FAR AWAY! Thanks guyzzz.

So what happened to her infamous scene from the trailer that made people actually, oh I don't fucking know... Want to see the movie!? Some "Catholic League" was upset and for some reason the Farrelly Brothers caved. That's right. Caved! I'll not defend them for this bitch ass shit! Fuck the Farrelly Brothers and their Producers for allowing this travesty of justice to occur. Fuck them right in the ass with a pitchfork from HELL!

The following screenshots are from the HD Trailer I searched for frantically online (to get my fix):

Yum Yum Dim Sum!

Is The Three Stooges "Movie" horrible?! Yes. Did I laugh One-and-a-Half times!? Yes. When I didn't see what I came to see did I let out a loud ass "What the FUCK!?" Yes. This movie and everyone involved in it can go SUCK A DICK!. Huh. I'm pretty clever... and persuasive too.  Maybe they'll go do that thing that I said. And if anyone should get that done to them, it should be the guy who told th... hey, SUCK MY DICK! Katie, you listening?

Pretty Things Meadowlark IPA

Pretty Things Meadowlark IPA (2012)

Brewed and Bottled by Pretty Things Beer and Ale Project in Somerville, MA. USA.

Limited Seasonal Release (1'st Batch in July, 2'nd in August).

22 fl. oz. / 7.49 USD / 7% ABV

About: "Meadowlark IPA is a new juicy and floral hoppy, hoppy ale we brewed to celebrate the flavor and spirit of American craft brewing. This 7% alcohol beer has a sunny orange-yellow colour, 60 International Bittering Units, a smooth mouthfeel and layer upon layer of soft flowery hops. We wove earthy Citra and bitter Bravo hops from the Pacific Northwest with intensely fruity and aromatic Galaxy hops from Australia. The malts are English pale and Crystal, flaked barley with malty highlights from Munich malt and a bijoux of Roasted Barley. The resulting patchwork is as “American” tasting as short ribs and slaw, and provides an excellent accompaniment to that kind of food too! Very hoppy and bitter. Yum.

Lastly, don’t be silly and save this beer for a rainy day.  Hops can be ephemeral and lose their true brilliance over even a short period of time.  So again, drink up!"

Thoughts: Poured a pretty light golden amber color with shades of straw yellow. The STARK white bubbly head grew quickly and formed into a huge foamy cloud atop my brew.  The beer is pretty clear, only the slightest bit cloudy with minimal carbonation.

The scent on this one is outstanding! It's very hop forward and strong. Lemon zest, grapefruit... very fruity and a little bit tropical too, like kiwi, melon, mango, peach, pineapple. It's nuts.

Hops bounce around everywhere in the taste, and with the beggining to end of the first gulp it's nothing but a gentle sweetness. It's slightly spicy, piny, incredibly fresh perhaps like biting into a whole cone hop, and not overly bitter. The gentle bitterness, as well as the gentler sweetness, compliment each other beautifully. And while it's a well balanced and incredibly tasty beer, the hops are popping and bursting all over the place. Though I mention all those fruits, it doesn't really taste "fruity". I'd instead got a hazy spice tone throughout with a mild bit of those fruits underenath. It's great.

Mouthfeel is a pretty damn heavy and it's a bit gummy. if that makes sense. It's a little syrupy on the way down and leaves a fairly thick film on the teeth.

Finish on this one is a bit resiny and dry. This beer is, quite frankly, fucking amazing! It's not extremely overpowering in any way, but the flavor has a long lasting impact with each gulp. It's full flavored, not lacking in any area, smells great, feels satisfying to drink and leaves a clean and fresh aftertaste. No skunky or grassy leftovers here. Just a soft prickling of pine needles in the mouth and a silky smooth slathering of excellence.

Wormtown Hopulence

Wormtown Hopulence (2012)

Brewed and Bottled by Wormtown Brewery in Worcester, MA. USA.

Limited Release.

22 fl. oz. / $7.99 USD / 8.5% ABV

About: "Brewed with an abundance of hops. Once we started hopping this beer stopping was impossible. Emphasizing Amarillo, Horizon, Summit, and Glacier hops with support from 5 other American varieties. Hops were added in every conceivable part of the brewing process. Whole leaf in the mash, hop forwarded (lautered through whole cones), hop backed, first wort hopped, kettle hopped with pellets and extract, and dry hopped in the fermenter and brite tanks. No expense was spared to bring you HOPULENCE!"

Thoughts: Decided on my Jason Voorhees glass considering the guy basically is from "Worm Town". Hehe.

Poured an uber cloudy amber, almost peach colored tone. The slightly yellowed  head was super long lasting and did something that I don't normally see, it left bald spot in the middle of the top once it started to fade out. Ususally there's just a thin sliver left, or puddles or a cresent moon shape, but I don't recall ever seeing the foam cling to the glass and flow away from the middle like this.

This smells very fruity: like, peaches and mango, but mostly lemon zest and though as if my mind is playing tricks on me, a strawberry/banana blend. There's a slight peppery tone throughout, and aside from that it seems pretty soothing.

Taste is very spicy first off, loads of peppery hops flutter around the mouth, and it's mildly sweet. Not really bitter after the swallow, nor absurdly sweet in the mouth, and I wouldn't really say it's bittersweet either. It's a calm, collected mix of gentle sweetness and pepper. Really nice. This has a really smooth taste and has a nice overall composition. It's a little buttery tasting, chalky, and slightly astringent. It's not off or unpleasant at all, but perhpas it could be a little sweeter... which is probably a werid complaint. As I usually hope for more of a hoppy DIPA anyways. Biterness starts to shine through around the end of the bottle and it's not bad. Everything seems to sit together well.

Mouth feel is  a light medium, it's a little bubbly and leaves a shitload of aftertaste that isn't exactly bad tasting, but rather a little astringient.

I'd been looking forward to trying a Wormtown beer. I heard they got a spiced pepper ale which I've yet to find. When I saw this DIPA on the shelf that I hadn't seen two days ago when I was at the liquor store, and the JULY stiker on the back (I drank this the last day of July), I just couldn't help myself.

Southern Tier Mokah and Jahva

Southern Tier Mokah - A Stout brewed with Chocolate and Coffee - BlackWater Series (2011)

Spring Seasonal (Limited).

22 fl. oz. / $9.99 USD / 11.2%  ABV

About: "When empirical and creative impulses collide, the result is often timeless. The classic utility-art aesthetic of the coffee maker is an example of design and engineering working in concert. It is through similar cooperation that the simple bitter cocoa bean is transformed into a sweet treat. As scientists, our brewers utilize their materials to exacting standards. As artists, they couldn’t resist the temptation to combine two of our highly acclaimed Blackwater Series Imperial Stouts: Jahva and Choklat. Alone each is perfect, but together as Mokah they are an inimitable expression of two of the world’s most sought after flavors. Enjoy Mokah stout with - or as - your favorite dessert!"

Thoughts: Mokah poured out a dark brown color out of the bottle that formed an almost near black inside the glass. The dark tan head on this was very slow to form and topped at about half a finger. It looks pretty dense.

The scent on this one is absurdly strong and absolutely fucking incredible! That bittersweet Belgian chocolate is erupting out of this brew. And I'm hardly getting any coffee at all. It's heavy chocolate, caramel malt and barley for the most part. It smells a lot like hot chocolate, only this stuff is super cold right now. You know how after you've smelled a beer for a while it all seemingly starts to blend together and you lose the notes? That doesn't happen here.

Taste starts off like the scent, rich and chocolatey, and then that Jamaican roasted coffee slowly builds and makes its presence felt...

...Ah no shit! I just read the side of the bottle. This is a hybrid of their Choklat and Jahva Imperials! I was thinking while smelling it, man this beer is really similar to Choklat, well no fuckin' wonder. It starts out with that robust chocolate, very sweet and heavy, then mid-way through and after the swallow that roasted coffee languishes towards the back, clinging to the kettle hops. One single belch produces a haze of alcohol not noticeable in the taste. This beer is 11.2% and man, you can't even tell. I mean, even though it's cold, there's a slight booze heat to it but it's hard to notice.

The mouth feel on this isn't really that thick, but this brew is heavy! Maybe it's weighing me down.

After warming, the grassy hops start to come through rather quickly and linger around just a tad more than is appreciated in this sweet brew, but every new gulp refreshes that syrupy buzz.

Southern Tier Imperial Jah*va - Stout brewed with Coffee - BlackWater Series (2010)

Spring Seasonal (March Release)

22 fl. oz. / $7.49 USD / 11% ABV

About: "Three thousand feet above sea level in the misty mountains of Jamaica, some of the world’s finest Arabica beans are hand picked on their way to becoming Blue Mountain Coffee. Halfway around the world, plump spring barley grows to maturity in the loamy soil of North America while aromatic hops are cultivated to exacting standards. Here in our kettles, these three special ingredients are blended to create a heady mixture of sweet sugar, dark roast, and complex flavor. 2-Row Pale Malt / Caramel Malt / Chocolate Malt / Black Malt / Roasted Barley / Cascade and Columbus Hops / Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee"

Thoughts: At the first hiss from the bottle cap I was slowly peeling off was heard, I caught an incredibly strong whiff of fruity, blinding alcohol! The cap isn't even off this thing and it's already blasting me. It poured a murky dark brown that filled out as a pitch black in the glass. The head is full of small bubbles, tan and it just hangin' around for a while. 

I'm actually not getting much coffee in the scent. It's there but is currently being dominated by chocolate, caramel and black malts. I've got a feeling that this beer is about to kick my ass. It just smells violent.

Damn good coffee! This beer is extreme and mellow at the same time. It's nuts. It's very fruity off the bat, once swallowed it's hard to describe... but it's just this strange taste sensation. Not strange tasting, but just this wonderful flow of sweet sugary malts and at the end of it there's this real subtle tingling of hops and then a slow roasted coffee flavor creeps in as a backdrop. I've only slightly chilled this beer in my freezer for about fifteen minutes. There's a hint of almost unnoticeable grass on the back of the tongue once it's gone.

The mouth feel is incredibly creamy, soft and calming. But prepare to sneeze a little bit.

I held off trying this for so long because I'm not really all that excited about coffee... and either that was a good choice because it's aged a year and got better, or a mistake since I had missed out on how good this is for such a long time. I wonder what this beer will taste like if it's made in 2012. More like coffee perhaps? This is an extremely sweet Stout and that is dangerous! This is my third beer from their BlackWater Stout Series and while I like it better than their Oat, it still doesn't manage to outdo Choklat. But I don't think any other Stout ever will. Still, this is one fine tasting coffee!

Southern Tier big red and Farmers Tan

Southern Tier big red - IMPERIAL red ale (2011)

Retired Beer (Last brewed in 2011).

22 fl. oz. / $7.45 USD / 9% ABV

About: "Inspiration can sometimes be found in the strangest of places. This eccentric brew started with a single flower from a hop named Hallertau. The delicate and spicy aroma present in the flower has been responsible for generations of great beers. Hallertau hops are to a brewer what an old tractor is to a farmer: reliable. Big Red expresses the nobility of Hallertau by placing it at the forefront of this Imperial Ale. Pour it into a snifter. A swirl allows the spicy aromas to come forward as a taste to the lips reveals the complex balance between sweet malts and the bitterness of hops. Big Red’s ability to please is as dependable as your grandpa’s old tractor. Please consume wisely."

Thoughts: I really wanted to find this so bad as it had been retired and I didn't have the bottle for my collection. Traveling back from the IMAX cinema I decided to get off the highway and roam through a few towns... no luck with anything for the most part as this is fucking wine and salad country, but I never expected that I'd see this bottle in the fridge of a hole in the wall!

Big Red poured a light amber orange that formed into a deep orange in the glass, with a thick off-white head formed by small bubbles. The beer is incredibly transparent and there seems to be a nice amount of carbonation.

The scent is definitely hop forward and heavy. The hallertau smells very robust and there's a low level malt rumbling underneath.

This is a powerful tasting sweet and savory beer. There's not really much too it ingredient-wise but it really bursts at you. Those sweet caramel and lighter chocolate malts form the foundation, and these hops just pop throughout and add another layer of flavor that is a tad peppery, spicy and just downright excellent. There's a great mix of malts and hops here. While the brew is smooth and sweet, the hops bring out a gentle bitterness that doesn't hit too hard and adds to the flavor and aroma greatly. The balance is about 50/50 I'd say. It's done remarkably well. This is a beer that delivers on the taste from the first sip to the last gulp. One where every time you drink you feel it all over again as if it's the first time you've tried it.

Mouth feel is smooth and gentle.

I'm glad I got the chance to drink this before it disappeared forever. It's not nearly Southern Tier's best beer, but it's a solid one and really hit the spot.

Southern Tier Imperial Farmer's Tan - Pale Lager (2011)

Summer Seasonal (Limited Yearly Release - May)

22 fl. oz. / $8.99 USD / 8.6% ABV

About: "The hallmark of hard work. Neolithic humans evolved from nomadic hunters into a more settled agricultural society, changing life forever. The "founder" crops they raised included wheat and barley. It is little surprise that the first examples of brewing appeared during this age. Brewers owe much to that epoch. Similarly, we thank our farmer friends of today for cultivating the ingredients that are responsible for the beers we now enjoy. Their laborious days spent outdoors under the hot sun earn them respect, as well as a mark of distinction: the farmer’s tan. So, roll up your sleeves and turn the soil. Just be sure to chill a bottle of Farmer’s Tan to enjoy after work. Malts: 2-Row Pale, European Pilsner, White Wheat / Kettle Hops: Magnum, Mount Hood / Dry Hops: Santium, Sterling and Mount Hood."

Thoughts: Poured a very light straw yellow that has now become the most transparent beer I've ever witnessed, with a huge two finger fluffy white head. No carbonation bubbles rising up. Kinda looks like the color of the sun in the light, though not as blinding.

Smells strong. Wheat and hops that are ready to blast off. It's got a somewhat fruity tone. Spicy with a touch of moldy honey, and a little flowery as well. Slightly pungent, but at the same time you get a hint of candy.

Wow. First gulp was like a roller coaster ride. This is one tasty pils! Grassy, wheaty hops with a gentle malt backup that slowly rises and evens things out before retreating. Peppery, musty hops after breathing in. This beer goes through some really cool circling of flavor stages. High alcohol is laying low tonight, probably behind the little bit of funk. Or maybe I'm just used to it. Despite that, this brew is relentlessly strong! So watch out.

This is one thick feeling brew. Seriously full bodied... which is absolutely nuts considering it's the clearest beer I've ever seen. Then again, it's got artwork of a rooster with a farmer's tan which implies that it had been wearing a short-sleeve shirt and that's pretty weird too. Kinda funny though.

Aftertaste is a bit of sweet grass and strong grapefruit on the back of the tongue. If this had just a bit more of a malt presence it would be perfect. After a short while it gets a bit chalky, like earthy minerals. Little bit drying. Not my favorite Southern Tier by far, but it's different from their others and that's what really matters. They don't make the same beer over and over and just name it something else. All that said, you gotta have a strong will (and tongue) to get down with the farmer's tan. It's pretty brutal, but in a very good way.

Samuel Adams Porch Rocker

Samuel Adams Porch Rocker (2012)
Summer Seasonal.
12 fl. oz. / $1.49 USD / 4.5% ABV

About: "Perfect for any summer day, Porch Rocker was inspired by traditional Bavarian Radlers that mix beer with German-style lemonade. Our bright and citrusy Radler is a Helles beer with a fresh-squeezed lemon taste, effervescent sweetness, and slightly tart, refreshing finish. A light malt character and hint of hops balance out this satisfying summer brew. Malt Varieties: Samuel Adams® two-row pale malt blend / Hop Variety: Hallertau Mittelfrueh Noble hops / Special Ingrediens: Lemon / Yeast Strain: Samuel Adams lager yeast."

Thoughts: Porch Rocker poured a super light yellowish gold color with a fizzy white head that evaporated fast as all hell. The beer is almost completely clear, but something interesting, all of the carbonation bubbles are clinging to the side and laying at the bottom of the glass. Weird, dude. A floor lining of bubbles... they look like those little underwater eggs from Hellboy.

The smell is kind of out there. It's not strong at all, but it's pretty damn fruity. Kinda like Fruity Pebbles, but not as distinct. It's a bit lemony, and there's an almost unnoticeable scent of hops.

The taste is an amped up version of the smell. Liquid Fruity Pebbles, with no milk. It's malty for the most part, with only a little hop burst at the end, and while pretty OK, it's a bit on the light side. But I suppose that's the point of this beer. It's got a very good ratio between sweet and tart, leaves a very welcome aftertaste and is incredibly refreshing. Not bad at all. This must be the liquid equivalent to light fluffy cereal.

Mouth feel is light, very watery, a little bit airy, incredibly easy to drink and just slightly filmy.

I bought a single of this figuring I'd probably end up disappointed, but I guess I'm not. I ended up drinking this beer pretty fast and actually this is the best I've felt all day. There must be something about these light citrus beers after a ten hour work day that just work well for me. I'm not super enthusiastic about this one, and I doubt that I would drink more than two in a sitting before switching to something heavier, but it was still pretty good.

Sierra Nevada Old Chico

Sierra Nevada Old Chico Brand Crystal Wheat (2012)

Year Round (Local to CA.)

12 fl. oz. (x6) / $8.99 USD / 4.8% ABV

About: “Brewed using 65% wheat malt and 35% barley malt. This filtered wheat beer is light blonde in color, light bodied and has a wonderfully clean finish. This is a great choice for craft brew novices and beer aficionados alike.”

Thoughts: Old Chico poured an extremely clean, light golden amber yellow with a small fizzy white head. There's a medium amount of carbonation bubbles floating upward from all areas of the glass.

Scent is of low level malt, and wheat. It's very light, and there's not much to it as the smell isn't hidden or hard to get.

The taste is just like the scent. Wheat... lots of it! Light caramel, water and a slight bitter slap at the end. There's not much going on here.

Mouth is light, very crisp, refreshing - a great brew for older folks and people swimming in the community pool.

This is like a watered down version of their pale ale, only wheat based. It tastes better than other light beers, especially the mass produced shit, and it's decent for a wheat beer, but it's still a light beer (for Sierra Nevada) and that ain't my thing.

I never knew that this beer existed actually. When I saw it on the shelf in the supermarket I said to myself, "what the hell is this?" And on closer inspection I said aloud, "Sierra Nevada makes a light beer?!" What in the fuck for? But while I don't have a use for this brew, I can see why they put it out, as there is a demand from special people for light beers. And if you're a brewery that doesn't make one aside from Draft, then why the hell not? Then again, it's only sold in Chico, CA and now a limited surrounding area... so I guess I don't understand really.

Lost Abbey Judgment Day

Lost Abbey Judgment Day - Ale Brewed with Raisins (2012)

Year Round Beer.

25.4 fl. oz. / $8.59 USD / 10.5% ABV

About: "A massive beer in every sense of the word. A stronger and more contemplative version of our Lost and Found Ale. Judgment Day is the base beer for our Cuvee de Tomme. Many of the Trappist Breweries produce a version of beer which ages incredibly well for many years to come. And, since none of us knows when the end of the world is coming, we suggest you stock up with lots of Lost Abbey beers so that when the end of the world magically appears from no where, you’ll have a beer or two on hand for even the stingiest of angels.

Malts - Two Row, Wheat, Medium and Dark English Crystal, Special B and Chocolate Malt. / Hops - Challenger and East Kent Golding / Yeast - Proprietary Belgian Ale Strain / Adjuncts - Dextrose and Raisins."

Thoughts: JD poured a very dark amber shade that formed into an extremely deep purple that was near pitch black in the goblet, and was topped with a light and creamy multicolored, semi-foamy head.

I'm pondering why they named this one Judgment Day. It smells deceptive. Very fruity, yet dark Very powerful, yet constrained. I'm absolutely loving the raisins here. If the actual Judgment smell like this then I'd be happier than hell to welcome it even more than I do so now.

I got hit with some Belgian type yeast at first sip. There are strong and forceful dark fruit notes that come pummeling through, immediately followed by a beautiful and long lasting high-alcohol raisin smothering. The taste is similar to the smell, only it's a heightened version of it. It's not blindingly strong, but it's damn close. It's heavy handed, chewy and delightful. The fruity notes are all over the place and travel in circles throughout the mouth, ranging from black cherry to plum to raisin, all with burnt sugary spikes in between. There's a little molasses in the background, but I'm not focusing on that or the bready malts, as I can't help but enjoy the absurdly flavorful brazenness.

Feel is tingling, very bubbly and it leaves a slightly orgasmic burning haze after each gulp.

This is an awesome tasting and worthwhile ale. I'm really into these heavy raisin brews for some reason... which is weird because I haven't ever really enjoyed raisins as much as this and even somewhat disliked them as a kid. So what the fuck is going on with these ales brewed with a shitload of raisins that I love so much!? I haven't had many, but every single one I've tried I've loved. I guess it just comes down to... I want that purple stuff!

"That's the ingredients. Sugar. Water. And of course, Purple."

The Titties of Piranha DD (2012)

Yeah, so I watched Piranha (The Remake) 2 (aka Piranha 3DD, aka Piranha DD - or whatever) and it fuckin' TOTALLY SUCKED BALLS! For the most part. Don't get me wrong, while half of it seemed OK enough, the content just didn't live up enough to these following screenshots, which were too far in-between and too quick to fully enjoy. Damn shame of a film. But let's be + today, right bitches?

Dat Ass! Oh wait... who's that dead center?

Don't know why, but this one second shot is probably my FAV(E).

Chicks drinking beer in a pool with a ball? Boobs Boobs Boobs!

 I never really got why people were into this chick (above)...

 ...until I saw some big ass titties covered in blood, and I lost my head!

Who knows though, I may review it... if I get bored enough.

Mammoth IPA 395

Mammoth Brewing IPA 395 - DIPA Brewed with Juniper Berries and Sage (2012)

Brewed and Bottled by Mammoth Brewing Company in  Mammoth Lakes, CA. USA.

Year Round Brew.

22 fl. oz. / $4.99 USD / 8% ABV

About: "Our ode to the Owens Valley (Eastern Sierra) and the Highway 395 corridor, this double IPA is distinctly bolder than our Epic IPA and is brewed with locally grown desert sage, mountain juniper berries and wild hops (when available). IPA 395 has a unique personality. Malts: ESB, Crystal, Caramunich and Dark Munich / Hops: Millenium and Centennial / Adjunts: Sage and Juniper Berries."

Our mountains. Our water. Our beer. Mammoth Brewing Company has been brewing award-winning handcrafted beers in the eastern sierra since 1995. The most important ingredient in our beer is our water, and the high sierra has some of the best in the world, fresh out of the mountains and lakes that surrounds us. Welcome to altitude. Brewery Elevation. 8,000'."

Thoughts: 395 poured a super deep, cloudy and hazy orange with shades of amber around the edges. The head nearly exploded halfway through the pour, so I stopped to let it die down a bit for the pic but it never really built back up the second time around. It's off-white, slightly dark, left a small clouded galaxy of smaller and bigger bubbles, and never completely faded away.

This beer smells pretty incredible. It's got a really smooth hop tone throughout, but man do those juniper berries and sage just make the scent of this utterly pleasurable. There's a hint of lemon meringue pie there too. I'm in love with the smell of this beer. I'm almost afraid to taste it.

Yep. This was one of the few beers that I bought on the last vacation day and brought back with me, damn sure glad I did too. It's got a really crisp, earthy hop bite to it. Starts off immediately with citrus, and what would be extremely bitter grassy hops that come rushing in, but here it's accompanied by a perfectly matched sweet malt backup. Juniper berries bring in an abundance of tartness after the swallow, and that blast of tart is very slowly subdued by the sage. The taste of this one, while massive, is extremely clean... must be that quality Alpine water they only use. Weird, since I don't normally notice the water consciously, but this time I did notice a clean crispness to it before I had even read the bottle. It's slightly spicy, peppery, very earthy, and extremely flavorful.

Mouth is a bit frothy to begin then gets really smooth as things warm up a little bit, and it never feels light.

From beginning to end, cold to room temp, this beer tastes fucking great. It's got an abundance of flavors, and while that grassy bit may have given me a concern at first, it's always there, but is laid back and lets all the other ingredients do their thing. Very good.

Red Branch Diabhal

Red Branch (Rabbit's Foot Meadery's) Diabhal - Belgian Style Ale Fermented with Honey (2012)

Brewed and Bottled by Red Branch Brewing Company in Sunnyvale, CA. USA.

Year Round Brew(?)

16 fl. oz / $5.99 USD / 8.2% ABV

About: "Fermented with traditional Belgian barley, yeast and candi sugar we have taken the liberty of adding a generous amount of the finest honey to create the only ale of its kind. Lightly carbonated when bottled or with a thick head and fantastic ‘Belgian lace’ when poured from the tap. It is similar to a tripel, but paler, drier and lighter bodied due to the honey. The style is often named after the devil and of course we have taken the opportunity to do the same - our version, "Diabhal" or Devil in Irish. Winner - 2009 Gold Medal: Braggot - International Mead Festival." 

Thoughts: Poured an incredibly cloudy auburn-red! Almost looking a bit like fruit juice or the rind of a pear. The bubbly white head was thick to form and didn't entirely dissolve, instead leaving a thin layer atop the brew. There was a loud pop from the flip top cork and some smoke flowed out, but there doesn't seem to be much carbonation at all.

Light but a dangerous rumbling alcohol, very fruity (mostly pear and sour apple) and spicy. It's got a gentle sweetness from the honey, and a little bit of tart from that belgian barley and yeast. Candi sugar and honey give it a bit of a mystic creep. It smells a bit dangerous.

Wow! That is some good shit. An amazing detour from the usual and a great sipping beer. It's got an absolutely perfect balance of sweetness and tart, and it's really mind-blowing how it goes through the stages and just pulls back on each one at the exact moment. Incredible. Notes of pear, apple, grapes, honey, sugary type spices, steaming hot bread, cleverly hidden booze and a touch of orange zest in the end. It's got a fierce taste that slowly expands and twirls around, and leaves a crisp, fresh aftertaste. That immense taste wears off somewhat quickly after the swallow, which is a bit unfortunate, but it leaves you just craving it that much more.

Feel is a bit foamy, light on the tongue, easily downed and lightly coating on the teeth.

I've never been this intrigued by a seemingly Light beer (one with an 8.2% ABV if that's possible), or perhaps a Heavy Pale Ale rather. But I like it... it's got style. The taste of the beer isn't incredibly complex, it's got its own personality when it comes to how the flavor is delivered. Once it warms the alcohol here exposes itself much like the devilish character on the label exposing his horned head. Be prepared for a booze takeover if you take too long with this one. It is indeed an odd beer, very cider like with Loads of honey! Diabhal would fit right in with some of DFH's occasional rarities, and if you've tried many of those, then you'll probably be accustomed to this one somewhat.

This bottle is going into my collection. You can't be a drunkard without a bottle collection after all. ;)

Knee Deep Hoptologist

Knee Deep HOPTOLOGIST - DIPA (2012)

Brewed and Bottled by Knee Deep Brewing Co., in Lincoln, CA. USA.

Year Round Brew (New).

22 fl. oz. / $6.99 USD / 9% ABV

About: "An American Double India Pale Ale that packs a punch when it comes to hops. The aroma and flavors will give you citrus and pine with a slight malt sweetness that finishes dry. Malts: a blend of Canadian, German, Chile and United Kingdom malts / Hops: Cascade, Citra, Columbus, Magnum and Hersbrucker."

"Knee Deep Brewing Wins Gold With its Hoptologist DIPA at the 12^th Annual Bistro Double IPA Festival! The kickoff for San Francisco Beer Week this year was the 12^th Annual Double IPA Festival, held at The Bistro in Hayward, CA on February 11^th 2012.  There were 43 beers in the competition, with entrants coming from up and down the West Coast and as far away as Delaware and Maine.  A panel of professional judges conducted blind tastings and after multiple elimination rounds the results were:

1^st – Hoptologist DIPA – Knee Deep Brewing Company

2^nd – Pliny the Elder – Russian River Brewing

3^rd – Ruination – Stone Brewing

We are obviously pleased that a panel of independent judges thought so highly of Hoptologist.  From the time we first introduced this beer just a few months ago the demand has been strong and consequently we have decided to make Hoptologist available year round. We absolutely appreciate the interest in our beers and will make every effort to continue brewing fine craft beers.  Stay tuned for more outstanding brews being released later this year."

Thoughts: Hoptologist poured a golden amber orange hue with a slightly off-white head (light orange in the shadows, stark white in the light), full of  varying sized bubbles. The brew is a little hazy... It's not cloudy, nor murky, but rather looks pretty clean and it's just the slightest bit speckly. The head lasted for a good two and a half minutes and aesthetically speaking, it looks delectable.

The scent is incredibly fresh! Peppery and zesty hops burst like fireworks. Citrus and pine are apparent, of course... but this one is on edge, and there's something strange about it too. Some Dr. Mindbender, Cobra-Juice type-thing is going on. It's got a stimulating brain affect. This must be some sweet poison. Dare I indulge into the Cool... aid?

It tastes Sinister! There's a really spicy hop tone to it. It's very unique tasting actually. I don't believe I've had anything like this before. Hard to put my finger on but it's got that special something that takes it over the top taste-wise... like the perfect mix of a resiny undertow, combined with some crackling tropical type fruit notes that add to it and make it a little more interesting than the others. Its manifestation is frenzied, in all the right ways. There's a slight alcohol tinge right before the swallow, but it fades instantly into a slightly bitter, but still very sweet lingering flavor. It doesn't get too bitter or sweet, but it's extremely well balanced... and that little pop of heat with each gulp is just damn excellent!

Mouth feel is tingly. I was just thinking that a good alternative name for this beer would be "The Tingler!"

Looking at that crazy motherfucker on this label and feeling the way that this brew creeps inside my face, I wonder if this batch was cooked up in a beaker in some mad laboratory. I'd say this is truly a brew for crazy doctors and drunken wizards. 

Even though this win on Knee Deep's part is relatively new news, beer beyotches online have gone into some little pansy-war-mode between this one and Pliny. Once the "why the hell did this beat Pliny" fanboy votes start pouring in, the "Fuck Pliny, you've been dethroned" gremlins came out of the basement. M-E-H-! I enjoyed them both the same. Pliny is awesomeness, and Hoptologist is awesomeness with a twist.