Asia Argento in Michele Soavi's The Church (1989)

Lotte, a young girl who looks strikingly similar to the girl who had died centuries later, silently makes her way into the church in the early hours of the morning. Dressed rather provocatively, she shrouds herself in a long overcoat before sneaking back into her parent's living quarters.

She of course is caught by her father who corners her and screams that her bed has not been slept in all night and that she's a sultry little tramp who's been out on the town misbehaving.

"You've been Smoking! ...and Drinking!!"

She's not... that... innocent! Or maybe her father is just a complete raving lunatic. The small glimpse we get of her family situation shows us that it's not exactly the best thing going for her at the moment. She seems to be full of life and adventure, but her parents are obviously lost souls.

One of Lotte's hobbies is studying in the church's library while listening to Madonna. The nice librarian there always enjoys her company, and on this day in particular he's become rather intrigued by her. You see, the librarian has simply gone mad after being exposed to demonic forces while researching the church's lower depths.

"Lotte. Are you listening to The Misfits?"

After requesting she open the window for him, things take a strange and uncomfortable turn.

His rapish behavior startles her, and as he beings to ask her questions in babytalk.

"You didn't go to school today. Why... did you have a tummy ache?"

"Wanna play doctor?"

Naturally... she gets the fuck out of there!

She runs to her father and tells him all the horrible things the librarian was about to do her. But daddy doesn't want to hear her terrible LIES! "The librarian is a nice man. I'll wash your mouth out with soap for speaking badly of him and lying!"

With a mouth full of soap, she struggles and looks up in the mirror, only to see that here father has the face... of a Demon! Ahhhhh... so Lotte isn't having to good of a day. I wonder if things will turn around for her.

Gettin' hits... with Kate's Tits.

So I checked my Blog Stats this morning at 6AM (I lead an exciting life) and kinda giggled to myself when I saw the search results for the last day. Check this shit out:

That is messed up! Rather absurd as well. Is this all people care about? Seeing Kate Beckinsale topless!? I guess it is. And you know the weird thing about that question is, just by me typing it, I'm going to get hits to this post when someone searches Kate Beckinsale topless. I don't know if I should be giggling like a devious schoolchild or hanging my head in shame. I do like the inclusion of Evil Slut there though. Very nice touch.

[EDIT: 12 Days Later]

It's only been twelve days and this is just about to top my highest viewed post, which was something I posted like, a year and a half earlier.

Who's that Strange Girl in La Chiesa (1989)?

In medieval times, a superstitious snitch leads leads some downright unmerciful Templar Knights into a cave dwelling of some terrified "Satanic Witches" and their families, where they relentlessly slaughter the whole fucking communion. They of course dig out a huge hole in the earth and just dump the bodies in, before a so-called Priest proclaims that they must build a church on top of them to seal their Evil forever. While this has all gone on, one of the Evil Ewoks has been hiding from harm, scared and alone (except for perhaps a baby in a basket, and a duck... that totally gives the hiding spot away!)

Quack Quack and the restless Knight makes his way slowly over to the trees and bushes. Curious of course to see what Evil lurks behind this inconspicuous Wicker Mask, he draws his jousting lance and tears it away...

...to find: a young girl with a cold (apparently)!

He pauses for a moment, staring at her, while she stares back up at him. He then slowly raises his weapon, pauses for another moment, and then violently plunges it down into her helpless body.

...and then she died.

Asia Argento plays a rather prominent role in Michele Soavi's under-appreciated, 1989 masterpiece The Church (aka La Chiesa [in Italy], aka Demons 3 [in Japan]). Though her unnamed character from the family of "Witches" is murdered centuries earlier, a seemingly reborn version of herself appears once the story begins (as a naughty young thing named Lotte). More to come...

Southern Tier Imperial Iniquity

Southern Tier IMPERIAL iniquity - black ale (2011)

Everyday Availability.

22 fl. oz. / $7.49 USD / 9.0% ABV

About: "The hexagram talisman has been used around the world for centuries to invoke magic and good luck. The six–point star is also the customary symbol of the brewer, representing the essential aspects of purity: water, hops, grain, malt, yeast, and of course, the brewer. Wishes of good fortune often collaborate with the brewer’s creativity to yield dramatic results. We carefully chose the name for this Imperial India Black Ale, Iniquity – a word opposing goodness. Why? This beer is contrary to what one may expect from an IPA; this is an ale as black as night. It is the antithesis of Unearthly. Some may consider it an immoral act to blacken an ale. We suggest they don’t rely on conventional standards. Allow the darkness to consume you!"

Thoughts: Iniquity black ale poured a not-so-much black but rather a rich, dark brown and after the pour a caramel like near dark. The brown eggshell, one finger head maintained itself very well, never completely fading away.

First hint of scent was a strong, dry hop. It's mainly citrus and grassy. Then a really malty tone flowed in, almost near chocolatey, but not exactly. The toasted malts don't remind me of coffee thankfully. One thing's for sure, this smells really tasty!

Very malty starting off, malty in the middle, then bits of hops flow in and a hazy bite of alcohol hits. It almost tastes like one of those chocolate oranges you see at gourmet candy shops... almost. It tastes better than that actually. There's a really cool mingling of flavors and different style beers here, is this an IPA or a Porter? Who gives a shit as labels piss me off. There's a lot of malt for an IPA, and while I'm not all too fond of stouts or porters (for the most part), this brew is leaving me pretty damn satisfied.

It's a bit syrupy and even a bit fluffy feeling. Heh. Fluffy...

There's a little bit of that dusty candy taste once it's all gone. I'm getting used to that. It's not as bad this time around compared to some other brews, and it's definitely not a problem here. No complaints from me with this beer. I dig the whole "Black Ale" thing too.

Southern Tier Unearthly and Hoppe

Southern Tier un*earthly IMPERIAL india pale ale (2011)

Everyday Availability.

22 fl. oz. / $7.49 USD / 9.5% ABV

About: "An uninhibited infusion of hops! At the Southern Tier Brewing Company, vigorously hopped beer is our standard and inspiration. We continue a commitment to innovation with our most aggressive offering yet. Unearthly is a manifestation of the brewer’s craft; skillfully balancing art and the forces of nature to produce a divine liquid. Delicately pour a taste into a fluted glass. Smell the enchanting aromas of the hops waft forward as your first sip divulges this beer’s fervent soul. To underestimate Unearthly is to trifle with the mysteries of the universe, so please consume wisely." Interesting.

Thoughts: Un-Earthly poured an amber almost yellow-green that looks like a rich orange in the glass, with a thick yellowish off-white head full of all different sized bubbles. There's a low level of slow rising carbonation bubbles and it's just slightly hazy.

This smells absolutely splendid. Beautiful candy shell coated hops here.

Sugary, peppery, zesty, with a caramel backdrop and fruity tones once swallowed. Got the slightest hint of dust that dissapeared once I noticed it. That's rare. For an imperial IPA this sure is one sweet ass brew. Simply put, liquified candy. Slight alcohol haze and very minimal pine. Not bitter at all.

It's a little watery, smooth and gentle, and gulps like nothin'.

This is a pretty malty IPA though, not that I mind. The beer tasted great from the first gulp right down to the last swig. This beer reminds me of some of the really awesome barley wines that I've been drinking lately, only with a really cool hop edge to it. It's actually pretty incredible. UnEarthly is one damn fine beer!

Southern Tier IMPERIAL hoppe - extra pale ale (2011)

Everyday Availability.

22 fl. oz. / $7.29 USD / 8% ABV

About: "The simplicity of Hoppe tests the skill and ability of the brewer to create something truly majestic. We craft this much like a sculptor who uses only a hammer and chisel to shape stone into a masterpiece. Hoppe is spawned of these few essentials: Barley, Wheat, Hops, Yeast and Water. This limited palette is an exercise in minimalism, with refined elements which are deliberately selected. This simple combination creates a golden shimmering brew infused with delicate aromas. The artful nature of this beer is exposed with the first taste. As the malt and hops create a composition of flavors, an elegant finish leaves an impression that your tastes will not soon forget."

Thoughts: Poured a light yellowy-orange color, slightly hazy, with a two-finger super opaque white head that lasted forever.

This beer smells so sweet! Sugary, refreshing hops, and a cold spiciness that flows mischievously.

Low level malts hang around at first before retreating for a gentle tingling and of calm, collected hops. Alcohol that seemed strong at first in the nose, is non-existent in the taste. There's no bite to it at all. It's not sour, or bitter at all. It's actually just quite sweet. Kind of like a mix of blood orange, orange peel and maybe a peach or pear mix, but not really those fruits specifically. There's no lemon or grapefruit. This is just simply more of like a liquid candy.

It's foamy at first, and then a bit watery. Goes down smooth and it easily chugged.

This beer is incredibly smooth. Probably the smoothest out of all the Southern Tier Imperial bombers. The easiest going most definitely, but damn, this is one well made pale ale. Finely done. Aftertaste is a subdued sweetness, again with no bitter tones, no grass, no funk. Just a gentle humming of beautiful aftertaste and a warming feeling inside. Well played.

Ruckus Brewing Hoptimus Prime

Ruckus Brewing HOPTIMUS PRIME - Double India Pale Ale (2011)
Brewed and Bottle by Ruckus Brewing Co., in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, USA.
Year Round Beer.

22 fl. oz. / $7.49 USD / 9.0% ABV

About: "Aggressively formulated with five different hop varieties, Hoptimus Prime is then dry hopped for two weeks, ensuring a MASSIVE hop flavor and aroma. Perfectly balanced with three types of malt, Hoptimus Prime is truly the pinnacle of hop flavor. This Double IPA pairs fantastically with spicy Thai food, Mexican cuisine, or a big ol' bowl of chili."

Thoughts: This is my first beer from Ruckus. How could I pass up a beer named Hoptimus Prime!? I simply couldn't. And what timing to post this review, with tonight being the Hub's Transformers "Mega Saturday".

Prime poured a very hazy orange amber with a two finger off-white head full of tiny bubbles and a layer of froth on top. There are carbonation bubbles rising everywhere around the edges of the glass, non stop. Once the head died down it clumped in a few areas.

Smells fresh and citrusy, a little bit fruity and there's a little bit of sweet spice in there too. A low level of alcohol lingers around the back end of it all.

Bitter and hazy first off. There's a twirling of flavors in there, kinda like a peach cobbler... and once swallowed a mellow bitterness lingers. There's a bit of a caramel background. As I've been drinking quite a few more IPAs lately, I'm not exactly surprised as to how malt dominated this seems to be. There's the hints of hops everywhere of course, in the nose and mouth, but the malt is sustaining and not really dropping back. It's like a honey-oat bread type taste. The hops aren't really grassy at all, but smokey rather.

This beer is very fluffy and though not too heavy of a medium, it doesn't go down too easily because of that.

The bitterness that I'm getting at the end isn't truly bitter at all. It's very mild, like I just smoked a cigarette. My mouth is only somewhat dry, but it didn't dry me out. This is a pretty good beer. I'm not disappointed, but I'm not exactly enthralled by it either. This was an exciting experience that ended up leaving much to be desired.

Are you watching Transformers: Prime - Season 2?

I sure as hell am! Today is "Transformers MEGA SATURDAY" on the Hub, so check your local listings if you're ready for the Season 2 Premier of Transformers: Prime, at 8:30pm Eastern Time, so drop off an hour or three depending on where you are if in the US. The hub will also being showing the Animated Movie (for those of you who don't own it already) as well as some episodes of Transformers: Rescue Bots. I'll be skipping that kiddy shit however. Here's a few previews from this upcoming episode entitled: "Orion Pax".

Teaser:

Promo:

Promo 2 (very good promo, but lesser quality):

And, a 12 Minute first look:

Oh and don't forget that Transformers: Prime - Season 1 just came out on Blu-Ray.

I'll be picking that up sometime soon.

Check out my new Docs...

I gots new shoes..! Doc Martens 8833 Oxford Black Industrial Greasy to be precise.

 It really is a beautiful sight.

My other pair of Docs at the moment are their Heritage boots, and before that I had their Holkham. These shoes came in a different box than I'm used to. Each pair of Docs that I've ever bought actually came in a different box over the years, but this one is a beige color. I still remember going to the mall when I was fifteen and buying these big ass Frankenstein boots. I wish I could remember what brand they were, but they must have had three inch soles on the fuckers, and they were pretty badass looking. Man I loved those boots. And so did the chicks! *wink*

Anheuser Busch Bud Light Platinum

Bud Light Platinum (2012)
Year Round (New Release)
12 fl. oz. / $1.25 USD / 6.0% ABV 

About: "Bud Light, the world’s best-selling beer, will add to its portfolio when the brand debuts Bud Light Platinum in early 2012. With a slightly sweeter taste, higher alcohol by volume (6%) and signature cobalt blue glass bottle, Bud Light Platinum provides beer drinkers an upscale light beer option as a companion to their social agenda. There are opportunities for light beer to expand into new occasions, and we think Bud Light Platinum is the beer to take us there,” said Mike Sundet, senior director, Bud Light. “Bud Light’s ability to innovate and its social personality makes it the ideal brand to introduce Bud Light Platinum to a growing number of image-conscious beer drinkers.”

Thoughts: Poured a near clear slightly straw yellow. I think this may be the most transparent and clearest beer I've ever seen. The opaque white head vivaciously bubbled itself down to nothing (just like a soda, only a little slower) in a twenty second span. Carbonation bubbles are rising like mad and clinging all over the glass. 

Scent is stronger than I had expected at first. Mostly of rice. Smells like a standard American beer that's not heavy in any major areas.

Hint of spice. It's a little bit sweet and that's about it. Hidden alcohol. It kicks Bud Light's ass that's for sure.

This went down like water. I took a few sips just for the review, then downed it in two small gulps. It's not as full or tasty as regular bud, but it's not supposed to be. While drinking regular Bud Light from a can at a party a while back, I found it to be a complete chore and I hated every second of it. I can't stand the stuff. This is a better alternative, although with the gimmick of the cobalt Blue Bottle only currently in 12oz, we'll see what happens. For a Light Malt Liquor this really should stop pretending to be upscale and just get into a 40oz already.

Overall, this beer tastes just way too similar to AB's other beers. It's like a mix of Natural Light, Natty Daddy, Bud Ice and Bud Light. And I think they even made Bud Ice Light at one point but I never tried that. Is this perhaps a reworking of that beer (which was discontinued in 2010)? New bottle, different angle. The 6.0% ABV is quite welcome for something that you can chug like nothin', but I think I'll stick with Natty Daddy for my chasers.

Anheuser Busch Natty Daddy and Natural Ice!

Anheuser Busch Natty Daddy (2012)

Year Round (New Release)

24 fl. oz. / $1.50 USD / 8.0% ABV

About: "Natural Light is pleased to announce the launch of its newest offering – Natty Daddy! Natty Daddy is an 8% ABV lager brewed with the same all-natural ingredients as Natural Light. Available only in a 24-oz. can! Brewed with: Water, Barley Malt, Cereal Grains, Hops, Yeast"

Thoughts: How could one improve on the "beauty" that is Natural Light (besides in a number of ways)? I don't know, how about make it 8.0%!? Yeah, that'd probably do the trick.

Nat teh Dad poured a very light yellowish amber with a white puffy bubbly head that actually didn't entirely fade away too fast. Five minutes after the pour there's still a sliver of it left on top. The beer is completely transparent and there are massive amounts of carbonation bubbles rising upward.

Whew. Smells like intensely strong corn mash and mildly sour water. Alcohol and a light spiciness tickles the nose. Even though the hops are minimal, they add a little bit of dimension to the scent. Or is that dementia?

First gulp coming up right now and... wow, that's pretty damn smooth! No bite, and not really a lot of flavor after the swallow. Creamed corn mainly. Let's try it a little slower this time: It's malty, spicy, bready, corny, and pretty sweet tasting overall. Slight alcohol haze on the back of the tongue. It's all minimal, but I for one am impressed. I hate Natural Light (well, pretty much all light beers), but this is one big step up from that.

It's like drinking water. Clean, crisp and refreshing.

I just gave some to the girl next to me and she says it tastes pretty good! Remarkable. Ah, she's got no taste anyhow. The 8.0% is so well hidden amongst the nice cold tingling flavor. Actually I don't know, but this may taste better than Natural Ice. Which, despite what you may have heard, is actually not that fuckin' easy.

Anheuser Busch Natural Ice (2011)

Brewed and Canned by Anheuser Busch in St. Louis, MO. USA.

Year Round Release.

24 fl. oz. / $1.29 USD / 5.9% ABV

About: "Natural Ice is brewed with a blend of premium American-grown and imported hops and a combination of malt and corn that lends Natural Ice its delicate sweetness. It then undergoes Anheuser-Busch’s exclusive ice-brewing process, which takes the beer to a temperature below freezing and leads to the formation of ice crystals which create its signature rich and smooth taste."

Thoughts: Poured a super light and transparent straw yellow with a practically uniform and bubbly stark white head that about after a minute faded down into nothing at all. Aggresive carbonation bubbles are going completely nuts.

Let's see how it smells. Hmm... it's got quite a strong scent. I wouldn't go as far as to say that it's the most pleasantly scented beer. It smells a bit stale, but fresh at the same time, if that's possible. Uncooked rice and light cream corn mixed. It smells better when it's near frozen.

Little bit of corn taste on the tip of the tongue. It's pretty sweet overall, kinda nice, there's a light malt flow and just a hint of bitter citrus that goes almost unnoticed. The flavor fades out rather quickly after the swallow and leaves little to no aftertaste.

Mouth feel is a little watery and delicately smooth. The swallow tends to be a bit heavy, but that's probably since this beer is meant to be Chugged! Since the smell of this beer pretty much resembles that of a beer you've left out overnight, you're going to want to drink it super ice cold. 

Natural Ice gets a horrible rap from pretty much everyone, everywhere. But it is not as all as bad as "they" say. In fact, it's pretty damn good for an "American Adjunct Lager" or a Malt Liquor. I'd go as far as to say that it's probably one of the best tasting beers you'll find in either of these categories hands down. If you're looking for a decent lager at a low price or a quality chaser then look no further than this. Natural Ice is the absolute best tasting brew that you can find at this price, and not only that, but it straight flat-out beats most of the other standard lagers and ice brews flavor-wise that are more expensive.

I like this beer. I like that it's brewed with corn and not rice, unlike Bud. I always thought it special... not special in some bastard child sort of way that most people seem to think it. But ascendingly rather.