September 16, 2010

Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010) and Resident Evil (2002)


I had only seen bits and pieces of the Resident Evil films on television before I really got deep into the video game sequels, RE4 and RE5. I had played some of the original games when they first came out but never got around to owning any, up until RE4 a few years back. I'll be completely honest here and tell you that I was never a big fan of the gameplay method of the first games. Pressing up made you run downward, there was no real aim feature and the graphics of that time weren't up to snuff. Of course, what made the original video games stand out weren't the graphics, but rather the atmosphere and intensity of it all. There are strong and visually stimulating characters, very creepy and awesome monsters, and a diabolical villainous corporation with a cool logo and name. I bought Resident Evil 4 for my GameCube after doing some research. Many were complaining about the change in format, how now it's an over the shoulder shooter, and the complaints didn't stop there.

Resident Evil 4 didn't really feature traditional zombies, but rather a herd of Spanish townsfolk under a plague and  mind control; and for Resident Evil 5, pretty much of the same with different nationality. I cared not! And it's not really that big of a difference the way they handle these biological human monster hybrid weapons anyhow. Resident Evil 4 quickly became my favorite game, and once I got my PS3, Resident Evil 5 and my big ass high def television, 5 took over much of my spare time. RE4 will always have a place within me, as it is so utterly outlandish, unpredictable, frightening, time consuming and funny. But even though these two games took me on a RE thrill ride, I didn't really seem to take much notice in the films. That all changed the day I went to see the NoES remake, and the trailer for Afterlife 3-D played beforehand.

Resident Evil: Afterlife: 3-D (2010)


Consider me impressed! The past films have had bits and pieces of the video game series injected throughout (and unevenly), but Afterlife by far has more of my absolute favorite things about the series right here. I'll tell you straight out, they had me with the trailer. Filled with mindblowing shots from some of the best moments in the film, we catch glimpses of Uroboros, Wesker in his full badassness launching the sunglasses, The Executioner taking on the incredibly hot duo of Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter (drool!) in the prison showers, and Alice in full infultration matrix mode. I'm not really much of A Perfect Circle fan, but the song really fit the trailer and the whole presentation simply put, kicked ass. It got me excited, which is something of a difficult feat as of late. And though the 3-D gimmick has only been done right a few times in the past, my expectations were high with this one.

Like Paul W.S. Anderson's earlier RE scripts, he doesn't go about explaining much. Everything is laid out pretty simply, but leaves one wondering a whole lot when it's all said and done. Luckily this time around, he is back behind the camera in the director's position so no matter how it goes down, it's going to be a polished one. PWSA is the master of ultimate slow motion shots. Does he overuse them? Perhaps. But I'll be damned if that man doesn't know how to choose just the right shot and slow it down to perfection. The most notable example would have to be the finale during The Executioner battle, when Alice standing in front of Claire slowly raises that shotgun through the raining waters. It was perfect, everything about it. The fact that Wesker is the main villain (finally) this time around, use of SloMo is most certainly required. In the game Wesker has the ability to move so incredibly fast, that his scenes require the slower rate and Anderson certainly steps up his own game with his work here.

Afterlife's slow boiling introduction scene in Japan is breathtaking, where the camera takes its sweet ass time rising up from a beautiful young woman's heels to her hungry enraged eyes. She stands alone and still on the streets in the rain, while hundreds of Tokyo's finest pass her by, all with umbrellas held high. The hovering shot of her drenched hair, these haunting umbrellas and the menacing pounding music make it a most memorable opening credits sequence. Suddenly as one man passing by gets a long glance at her, she attacks(!), spreading yet again another outbreak unto the world. From here we're reintroduced to Albert Wesker, this time portrayed in an above average manner (His character and the actor playing him in Extinction couldn't have been more off. Uhg!). He's cool, cold and dressed for success this time around. When Alice and her clones silently slip into Umbrella's underground facility, we're given an all out heart pumping ninja massacre, and a small taste of the future Wesker/Alice battle to come.

These two introductory scenes are intense as fuck. So naturally things slow down a bit as Alice goes looking for her old friends, only to find Claire under Wesker's chest device's control. After beating the shit out of her and tying her up calming her down, she removes the device and takes her short term memory loss afflicted friend by plane to search for signs of life. She finds survivors on the rooftop of a prison (complete with the standard huge white 'HELP US' written for passing by aircrafts) and she, in an absurd and completely suicidal fashion, decides to land the plane on the roof (with not nearly enough space to do so). This place is completely surrounded by thousands of the zombified, and the probability that she'll be able to take off again with no runway is less than 5% so she just pretty much fucked herself. These people are your usual mixed array of zombie food and all get dealt with in one way or another. Despite being an abandoned prison, Claire's brother Chris was left in a special cell down in the lower depths of the place. When the survivors found him there they kept him locked up and fed, fearing that he may be super dangerous or some such shit. It takes a strangely long amount of time before he's let out, only to be shocked that his sister is right there with the others.

While playing Resident Evil 4 and 5 for the tremendously long periods of time that I have, I've become accustomed to Leon, Ashley, Chris, Sheva and Wesker. Shawn Roberts plays Wesker here, and I think he does a bang up job. The look is only slightly off, but so well done that it becomes less than noticeable. Wentworth Miller of 'Prison Break' fame plays Chris Redfield. At first I was a bit speculative and uncertain, but I guess as time goes by I can see him becoming more comfortable in the role. I don't see how he needed to be imprisoned for the story, like some sort of reference. It's all a bit strange but you gotta get over those kinds of things. With some tweaking his introduction, appearance and incorporation into the storyline could have been improved and I suppose that's really my only complaint. If you really want to get into it, I guess the same could be said about every single important character in these films, so what the hell. Moving on.

One character who was done justice is The Executioner. He came in at the most precise moment in the film, ominous, alone and dragging his axe. Approaching the prison, he delivers a strong and terrifying impact and during his battle scene he's fierce and seemingly unstoppable. His look is dead on, his actions are dead on and his assault on Alice, Claire and poor Split Kim Yong is what takes this film into badass status. Afterlife has the best use of the 3-D platform that I've ever seen apart from the My Bloody Valentine remake. So far these two are the tops and nothing else is coming close to sizing up, despite either being shot with 3-D cameras or not. Whoever and whatever teams worked on these two films, they knew what they were doing and just got it. Paul W.S. Anderson's style is suited for 3-D as well. It was truly a great mixing where everything just came together to look and sound as amazing as it could. The Soundtrack from tomandandy is pulsating and mind-bending, and gives each scene a amped up feeling.

When Alice discovers that the safe place she's been searching for this whole time is actually a huge cargo ship and not an island, she and the others make their way there. The zombie mayhem, escape scenes and amount of gunpowder n' quarters is utterly absurd. When the chaos finally hits things get rediculous and nearly approaches, yet somehow eludes, stinky cheese. Zombies with a new strain of virus, Uroboros in nature but not named aloud, pop up from all sorts of nowhere ready to devour. Yet in victorious fashion, Alice, Chris and Claire make it unto the ship only to find what they of course, should have known: It's a trap! Umbrella Corp's seemingly abandoned yet functional ship, familiar kidnapped victims organized in the computer system and their bodies stored in Stasis Chambers, medical supplies and weird looking corpses as subjects... and there, sitting alone with his split-head zombie dogs, enjoying it all, Albert Wesker! Black leather trenchcoat, glowing red eyes beneath the sunglasses, cool as all shit, and ready to play.

Resident Evil (2002)

Despite my immortal lust for Milla Jovovich, I ignored her leading role series of zombie films (WTF? I know!) on the assumption that it just plain sucks. I don't know if I did myself a favor by doing so. Would I had liked the films as much as I do now if I had seen them back then instead of all back to back this year starting with the latest? My toleration for films and hatred that they may produce has been changing in a unique fashion lately, much like the T-Virus running through an adaptive system. I'm far more apathetic than I used to be, and less likely to thrash. After RE: Afterlife 3-D kicked some serious ass, I felt it was about time to go out and buy the Blu-Rays of the first three films. I ended up getting the Wal-Mart Exclusive Steelbook Editions, even though they all have the same bonus disc in each one, my PS3 RE5 is the Steelbook boxset so they all match.

Milla Jovovich plays a mysterious woman named Ada Wong Alice, who awakens naked in the shower (hubba hubba!) not knowing who she is or why the fuck she's got an arsenal of weaponry in her panty drawer. Soon thereafter comes familiar and exciting fanboy thrilling camera shots that echo moments of the games. After some swift investigation, Alice is slowly walking through the pillars outside of the door, and then !Ravens Scare! She's pulled back inside the Mansion and so begins the tale of the extra characters ready to die. After getting high with the help of her newly rediscovered friends, Alice goes down the rabbit hole into the HIVE, unarmed and unknowing about the situation. Soon she discovers not only what has happened to all those poor souls down there, but also that she's got something special inside of her. That she's a totally hot super soldier in a short red nightgown that she calls a dress.

Some hardcore gamers were turned off by the first film since Alice wasn't a character from any of the video games. This is understandable. Back when this came out my tolerance for sci-fi was about next to nothin'! That on top of the fact that Michelle Rodriguez was spoutin' off one liners with a bulldog veil kinda turned me off. So I had seen the trailers and was interested for Milla, but heard that this film had nothing at all to do with the game, so I passed. Fast forward to now and after seeing the last film, the first film, watching the director's interviews and Documentaries in the extras, I've come to the conclusion that Anderson has done a worthwhile job. The games are great on their own for their own reasons. I don't need to see a shot by shot remake of Resident Evil 4 with Leon and Ashley. Would I like to see a film made from RE4? That would make me f'n cream cargo shorts, but it's not going to happen. The films are their own universe and that's splat. Though that's not to say that I don't have problems with the first RE film, sure I do.

I'm a BF of the story Alice In Wonderland. Big Fan to those wondering. Apparently so is the director of this film, Paul W.S. Anderson. (By the way were you aware that there are two directors named Paul Anderson and only "one of them is good"? - Well that's complete bullshit, this movie and RE: Afterlife prove that he's got some madskillz.) While I'm aware that the numerous references to Alice In Wonderland may serve as a mask, it totally works and there is no denying that. While these references are easily identified and obvious, they have no trouble blending in with the story that he wrote - A story which was written with enthusiasm and love for the series. People to this day, fuckin' hate on PWSA, saying he RUINED EVERYTHING! Alice may as well just walk onto the 1986 Transformers Movie, push Megatron out of the way and kill Optimus Prime herself! PWSA did something brave, something reckless, and made a franchise of movies out of video games involving something we all love, zombies. All this talk about him not "Staying Trv" should be completely disregarded once you watch the film for what it truly is: A secondary story-based vehicle, preceded by a visually stimulating, faithfully shot, and influenced film.

There had to be sacrifices I guess, and adding extra expendable black-clad gunners played by the various was the deal to be dealt. I would have preferred less characters, and so would many out there considering the extras here aren't even big game names. Counterpoint: At least the big name characters aren't being raped. Counter-Counterpoint: The big name characters will be raped further down the line! No matter, most sequels are going to suck anwyays, though it's rare that they'll get a fourth and fifth chance to redeem themselves. Bad CGI has certainly come a long way since 2002, and with the help of a bigger budget it certainly doesn't stick out so much in Afterlife. The first didn't rely too heavily on CG, but rather an array of practical effects with CG mixed in, and occasionally some horrid CG thrown in your face. The zombie with half his face missing for instance, while out loud laughable, is kind of charming in its own way. Also, when the Licker finally escapes from the sleep chamber it's a bit cartoony. I don't really mind the bad CG all that much, and it didn't distract me from the flow of the film in any way. 

A lot of this was helped out by PWSA's beautifully framed shots and vision, set directly to Marilyn Manson's and Marco Beltrami's unsettling and remarkable score. Slow panning and zoom shots set to these robotic hardcore alien electronic pulses were merged together brilliantly and really creep through your system. When the film takes its time and slows down, and these sounds have their chance to slowly emerge, is when everything achieves near perfection. Props also go to the stunt team with Milla, and the SFX team for their killer rendition of the Zombie Dogs and mutated final Licker boss. That was a lot of hard work that payed off and gave the film some of its more exciting moments. Paul W.S. Anderson really payed attention to the minor themes of the game, such as overhead shots and going through doorways. Sure, those little extra touches may not be enough to make up for the fact that he RUINED THE RESIDENT EVIL FRANCHISE FOREVER(!), but it was after all, a nice gesture to the fans. Not to mention that this series rocketed Milla Jovovich to superstardom, and for that, we should all be grateful.

...

Despite their obvious surface flaws, Resident Evil and Resident Evil: Afterlife are more than welcome additions to the RE franchise. The non-video game character of Alice give fans of the games something new to work with and be entertained by. There is a lot to be asked when it comes to fanboy mentality, demands are made and verdicts are for the most part unforgiving. What started off as a downhill slope of a series has been lifted with this latest film. There is a lot of room for improvement, but things certainly seem to be headed in the right directions. It was nice for the powers that be to let two relatively unknown and not so spectacular directors tackle the second and third films, but it just wasn't right (I'll be posting on Parts 2 and 3 next). If this next RE film is handled properly, it could possibly be the best one yet.

September 4, 2010

Mystery Team (2009)

Mystery Team (2009)

There were three major things that got me interested in seeing the film Mystery Team. For one, I like mysteries and two, young adults that still act as if they're seven years old is a pretty damn funny occurance if you ask me. The third, is that I had just seen a short film online from these guys DerrickComedy, about BRO RAPE. Now, I at the time really wasn't aware on what a "bro" was since I don't get out much, but I now know that they are indeed popped-collared douchebag magnets of rapeage. The video not only scarred me for life in a good way, but it also did so with delightful glee as it is indeed pure fucking hilarity. Here's how it goes down: Two guys abruptly enter a dorm room and one of them is, I believe to be, a bro. There is a fiesta to be had nearby very soon, and darker dude says to this particular bro that he should proceed to chug a bottle of scotch "before anyone sees it" and that this party is "going to rock". He then spits into his palm and violates the poor screaming lad up the arse.

What happens next is the basis for an Investigative Report on severe bro rapes that have been occurring, most of them involving a GameCube, Natty Ice, Axe Body Spray, and big black dildos (smothered in said Axe body spray). Luring potential bro-rapists in with an online moniker ChadBroChill69 and words like "Dude, let's just chill..." we're introduced to the fiends who prey on the young and presumed gay. Let the funny commence! I soon came to find out these are the same people who did the BLOWJOB GIRL video I had seen a couple years back. You know, the one where that really cute red-headed girl wipes her tounge off with a paper towel and says how dry she's going to make it and gnaw on it, as if that's a good thing (disclaimer: I don't mind). So I guess you could say after all that I was pretty pumped up to see Mystery Team.

So I looked up the trailer, found the coming soon date, checked around for the release and finally rented it at the ol' Redbox. I recall after first viewing the trailer online, I said to myself, "This looks like a stupid ass movie! But I can't take this shit no more... I gotta see it." It's about three young lads who form a mystery team and go around the town solving crimes like missing cats and who stole little Cindy Loo's diary, shit like that. Only fifteen years later, they're still sipping chocolate milk out of swirly straws and gee whizzing about town on their bicycles looking to solve the latest caper. It's not until a young girl's parents are murdered that they get their big break, and have to do some growing up.

Mystery Team is indeed a rather purposeful film. It's purposely childish, absurd and a little bit deadpan jokey, but there are some remarkable fits of greatness thrown in. I'm going to go ahead and "admit" now that I was drinking as I viewed this one, not that it's any different from any other post on the list. Mystery Team started off a bit slow, with a few corny jokes tossed about, but the more I drank, and the more the film progressed, it got way better than I thought it was going to be. I'm not saying that there was a direct correlation between the two things, but I know for a fact that alcohol was not the deciding factor in making this a fun film to watch.

I'm not saying watch it sober, no no no... far from it, I highly recommend you watch it while chugging shots and chasing 'em with ramen noodle broth. As a first time effort I can say that I'm proud of what these bro's have done. A couple of the jokes repeated once or twice early on, and it seemed strange, but it was all a setup that worked later when the third act kicked in. Like a roller coaster, the first half of the movie slowly builds up and the second half is just all free-fall non-stop flying out of your seat about to die awesomeness. I read about two or three very short negative "reviews" on Mystery Team and they all quit after the first ten minutes of watching. Those people can go ahead and lick vast amounts of ballage, because they obviously lost out on the deal.

No matter what I read, everybody seems to agree that Donald Glover is the f'n man. True to da dat! He be. I know it probably sucks when your comedy team of five or six are all good, talented individuals, but people mostly talk about DG. I think they're all awesome persons, but Glover is just fuckin' superb! Cast himself perfectly as the "master of disguise", and he really nailed it... still, nobody is anybody without the backup. So I hope DerrickComedy keep it up and get another one of these stupid as all hell films out. If it means I gotta see you three walking through the Gentleman's Club with severe hard-ons, reaching into shit and needle-filled toilets filled by prostitutes, or even being slapped in the back of the neck by juicy ice-cream sandwiches of love... then so be it.


August 24, 2010

Project Playlist... is it safe!?


So I was up at something like four in the morning yesterday, way before work starts since I can't sleep (you know how it is, right?), and I did what I usually do: Jerk off, and view all of my favorite blogs. Not at the same time mind you, but my mind does drift sometimes so who knows. I clicked on one of my all time favorites, Cory's Crappy Cinema and I hit the shower before the page loaded, but when I came back I'm hearing this strange fucking music. I stop, and say to myself, that I recognize this music. Not only do I recognize it, but I'm rather fond of this tune. Why? Because it's HORROR movie music! You slick bastard.

Consider me tuned in. I've uploaded the torture device below.

August 15, 2010

The Expendables (2010)


Dare I say that The Expendables is far too action-y for its 103 minute run time? That doesn't correctly convey what I'm intending to say. I'm not saying that any action should have been removed, far from it, after all this is an action film. But I feel that the film could have benefited from being fifteen to twenty minutes longer, giving more screen time for scenery chewing and character development. Quite a few scenes could have been about a minute or two longer, spread throughout to make it less noticeable and that perhaps could have been enough to make a some of the "all star cast" seem more than just cardboard cutout characters. Maybe that's all an illusion though, since the film is the dinner equivalent of eating a salad bowl full of loaded mashed potatoes. Yeah, it's good if you're drunk and stoned, but then again it'd be best to just ignore what just happened and enjoy the gluttonous behavior. Each character does at least get his moment to shine, but it all seemed a bit rushed like Stallone didn't want any of those scenes getting in the way of the action. I'm not asking for full back stories or anything like that, just an extra two minutes for the other characters, perhaps something introspective in nature. It was rather nice of the director however to get the full team together for the finale, not to say that I didn't mind the Stallone, Statham and (lesser so) Li show.

During the opening credits I noticed that there were two editors listed. I haven't checked, but by the looks of things there might have been more, even if it's simply Stallone himself. While there were a lot of very nicely framed shots, the editing seemed to be all over the place, especially when it came to shaky-cam hand-held scenes. I guess that's what the norm has become so there's nothing to do but deal with it. Then of course when they slow things down, there's Rourke's lingering blue-hued close up and the blurry after shots of Stallone's reaction... a strange decision, but I'm just nitpicking I suppose. The movie is definitely gritty looking, and not to mention seemingly more realistic compared to newer action films which is a plus (a lot less show off CG). A very nice throwback to the old school days where you didn't need super inventive obstacle-like near death experiences to wow the youth (think the nearly crushed by a spinning airborne car scene in Die Hard 4). Just a long shot of Terry Crews mowing down twenty or more South American soldiers with an Auto Assault-12 Gauge with a drum magazine full of explosive rounds! Check out the guns from the film HERE! Even the plane stunt with the machine guns and napalm death was straightforward, yet extravagant in a way. It wasn't over the top (no pun), but a rather exciting moment in itself despite the fist pump of awesomeness that occurred seconds later.

It was interesting to see what looked like actors seemingly ripped right out of other films to stop by this one. Kind of funny to see Rourke painting that guitar with the same intensity that Whiplash created his electrified armor, dirty locks, shiny teeth and all. Eric Roberts is pretty much the same dude from Dark Knight, and Stallone is still wearing that jungle eyeliner. Statham, Li, Stone Cold, and the rest of them basically play themselves. It was nice to see a few actors who had nothing on their plates getting back into the action. Shame that Van Damme didn't just say fuck it all and join the team for the new Rambo film... er, I mean... and don't you just love how would-be rapists always get the most gruesome and graphic deaths in Stallone's films? Sure, there were some other nasty deaths, but those two guys were served up somethin' special. It was definitely the best kill scene in the film. And the non-kill scene worthy of mention would have to be a line delivered by Bruce Willis to Arnie and Sly as they took not so subtle jabs at one another:  "You two aren't going to start sucking each other's dicks, are you?" That line alone is more badass than any explosion they could have come up with, and not to mention that it's funny as hell.

I've never really been a serious Action nut. I've seen all the essentials, and many of the lesser films (including new offerings) but have never really been a collector of the stuff. Honestly speaking, I'd rather go see something like Vicky Christina Barcelona than Rambo IV. Luckily for me in regards of The Expendables, I didn't go in with any sort of expectations. It was cool to see them all get together, no matter how brief or wink nudge it got. With a little more time given to the script, and a bit more running time it could have been a slightly better film. I'm not saying go Christopher Nolan style or anything, but hopefully the extended version will give a deeper presentation. I'd like to see a scene of the guys sitting around a table in the tattoo shop with a pizza in the middle of them, where Stallone in his sunglasses takes a slice and cuts the tip off of it before taking a bite. That would have been classic. And weird. But after it's all said and done, you can always count on Stallone to bring a little Ultra-Violence to his new films, and for that, I can totally recommend that you see The Expendables. It didn't really blow me away, and is an imperfect film (poor CGI, Willis not returning for another minute later after plot developments, hot spanish chick didn't get naked, ect) but it's a fun time waster with an extra dash of brutality (in more ways than one).


August 10, 2010

TF's: Valkyrie (3rd Party Arcee) Bot...



Well, I suppose the sour taste in my mouth is from the mix of rum and brew, but I'm at a strange place right now as I admire my newest acquisition. See that up there aside that single pack of Miso flavored ramen is a 3rd Party product action figure of what is obviously Transformers' Arcee, yet aka 'TRNS-01 Valkyrie' for copyright reasons. I don't see why using an exact to the point likeness wouldn't be a copyright reason, but I guess since Takara and Hasbro refuse to make the girl public, who really gives a shit? The closest that the official brand has ever come to this came earlier this year with their release of the TFAnimated Arcee. This was the very first official Arcee that was (somewhat) mass produced and actually for the first time resembled the old-school character, though with artistic differences. Even with this, many a young nerdlings longed for an Arcee figure from the film and/or 1985 television series. There were prototypes (customs?) from undisclosed locations about ten years back, and since then, Nothing!

Yeah, it happens, right? Sure it does. But why wait to put your product out when people could have been paying for it ten years ago, or even say, back in the mid 80's when the movie originally came out? I've always wanted an Arcee fig. Why? Because I like chick figs. The pinker the better. I see these test shots for an incredible G1 accurate figure online, and can only dream they make it official. But that day doesn't come, and long time pass. Other official products are painted as if they are Arcee for conventions, and the Alternator line got a bulky repaint of a Guy character which never should have seen the light of day. Then after all that, when the movie comes out, she's a motorcycle, looking like something that's been shit out of Optimus Prime's exhaust. It seemed as if there was no hope, but things are about to get expensive. ImpossibleToys just released the figure above, and Arcee fans rejoiced. For a short while, at least...

I got her and the first impression was (and I don't know if I should post the absurd picture of the huge ass shipping box this came packaged in with the little thing inside) that of shock. My eyes haven't opened that wide since I originally saw Peter Jackson's Bad Taste back in 1995. This baby is SMALL! And 70$ for her is rather big. After I opened her box up, I found out just how delicate the figure is. I'm genuinely scared to actually hold the thing. If pressure points on official figures scare you, which they should, then this thing is like that part in Indiana Jones where he's gotta replace the treasure's weight with that bad of sand. You know that face he gets when he fucks it up? Yeah, I don't wanna make that face. I could probably smash this figure into sand with a tight squeeze of my fist if I wanted to, and that's scary.

So there definitely are PROS and CONS which are immediately recognizable. Cons first, being there are no snapping-in points of the robot mold, which means that she doesn't "stay together" as well as normal figures do. You can't really position her without her chest plate rising up, which in turn raises her back junk and leaves her arms to flail. That sucks balls. Two, is that she is hard to balance considering her back weight, and yet, no ass. Which brings me to three, her waist does not move at all. Bad. The toy is also quite light. On the plus side, for one, she looks pretty damn sweet. Two, she's actually scale despite at first feeling disappointingly small. Yes, whoever designed her made it so she'd be able to stand alongside figures from 1984, and it worked out perfectly. Rather amazingly actually. This is possibly the major saving grace of the girl. Three, it just feels good to hold one of these, despite the "sour taste".

Some early purchasers complained that the paint job on theirs was rather shoddy. They may have been reviewers with free test runs, and I don't know if that's the case with many people, but the paint application on mine is Hasbro quality. Meaning it's not perfect, but it looks a lot better than on those online complaint pictures and videos. Maybe I got a "good" one, I don't know. All the joints are solid. In fact, the neck is so solid that I was afraid to move it sideways, but I did, and yes, the head actually moves. Left, right, up and down. The waist doesn't move but the hips have a ball joints and they swivel which doesn't do too much, but definitely helps. Arms are on ball joints, with a swivel and bend at the elbow but no wrist movement. She bends at the knees, ankles, and she's got two guns which are small but removable. Colors are simple pink, white, black and a transparent blue windshield. No stickers as of yet, but who knows if ReproLables will be working on some for the future. 

The price is way too high for this figure, and cannot be recommended by me unless you're seriously hardcore into this sort of thing. Even then, when I hold her in my hands, it feels like she should be thirty dollars or less. I'm not exactly regretting anything yet, but a couple days after this arrived news was posted by I-Gear regarding another Not-Arcee figure: Delicate Warrior, by another 3rd Party Company is out. Sadly, it is looking far superior to this version of the figure (better head mold, little bit of a buffer bod,  more details, some Die Cast to weigh her down... but similar problems?), even though they're both based on the same custom design. If 70$ wasn't bad enough, this other one is 100$. If I had been patient, I would have got this one instead. Still may have gotten both, but probably wouldn't have been feeling mental spasms right about now. Come on with that Masterpiece figure Takara and put an end to my suffering!


August 5, 2010

I fucking hate cupcakes... but oh well...


Thanks to Professor Brian O'Blivion over at The Cathode Ray Mission for the mention on this, what appears to be some sort of Blog Award slash Shoutout slash  Get To Know Your Blogger slash Chain Letter. I apologize in advance for not continuing the chain, but I regretfully cannot name names by force of nature.  There are many cool as all hell bloggers out there that I like / love and have known for a while and perhaps in a future post I'll write about it (or even make my own award - no chains attached), so don't worry. After all my bad luck is bottom barrel, so if I miss this one, I'm out nothing. I will say however that Senior O'Blivion is one cool motherfucker and all shall bow down. Crimson Ghost, beyotch! Rep-re-sent.

10 Things that bring me Joy.

Opening Something New. You know that feeling after you've had something for a while? Sure, you played with it at first, and everything was great. That  certain something was all you could talk about for a week, or even all you could think of. And then it happens: Maybe you put it aside, perhaps you've been  neglecting it, or hell, maybe you've just gotten plain sick of it. You know that feeling? Yeah, that's not the feeling I'm talking about. What I'm talking  about is the day that special day when you crack her open... err, I mean, well, you know what I mean. The wait definitely does make it more exciting. Say for  instance you've been waiting on some rare Japanese Devilman figures to come in the mail. You get home after a rough day of scoping out that cute girl at the  Dairy Queen in the mall. She's dishing out those swirly ice cream cones by the minute and all you want to see is her just take one slow lick as she locks  eyes with you. Only problem is how's she gonna see your eyes through those spy binoculars, or let alone notice you hiding behind that frilly plant in the  corner. So you go home, yet again and sans one sweet Oreo Blizzard that you brought a coupon for yet didn't have the guts to disobey the restraining order to  get. But alas, what's this!? A box with my name on it? Kanji in the return address? It was either open up a case of harakiri, or this, and baby it looks like  there's still some sweet time to be had opening up new things. Not that it has to be that difficult, don't get me wrong.

Cold Water. I could have even gone as far as to say simply, The Cold... or as an extension of the thought, Snow. But Cold Water is specifically something  that I need to feel and brings me immense joy. I'm not really talking about drinking cold water, I'll get to drinking later. What I speak of here now is  about the feel of cold on the skin. When that isn't easy to come by for whatever reason, cold water is the most easily accessable. Cold water is soothing,  calming and it helps me relax. To say that warm water on the skin disgusts me would be an understatement. Can't stand the stuff. Give me a cold shower and  lay me naked in a room full of air conditioners. I'll even cover my up junk with the wet towel just in case someone's peeking through the blinds. A fond  memory of cold water is one of my growing up on the California beaches. After spending all day there, depending on which beach you're at, there are these  outdoor public shower stations for rinsing off. You hit the button and get sprayed full blast for thirty seconds with the ice cold goodness as the sun goes  down. Every time I take a cold shower after a hard day's work I just close my eyes and imagine I'm there.

Lounging. I love to lounge... to relax. Suffice to say, I hate doing shit. When everything is all done and I've got nothing on the agenda, that is truly the  best moment. That moment however is not very often, so what do I do in the meantime? Ignore! That's what. When I awake at four in the morning and I'm laying  there completely feeling like total Boo Berry with a blanket half-draped over a leg and the AC blasting in my face, I think to myself "this is the best I'm  going to feel all day. It's all downhell from here..." and that is true until the next morning when I get to feel it again. Unless I'm dead, that is probably  the best I'm ever going to feel these days. Meditation. Sensory Deprivation. Relaxation. Some people call it laziness. Those people are usually girlfriends.

Drinking. It makes me feel good. And wise man say, "If it makes ya' feel good do it!" Heh. Don't drink, kids! But seriously, is there nothing better than  taking a stroll down to the local dive after a shitty day of work and being greeted by a beautiful woman with two large jugs... of beer waiting for you? I'm  talking an ice cold sixteen ounce in a frosty glass, service with a smile that makes you smile back. And you can't beat good company, especially when they're  buying you drinks left and right. Then aside from teh local pub, there's so much to enjoy in the privacy of your own home. Take a stroll through the big  daddy liquor store if you've got one nearby and pick up a case of Guinness, a case of Sapporo, some Cherry Flavroed Brandy, an 18 pack of Bud Ice, thirteen  Capitan Morgan 100 proof nips and you're set for the whole weekend. On the way home say fuck it and make it a party by picking up a High Society mag, a Cheri  for backup, and a pack of Djarums for afterward. I'm also fond of chugging non-alcoholic drinks such as Tropicana Grovestand orange juice, spicy V8, Fresh  Lemonade, ice cold Sprite, Soy Sauce, Pickle Juice, you name it.

Beautiful Women. Let's face it, beautiful women are everywhere. You ever see one? How'd she look? Fuckin' beautiful right? Of course she did... Beautiful  women are great. While a beautiful woman in real life may be a double edged sword in terms of how great, or devastatingly awful she makes you feel, it cannot  be denied that a sexy woman on screen is a most joyous thing. Hot chicks make everything better. Check this out, you're at the beach and it's a totally sweet  day. The wind is lightly blowing, it's cooled down, your toes are in the damp sand and you're feeling nice as shit with a cold brew in your hand. What could  possibly make this moment any better you ask? How about all the HOT CHICKS in bikinis everywhere?! Or take this one as an example: It's movie night (what  night isn't?) and you're getting ready to watch a video. I wonder what it could be...? Oh shit, you've just rented The Unborn! This night is most surely  guaranteed to suck balls now, but wait, what's this? Odette Yustman constantly parading around in her underwear? Problem Solved. I'm telling you, she saved  that movie for the most part, I feel like it fell off during the "exciting climax". When I think about how to describe 'beautiful women' as something that  brings me joy, I envision the film Malèna starring Monica Bellucci, for I find that relateable. Or on a lesser note, how Deuce Bigalow asks that hot girl in  the pet store to get the fish at the bottom of the tank so her t-shirt gets all wet and nipply. Mmmmm... highlight of the day.

Going to the Cinema. It's not easy for me to feel inner peace. I've got a lot of shit going on up there and it's not all happy, but I'm not going to bore you  with the dreaded details. We've all got problems. But you may be noticing a theme here in the things that bring me joy. There is a lot of Escapism in what  I'm writing about. When I'm not all here is when I'm happy, that's pretty much what I make of it. I feel so incredibly at peace when I'm sitting there in the  cinema and the previews are about to start. Why? Because I've got nothing to bother me at that moment, aside from the thought of bloodthirsty Demons going on  a rampage. Everything from the previews through the credits, buying the tickets to pondering what I have just seen, it's all an exciting and relaxed time to  be had. Plus, I've gone to quite a few midnight showings and special event playings where the people are either on drugs, or on drugs. And it's a damn cool  time when you get to hear those reaction roars... one reason why more movies should have audience tracks (ala Freddy Got Fingered and Sin City). There was  one year when I saw a film at the theatre every weekend. I learned a little bit more about quality over quantity regarding setting film goals, but it was  worth it I think.

1980's Cartoons. Have you seen what kids these days are offered as 'entertainment'? I am not only flabbergasted, but thoroughly shocked and appaled at the  state of children's programming these days. Are they intentionally trying to make the future stupider? Hey, that sounds like a good name for a new cartoon on  Nicktoons: Future Stupider. But seriously, are they doing this intentionally? And who are "they"? Obviously someone who wants the future population more  controllable. They've been perfecting this for years, ever since the early 30's, continuously altering the recipe as times change. Have you heard of this  thing called facebook twitter? Youngsters lining up like cattle at a battle to let everyone know where they at, what they doin' and when they doin' it. No  thanks Gattica. What's next you're going to rid the world of brown eyes through DNA stealing? Sounds like a good idea until they get hungry for murder  burgers when something goes wrong. Would you like to fit our new ideal of perfection, well then, why don't you step into this chamber for one moment and  experience complete and utter bliss. What's with the big skull and bones on the utter bliss chamber door? Oh, don't worry about that because there's a TV on  in there playing Fanboy and Chum Chum. Oh goody, I can't wait to AAHHHHHH!!!! My skin is melting! And so on. So forth. So my point is this: Watch  ThunderCats. And Transformers. And even, yes, GIJoe... you know, just for the cool Cobra shit that goes on.

Ramen Noodles. Ramen is my favorite food. It is perfection in a bowl. Even at its most simple form of block noodles and broth, the power this dish holds is  mesmerizing. Add to that the variations, alterations, additions, and recipes you can serve and you've got a versitile noodle dish. I like things simple, but  have yet to delve into the most extravagant of ramen dishes. For instance I keep reading articles and seeing shows about Ramen Bars and it's driving me nuts.  I've got to have it! I'm dying to go to some gourmet ramen shop and taste heaven, but for now, it's the home cooked goods. I like a very spicy broth, noodles  perfectly cooked to slurping delightality, and yes, dried veggie packets are more than welcome. I've become quite obsessed with ramen actually, in the manner  that I collect and shelve the stuff like GhoulBasement Jayson hoards VHS tapes at the local swap meet. Since I've tried nearly everything here I can find,  I've been searching online ramen shops to get my fix of what's out there and how it'll bring me joy. Yes, there are specialty ramen shops online, and when I  get a whole pocket full of dimes it's ordering time baby.

Chili Cheese Fries. Are you f'n kidding me? No Wienerschnitzel way. I like Poutine too. It's rad.

Horror. It's a way of life. Normals sometimes say, "Hey, let's watch a scary movie today. It'll be fun." That's how you know. A Horror kid, when presented  with a film option that isn't horror says, "What the fuck? That's not horror." When you were younger and stepped into the video store, did you run to the  horror section and stare with wonderment at the Grim Reaper big box release? Did you rent Frankenstein '80 and Faces of Death IV back to back? I sure as fuck  did. I grew up renting VHS horror films at two different mom and pop shops as well as the big chains. Horror kids born in the early 80's, like me, they miss  those shops. Holy hell do I miss those video stores. I could spend an hour in there before renting only two videos and the next week do the same thing, and I  did on multiple occasions. I must have read each tape box about twenty times, and looked it over hundreds. I remember renting Troll 2, Bad Taste, Gothic,  Panic (think big soft clamshell box with gross guy in the sewer), Monster Shark, Warlock, all that shit... things didn't get too much worse in terms of  owning horror films however. As time went on my DVD collection climed to more than 10x the amount of VHS I had. But keep in mind that I wasn't just  collecting VHS horror from the shop down the street, but rather I was indeed ordering dupes from catalogs. My early teen years of watching horror films  taught me that I'm not really much into homegrown stuff, but prefer the italian flavor instead. Dario Argento, Lucio FUlci, Mario and Lamberto Bava, and  Michele Soavi for the most part really geared my shit in a certain direction. My cousin Shane once told me as we sparked up a doobie back in 1999, that he  watched American Beauty and Fight Club recently and those films "changed his life." I as a devote horror fan (strictly, I mean, I've since come to accept  other genre offerings and these two films are favorites of mine) I cold-shouldered his words, stating that I had seen Tenebrae and Cemetery Man and those  changed my life. Perhaps I was being a dick, but he bought me Taco Bell after we blazed so I gave his movies a chance and found that they were pretty damn  good. Not to say that I was close minded but I did have a touch of teh elite-ism-ness that some horror kids may develop. I quickly put that to rest though.  Now, I find that I can enjoy all versions of horror. Be it a sparkling vampire with a strong gaze but no touchy rule, to a guy lubing up and fucking a dead  corpse while he video tapes his insatiable act. I'm open to new horror, and I'm cool with that. Nightmare on Elm Street will always be in my top 5 films, as  will Alucarda, Demons and Tenebrae. The fact is that horror kids got that different state of mind. Though many of us now consider the state of horror to be  slipping downhill drastically, remember that many of the horror films that we had to seek out and research years ago are readily avaliable at these kid's  disposal. The remakes will not all be new classics to everyone, because horror fans are smart and they want more. The smartest of the bunch will search for  something they've heard about, something that's fucked up... something like Burial Ground for instance. Zombie kid bites off his mom's nipple, and what's  worse, zombie kid isn't a kid, but a weird looking old dude who looks like a kid! Tell that shit to me when I'm fourteen and I'm fuckin' sold. I don't know  if it's a mission or what, but to un-corrupt the new flock, should be a joy, in itself.

August 1, 2010

Upcoming KO Conehead Seeker Spotlight


What you're looking at here are prototype shots for the three I-Gear Masterpiece Conehead Seekers, PP03E (Not Dirge) PP03J (Not Ramjet) and PP03A (Not Thrust). I-Gear, a third party accessory shop, is now acting as "distributor" to these Third Party KO toys created by "Partner Products". These jets are based off Customs using the original Masterpiece Starscream mold. There have been major wing-remolds, new weapons, new heads, and character specific paintjobs.

I've got to say that I've always loved the look of the MP Starscream mold. I'm not sure how far I would go to call the MP Jet the perfect figure, but it's a definite 10/10 me thinks. So far I've got only the US Version MP Skywarp (30$ Reduced at Walmart), but I've got plans on getting the whethered Starscream with Cartoon Acurate Colors. MP Starscream was first released in Japan sans Red, White(Grey) and Blue... just a blue-greyish tint throughout. Very displeasing to the eye, I would say. Twas later released by Hasbro as a Walmart Exclusive in his original colors, and afterward, Re-Relased in Japan by Takara-Tomy. Thundercracker and Skywarp were both released in Japan, and since Skywarp has been released in the US with what I feel to be a better paintjob. Thundercracker has not made his way over yet for some reason. Also, just recently, another MP Starscream was released in Japan, the Ghost Version! (Click HERE to see the video from TFsource).
And now, the re-tool KO's are set to be released by I-Gear, no doubt either making certain individuals unbiasedly giddy or extremely pissed off. I'm not going to go into legalities here, but some are claiming this is WAY over the line. Hasbro has yet to comment, and the overall feeling is that they just don't give a shit about these things really. Personally, I'm f'n excited! No matter what your stance is you can't seriously look at these photos and say that they're not absolutely beautiful figures. They're lean, mean and full of cream! The only questions now are A) Will these truly be released? B) What will the prices be for each? I'm guessing 100$ a piece, but there might be a three pack deal so who knows if there will be a discount for that. And C) What will the quality be like?

I'm hoping they'll be 60$ a piece like most official Masterpiece releases, but I doubt it. After all, they've got to make money somehow and who knows... maybe it's the high prices of these "collectibles" that keep Hasbro from worrying so much. I'm awaiting any type of review, more pictures, more info and ordering information to be readily available until I even consider buying these. Do I want them on my shelf to fondle and drool over? You bet your sweet ass. But I'm not made of cash, plus I just purchased a Third Party figure and two official Re-Releases that's putting me out just about 300$. And no, that's not even including the upcoming US Masterpiece version of Grimlock. Japan is really going off with their 2010 line, and Hasbro seem to be making advances as well. Not all of it looks shite like it did a few years back, and the wallet is taking a pounding.



July 31, 2010

Demons Shirt from Fright Rags


Looks like Fright Rags have really outdone themselves this time around. First with that Zombie shirt featuring the splinter through the eye sequence, then with their Monster Creeps poster... and now, take a look at this. It's been a while since I've come across a T-Shirt that has make me shout out a big, loud Fuck Yeah! The silver Demons mask perfectly complimented with a blood red inverted pentagram behind it.


This is truly a badass piece of work, near Danzig-ish in appearance, and I'm sure my order will be put forth shortly. What better way to represent your inner psycho by wearing a shirt with a visage that is sure to horrify those unfamiliar with the film? Not to mention the mad props you'll get from that weird chick (probably dude though) working at the Newbury Comics. Gotta say it's all a win-win and thanks, Fright Rags, for keeping the Demons legacy undead.

July 12, 2010

TF's: 6/22/10, Revisited...



The picture posted is of my KO Clear Optimus Prime w/  KO Clear Buzzsaw and Rumble (the card features Lazerbeak and Frenzy). Matched with my official reissue of Soundwave for purposes of visuals, along with Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, and Overkill. I've got to say that it all looks gravy. KO Optimus Prime came with a few different parts from the original and re-release. First, the hands are a little bigger and even though this is a clear-former they are very watered-down cool-aid purple. I actually like the new hands as they're cooler than the originals. Then there's the Die-Cast metal Gold gun that wasn't even advertised but came in total ownage style.  Now for some good news: My order has shipped from BigBadToyStore... and it's a figure I've been waiting to see happen for about ten years now. It's going to be sweet as hell, so stay tuned.

Well, Colton Harris-Moore finally got apprehended. Not going to say "caught" since well, we never really know do we? As in, what kind of lucrative deal he was offered to be "taken in" and such... but no matter how you feel about the 'goin's on's', or what your stance on governmental bullshit happens to be (ie, "we gotta pay them darn taxes from teh planes he done 'crashed", "he's a criminal", ect...), I was downright rootin' for the guy. It could be like another 'Catch Me If You Can' (a very decent non-horror movie starring Leo and Tom that this could fit in quite well with if done right). Sell those rights Colton, and get some real cash once things settle. Or be used to your best ability, either way or maybe both. No matter what you do my advice is to live the dream, and if you've gotta endure the nightmare for a while, don't forget that at some point your dreams really will come true since you've got the talent. Head up, and stay strong. Not that I need to tell ya. Just remember that in America non-violent criminals (especially the eccentric ones) get thirty year sentences while violent thugs who assault people on a daily basis over a Prostitute or a Snickers Bar get six months and/or sometimes not even that and just probation. Momma may have tried, but now is the time for the American Public to try harder and support this SOB.



July 6, 2010

Leave Lindsay a-Lohan!


I'm calling bullshit! I mean, did you see that judge? She's obviously a total SS bitch... not that there's anything wrong with that, but What the Fuck! Poor Lindsay Lo. Can our little grown up hottie and new found exploitation queen get a break for once? Get that damn ankle bracelet off of her and let her shoot 'Lovelace' for Dakota's sake. And right when things were starting to look up too, got a four day weekend and all... then Uruguay plays shit, loses first place chances at the World Cup, and now Lindsay is going to jail for Ninety days!? Bloody 'ell! I know who's killing me, these damn probation laws. What, a girl can't hit up a few parties and snort a couple lines these days? Why don't you just take away her right to vote or bear sweet bare breasts in public while you're at it government! So she didn't attend one class because she was at the MTV movie awards. Sounds like her AA instructor who testified against her is a total jealous bitch since she never got to play Michael Keaton's chicklet on the big screen. You know what? Everyone is talking about "substance abuse" this and "substance abuse" that... sounds to me like there's been an awful lot of abuse already, so how about we end the abuse now, and set this beautifully damaged goddess free. Love you, Double L. You've got my support... and I toast!

July 2, 2010

TF's: 6/22/10


Two words: Dead center. What a month. It's been all out frustration and disaster... but I'm feeling good for some reason, while I'm feeling bad. You know those days where everything you try to pick up falls out of your hands, and your multitasking skills are put to the test? It's like that, only every short while I get a positive reinforcement or some good news. Weird. One good bit of news seems to be that Hasbro and Takara are finally going to venture away from the absolutely shittyness of the Transformers Movie figure designs for a short while in favor of more Gee Wun inspired themes. The new Generations / Universe line combined with the War For Cybertron videogame figures is bound to bring back those early 80's memories in all the late twenty-somethings. Scroll down this Seibertron.com news page to see pics of the new Soundwave, Darkmount, Blurr, Dirge, Thrust, and then click page 2 because that's got all the goods. So yeah, I'm excited about that.

[ I mean, have you seen the figure for Revenge of the Fallen Soundwave? It's SHIT! Absolute shit. I fucking hate it. And they released it three different times in various colors. But this WFC fig that's coming out now is a thing of beauty! ] To the point, I made a few drunken purchases recently from KOToys. Many people are seriously opposed to buying or owning knock-offs for various reasons, but I (like many other instances in my life) am rather apathetic. That being said, I've seen many many cheap knock-offs and have passed them up since they looked like garbage. However, I did a little research and found that this company Zhong Jin does un-fucking-believable high quality and worthy reproductions. So I said why the hell not, since 1) I'm not paying four hundred bucks for an old and used G1 Shockwave with rotted rubber tubing, battery acid damage and worn edges and stickers. Not to mention neither the American nor Japanese makers of Transformers have the rights to that mold anymore. And 2) They have a clear Optimus Prime which I thought would look kinda cool. Being rather buzzed at the time I also threw in a few extra bucks for a clear Frenzy and Buzzsaw. Hell, why not.

Each figure came in deluxe reproduction packaging complete with Rubsigns, Stickers, Instructions, Catalogs for the other G1 figures, and even a little plastic baggy of SARS. Just kidding, China. They have two Shockwaves for sale, one with the standard Grey barrel end and one Purple. I went with purple since I like to get the figures that are a little different. The clear Optimus came with a little unexpected surprise which was noted nowhere: in addition to his clear rifle, he comes with a f'n die cast gold plated metal version as well. Sweetness? You bet your ass. These three clear knock-offs have some very nice special touches that aren't really expected from such a purchase, but I am overall satisfied despite a few parts of the mold being slightly loose or really tight. This isn't the case in Shockwave however who is a solid figure all over. I grabbed myself a C batter and stuck it in... the resulting lazer blasting sounds nearly deafened me, while the lights had me blinking for about a minute since I did it in the dark.

Aside from that I recently pre-ordered a Third Party figure that I brought up in an earlier post. "Third Party" meaning that it's not a "knock-off" but rather a representation of their character with a generic name (say for instance, Nurse Bot) but is quite strikingly reminiscent of a certain 1985 character. More on that one later once I get the sweet thang in my hands. After picking up Lockdown (the beautifully evil and non-symmetrical  damage causing armor racing vehicle), I sent out my three Nest stickers and on the same day my KO toys came in I received my Mail-In figure of Deluxe Recon Ravage. This RotF Ravage figure was released domestically in Canada (a for-once, for them) and gave buyers in the US a reason to buy three shitty movie sequel toys to get the little bugger. I'm not really fond of the design and mold (prefer the new legends fig about to be released), but this one's got some special deep reds, vacuumed silver metal pieces and looks pretty damn sexy when you get over how ugly it is. I'm keeping him in package... a package which by the way came in a special box with a "letter from big OP" and a five dollar off coupon for a, you guessed it, Revenge of the Fallen figure.

Unfortunately, the only other RotF toy I've been looking forward to owning was Mindwipe. I already have his little buddy Skystalker, but had not seen this thing anywhere at all. I had actually given up hope, but in one bored swoop, walked into a K-Mart (I never go there) and there were two of him. Ain't that some shit. So I snagged him. The coupon was for a figure over 20$, for some reason it rang up for sixteen and I got it for eleven. If you ever see this at WalMart I guarantee it'll cost 30$, so that was pretty sweet. Mindwipe is a stealth fighter jet, black, perfectly symmetrical, with shades of red and bronze, glowing red eyes and just looks badass as fuck. Mindwipe of course is a non-movie appearing character that Hasbro put out in the movie toyline... which means basically that he's got a 75-80% chance of not completely sucking, since he may not be based on a Michael Bay approved design.

He fortunately, is not, and is rather an example of team Takara and/or Hasbro, or the designer(s) of this figure, that they are capable of downright awesomeness! Damn near everything about Mindwipe is sheer perfection: his sinister colors scheme, amazing stability, interesting transformation, sleek look in both modes, compatibility with smaller drone, minimal but eye-catching use of transparent red plastic, and the fact that he's a rather weak bot who uses his special powers to hypnotize others to do his violent bidding while he hides out and can make a most speedy getaway if needed. Oh, and he's got four bits of landing gear. One minor issue is with his weaponry (which I guess makes sense since he's a "weakling"). His mech-alive mini wing blades, while they look neat in folded bot mode, don't really do anything... and his blades which are hidden under his forearms only flip downward into stabbing position (think Psycho shower scene). I don't mind that last bit much, but there is no option to have him hold the blades any other way unless it's kit-bashed. Which I'm not into.

So things seem to be looking up and hopefully Hasbro will be able to get out some of these new and worthy products before TF3 hits the theaters and it all gets pushed aside for another hundred re-releases of slightly repainted and hardly modified Bumblebees... though, it has been confirmed that the newest Decepticon in the third film is Shockwave(!). Wonder how they'll ruin him. Or for that matter, continue to ruin Soundwave as well. We shall see.

May 29, 2010

Film!: The Runaways


If I could ever stick my dick into a movie, this would be the one. That's precisely the thought that hit me a little past the half-way mark... and while the thought never really occurred to me before, the more I thought about it later, I discovered that it actually had before. Just never really in those words exactly. I had similar feelings when I was watching Jennifer's Body, but did I actually consider the movie some sort of fuckable object? I remember watching Dario Argento's film The Stendhal Syndrome and constantly finding my left hand roaming down the cornflower blue tie to inside the f'n khakis while I sat in my IKEA designed studio apartment. I was supposed to be selling that soap and not sticking into it too deep until it really stung... does that make me a freak? Well you can't confuse and you just can't choose what it's gonna do.


Alright, so it's probably no secret that I've been in love with Kristen Stewart ever since I spied through her bedroom window with my night vision goggles a few years back... and I may have mentioned once or twice in the past that I've got this unhealthy obsession with Dakota Fanning. Oh, and not to mention the fact that female lead singers, and chick bands in general, just f'n drive me into a spank frenzy. So when I heard about The Runaways (2010) I, well, basically I scorched my shorts. And then there were the news bits that came every other week... that it's 'raunchy as hell' being mainly the message. I'm hearing about Dakota's menstruation scene, then her and Kristen's lesbian make-out scene... so I'm seein' red and pink... then I come across this picture of KS in her patch-gear outfit and after I view the trailer, I've got the tunnel vision. That last one could have been caused by a mix of alcohol and binoculars however.

I was dying to see this movie at the cinema. When the official Limited release date came about I was all giddy and shit, checking online for anything near me... and nothing! Wouldn't you know it. What was this, like, two months ago? I was pissed off needless to say. There's not much really that gets my attention these days to this extent, and the film's distributors go and drop the ball majorly. I don't mind limited releases, but this movie is starring at present time, two of the most famous young ladies in the world and it's nowhere to be seen. Insanity? No matter, I finally got my hot shot and as of now the film is permanently in the system. So what did I think of The Runaways? Are you kidding me... I fucking loved it! Not to say that there weren't a few minor problems.

Kristen and Dakota were spot on as usual, sinking into the roles and becoming Joan and Cherie to sheer perfection. And Michael Shannon as Kim Fowley, hell, I'm sure his part alone will easily be considered the show stealer. All three of them are of course the "anchors" of the film, and all three roles are pulled off brilliantly, essentially making the film as great as it can be. Apart from Stella Maeve as drummer Sandy West, the other two girls in the band are pretty much forgotten due to "rights issues". So unfortunately for Scout Taylor-Compton and Alia Shawkat fans, things are on the back-burner this time around. They both get a single shining moment at least. The film is based on an autobiography by Cherie Currie, so none of the other girls really get back-stories anyways, including Joan Jett. So I guess it doesn't matter much after all is said and done.

The ending is to be expected as well, which is rather somber. After all, that's how things really went for the most part. This isn't Sid and Nancy. There's no murder, no suicide, no death... just a split between friends and lovers. The drugs, insanity, rebellion, and sexiness however did take place and it was just fucking lovely mate. Not that the ending is a problem, and non-technically, neither is the storyline 'exclusion' of the bassist and lead guitarist... really, I could care less. I've never really been into Lita Ford much. And the other chick, Fox, threatening to sue, really? It's all shit only the overly anal would really mind. I'm not some f'n Runaways fanatic or anything, so Meh is what I say to it all. Everyone should have gotten on board as far as I'm concerned, but then again, I don't like getting into politics.

So fuck 'em. Hey, go see The Runaways.

May 22, 2010

Film!: Perkins' 14 / Anamorph


I had absolutely no clue as to what Perkins' 14 (2009) was before I viewed it. I had absolutely no clue as to what Perkins' 14 was after I viewed it, either. Oh, I read the synopsis on the back of the cover that day I rented it from Cockbusters. It left me with little to go on, and also, I had read nothing about the film online. I'd only seen flash ads... so I could only speculate. Is this a movie about Anthony Perkins raping 14 young lads? I sure as fuck hope not! After reading that synopsis and seeing the film, one has to wonder what the hell whoever wrote it up was thinking, or watching for that matter. So I start watching what should be a horror film about Norman knows what, and it's a little slow. But it starts to get intense as the police-man father of a missing son senses that the strange glasses-wearing man in the overnight cell (with all the pharmaceuticals out in his unmarked white van that he just illegally searched) might just be the guy who kidnapped him ten years prior. Of course none of his colleagues give him any positive reinforcement on the matter since the guy's been a raging flask sipper since those days and seems the paranoid type.

Naturally, daddy (Patrick O'Kain) takes it upon himself (and a cop buddy who supposedly owes him one) to go search the creepy dude's basement, only to find... you guessed it: 14 teenagers that he'd kidnapped years ago, tortured, fed PCP to and molested, transforming them into... Super Zombie-like creatures with a bloodlust unmatched by one of Michael Vick's doberman pinschers! Yeeeaaahhh... okay, so Perkins' 14 starts out emotional yet low budget and gets your attention. Then it hits you with this retarded curve ball which surprisingly, caught my interest even more, though in a WTF type manner. Of course, the son is one of the 14 and dad is hellbent on saving him, even though he's going around tearing people to shreds. From here on in, every single character acts like a completely worthless moron as the fourteen rampage throughout town. So is the way of the slaughter. Every single bad decision to be made is made, that dumbass lead singer of the new "misfits" is as lame as it gets, and the cheating wife (hot as all fuck Mihaela Mihut) is about as useful as a glad bag full of wet lopped-off testicles.

Honestly, I don't know what to say about Perkins' 14. I'm not going to sit here and type that I claim it was the worst movie I've ever seen. I don't even think it's as bad as reviewers online say. The Ad campaign, synopsis and promotional tools were all vague, confusing and most likely a smokescreen. Effective, perhaps, but it's as if After Dark Films had no idea what the hell this movie is and uh, I guess I can't blame them. The synopsis on Wiki had to be put together like a f'n puzzle, so no wonder they just went with some quick and elusive wording on the back cover. You're probably not going to be cheering, say if you were watching Laid To Rest for example... except maybe when the people you want to die (all the characters, pretty much) get ripped up. I say give it a viewing, but be warned... oh, and there's this quick voice-over after the final kill that will have your head spinning. It might just pop off. For it makes less sense than all the characters in this film combined had.

Anamorph (2007) fared better in my opinion but suffers many of the same drawbacks as Perkins' 14. Fortunately for this Psychological Thriller (American Giallo) it doesn't veer too far off into the overly questionable (not-zombie zombies?), and then there's Willem Dafoe, who just f'n steals the damn show every single time. And you know who's a good balance to Dafoe? Boring ass white bread Scott Speedman, that's right. Not that anyone needs to make the guy look good, but if a tortured soul detective with a... wait for it... nip drinking problem(!) needs a younger dude backing him up, it might as well be this boring fuck, am I right? Listen, I had no idea what the hell Anamorph was going to be about... I just got "lucky" and caught it on IFC.

Everything was going good, despite a few cliches here and there... and even some of the same old story. I've since read it being compared to Se7en, Kiss The Girls and even Dario Argento's Stendhal Syndrome. I didn't really catch the Kiss The Girls vibe, but the other two definitely. I could have seen Argento doing this film actually, maybe even making it better, less comprehensible even. The film's title refers to "anamorphosis", which is a way of creating hidden art that becomes visible from a certain vantage point. This is the killer's way of fucking with the protagonists. There are some great murder set pieces where Detective Dafoe has to finish the murderer / artist's grisly works of human blood art. It's to put it most simply, beautiful. There's even a scene where he steps inside a huge painting and makes out with a catfish (Clea DuVall).

Overall the story is a bit predictable, but the acting is all gravy and there's fun scenes where limbs and dead bodies are hanging all about; their meanings to be deciphered by our drunken hero. Speedman's big cop revelation is absurd as they get (I mean, who's got a reflective cup made out of shiny metal anyways?). The ending gets good, gets you pumped... but sadly, ends up botched like one of Mick Foley's Hell in a Cell cage drops. I get what they were going for, and it's somewhat OK, but the finale CGI work was confusing to the eyes and poorly done (even more so with the rest of the effects looking traditional). Also, it went out on a question mark note, which I normally don't mind, but since the big revelation was blurry and hard to comprehend, that ain't good. I watched this on a rainy Sunday morning, and I'd suggest if you're going to see this movie, do the same. Preferably with a couple nips stashed away for easy plucking.
 

Farewell, Megan Fox...


I don't know if it's the deep rooted apathy talking, or perhaps I just can't conjure up enough energy to do anything more than simply sigh at the thought of Megan Fox not being in Transformers 3, but alas it is still on my mind this morning. I've been thinking it over for about a day now, and can honestly say that I'm against it. Then again, I was against how Bay and Co went about making the first film (so damn shitty)... and how they squandered the possibilities of the second (The Fallen? Really?)... oh, and how human characters were put above the Bots, given more screen time, and how their screen time was used for mostly inane bullshit that nobody gives a fuck about. Then of course, there's Megan, who should by all means be a simple side character whom nobody would really care if she were in the next film or not. She at least had my attention when all the stupid human drama was going down. What do we got now? Patrick Dempsey? Wait, that's a dude! I can see it now, "Shit just got real... gay, that is." Rumors are going around about who's going to "replace" her for the part, but I couldn't care less who it is since I don't even care for the storyline enough to support it. For the sake of continuity however, I'd like to see Michael Bay and the company just get over it all. Oh but it might just have been Megan's decision to leave. Right.

I know what this is all about, she didn't f'n want to use any of that fake tan in a can shit anymore for the films and Bay blew a gasket! Being compared to Hitler one can get over easily, but this!? I don't think it's about any of the dumb shit that Megan said in the "press". After all, it's the new fad for young dumb full of ramen girls to say stupid things for attention. Just look at Ke$ha, not that I wanted to but I read two interviews with her and my brain nearly shut down. Same thing with Megan. I just disregard about 99% of what she ever says, preferring to listen to the voices inside my head while admiring her beauty. Meh. I guess it's because she's the only human character in the films I really cared to look at which is why I've got that bitter taste in my mouth. I'll still see the third film, knowingly beforehand even that it will most definitely suck. This time however, her acting won't be part of the blame. Still, there's more Megan to be had with the new Jonah Hex flick. Oh, and bring on Fathom, FFS! That is the perfect role for her and the time is now, futhermuckers! Imagine all the wet. This has been today's edition of the fake news. (Above is a picture of Megan as Mother Theresa. Another role, I find her fit perfectly for... so hot... so damn hot...)

May 15, 2010

Psyched about Resident Evil: Afterlife


I awoke at 6AM this Saturday morning, not much different than any other weekend... oh, I didn't want to, but it happens. I can never sleep in, my body doesn't allow it. So I get up, and it's off to surf the net in a dim room. I can barely contain the excitement as I pour steaming hot water into my spicy Shin Cup and crack open an ice cold Sprite for my breakfast. Fifteen days ago I went to see the Nightmare on Elm Street remake, and as I sat there completely blazed out of my skull the trailers finally came on. What I saw that day, left my jeans full of cream.


I let out a Keanu-like "Woah!" after it was all said and done. And not because of the obvious Matrix riff. It was when the Executioner's hammer axe crushes through that wall when it occurred to me that I should perhaps visit the Resident Evil films. This will most likely be my first. That's right, I haven't seen the other three films... only the trailers. After being completely obsessed with RE4 and currently feeding my addiction for RE5, I wonder how I never got around to viewing the movies. Seeing Wesker launch his sunglasses and the Uroboros virus sealed the deal for me though.

I will see this. Perhaps in all its IMAX 3-D splendor. And I'm hoping for a lot of gimmick shots too (and judging by the trailer, oh, there will be!). I say why the hell not? Don't let the hype get to you, that's the way I look at it. This is going to rock. Watch the trailer HERE.

May 12, 2010

My old Freddy shirt...

Well, since Freddy’s on top again (Nancy’s favorite position, according to him) and since I’m busy working on bigger posts (trying at least), I guess I’ll have to get accustomed to shredding out some 'filler' here and there. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that… I’ve got some ‘OK’ stuff to share. It is indeed impossible to make every single blog post irresistible, and trying is just irritating after a long day of irrational inane bullshit. So here it is: A couple pictures of the NoES 3 shirt that I bought back in the day, 1998.

It’s a medium. I used to fit in it almost when I was rail thin... back then I wasn’t as f’n buff and sweet as I am now. Not that Brew, Chili Fries and Poutine make a man buff, but it’s a start… anyways, I got this shirt in a store that I had never been to before. My friend and I both walked in, saw it and ran fast as hell. I of course, being a sprinter, snagged it much to his dismay. Got two door sized Freddy posters that day as well, but the bottoms of those were eventually ripped up and peed on by my long lost cat Mephistopheles. Little fukcer. No matter, I've still got some other NoES merch laying around the place so expect to see some more of what I gots in the near future... you little meatballs.

May 7, 2010

TF's: 5/2/10


Over the years I’ve seen only two prototypes for Arcee toys that I’ve absolutely loved. One was a fully painted and transformable custom (?) from sometime back in 1998 that mirrored the GeeWun character perfectly. The second is one currently in production by a third party manufacturer that looks f’n gorgeous and shall be mine. Other than that, Arcee has had a rough toy past. Firstly, there’s this idea from toy companies that female characters as figures, don’t sell. This for one pisses me off, since the female characters are usually my favorites… apart from the most evil, monstrous Villains. So right there its shaky ground. Secondly, there’s never really been an accurate representation of Arcee. She’s been made into a motorcycle numerous times while her original design and form have been avoided. Why? Incarnations of her have been bulky (and in one case Overly bulky as a toy that should have never been painted pink and named after her), and she was once an exclusive repaint of Transmetal 2 Blackarachnia. So imagine my delight when Hasbro finally released the Animated Arcee which not only transforms into a pink Cybertronian car, but also looks a lot like the original character and has a sweet ass design.

The only problem… it’s a ToysRUs exclusive, there were limited quantities made and on top of all that, seemingly all ToysRUs stores around me are all selling shit from a year ago. Shit that they can’t get rid of so they’re offering deals every week and yet, the thirty boxes each of shelfwarmers still aren’t moving. Thus, they don’t put the new stuff on the shelves… provided they even have the new stuff. So I travel. An hour here, forty miles there, and nothing… every weekend for two months, in every spectrum of Mall from ghetto to uncomfortably rich however that is possible. I guess my area is diverse, depending on which way you point your finger. I found nothing at all. Then amazingly, I found a mall only a half an hour away in a town that I’ve never been to and you know what? This mall has everything! Best mall I’ve been to by far ever in my life. The ToysRUs across the street from it had three Arcee figures; I bought two (pictured) and finally snagged the Revenge of the Fallen NEST Lockdown figure (also) which is one of the best action figures ever made in history. So incredibly badass! And after traveling a lot and seeing some shit that I would have preferred to not ever experience again, the town I visited that day was so clean. Just driving down the street I saw not a single piece of trash on the street, not even when I passed McDonalds. The golden arches were sparkling like they’d been dipped in real gold and polished.

So I got these two that I had been searching for (because face it, I’m not paying some thirty-five dollars or more online for an already sold out Arcee figure when I can buy two of them for twenty [if I can find em])… got my third NEST sticker and sent off for my Mail-In Ravage, which hopefully should arrive soon. Boo-yah! Yeah, and I guess I also picked up Legends (which means mini-figure) Decepticon turncoat, ugly bugger and major robo-perv Wheel-E. You know, the one that humped Megan Fox’s leg… er, yeah. So check it out: Here's a GALLERY of Animated Arcee, a GALLERY of RotF Lockdown and here are Peaugh's youtube reviews for Arc and Lock... I'd say watch the vids. He likes to somtimes pop the arms off the figures, but he really shows you how neat these figures are.

May 1, 2010

The Demons Remake: Part 3

First off, sorry for taking the longest time ever possible to follow up on something. I've been going through some shit lately and haven't had too much time for life and such. But let's just forget about all that shit, huh, and get on with the show? This is my final entry into the Demons re-casting. I left out the family at the end, but I may do them if I do a D2 version. Don't look forward to it!








My words are my own and as of posted from their creation forward I hereby claim originality to them. Pictures may prove to be promotional items and are the sole possessions of their respectful owners and/or companies. I do not sell, nor do I buy. I only rent, so therefore, nothing I own is truly mine.