Saoirse Ronan and Alexis Bledel nun it up in Violet and Daisy (2011)

The "2011" film Violet and Daisy starts off like any other wet dream I normally have: Saoirse Ronan and Alexis Bledel are dressed as nuns (of course) looking gloriously fuckable, and delivering me pizzas. I answer the door baked out of my mind. I'm in my boxers, a holy shirt, one black sock and my dick's on hard. I look at them, then break the forth wall, winking at who is most surely the Dark Lord. Then they shoot me in the face simultaneously with about thirty-four bullets, since naturally they're assassins, and I don't wake up ever again.

No shit though something like that, but not really like that, actually happened to me back in the day. There was a knock at the door around noon. I was blitz'd out of my skull, high as fuck and thinking about ketchup chips. I walked to the door wearing sagging torn black shorts over my black boxers, one black sock and a black Danzig shirt. See a theme yet? I open the door and see the most hottestest looking 16 year old blonde chick that I've ever laid eyes on in my life. Not only is this girl immaculately beautiful, but she's also dressed like a total slut!

I see her and shoot a fat f'n load in my trousers before playing it off like I'm all good. She sees me, her eyes widen, and her vaginal crease moistens before clenching up. There was seriously like six stages of emotion in her face within that first couple of seconds ranging from initial shock, to humor, to excitement, to forbidden lust, to saddened restraint and then self composure. Then she began to speak to me about god. Yes, damp readers... as it turns out, this girl who looked like a way hotter version of Alicia Silverstone in her prime and on her sluttiest of days, was in fact a "Jehovah's Witness".

I was sickened and appalled, the repugnance in my throbbing balls, pulsating with disgust. While I would like to tell you that I invited her and she sucked my cock like I was the second coming that day, that alas, did not happen. I was actually so incredibly turned off by her overly-practiced recital that I simply told her that I was not interested and slammed the door in her face. Her gorgeous, glitter covered, pouty-lipped, wide-eyed, not-so-seemingly-innocent looking face. I hated myself for doing so, but I was so offended by the words that came out of her mouth.

I probably should have dragged her inside and delivered some payback. She most likely would have been offended by what went in to her mouth. But then again, probably not. I made a foolish mistake by letting her escape that day. Oh hey! Were you aware that I've got a "thing" for Saoirse Ronan? I mean, come on, "The Lovely Bones" anyone? This is the part where I say that it'd be lovely to bone her with my thing, or something like that, but what kind of childish perverted guy do you think I am huh!?