Harpoon Imperial Pumpkin

Harpoon Imperial Pumpkin (2013)

Autumn Seasonal (New)

22 fl. oz. / $7.69 USD / 10.5% ABV

About: "Last fall our brewers were improvising a new beer in our 10-barrel kettle. We had some fresh pumpkin puree leftover from a recent brew of our UFO Pumpkin, so the brewers threw that in the kettle with a bit of molasses, cinnamon, nutmeg, and some roasted malts. It turned out to be delicious, so we thought we’d share it with everyone. - Half imperial stout, half pumpkin ale, with aromas of dried fruit, chocolate, and freshly baked pumpkin pie, this black full-bodied stout is ready to be enjoyed now or saved for a chilly fall evening."

Thoughts: Not really sure why they'd cover the picture of the pumpkin with a big ass leaf like that. Ah, this is a Stout. I guess you gotta read the fine print. This generically named brew poured a straight up dense black with quite a thin dark chocolaty tan head on top.

One of the things I was afraid of when I finally took the time to look at this bottle and noticed that it's a stout, is that the beer isn't really going to smell anything like I hope. Which I hope it smells like Pumking, a standard to hold all other pumpkin beers to. As I lean in and put my nose to the glass I am pleasantly surprised. This smells great. Cinnamon, sugar, nutmeg, allspice and clove - or the usual suspects as I like to call them - are all apparent when you crack the bottle. After pouring the beer into the glass and leaning in, the sensation not only changes, but becomes more interesting. A pouncing of rich, dark fruits jump out and smack ya, followed by a rush of brown sugar and them blackstrap molasses. After a while a little bit of black licorice starts to blend in, followed by the dreaded bubblegum flavored bubblegum. Kinda fruity and weird, but interesting nonetheless. I'm going to gulp it now in hopes the original scent comes back and that bubblegum fades out.

This is some cool stuff. First gulp went through about five stages, ranging from dark and malty, to really spiced, to fruity and sweet, to slightly bitter like coffee, to dry and hazy like fallen leaves. This fucking thing is all over the damn place. I'm going to sip it for a while and then jot down some more notes...

While all the pumkiny spices flow throughout this brew, they become rather subdued in the taste department. They're definitely "felt", but the scent disappeared soon after pouring the beer, and after drinking for a while it becomes a brown sugary, malty, dark fruit flavored stout. Pumpkin ale and its essence come up heavy in belches, but on the tongue it's a lot of booze and sticky sweetness. It's really roasty, got a bit of toasted oats in there, and a nice spice blend which would be stronger if that sweet and sticky overload with a gentle tart backup wasn't so powerful. The cloves are ever present though laid back at first. Once the brew starts to warm the cloves start popping and that blackstrap molasses and black licorice builds in strength as well. I've got no problem with both of those things. I just wish the 50/50 Stout slash Pumpkin ale was a bit more of a pumpkin ale than a stout.

I think it's pretty funny that Harpoon put this beer out just before Southern Tier released Warlock, which is a similar idea of an ale. I've yet to try Warlock, but I'll be sure to compare it to this. This one is fun, but man is it some intense stuff, and not really in a good way either. It's mouth numbing due to the spice, but since you don't get a lot of the spice in the taste you don't notice it happening all that fast, and that's because the super sweet tartness and alcohol blitz just fucking assaults and distracts the senses.

Blue Hills Pumpkin Lager

Blue Hills Pumpkin Lager (2013)
Autumn Seasonal (New)

22 fl. oz. / $4.99 USD / 5.8% ABV

About: "Pumpkin Lager is the perfect treat for the Halloween season. It's loaded with pumpkin spice goodness, and super smooth for a lager."

Thoughts: I had originally thought that this was the same pumpkin lager as their previous release Stingy Jack, only with new artwork due to the "legal woes" the company experienced, and was ready to file it under that review. Only once I got into it though, I realized that this one is very different.

First off, way fucking cooler label on the bottle this time. I don't know what was up with that leprechaun last time, and on top of that they had the whole lawsuit threat over the name, when in fact they should have just gone generic and done this Evil looking pumpkin motherfucker. 

Pumpkin Lager poured a very clear, rich dark orange with a quick disappearing head.

Smells a little buttery. I'm getting a ton of buttered popcorn here... that starts to transform into cheap caramel popped corn with nuts after a while. Smells kinda like cracker jacks. But I wonder where the prize is?!

I don't remember it tasting like this before. Not at all. This shit is pretty nasty. It's way fucking worse than before, and if that's possible then yes anything is possible. This tastes like I'm drinking half a cup of I can't believe it's not butter with some Sheetrock chaser. This is probably one of the worst fucking beers I've ever drank. And yet, it's still better than Shipyard's Pumpkinhead. WTF is up with that? That's a bit harsh, well, let's just say that it's more "flavorful" of a beer. ;) Don't ask me. Everyone always talks about Shipyard's beers having a buttery taste but I never really got it. THIS SHIT on the other hand tastes like straight up fucking melted butter over some nasty ass cheesecake. It's fucking disgusting. E-Gah!

It smells like vegetable oil after drinking it for a while too. Totally gross. It's slightly sour and acidic and just bullshit. I ended up chugging this to get it out of the way so no mouth feel or any other descriptions other than my final words of don't buy this.

Rock Art Extreme Pumpkin Imperial Spruce Stout

Rock Art EXTREME Pumpkin Imperial Spruce Stout (2013)

Brewed and Bottled by Rock Art Brewery in Morrisville, Vermont. USA.

Autumn Seasonal. 

22 fl. oz. / $5.99 USD / 8% ABV

About: "Rock Art Pumpkin Imperial Spruce Stout is a big stout brewed in the colonial fashion with large amounts of pumpkins and spruce tips added to the kettle for flavor and bittering qualities. The pumpkins complement the malt flavors and are used to add sugars to the mash. Whatever you do, do not think this is going to taste like pumpkin pie. For a SLOW experience, pair with BBQ venison loin, extra sharp cheddar cheese, vegetarian chili, fresh warm soft pretzel dipped in a honey mustard or grass fed beef stew."

Thoughts: Extreme! Radical!! Scrumpadoochous!!! Is that guy with the frohawk smoking a bong? Rock Art EXTREME Pumpkin poured a very dark brown, near black, almost cola looking brew with a light brown, one inch head full of tiny bubbles on top.

Hot damn this stuff smells sweet. Like Hershey's syrup. Straight up, like you held some upside down and just squeezed it out into this beer. It smells like really strong chocolate milk. This reminds me a little bit of something Southern Tier would do, like their Choklat. Not really getting any pumpkin or spice though. Meh.

Well, like they said, it doesn't taste like pumpkin pie that's for damn sure. It's got a little pinch of tartness right when it hits your lips, then a mild dark chocolate flavor rushes in and once that retreats a bit of burnt coffee lingers around before the piney, resinous cola like spruce tips bounce around on the tongue. Spruce tips taste pretty weird. It's got a harsh little haze of booze and grass just after the swallow, but it's not all that bad.

Body is a little light. With the smell and taste of this thing you'd really expect it to be the consistency of syrup, but it's pretty clean. It's a soft medium, slightly creamy and it puffs up a little. But it fades pretty quick. All in all this one isn't exactly all that "extreeeeeeeeeeeeme!". It's a decent spruce tip stout, with pumpkins for added texture, but if you go into this one expecting a pumpkin-y pumpkin beer then you'll be disappointed.

Kentucky Pumpkin Barrel Ale

Kentucky Pumpkin Barrel Ale (2013)
Brewed and Bottled by Lexington Brewing and Distilling Company in Lexington, Kentucky. USA. 

Autumn Seasonal.
12 fl. oz. (x4) / $13.99 USD / 10% ABV

About: "Kentucky Pumpkin Barrel Ale is a barrel-aged ale brewed with Kentucky-sourced pumpkin, richly spiced with cinnamon, nutmeg and allspice. As the ale is aged in fresh bourbon barrels, the sweetness of caramel and vanilla are imparted upon the brew and complement its spicier base. At 10 percent alcohol by volume (ABV), this robust, limited release seasonal makes for a flavorful sipping beer to slowly warm up with as the weather cools. Some retailers will be offering collectible jack-o-lantern snifters along with the ale."

Thoughts: Pretty pissed off that I didn't get one of those jack-o-lantern snifters they made. They look pretty cool. This beer is a lot lighter than I expected for some reason. It's got a decent sized head on it that lasted nearly a minute but fizzled away in its due time. Seeing some carb bubbles rising and the beer is pretty clear

It smells rather nice. It's sweet and you get a nice array of spices, pumpkin and barrel aging in there. Its not overly assertive, but the spices have not been subdued and the vanilla notes really bring out a pumpkin bread cake like quality to the brew. But the scent is far from weak, and it seems as if this brew has been "plucked" at just the right time. Still smells like a pumpkin beer, spices come through nicely and the barrel aging doesn't overpower.

Let's see how it tastes. Strength is the first sensation. Then booze. This shit is strong. Second sip and you know that mild, slightly sour, plain taste of pumpkin that most of the usual suspect pumpkin beers have? This one has that... only it is completely surrounded by the perfect accompaniment of friends here with these barrel notes and a strong sensation of spices that flow throughout. And that's about it. Not bad at all, yet not multifaceted, it is what it is. 

If this were an average pumpkin beer I probably wouldn't ever give it a second chance, but I'm not displeased that I decided to grab the four pack instead of grabbing a single.

Blue Point Pumpkin Ale

Blue Point Pumpkin Ale - Malt beverage brewed with pumpkin and spices (2013)

Brewed and Bottled by Blue Point Brewing Co., in Long Island, NY. USA.

Autumn Seasonal.

12 fl. oz. / $1.89 USD / 6% ABV?

About: "According to Linus there are 3 things never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin. Our Pumpkin Ale, on the other hand, has made quite a buzz from New Hampshire down to Florida. Every season has its pleasures. Harvest your own with our Pumpkin Ale and reap all that Autumn has to offer. Brewed with pumpkins from only the most sincere patches, this seasonal brew is golden orange, crisp and delicious, with an innocent hint of cinnamon and nutmeg that articulates our favorite season. Gather with friends and family and enjoy the change of seasons while savoring a pint of Pumpkin Ale. Just like the leaves, it’s gone after Thanksgiving."

Thoughts: Blue Point's offering poured a bright copper orange hue with a fizzy popping white head. The beer is very clear and there's a ton of carbonation rising up very fast.

Smells like soft pumpkin mash, nutmeg, runts candy, and sweet malts. Everything is pretty low level.

Woah! That's a dirty one. I just got blasted with that "malt beverage" part. This shit should probably be sold in 40oz bottles, because I do believe that this is the first Pumpkin Malt Liquor that I've ever had. I wonder why the ABV isn't on this bottle... did they just mix cinnamon and nutmeg into some Olde English? This stuff is pretty harsh. I'm in the mood for harsh right now but I just belched and this beer is conjuring the old days, the down and dirty days, drinking nasty shit like Mickey's grenades and Colt 45. The spices, whatever they are, do nothing but intensify this grungy, harsh and bitter beverage.

Mouth feel is a big fat striking UGH! to the senses. I don't even know how it feels. My mouth just gives way to a shiver down my spine and a numbness in my face.

This one's not good. And not in the way that Pumpkinhead's not good either. That stuff's at least drinkable. Blue Point wasn't on point when they made this stuff man. This might in fact, be one of the worst beers I ever drank. Better go wash my mouth out with some Natural Ice.

Red Hook Our of Your Gourd Pumpkin Porter

Red Hook Our of Your Gourd Pumpkin Porter - A dark ale brewed with Pumpkin, Spices and Maple Syrup (2013)
Autumn Seasonal.

12 fl. oz. (x6) / $8.99 USD / 5.8% ABV

About: "Out of Your Gourd Pumpkin Porter is dark chestnut brown in color and is made with pureed pumpkin. Cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger are added to the whirlpool and maple syrup is added during fermentation. This full-bodied, rich roasty porter makes you want to eat turkey and watch football, or build a bonfire."

Thoughts: Out of Your Gourd poured a very dark brown with a cream colored head full of small bubbles.

It doesn't smell like Tazz's head towel as I had expected, but instead has a rather smooth roasted quality to it with a touch of sweetness. Not getting any hop characteristics... lots of malts though. Smells of the gourd all right. A bit like a boiled pumpkin stew and a little nutty.

Starts off with a very mild tartness, a little bit of spice splashes in then retreats, a little numbing on the tongue, whaft of dry grass, and low droning roasted malts that slowly ride out. It tastes really earthy, and a little dirty. It's got a gentle bitterness to it. There's really not too much going on here. It's got a heavy mineral water type vibe to it on top of the slightly sour mash of that puree, and I don't really know where the maple syrup is but I'm not really getting it. There's perhaps a trace of maple syrup type sweetness, but it's very faint, as are the spices. If this were more spice heavy, particularly with cinnamon and nutmeg, and had a strong dousing of maple syrup it would be a spectacular brew. As it stands right now, it's just a bit plain. Not really terribly lackluster, but just a bit uninspired.

Mouth feel is really thin on this one. Chock this one up as just another pumpkin beer out there on the shelves. You'd think with the ingredients here there would be more to it, especially with the maple syrup. But then again, nobody seems to ever get that part right. Oh well.

Wasatch Pumpkin Seasonal Ale

Wasatch Pumpkin Seasonal Ale - Ale brewed with natural pumpkin and spices (2013)

Brewed and Bottled by Wasatch Brewpub and Brewery in Park City, Utah. USA.

Autumn Seasonal.

12 fl. oz. / $1.69 USD / 4% ABV

About: "Brewed with the finest barley and pure pumpkin, and then spiced like your favorite holiday pie. If you enjoy the taste of pumpkin pie, this amber-hued ale is sure to please. Our Pumpkin Ale is available Seasonally in the Fall from August to November." Okay.

Thoughts: Wasatch Pumpkin poured a solid dense hazed apricot color with a soft, small off white head on top. Holding the beer to the light there seem to be shades of orange and green from different angles, but one things for sure, this stuff looks thick. I accidentally spilled some on my finger during the pour and man this shit is sticky! Beer's got a nice label too by the way. I like the simplistic approach. It doesn't always have to be an evil Jack-O-Lantern on the artwork, but it's got to at least have a fucking pumpkin on it right?

The beer smells lightly fruity, but very sweet, like homemade fruit roll ups or apricot puree. It's got a ton of cooked sugary pumpkin in there and really mellow spices. The spices are a bit faint, and I'd like them to present themselves a little better, but we'll see how things go with the first sip.

This beer has a solid malt foundation to it which saves it from falling into that bland earthy natural pumpkin trap that many other beers do. There's hardly any bitterness to this at all, but at the same time it's not overly sweet either. It's a sweet tea like sweetness. It's a little toasty at points, but very raw bready like semi-cooked dough and those spices just slowly crawl up from below at the end of each swallow. This one could use a heavy dose of some pumpkin spice in it, but as it stands, it's not bad.

There's some f'n weight to this one. Mouth feel is thick like syrup, with only very small traces of carbonation on the end of everything and even then it's a small fizzle. Overall this one is really mild, to the point where you can almost taste the water they used. Though it is a light beer, it's definitely not as bad as it could have been.

Cape Ann Fisherman's Pumpkin Stout

Cape Ann Fisherman's Pumpkin Stout (2013)

Autumn Seasonal.

12 fl. oz. / $1.49 USD / 7% ABV?

About: "Fisherman’s Pumpkin Stout is a dark stout accentuated by flavors of the Autumn season. Using real pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg and allspice, the Cape Ann Brewing Company took a fresh take at the common fall seasonal. This rich dark stout offers an inviting pumpkin spice aroma that gives way to the delicate essence of real pumpkin."

Thoughts: Poured a dense black hue with a small, light yellowish tan head on top. 

First whiff, and yup, that's sea water alright! Not too heavy on the coffee in this one, but rather some mild chocolate just offshore. It's got a hint of a dark plum like fruit way in the background. Spices are hard to identify, as is that pumpkin as they're so incredibly mild, but I'm pretty sure it's there. 

Well, the taste on this one just isn't my cup of booze. It's really watery tasting. Whatever yeast and water they used to make this, that's the first strong flavor I got.... and it's not all that splendid, let me tell you. The malt base is just unfathomably weak on this one. You see what I did there? It's not roasty or interesting at all; it's just kind of there. Really bland, no real flavors going on, and the spices are so dull that even though they're here they may as well be swabbing the deck. Also, it's a bit tart and funky tasting. I'm not digging this one at all. 

The main problem with this beer is that it doesn't feel like a stout, both in taste and in mouthfeel. The color of this beer doesn't fool me, man. This one is far too thin. Sure it may put Shipyard's Pumkinhead to shame, but what beer doesn't? While that one's been lost at sea, this beer just isn't in the same... league, as the others. *dr. evil pinky* I had already reviewed their Imperial Pumpkin Stout in 2011 and had it again just this last month, and that beer too fell flat. An amped up boozier version of this brew, it carries all the same weaknesses over to a higher ABV.

Beer Works Black O Lantern

Beer Works Overtime Series Black O Lantern - Imperial Pumpkin Stout (2013)

Autumn Seasonal (New).

12 fl. oz. / $2.99 USD / 8.5% ABV

About: "The next release in our small batch, high gravity OT Series is a completely new formulation Black O Lantern – Imperial Pumpkin Stout. This deep, dark, and intensely rich imperial pumpkin stout has flavors of cinnamon, clove, and nutmeg that complement the chocolate and roast character. At 8.5% ABV, this beer finishes surprisingly and dangerously smooth! ... As the name suggests, we work overtime on this series. These limited release, super premium beers highlight our brewers’ creativity and skill. Legends in their own right on tap at Beer Works locations, these brews are finally in bottles! Beers too big and strong for 6-packs, we had to put these higher alcohol styles into 4-packs, now available at your local liquor store and Beer Works locations. These beers are NOT for the faint of heart!"

Thoughts: Poured a solid dense black with a dark chocolatey tan head. There's no color in this one at all, just pure blackness.

This smells like one of those pumpkin coffees only without the awesomeness of shitloads of cinnamon and sugar. Too bad. It does smell like a cold black coffee with raw earthy pumpkin puree though, and it's still kinda nice. There's also a little bit of nutmeg sprinkled in there as well. Not really getting much alcohol in the scent either.

This actually tastes pretty good, though I wish it were more extreme! It's got a good enough foundation, a real heavy natural pumpkin flavor and a decent amount of spice - mostly nutmeg - that tingles. It's not too heavy on the cinnamon, but it's there, though it joins forces with the 40 IBUs for a damper of a combination. Upon belching pumpkin spice comes forward and then some tasty freshly cut grass. Mmmm... There's something weird happening on the back end of this one all of a sudden, like smokey burnt rubber. It's not overly strong or atrocious or anything, but I caught a quick rush of it. I don't think anybody would ever call this beer "sweet" but there's a certain level of sweetness to it. Finishing up the glass now, breathing in heavily and I caught some cigarette ash in there.

Mouthfeel is a lot lighter than expected. The first gulp was pretty watery and surprisingly so considering the stuff looks like thick black sludge. It's also got a foamy quality to it.

Despite the aftertaste of a mouthful of burnt He-Man heads, this one isn't all that bad. It's more interesting than their standard pumpkin ale at least. Even if they're made from most of the same stuff.

Beer Works Pumpkin Works Ale

Beer Works Pumpkin Works Ale - Autumn Works (2013)

Brewed and Bottled by Beer Works Brewery in Lowell, MA. USA. 

Autumn Seasonal (New)

12 fl. oz. / $1.79 USD / 5% ABV

About: "Nothing says fall like pumpkin, spice and everything nice - it’s with that in mind that we release our latest bottled brew: Pumpkin Works Ale, now available! Brewed at Beer Works since 1992, this ale leads with a tantalizing aroma of cinnamon and nutmeg. Made with real pumpkin, this beer is medium bodied with a balance of malt and spice that creates a finish reminiscent of the perfect bite of pumpkin pie. A tasty New England Autumn tradition!"

Thoughts: Totally "stoked" to find two pumpkin beers that I haven't tried before from Beer Works Brewery and Eatery in Lowell, Mass of all fuckin' places. Hey good luck with that guys. This one has the better of the two labels, with a really cool fiery jack-o-lantern face along the bottom. They must really be into the word WORKS too, since it's on this bottle a total of six times(!) including the cap. WTF dudes?

I got something that works too. It's in my pants. But I don't constantly bring it up! Wait a minute... not on purpose at least. Okay okay, so I bring it up on purpose all the time, what the hell do you expect? I'm always over at Day of the Woman and I just can't help it! Pumpkin Works Ale poured a light but bright orange hue with a loud fizzing head that popped away quickly. There was a loud sharp hiss upon opening the bottle and now it seems as if all the forced carbonation has been depleted. 

Scent wise we've got your standard pumpkin ale... there's that mild fleshy pumpkin droning over everything, and a whole lotta nutmeg. Sweet malts and cinnamon are in backup mode. It's a mild spiced ale, and it doesn't really scream out pumpkin pie to me.

The taste has that gentle bitterness that pumpkin ales usually bring. It's a bit raw tasting. There's a peppery quality to it as well, kinda smokey like cloves but not really. It's got a strange tartness about it. Not sour, but kinda like a weird squashy fruitiness. Aside from that funky pumpkin, it's a little bit bready and spicy like rye. It tastes a little bit like dirt. Not that there's anything wrong with that, right? I'm not really getting any cinnamon, and it's not drying at all either so there must not be that much spice in here. It's a bit empty feeling with each gulp. It doesn't go down too easily, like the liquid has some weight to it, but overall it's got no real character - aside from that label.

This beer is very middle ground. It's acceptable, but rather forgettable. Did I expect as much? Probably so. Did that really cool artwork draw me in only to ultimately let me down? Story of my fuckin' life g-sta!

Harpoon Pumpkin Cider

Harpoon Pumpkin Cider (2013)

Autumn Seasonal (New)

12 fl. oz. / $2.05 USD / 4.8% ABV

About: "Apples and pumpkins are two of the best things about fall in New England. It was only a matter of time before we decided to bring them together. We combined fresh apples and pumpkins, along with some subtle spices, to make this cider. We left out preservatives, artificial colors, sweeteners and anything else that could get in the way of the flavors we wanted. Locally harvested pumpkins and apples are combined with seasonal spices to craft this pure and natural craft cider. Harpoon Pumpkin Cider is also naturally gluten-free. Its gluten content has been independently measured at less than 20 parts per million, meeting the FDA's proposed threshold for gluten-free."

Thoughts: Love the art on this label. An apple Jack-O-Lantern, man that's cool stuff. Heard a loud fizzy hiss when I popped the cap. Boringly named Pumpkin Cider poured an extremely light yellow color that so light it may as well be clear. Kinda looks like pee.

This shit smells like watery melted down gummy bears. I'm getting no pumpkin spices at all. It doesn't really smell "bad", but it's not strong and really not what I expected. It kinda just smells like a really, really light, sweet cider.

Onto the taste... first gulp, aaaaaaaannnnnnnnnddd, nothin'. Wow, this really doesn't taste like anything. It's super-duper watery tasting, kid. You know how ciders have that pungent kind of sting to them? Not this one. This is like slightly sweetened water. What the fuck, did they use one apple a barrel for this? If I really try to taste something while reading the ingredients on the bottle, I maybe get some nutmeg, way far off in the distance. Hardly any apple, barely any pumpkin, and the cinnamon and cloves are nowhere to be found.

This is some weak ass shit let me tell you. It actually tastes like three whole gummy bears were melted and mixed in with the glass with water. It's kinda sweet tasting overall, but man, it's just a total failure of a product.

I have only had one other "pumpkin cider" before this and that's the Woodchuck Pumpkin release. While that one let me down as well (it needed moar), their cider was fucking gloriously amazing compared to this shit! Sure it's not all too pumpkin pie-like but at least you can tell it's an adult beverage. This stuff was water.

Traveler Jack-O Shandy

Traveler Jack-O Shandy - Ale brewed with Lemon Peel with Natural Flavors and Pumpkin added (2013)

Brewed and Bottled by The Traveler Beer Company in Burlington, Vermont. USA.

Autumn Seasonal (New).

12 fl. oz. / $2.25 USD / 4.4% ABV

About: "Driven by an obsessive love of high jinks, the Jack-O-Traveler spent his days cooking up mischief for everyone who crossed his path. One of his favorite pranks involved tricking unsuspecting bar patrons into buying him beers and then skipping out just when it was his turn to buy a round. Representing the darker side of Shandy, Jack-O-Traveler is an alluring beer illuminated by the tastes of fall. He strikes the perfect balance between bright refreshment and seasonal spice. Jack is brewed with fresh pumpkin, for a delicious, dark hued, Shandy-inspired beer."

Thoughts: I was actually really surprised to see this suddenly on the shelves. It came rather unexpected. This company had just released three different versions of their Shandy beers and it happened real quick, so I didn't think they'd take on Pumpkin so soon. Jack-O poured a real cloudy amber orange with a slightly grayish head on top. There's not really any carbonation to be seen and it's not the prettiest of beers, despite being a la-de-da Shandy.

This beer smells pretty awesome though. Heavy, massive amounts of cinnamon with a sweet malty undertone to it. Smells a bit like pumpkin pie, and I like that. Can't really get any of the lemon peel in the scent though.

It's really good. There's no bitterness to this at all, but I'm not letting that bother me. This stuff is sweet all the way through, but it's not intensely sweet, nor is it mild. It's damn near perfect. By far the best shandy I've ever had. It's malty for the most part, and the mixing of 2-row barley and wheat is such a great combination to mix with this cinnamon and pumpkin. I'm glad they didn't use pale malt with the wheat because I think it would have really suffered from being too light if that were the case. Here it's pretty indulgent and hits in heavy waves at first before pulling back and riding out with that wheat. It's cool stuff. The hops are pretty mild and are definitely overshadowed by the spices here, but this tastes more like a real beer than a shandy actually. You can still tell it's a shandy obviously, especially a few seconds after swallowing each gulp when that sweetness really hits and the lemon peel comes into play. But that just adds another dimension to this drink. It tastes like a really good store brand pumpkin pie, and that's more than I can say about some of the other pumpkin brews that totally suck.

The mouth feel is pretty thick and a little bit sticky. It's not too drying so perhaps they didn't just dump a bunch of cinnamon powder into this, but instead used "natural flavoring". Whatever they did, it feels right, smells right and tastes right. Honestly, I'm really surprised. Don't ask me why but I thought for sure this beer was going to suck. But man this is one terrific tasting brew! Cool label too.

Anderson Valley Fall Hornin' Pumpkin Ale

Anderson Valley Fall Hornin' Pumpkin Ale - Ale brewed with Pumpkin and Spices (2013)

Brewed and Bottled by Anderson Valley Brewing Co., in Boonville, CA. USA.

Autumn Seasonal (New).

12 fl. oz. / $1.49 USD / 6% ABV

About: "With a brilliant, deep copper hue and creamy beige-colored head, our Fall Hornin’ Pumpkin Ale has inviting aromas of caramelized malt and baking bread with highlights of cinnamon, nutmeg, pumpkin and seasonal spices. The pleasantly creamy mouthfeel and silky body embrace the sweet caramel flavors and tang of spices (with just hint of hops) that ends in a smooth, round finish. MALTS: Pale Two-Row, Maris Otter, Munich, Crystal 120L, Dark Chocolate, Pumpkin Puree / HOPS: Bravo."

Thoughts: Fall Hornin' comes presented with artwork very standard to all the Anderson Valley releases, but this time it's got an orange sky with some bats flying above their mascot.

My first thought on the color was wow that's a dark one. I was expecting a light orange hue but this brew poured a really dark brown color, almost soda like, with a deep burgundy showing through when held to the light. The head is a light tan / kahki color and fizzled away real quick like. Carbonation is low and while dark, the beer is really clear.

The scent up front is thick malts. Standard pureed pumpkin with some denser than normal spices. Doesn't smell all too much like pumpkin pie, but for a spiced pumpkin ale, it's got a lot more "oomph" than the usual fare.

Spices come out hard and heavy in the first gulp. Loads of cinnamon and nutmeg. Spices are tickling and the beer is sweet and malty. After swallowing, the spices linger for a long while and the beer base falls back and calms to a really mellow state. Cinnamon pretty much steals the show here. It's got a nice pumpkin brew flavor to it and it's not bland at all which is nice. It's also not overly bitter or heavy on the cloves. Though the clove is there, sweetness is the main event with this one. You've got little hints of smokiness, a lot of drying cinnamon, pumpkin puree and sweet, sugary malts here. Not bad.

This one is enjoyable, but not all that awesome since it falls basically in the "more of the same" category. I recently tried their Summer Solstice cream ale (no review) and it was fantastic! It would have been cool if they did a pumpkin cream ale similar to that one to make this beer stand out a little more. In fact, they definitely should have done that.

Demons (1985) and Demons 2 (1986)

Lamberto Bava's DEMONS (1985)

Immediately from the subway intro you're immersed into a strange world of Freaks. That one crazy ass chick with the checkered fades and all the other pervs riding this thing seem to really creep this little beauty out. Look at her sitting there, all innocent and frightened, and feel the need to corrupt and filthify rise. The man in the iron mask Leonardo Decapitator comes out stalking like a mofo and it's on... to the cinema that is. Sun setting and ominously placed is this theater. Surreal are the insides of this haunted gateway to hellish desires as the patrons enter and converse with one another. We are slowly introduced to them all, our drug filled minds left with enough mystery about each of them to configure within ourselves who they are, and more importantly, how they behave behind closed doors. Their perversions, mostly hinted, their audacity, seemingly writhing under the skin. The pimp and his two ladies of the alleyway spark up a bit of the gnarly ganja bud and we're off. We've got a blind dude that can feel evil but can't sense his daughter/wife/niece/??? making out with some creepy balding gentleman. An old grump and his dumpy wife quarrel like some old married couple, and you can clearly see he wants to strangle all those horny teenagers there to death. Perhaps he misses those younger days of getting laid by an exciting new girl, instead of having to bed his constantly nagging wife.

That's funny, the bleeding won't stop and our hero emerges in the form of a demonic hooker who spreads the disease through her fingernails. She never should have put that strange silver mask on her face. Everything is taken to the next level when a knife comes ripping through a tent in the movie within a movie. Fiore Argento turns her head from the screen, for she is scared. This is the point of no return. It's in your system now. You sweat heavily as you remove the seemingly tightening sweater around your shoulders. The blue tint seeps in and there's nothing you can do about it. White Wedding hits the system and you're gathering some spilled coke off a young punker's breast with a razor blade. You know you want to cut her just a little bit... and you know if you do you'll be rewarded later on since she likes it that way. Then before you can even say "we've gotta stop the movie" a young lady gives birth out of her f'n back! (Sadly her child was crushed to death when a helicopter fell on it. A tragedy if I ever saw one.) How can these monstrous green-drool-spewing cum-dumpsters be stopped?! Hop on your motorbike motherfucker and grab that Saumuri sword son because you're now fully immersed in the Lamberto Bava's mind rottingly addictive DEMONS!

It's nothing, it's just a scratch! Don't be so sure of that. That is the advice I would give to any unsuspecting viewer of this classic lesson in unpredictable, sudden and most gruesomely gruesome terror. Demons isn't just a film that you watch and say "oh hey, that was cool", oh no... Demons is a film that you watch, and it fucking gets inside of you man. That scratch it left there on your brain? It's gonna infect, it's gonna rot, it's gonna thrive, and it will ultimately instruct. Just like the bloodthirsty demons in this movie, you too will be left drooling green shit out of the side of your mouth when you're done watching this. Make no mistake, there's nothing physically wrong with you at this point. That's just what happens to people after they watch the most awesome movie ever made in the existence of life death! Your eyes go blank, your mind goes numb, your teeth get popped out by newer, sharper and deadlier teeth. Crooked fangs capable of ripping large chunks of human flesh out of the thigh of any soon to be limping pimp without a cane. And since I just brought it up, if you're going to be a pimp I say fucking act like it dude. That limp is Tony the Pimp's lesson in this film. You can't be treating your hoes all nice, takin' em out to movies n' shit, then helping out your fellow man.

You was caught slippin' Tony! And now look at you... King of the Demons. Huh. I suppose things really worked out for the guy in the end. Well then, I guess it's true what they say: If you can't beat 'em, Eat 'em! Haha... get it? Beat 'em!? Like he totally didn't do to his ladies since he's a pimp with a heart of gold. Awwwww. And now he's Eatin' up motherfuckers like something a pimp would normally eat back in his designated hood. Something from a hamburger stand I would presume? Chili cheese fries from Wienerschnitzel most likely. That's right, I'm throwing down all the lame jokes and racist puns today. But enough joking around. Demons is an absolute onslaught of gore drenched madness that cannot be underestimated and will not be unappreciated. It's a straight up party film, totally IN YOUR FACE, and hell... every party I've ever been to has been a horror party: Soul-Meatball Pizza, Old Crow, a shitload of that California Chronic and some Dario Argento on Lamberto Bava thespian action. If that doesn't get you hot then you're not old skool like me. And if you can't spell skool right, then you probably spent your youth masturbating to Demons upstairs in your attic bedroom instead of going to class, just like I did.

Lamberto Bava's DEMONS 2 (1986)

From that magnificent mind fuck of a bloody cake introduction, to a frumpy girl's frumpy ass dress lookin' frumpy on her birthday, to a little kid answering the phone and saying "No, Daddy's not home.. neither's Mommy. I'm alone!", to Sally's messy menstrual cycle dripping through the floors of the apartment building and infecting everyone there, to "Bottles! Fill em with gasoline to make bombs!", to the pointless shmucktoberfest scenes, to climbing an elevator shaft and then later down a building in the most badass of fashion, there's no denying that Demons 2 is one wacky experience. "What did Jacob do to Sally?" you ask. Wha..? What the hell do you think he did to her!? I mean take a look at the guy, if he's not a date-rapist then I'm not also not a date-rapist. Am I right? Also, I mean, wait, scratch that last part... scratch it just like a psycho demon bitch grabbing a former coke addict punk turned security officer by the face and ripping the flesh fresh from his skull. Oh, and don't think that little dude who answered the phone is going to be safe just because he's a kid either. Not a fuckin' chance, because if Demons 2 has a general theme it's that everyone in this movie is fucked! That little bastard ends up hiding in a crawlspace behind a wall while being chased down by some ugly as all shit transgendered(?) demon.

It's a really tense scene, and just when you think he's eluded certain doom, Sally's blood drips through the ceiling panels and lands right on his fucking face! Demonic transformation is now imminent. That poor son of a bitch. All he ever wanted was a friend, but his lousy ass parents just left him alone all the time with his toys and a television as supervision. Not a problem now however as the pregnant lady next door has a brand new friend for him, ready and waiting to be freshly ripped from her womb that is! Sally's blood floods the building's power generator, every door locks down, the power shuts off and we got a frickin' demon dog on the loose in here. Just when things get good we're treated to some more footage of Jacob driving around the city, listening to some music which I can only describe as some "hardcore thug shit". Why are these pivotal scenes of Jacob driving his goons around so important to the storyline you ask? That's a very good question. All hell breaks loose in this futuristic-like building and George must navigate shafts, sluts and demonic sluts drooling over his shaft to make his way back to his apartment in order to rescue Hannah, his preggers and totally hot wife. Will he make it in time before a squealing butt-monkey of a puppet demon nibbles her to death? Make a wish and try to blow out that last candle girlie, because in Demons 2 it's happy deathday to you!

When looking at Demons and Demons 2 back to back it's hard not to recognize the similarities the two films have with each other and the strange connection they share with The Evil Dead (1981) and Evil Dead 2 (1987). Demons 2 and Evil Dead 2 are both a remake and sequel at the same time. They share pretty much the exact same stories as the originals, only they've been tweaked, expanded upon (or lessened) and in the case of Evil Dead 2 some say greatly improved upon. Unlike how many people find Evil Dead 2 to be a superior film to its predecessor, this is not the case when it comes to Demons and its second installment. Demons 2 is for some reason looked down upon when compared to the first film. The glaringly obvious reason to see is that the original Demons is a pure masterpiece of untouchable mind altering madness. When you first see Demons, believe me when I tell you that you've never seen the shit go down like just did. The adrenaline rush that it gives off with the brilliant and seamlessly combined visuals, gore effects and hard rock soundtrack just cannot ever be matched. Does that mean that Demons 2 by default just automatically sucks balls? Hell no. If you go in expecting the exact same thing then you may as well just re-watch Demons. And I don't know about you, but I'm in the mood to see a fussy Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni act like a spoiled brat and get her just desserts when she horrifically transforms into a slimy demon.

Demons 2, while similar, is an entirely different entity than the first movie. It may not be the aggressive colorful monster that Demons is, but it's got its own twisted, alternate reality-like aura to it. Some people may be turned off by the rehashing of the movie within a movie (now a television program inside a movie) which seemed a lot better the first time around, as the cinema setting adds a spectacle aspect to it all. The sequel's version is a lot less ominous, and the characters are a lot stupider, but that makes for most of the fun. With Demons, chaos is a large order of the day, whereas in Demons 2 it's all a bit more methodical seeming. While Demons 2 builds to a boil, the original film hits you in random spurts and violent outbursts before delving into full blown insanity. Both films have their own unique charm (Is that the right word? Charm?), but believe me when I say that Demons 2 should not be overlooked. If you're one of those people out there who has dismissed this more than worthy sequel as garbage then I implore you to revisit the movie with an opened mind, and possibly some intoxicating chemicals in your system to take the edge off. Demons is a movie that always stays awesome no matter what and never lets the viewer down, and Demons 2 is a movie that gets better every single time you watch it. That's actually one of the secrets to Demons 2 that not many people know since they most likely don't give it a second viewing. So go on and throw that Demons 2 disc into your DVD player and experience a movie that you once thought sucked kick your brain's fuckin' ass!

Dark Horse Perkulator

Dark Horse Perkulator - Coffee Dopplebock (2013)

Brewed and Bottled by Dark Horse Brewing Co., in Marshall, MI. USA. 

Limited Rotating Release (Autumn Seasonal)

12 fl. oz. / $2.71 USD / 7.5% ABV

About: "This is a true dopplebock and Dark Horse Brewing’s only publicly distributed lager. It was so normal that we couldn't stand it so we made it into a coffee dopplebock. Ha, take that Germany, with your Reinheitsgebot purity law! Anyway, we use fare trade organic coffee from our friends at The Ugly Mug Cafe in Ypsilanti, MI. We did a label contest and opened it up to the public for this beer. We had so many awesome entries that we couldn't just pick one winner so we have 2 labels for this beer. We stagger the bottles in the six packs but with no order in mind."

Thoughts: As I look at this bottle I notice a thick layer of soil deposit on the bottom, and as I flip the bottle once and hold it up to the light I see some absolutely massive floaties in there. Am I afraid? Afraid to die? Don't be afraid... to try. Not only do those taunting flakes of hopefully non-poisonous artifacts inside give me worry, but the label of this beer has a double-headed Goat Devil with demon wings on the fuckin' front!

Guess I'll pour it out... into my stomach that is!! Perkulator poured a murky as shit, hazy vomit looking brown color with a spiraling head that looks like someone spit in my beer. There's a shit-ton of flaky debris suspended in animation and no, wait, the flakes are slowly descending. Probably back from whence they came. And now they're rising back up, what in the fuck... ok, they're just bouncing around. I look inside the bottle and notice a half ring layer of goop at the bottom, and it looks pretty gross. I wait a minute for it to warm, and then I pour it into the glass.

What the hell is wrong with me I think, but this is the stuff that nightmares are made if and I'm willing to crawl through fire and brimstone, or at least shit out my intestinal track tomorrow morning to review this beer, just for you! Whoever you are reading this.

I lean in and put my nose to the glass. It's just as I expected! This coffee dopplebock smells just like coffee. Those clever bastards. There's a rich malty undercurrent and a lot of crazy spice in the forefront.

I say a backwards prayer and then put the stuff inside of me. It tastes just like coffee. It's not intense at all, or rotten thankfully, but instead rather sweet, mild and tasty. A little raw, and not as spiced as the nose would let you believe, but raw sugar like sweet and in the end it's overly sweet. None too expected. It's actually really good, if a little burnt, and if you've every bought an iced coffee you'll probably like this. Also, as an added bonus this stuff will get you drunk.

Just bought a motherfucking case of Pumking!

That is all.

Mudfaced Bitch Mask WIP

This lovely piece of work is inbetween the stages of sketch and final product. If it's halfway done, more or less I couldn't really tell you as I never exactly plan how these things work out. All I've done so far outside of the initial sketch is lay down some hard lines. This sketch sat in a pile of papers for about eight months or more, and while I picked it up a few times I never really took to it as it was downright fucking ridiculous looking with huge bulbous teeth that covered about half of the face...

...but after downing a few bottles of Hoptimum, I took a liking to it and started fleshing things out. So far I like the way things are going with it. It reminds me of Burial Ground, Fulci's Zombie, Jason Voorhees and a Rotting Jack-O-Lantern. This is going to be part of my series entitled "Masks", which I have already been posting: Check it. If I ever get time you'll see some shading and coloring coming up next. I'm thinking of going with the whole Pumpkin look and giving this one oranges and browns. I'm figuring that the neck will be painted while the mask kinda just fits over the girl's head.

Stone RuinTen

Stone RUINTEN IPA (2013)

Yearly Special Release *NEW* (June)

22 fl. oz. / $7.99 USD / 10.8% ABV

About: "We first released this decidedly indelicate beer in 2012, as Stone Ruination Tenth Anniversary IPA, to celebrate the 10th anniversary of our belovedly bitter Stone Ruination IPA. Stone RuinTen IPA uses the same recklessly hoppy recipe as the 2012 release; only the name has changed, as we plan to unleash this belligerently delicious hop monster upon the public annually from now on. We packed a whopping five pounds of hops into each barrel, and cranked up the ABV to stand up to the hop onslaught. The results are glorious, and we know you'll rejoice in tasting this audacious gem of hoppy splendor once again. You're welcome."

Thoughts: Just released. Drank 6/23/13 with a Drink by date of 8/28/13. Posting the review 8/11/13 due to pure laziness and other recent technical problems, overworking and life outside the computer. What a beautiful bottle huh? I don't really get how they abbreviated it to "RuinTen" but whatever... I mean, I get it, but it's still just weird to me.

I never actually got a chance to try Stone's Tenth Anniversary Ale which upset me quite a bit since literally everyone was drinking the stuff and bragging about it online, posting photos and even thugged out selfies for some reason or another. Sure, that kind of thing shouldn't matter but it would be nice to always get a chance to buy a release I've been waiting for or hearing about that's all.

RuinTen poured a beautiful shade of orange. Man... what a nice looking brew this one is. The beer is slightly hazy but transparent enough to read these words through. It's got a light slightly cream colored head that looks very white in the photo above.

The scent of immense hops invade the brain. Lingering sweetness ensues. Tons of pine, mango, grapefruit, sweet juicy orange, lemony zest, drizzled caramel, and oily resin. Little bits of peppery spiciness crawl up the nostrils, tickling away and leaving a slight burn.

Onto the taste: heavy on the leafy hops, drenched in resin, drowned in oils, with a big splash of heat, a little burning haze right behind it and a bitter citrusy finish. This stuff is seriously dank. A toasty breaded malt rests firmly as the fiery assault of hops blister the tongue. Hang on - I just offered some to my woman. She smelt it, then plugged her nose and took a sip. Afterwards she made her way to the bathroom sink and told me that it tastes "like shit!" Nice. This is brutal and blistering. I love it. Booze is present, which I tend to enjoy. This bottle is a meal in itself, and I'm hungry so it's a good thing I bought two.

Smooth and creamy with an oily finish.The beer isn't all too thick, but the flavor lays the smack-down in such a way that it seems like it. It's not super overly bitter, but the bitterness hits strong and violently. It lingers for a long while but when it falls back a little bit of that sweetness limps in. There isn't a great balance on this one, but hell, it was never meant to be. Final thoughts: You want a beer smack to the face, here ya go. Afterthoughts: I still like "Enjoy By" better.

Selena Gomez gets Corrupted in Spring Breakers (2012)

...and if by "Corrupted" I mean she drinks a half pint of ginger flavored brandy, sings a little Britney Spears, smokes a whole cigarette by herself and then cries like a little bitch when things get hard then yes... like, totally corrupted!

Gorgeous Gomez here plays the "church grrl" stock character who of course becomes the first to break down and abandon the pussy pact. She's pretty quiet for the most part, aside from the moments she's sobbing and whining about going home. And she isn't nearly quite as annoying as Vanessa Hudgens's character who kept making this retarded finger gun silent *pow* gesture throughout the whole damn movie. Lame!

She gets her drink on...

...does a little time (presumably for being a mega hot chick?)...

...then James Franco sends her on her lonesome little way.

 And she's gone, just as quick as she showed up, you never see her again for the rest of the movie. Maybe she wasn't blonde enough. It could have been worse I guess. She could have gotten shot or even fucked Franco's character Alien. Oh wait, that would have been awesome.